Married 19 years and thinking to get out

[Scaramouche]

Dear Bradd,
I would always defer to your Professional knowledge...But for the Kids the longer they live in what they consider a secure environment with a Father Figure,the healthier they will grow up...The OP may well work out some compromise with his wife,that's how most Guys who stay married survive...I know I could rub along with a tolerant wife like the OP's...The Kids are the Main consideration!

 

[Sik]

OP,

If you had no kids, I would say do what you want.

But, you have children, three of them in fact. You're their father, they will never get another biological father and your leadership will make or break their life, and the lives of their children.

Don't make another broken family, with broken people and broken lives. Suck it up, apologize to your wife, wait until the kids all go to college, and then do what you want.

Godspeed

 

[Çharismo]

Too many red flags.

Originally Posted by Scaramouche

Dear All,
Oh how nice it is to be judge and jury on this bloke...Those of you without sin then you cast the first stone.."there isn't much advice to give you except to get a divorce and try not to drag this out too long. Make it easy for your wife"...And the Kids Charismo?

So let me get this straight...what exactly am I supposed to tell this guy!?!

I'm not the one asking for opinions he is and he got one. I have never cheated but I have been cheated on, have had countless opportunities to cheat but never did. My conscience is clean that's why I can write what I wrote. Have never been married but will one day. He's the one that messed up his entire family and was completely reckless with his actions over some idiot who also has no self-control. I don't really understand some of you either. He ruined his entire family and even if he doesn't get a divorce he hurt his wife in the process and stepped all over her. You can't sugar-coat these types of things. There are too many red flags and not once did this man stop to think about his actions. You would think at his age he would know better but he doesn't that's the scary thing about all of this.

I agree with bradd80 as well.

:kick:

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Charismo,
You miss the point,my post is not about you but about the three kids?As Sik points out there can be compromise,and if that is achievable then I am guided by the greatest good to the greatest number of people!

 

[Çharismo]

Your wrote

Originally Posted by Scaramouche

Dear All,
Oh how nice it is to be judge and jury on this bloke...Those of you without sin then you cast the first stone..

What exactly were you implying!?

 

[Blargh]

A lot of shaming going on here. OP should ignore all the shaming, and also if there was any positive compliments, but I don't think there was any. Ignore everyone else's personal morals. Since they are based on their own personal beliefs, experiences and desires. Life live within your own morals, not society or this message board. Seriously, none of us know you or your exact situation. What he said or she said. You never said your wife is a good woman, but other posters are somehow claiming that she is. You should only be concerned with them highlighting options or problems you haven't thought about. Other than using it as a barometer as to others could react, you should ignore their personal opinions or assumptions about you, your situation and how one should behave as an acceptable citizen in society.
If she wants you back, but you want to have fun on the side, bring up the option of an open relationship. Assuming you are willing to allow her to explore if she desires as well. It's not the socially acceptable thing to do, but it could fulfill your wants, and it may help her as well. It could keep the family together and be better for the kids as well.
You put yourself in a very bad situation. You know you screwed up. Even if she was a bad person and you wanted out, there were other ways to do it at a lower cost. Time to fix it, but with your happiness in mind. Weigh the price of each future action and determine if you are willing to risk that price for the potential happiness from each decision you are about to make. Ideally write them out, list potential results and chances of those results, good and bad. Include financial and emotional costs. Also look at how other people may or may not react and if you are willing to accept it. Basically do a risk analyze and cost-benefit.
Your life is your own and no one else. Live it the way you want. Accept all the possibilities, but also be accountable for your actions. Do not blame others for how they will react to your decisions, you should have weighed that before you made those actions and have planned accordingly, or be willing to accept the fallout, pay the price and move on.

 

[donking]

Be honest to yourself. You only live once. Live with no regrets.

Figure out what is most important to you: kids, wife, sex with hot and different women, money, career, status, flexibility, friends, etc.

What may be important to you at one stage in life may be different in the next.

 

[rugby11]

You know what the topic of the women has more interest in a men's forum than the mens this the first time i have seen this on the forum. Weird how maybe we actually care for one another in our own way.
I would say read the book Models by Mark manson

 

[glass half full]

Actually I'm glad I read this post, as sad as it is. It has dawned on me that you just clarified why my wife married me. There are small differences, but now I understand her better. In a sarcastic way, I just wish her boys, sister and friends would read this thread. I think she married me and felt the same way you did.

All I can say is do what you want from now on, don't let your kids know your past feelings, just act like any other divorcee. I'm not sure this is good advice, just saying don't fvck up the kids lives by telling them everything.

Life can be an illusion nowadays, so i'm not totally blaming you, under some circumstances we can grow up uninformed on what is expected of us. Feminism is the ultimate blame, as this is what it arose from.

But you never knew any better. The reason I blame feminism, is because this is how I felt when I grew up, because Mom wore the pants, and still does. She was all for feminism, but I was 7 or 8 when the world started changing to it. So I saw the difference.

My therapist said I married someone strong and silent like my mom. Thing is, she had ulterior motives I never saw coming because of her ****ty upbringing. This was the difference. My dad said he knew what she was from the very start. So why the **** didn't he tell me? Yeah that's my folks...they got bossed a lot by their folks, so they just let me live and learn. Gee, thanks!!....

Just move on and try to better your character, and take your life by the horns.

I know I have taken this in several directions. But maybe you need to look at your parents, your upbringing, and realize what you have to do now. Maybe your therapist can take this and run with it.