Married and having women friends

[Ricky]

There’s no way in hell anyone is going to convince you otherwise. So be it. I just figured a man wouldn’t lie to himself as well.

You have pain that you need to suffer first. By all means continue on. There’s nothing anyone can do for you.

Honestly i totally get the other viewpoints too. A close friend of mine echoed the majority opinion here in that not only is my interest more than platonic in this case based on some of her actions her interest may be more than platonic as well.

 

[zekko]

It reminded me of something Chris rock said years ago. Basically that women keep male friends around like d$ck in a bottle! And they can break the glass in case of an emergency, lol.

Women also keep guys around for what they can do for them. One guy might a truck or a van so he can help her move, one guy is handy so he can fix the sink or patch the roof, one guy has disposable income so he buys her dinner, one guy helps her with her taxes, etc.

I don't think it's impossible for men and women to have platonic friendships. I just think that in the vast majority of cases, one party or the other is harboring some secret feelings or sexual desire.

 

[The Duke]

I think a man lacks masculine qualities to have such close relations with females he is not fuhking.

But I will put that aside and say this: By giving your time and energy to this other woman, you are short changing your own wife. Use that to better connect with your own wife. Your need to converse with another female should be met thru your wife, not this female friend. This is how marriages fall apart. The time you invest in that other woman needs to be invested in your own marriage.

 

[Ricky]

I think a man lacks masculine qualities to have such close relations with females he is not fuhking.

But I will put that aside and say this: By giving your time and energy to this other woman, you are short changing your own wife. Use that to better connect with your own wife. Your need to converse with another female should be met thru your wife, not this female friend. This is how marriages fall apart. The time you invest in that other woman needs to be invested in your own marriage.

I get this in theory but this woman works in the same industry as me whereas my wife doesnt so alot of our conversations are technical in nature although they have expanded beyond that since she is really an interesting woman.

 

[Ricky]

I also agree that i need to invest more time with my wife. We have been fighting a bit more than id like so i am sure talking to a woman where its all fun and no arguments is a threat to be honest. She did move about 6 hours away to a town i used to live in though

 

[Epic Days]

I also agree that i need to invest more time with my wife. We have been fighting a bit more than id like so i am sure talking to a woman where its all fun and no arguments is a threat to be honest. She did move about 6 hours away to a town i used to live in though

Even though she doesn’t know where it comes from, your wife can feel this. Just keep in mind that you absolutely cannot compete with your wife for getting sex. It doesn’t even matter if she’s out of shape.

 

[Spaz]

I don't think it's impossible for men and women to have platonic friendships. I just think that in the vast majority of cases, one party or the other is harboring some secret feelings or sexual desire.

It's possible ONLY for high end nerds.

The rest of humanity can't.

 

[Epic Days]

It's possible ONLY for high end nerds.

The rest of humanity can't.

LMAO

 

[Ricky]

Funny part is one thing i liked about this woman is she appreciated my honesty and how i would mention various women that i thought were attractive.

I know my wife has alot more opportunities for getting it, she is in shape and pretty so gets plenty of attention

 

[Ricky]

Does your wife have male friends...that she spends time with...when you aren't around? Would you hook up with this chick, if you both weren't married?

Wife doesnt have male friends that she hangs around with other than maybe at the crossfit gym. If we both werent married and i still worked with this woman i wouldnt date her since i dont date coworkers. But if she wasnt a coworker id date her haha

 

[2Rocky]

How does your wife know about your "platonic" feelings for your co-worker?

Probably when his wife asked which one of his female friends he would like to invite for a threesome I suppose?

Beware guys.....It's a trap!

 

[Ricky]

I totally get what you guys are saying. I think the woman in this case truly considers me a friend, i do i think that while i enjoy her alot as a friend i also think she has been feeding my ego in terms of my career etc. Since i dont get that alot at work (i am in a role that several others do in my group) i think that meant alot to me.

She started her new job out of town this week. We have talked each day a bit. Its likely that will fade with time. Still quite fond of her.

Appreciate all the comments guys.

 

[Ricky]

I agree. I have to admit that my platonic friend has been filling some needs my wife hasnt. She is complimentary to me whereas my wife traditionally isnt the type to give compliments.

My wife is empathetic but in a different manner than my friend. My wife had a more challenging childhood where she had to grow up and be independent early. I admire alot of things about my wife and her strength.

While i don’t plan to end my friendship with my colleague who moved, i will pay more attention to how it affects my relationship with my spouse. Quite honestly i do get a bit of a thrill when i receive a text from my friend.

 

[Ricky]

A good rule of thumb for marriage is how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. For instance, if you take your wife to a party oh, and she's flirting with every guy there, you might be jealous, or you might just be pissed off that she was so disrespectful to you. On the other hand, if you take your wife to the same party, and all the guys there or giving her positive attention, as long as she isn't dressed inappropriately and doesn't behave inappropriately, you might be jealous oh, well you won't be mad at her.

not every behavior that can make your wife jealous is a good idea, because some of it just sets a bad example, justifiably pisses her off, whether she shows it or not, and can open the door to retaliation in some unpleasant ways.

it's usually a very bad idea to try to make your wife jealous by giving attention to another woman, or by telling your wife about the positive attention you get from other women. It is almost always best to let your wife Witness the positive attention other women give you, while appearing totally oblivious to it yourself.

if other women were hovering around you at a party, your wife will usually tell you all the negative gossip about the once you flirting with you most shamelessly. if she doesn't like to admit her jealousy, this is how she will show it.

I am a bit odd i guess. When we were dating well actually more when it was friends and not serious dating i was jealous when other guys gave her attention. I saw it as a threat for her affection which it was. Now after years of marriage i am not jealous at all. Maybe thats not a good thing.

I think she is not so jealous of me anymore either although if something were to happen she would divorce me for sure. I guess i can see how this falls into the category of playing with fire.

While i consider my friendship with this woman to be innocent.. all it would take is her to make a move i couldnt resist and itd be game over. It did take talking this out for me to understand that. That being said i dont think that is where my friends interest or mine lie. We genuinely like each other as friends and i find the relationship to be valuable to me

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Sounds like that situation will solve itself. Now, hopefully, you don't get whacked by Karma.

Showing your wife how desirable you are to other women is a NOT A good thing. (...) your wife actually witnessing the positive attention you get from other women, while you act completely oblivious to it. This will NOT produce the desired effect

fixed it, but I'm the only woman I've known that this ploy doesn't work.

This always causes me disgust that the man is not acting properly with proper loyal manners to not even encourage attention from other women.
My last words to my ex on a phone call were "I don't compete, I release" with him trying to insist in earnest he wasn't trying to get me to compete. Come on man, then he wouldn't have made deep, direct reciprocal eye contact with her; he would have physically stepped back from her several steps; he would have immediately locked eyes with me and held onto me until the pushy broad gave up and walked away.(her obsession with him escalated over next several months after this moment)

Sorry Shepays, got triggered here.Ptsd moment, lol.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You are disrespecting your wife and your marriage. What kind of cuck keeps female platonic friends anyway. This is leading down the path of cheating. Congratulations, you about to play yourself.

He's a cuck? Didn't see that posted.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

If your ex had been polite but clearly unreceptive to her attention, then you would've been mad at HER , not HIM...especially if he expressed his annoyance to you, and didn't excuse her behavior. Right?

Precisely and in exactly that expected order of operations.

I'm the one who deserves the Oscar.

I said nothing, not a single thing about this broad until we finally ended it.
I really do love him unconditionally. If he was starstruck and really didn't want the vasectomy and the baby rabies/biological clock was sinking in for him to become a father then have at 'er. Go forth and multiply.

He should seek his happiness but unfortunately, I don't do the stepmother thing or the dating fathers thing so we. were. done. No more re-dating.

I'm here on sosuave to get my confidence back up and learn to "next" sooner.

My Dad always said I was always beaten down(my ego) after breaking up with a boyfriend and he would be so giddy when I'd snap out of my grief "Look(Mom's name), she's back!"

my Mom always says, you get "too thick, too fast(fall in love)" and "you did this to yourself"<<<a reminder to take responsibility for poor screening.

I wish this op would just be more aware. He doesn't see that the former coworker is betraying her own husband. And what we know is that the female would do it to you... what she's doing to her husband now.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You gotta find someone who wants the same things. Shared goals is most important. If you have conflicting views of what constitutes a happy life, you'll make each other miserable. You can hide a skill or talent, but hiding goals won't end well.

The OP was just getting off on the attention, and oblivious to how is transparent enjoyment of it was contributing to his own long-term unhappiness. It's fine to let your spouse know that others find you attractive, but if you're seen to be -inviting/encouraging/enjoying the attention, and it isn't just happening organically, your spouse will just be pissed at YOU, and understandably so.

He's giving this other "wife" attention and it does cause issues.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

He's giving this other "wife" attention and it does cause issues.

When his wife attempts to get the attention that he gives his coworker its going to stress him out. It will feel like she's "needy", since he already filled that emotional need with the other chick.

That "work wife!work husband" game causes plenty of issues even if they never get to fvcking.