Married 6 months...wife is changing...

[YawataNoKami]

There are married men with happy, successful marriages. They don't post on SoSuave.

Do you believe in unicorns too?

OP be aware of the "oppps , I am pregnant" . Find a lawyer ASAP.

All of you need to stop and ask themselves:

“Why exactly am I getting married? What exactly does marriage mean to me in today’s world? What is the benefit to me to get married?”

It is no longer a lifelong commitment, because it can be reversed overnight on her unilateral whim.

Marriage was originally created as a way for families to merge land, property, political power and influence; perhaps people should return to viewing it as just that and nothing more. The rest of it is fake modern TV Fantasy and Tabloid Gossip and Hype polluting the minds of today’s impressionable youth, and a way to keep the multi-billion-per-year wedding industry chugging along. Perhaps the only criteria should be to ask oneself: “How excited am I for us to merge our finances and assets?” When all the fluff and hype are boiled away, that may be the only remaining reality. Spend a day in divorce court, and you’ll see exactly what is real and tangible and lasting about marriage.

 

[MattC80]

Did a bit of reading on the Rational Male, great advice for sure.

I do think she just wanted to be married at times our marriage feels like some sort of status that she wanted again. She's like a completely different person now and nothing like the person I dated.

I do think she cares about me in some way. I still get calls to my office every lunch hours and she does come and check on me every day. She works two floors below me. But she is different person at home for sure.

 

[Fugitive]

Thanks for the responses so far. So I talk with her the other night and basically said that our sex life is a disaster. She got all defensive and basically was insulted by what I had to say to her. She said that maybe our sex life would improve if we were to move my mom out of the house. And then she would feel more comfortable about us being intimate. She's also mad at me because I'm refusing to talk about kids but we've only been married a few months and she hasn't been open to having that much sex.

Don't fall for this! She is using sex to try and bribe you into giving up your mum, your house and effectively any value in your life. Your sex life and your mum's living arrangements are two separate issues. The minute she brings another issue into your sex life you should shut her down aggressively and tell her not to bring other issues into it.

In all honesty it sounds like her confidence was low after her divorce and you were an available option that gave her hope. But you've too easily let her control you. She thinks she's the one who calls the shots in the marriage and your just her puppy dog to do whatever she tells you to. She will never find you attractive or value you in this kind of relationship. That's why she's not interested in sex or proud of you to her friends etc.

You need to re-assert your dominance NOW before it's too late. Next time she acts up kick her out of the house and tell her you're fed up of her bullsh*t behaviour. Leave her out the house for a couple days. She will come back crying at which point do not feel sorry for her but be firm with her and re-negotiate the terms of your relationship.

- Tell her you want a sex life that's regular and enjoyable including BJ's
- Tell her she should adopt your surname
- Tell her she should stop putting pressure to move house as its your house and frankly if she wants another one then she can go out and buy one herself.
- Tell her to stop putting pressure on having kids. You realise its important to her and you do want kids but you cannot bring kids into an unstable relationship and right now her behaviour is causing instability.

- If she agrees to all of the above take her back and agree to putting your mum into care. It will make both your lives easier and even though it will cost you, a divorce will cost you much more. If at any point your wife begins to act like a total b*tch again then take your mum out of care and bring her back home. The key is you reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour.

Something for you to consider is that the person who is willing to leave is the person who controls the relationship. So you need to stop being a nice guy and start being more hard nosed. This is your only way to save your marriage in my opinion.

 

[stephenbaldwin]

I really feel bad for anyone in this situation, woman acting completely different after marriage. A great read for non-married men, myself included.

No sh*t, I need to sear this into my brain. Everytime I see a couple that looks great on paper, I need to remind myself of what happens behind closed doors. Good luck OP

 

[MattC80]

She just went to bed, a few things here.

She's been putting on a heavy push for me to sell our house lately and she has gotten a hold of a real estate agent. This pissed me off and we got into a fight about it. I bought the place for $215K and the real estate agent is thinking $170K tops we are going to take a bath on this sale and I want to pull the sale, but I'm sure I'll get hell for this. So the other part is thinking about my future and how she is super controlling and I'm trying to get some of the power back but her behavior is tough to deal with.

She had a nice place with her ex-husband and is used to this way of living and I'm about to tell her to that we have no ties to her past and this a different relationship.

I was able to locate an affordable apartment for my mom in the meantime. The tough part is my mom really likes her and she is sweet to her mom but she's a different person around me.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

WOW what I thread. Words just can not describe the sympathy I feel for you man and I have very few feelings, ask my ex.

Go back and re-read this thread 10x, man even Rollo chimed in!

DO NOT! I REPEAT DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE MAN!! IF THIS HOUSE IS IN YOUR NAME AND YOUR NAME ALONE DO NOT SELL IT. What is wrong with the house really? Is it falling apart, not big enough?

The only reason she wants a new house is so she can lock you in some more, both of you on a mortgage more of a headache in divorce court.

I'm sorry man but this super controlling woman will not change. You have become her puppet. I work with a guy just like this, it's a constant up hill battle to make her happy so she can just show it off to her friends.

DO NOT GET THIS WOMAN PREGNANT!!

 

[expos]

You better not knock her up. She's putting the full court press on you (the wedding, the house, the kid) because she's running out of time. BELIEVE me, you'll become nothing but a casual observer in her life as she runs around with your money, your kid, and now a NEW house. You'll be in the fifth slot of importance (her mom or her friends in the fourth slot).

Tomorrow, at some point, I want you to talk to her about her ex-husband and get the details as to why they divorced. Listen carefully and ask lots of questions. You are on the same path!

 

[captain55]

Lets be real...the half life of romantic love is 6-12 months. Doesn't matter how hot your partner thinks you are because sexual attraction is mostly about novelty. Women get bored bro that is inevitable. this is where her age comes into play. A mature woman doesn't freak out and think she's falling out of love with the guy when the honeymoon phase is over... A young chick will monkey branch only to come back to the guy later on.

 

[expos]

A mature woman doesn't freak out and think she's falling out of love with the guy when the honeymoon phase is over... A young chick will monkey branch only to come back to the guy later on.

Ahh - but this chick is 30 something. Sounds like she monkey branched to the OP.

 

[synergy1]

Folks this tread is going to keep going forever. Matt will continue to look for excuses for inaction, and get fleeced once he has kids ( because it will solve all the problems).

Matt, I have seen this go on into perpetuity with my family. Here are the facts:

1: Nothing will get better.

2: You will live a loveless life, and things will get so bad you will loose your soul

3: You will continue to be weak into your old age. Women won't respect you and worst of all you won't respect yourself

4: Your kids if you have them will be affected. Even they will tell you to get a divorce once they know what is going on.

My family has a similar story where the wife married into the family because of money. The rest of the family saw it coming ( akin to the SS community seeing it), and told my family member not to go through with it. He didn't listen. Sure as ****, she changed for the worse just as you said. They had kids who turned out well despite the situation; but its not a good thing to knowingly put kids into a crappy situation like you probably will.

The first thing you can do for the sake of your life and your unborn kids is to stop reading this post right here and right now and get out of this marriage as soon as you possibly can. Don't bother with some retort I will not read, or some lame ass excuse to "stick with it". Go do this now. You know what you have to do...now do it.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Stop reading this and get a lawyer NOW

 

[expos]

Folks this tread is going to keep going forever. Matt will continue to look for excuses for inaction, and get fleeced once he has kids ( because it will solve all the problems).

Matt, I have seen this go on into perpetuity with my family. Here are the facts:

1: Nothing will get better.

2: You will live a loveless life, and things will get so bad you will loose your soul

3: You will continue to be weak into your old age. Women won't respect you and worst of all you won't respect yourself

4: Your kids if you have them will be affected. Even they will tell you to get a divorce once they know what is going on.

My family has a similar story where the wife married into the family because of money. The rest of the family saw it coming ( akin to the SS community seeing it), and told my family member not to go through with it. He didn't listen. Sure as ****, she changed for the worse just as you said. They had kids who turned out well despite the situation; but its not a good thing to knowingly put kids into a crappy situation like you probably will.

The first thing you can do for the sake of your life and your unborn kids is to stop reading this post right here and right now and get out of this marriage as soon as you possibly can. Don't bother with some retort I will not read, or some lame ass excuse to "stick with it". Go do this now. You know what you have to do...now do it.

Seriously. How do you screen for women like this? What gets a guy to "see the light" when everyone else does? The problem is that everyone else ISN'T sticking their ****s into this girl, only he is, so only he "knows" her.

The problem with this is that most guys don't even see it coming but we see this typical CRAP all the time. The woman plays nicey nice to get what she wants (in this case humped your brains out, befriended your mom, and trapped you at work so you couldn't escape!!!!) and once the trap has been set, the real woman has appeared.

Sounds like the typical fairy tale princess is trying to "Keep up with the Joneses" by selling your house and getting a brand new one. Man, a new house won't change her **** behavior. I wish the married man forum was still around so you could read all the horror stories about dudes who spoiled their wives with cars and big houses and how it was never enough.

And how big was your wedding? Did this ***** wife of yours really have two big weddings in a four year span? Unbelievable.

Dude, tell us what you are getting out of this marriage?

 

[synergy1]

Seriously. How do you screen for women like this? What gets a guy to "see the light" when everyone else does? The problem is that everyone else ISN'T sticking their ****s into this girl, only he is, so only he "knows" her.

Most men who get taken like this are rather desperate and will not see a spade as a spade. In my family's case, everyone else knew when they first met the future wife but when a guy is desperate than they will treat the exceptions to the rule AS the rule. Put another way, if the women is a **** 99% of the time, they will take those 1% of the good times and treat them as the norm. The OP does this as a means to justify not taking action.

I wouldn't know how to filter the women who want you for you, or want you for money. it is kind of a crap shoot. Maybe its a judgement thing? Maybe its a way they present themselves or look at other guys? Since I am not rich nor have I been married for my money..I wouldn't know. Since I have had good sex and relationships, than most likely I would compare how much a women is into me when compared to past experience.

 

[MattC80]

Most men who get taken like this are rather desperate and will not see a spade as a spade.

i wasn't desperate. i had a girlfriend prior to my wife and it wasn't working out. She was heading off to dental school in the south anyways so we were done. my wife was someone everyone thought was pretty, me included. the way she described her ex-husband, it didn't sound like they were all that compatible and it was clear when we were together that we were going to be a better fit if they did split but i had no say nor was I involved in her leaving her husband. that was kinda mutual. she then talked about us and started texting me.

her behavior got different once we were married. i'm trying to get the frame and sex back but the problem is when I lay down rules she gets all angry and tougher to deal with.

 

[MattC80]

We had our house for sale for a while and I took it off the market since we couldn't find a buyer. It started at $210,000 and we dropped to $175,000 with no takers. She is upset about this "feels trapped".

Still no sex at least for the past month. I pushed her on this issue and she "doesn't know why", just "not in the mood". Over thanksgiving she was pretty avoidant and I pushed for sex while at her parents house and her line was like "not at my parents! my dad has guns you know." so I was pretty resentful.

She went to her doctor and they gave her cymbalta. I told her I don't want her on this stuff but she hasn't been feeling good lately and is down. finally and I think this could be the deal breaker but I noticed that she visited her ex-husbands Facebook page the other day. I was watching her scroll through her search bar on her lap top and his address came up. i asked her why and she said "well he was my ex but i know I shouldnt care what he's up to, sorry." So I looked at his profile page and he's got some girl now, so this rules out them having something together.

I'm about to pull the plug. I can't believe she's acting like this and we not even a year in.

 

[narcissist]

he's got some girl now, so this rules out them having something together.

no it doesnt lol

 

[Between_The_Lines]

We had our house for sale for a while and I took it off the market since we couldn't find a buyer. It started at $210,000 and we dropped to $175,000 with no takers. She is upset about this "feels trapped".

Still no sex at least for the past month. I pushed her on this issue and she "doesn't know why", just "not in the mood". Over thanksgiving she was pretty avoidant and I pushed for sex while at her parents house and her line was like "not at my parents! my dad has guns you know." so I was pretty resentful.

She went to her doctor and they gave her cymbalta. I told her I don't want her on this stuff but she hasn't been feeling good lately and is down. finally and I think this could be the deal breaker but I noticed that she visited her ex-husbands Facebook page the other day. I was watching her scroll through her search bar on her lap top and his address came up. i asked her why and she said "well he was my ex but i know I shouldnt care what he's up to, sorry." So I looked at his profile page and he's got some girl now, so this rules out them having something together.

I'm about to pull the plug. I can't believe she's acting like this and we not even a year in.

Matt, my God, please, I'm getting PTSD flashbacks of my last relationship from reading this stuff you're posting, although I wasn't married to mine (thankfully). You know what's going to run through your head over and over and over once you finally put an end to this madness? "Why did I put up with this for so long? Why!?!?!"

Stop degrading yourself. There isn't any uncovered crucial piece of information that will get anyone on this board to say "Ooooooh!!! Now I see! Now it all makes sense! Yeah, definitely stick it out man! Just hang in there and it'll all come together in due time! You'll see!"

I should have left this quote that I'm about to post in the thread with the dude sincerely looking for motivational quotes, but I'll leave it with you instead: "It's the fear of what comes after the doing that makes the doing so hard to do. But you can almost always live with the consequences." Do what you must to finish it already.

 

[LimeSlush]

Everything about what you've described this woman as screams red flag, maybe the posting pictures thing isn't such a big deal, could just be me though. My girlfriend almost never posts pictures of us together on her FB, but I attribute that to her gaining a bit of weight over the course of our relationship and being self conscious about it, I have no clue on how often she posted pictures with her ex as I didn't know her then. I wouldn't stand for her not changing her last name to yours though.
I also went through a massive dry spell sex wise with my gf, I posted on here and got some great responses. I dealt with it for a YEAR and I'm not even married to the girl, I just love her a lot, but after countless conversations, and approaching it from every way, it came to me packing up my clothes at her house, saying I can't do this anymore I'm effing done. I was gone for a couple days, when she contacted me. We talked, and even though I did that I still wanted things to work. Since then, the sex has been constant, and she's working to fix the things she's unhappy with herself. What I'm getting to, is women get difficult to deal with when you say enough is enough. No BJ's? No sex? That's it. DO NOT sell your house man, at a loss especially! You're in a tough spot being married, but at this point you don't have kids and that's your saving grace right now.

 

[Starwolf]

I think OP is trolling :crackup:

Either that or there is no more hope for the Male species on this planet.. :nervous:

 

[DragonBlood]

she kept telling me to hurry up when we were having sex and wanted me to orgasm faster.

This right here, is where you can save it. Dont let your women lead in the bedroom or the whole marriage will start crumbling down. Have sex for fun and take as long as you want. Ignore all *****y behavior and forget about facebook. You are the MAN, let her fill in the drama in between.