Marriage = No More DJ?

[Señor Fingers]

I don't know how many of you are married here, but be honest.. do you still flirt?

Personally I love my wife more than I've loved any other women and cheating on her is the last thing on my mind. I hardly ever go out to clubs anymore.. unless its to DJ (the music kind, not the PUA kind) But last night I realized something..

I still got it!

An old friend of mine came to town and basically twisted my arm to go out with him. We ended up hanging at this small club downtown where the music was actually pretty damned good.

I was just hanging and vibing with him and a few of his friends when this really beautiful girl (who reminded me of Uma Thurman) sat next to me, to take a break from dancing.

Now my friend is no slouch in the player department..he's had a different girl every week for the past 8 years I've known him. He commented several times to me how fine this girl was and it was the first time I saw him look intimidated and not approach.

I had also been watching her and noticed that she would stop dancing when certain songs came on. So when she sat next to me I leaned over and casually asked "So you only like house music, huh?"

She was immediately receptive and we started to talk about music and traveling.. she was actually pretty cool and we were just kicking it for a while. At one point my friend caught my eye and had this shocked look on his face. (Later on he asked what my opener was..hehe)

We must have been talking for almost 2 hours. Things were going so well that at some point I began to feel a little uncomfortable, cause the girl was really digging me... touching me like crazy.. punching my arm when I cracked jokes and asking a million questions about me, where I was from, what I was doing after the party etc, etc. Her hand was on my thigh for most of the convo.

I had mentioned my wife a few times throughout the conversation, but she seemed to ignore it completely. When the club was closing up she blatantly asked me if I would ever cheat on my lady. I told her that I was happy/satisfied with my wife, but only a fool uses the word "never".

She actually number closed me, and I gave her a fake #. My friend's eyes were like dinner plates, LOL!

On my way back home I was thinking about you guys, and understood why a lot of you are bitter.. it's really difficult to find women of virtue in this day and age.

I think where a lot of us get led astray is in believing that this is a problem with females, when in reality most people in general treat marriage and commitments like they are disposable nowadays.

I also thought about the whole interaction with this chick, and how, aside from opening, I was not trying to game her at all... the game essentially played itself because there was mutual attraction and we both knew how to communicate well.

It made me realize how simple this mating equation can be.

Attraction + Opening + Vibing + Escalation = Hookup

Of course there is more to it, but when you have your confidence and inner game sorted out, things tend to fall into place easier.

Anyways it felt good to know I still got my mojo. The experience also showed me that I don't really need that kind of validation anymore. It was a nice ego boost, but it's not something I need anymore, if that makes any sense.

Any married dudes care to share their experiences?

 

[iqqi]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with a little flirting, that is your personality, and some flirting can be ambiguous anyways. You should flirt with a hot chick the same way you would flirt with an old lady.

However I think that you crossed the line of innocent flirting by talking to this chick for hours.

 

[ketostix]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with a little flirting, that is your personality, and some flirting can be ambiguous anyways. You should flirt with a hot chick the same way you would flirt with an old lady.

However I think that you crossed the line of innocent flirting by talking to this chick for hours.

I think Fingers tied up a chick he had no interest in closing on and he should've let her loose for some other poor, single bastard to try to get. Whenever you go to a club and there between 2 to 5 guys for every girl you know all these guys aren't really legitimately single and looking for a girl. So as a guy you have to go in an amog these fvckers. Fun stuff..Not.

 

[iqqi]

Attraction + Opening + Vibing + Escalation = Hookup

EXACTLY. You vibed for hours! Then you left her hanging. If this was reversed, I'd get RAILED by the guys here!

As a married man, that vibing should be BRIEF. Like just enough to let you feel a kindrid spirit, and that's IT.

I know this is going to be hard for you, because of the type of person you are. But that bordered on emotional infidelity.

 

[Señor Fingers]

One part of this story I didn't mention is that she works with local promoters and gave me some good connects for music. Half the convo was business, and she did most of the talking.

Also, I did try to introduce her to my friend, but she totally ignored him. I tried taking away a few times too but she was my shadow for the rest of the night. I probably could have blown her off, but i didnt want to be rude

Anyways, I'm not really concerned with boundaries on this one. I certainly was not tempted at all and I think my aloofness (on a sexual level) only served to hook her more.

If anything the experience made me glad that I am not part of this scene.. its kind of like hanging with your elementary school friends and finding that you have nothing in common with them. I can't believe I used to do this sh!t every weekend!

I told my wife about the experience, since she also manages some of my gigs and she just laughed it off, saying that I better not try to replace her. Hehe.. she knows I can be trusted.

So am I to understand that I'm the only married guy on the forum?

 

[iqqi]

Haha, you got moved here too.

They hate us! You have to change your age, Senor.

Then they might still not move it back.

I really don't see how a thread involving a marriage would NOT be fitting for the mature man's forum.

Edit: It's actually pretty messed up, considering this is the first time FINGZ has come to us, the forum he helped make what it is today, and is asking for advice/perspective.

WHAT is up with some of you.

 

[Señor Fingers]

It is a little odd that they would send this thread here, dont think there are too many married fellas in this particular forum.

 

[Obsidian]

Women are so shallow

wife = social proof

don't get too full of yourself. Yeah, I'm sure you do still have skillz and all, but still. In particular, I think hors tend to go after you the most when you come onto them the least -- whereas honorable women don't derive quite as much satisfaction from the idea of stealing some other woman's man. That's been my experience, at least. The girl you were with sounds pretty low-quality, even if she was good-looking, which I assume she was.

And I don't really see how you had an actual conversation in a club.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Women are so shallow

wife = social proof

don't get too full of yourself. Yeah, I'm sure you do still have skillz and all, but still...

I totally did not even think about this but you are right. I'm sure that played a huge part in the intrigue... chick probably has a thing for married dudes.

Anyways, it was the first time I'd been out like that in years, part of me wondered if I had forgotten, but it really is like riding a bike.

Thanks for the sobering words though, I'm doing my best to purge myself of..well, myself!

 

[young_gun]

If anything the experience made me glad that I am not part of this scene.. its kind of like hanging with your elementary school friends and finding that you have nothing in common with them. I can't believe I used to do this sh!t every weekend!

Haha, I was actually really entertained by your story! It's great to see that even though you could have EASILY taken this girl home with you that you didn't give your integrity away. Good to have you writing on here again, I have a LOT of your posts under my favorites box!

 

[ketostix]

EXACTLY. You vibed for hours! Then you left her hanging. If this was reversed, I'd get RAILED by the guys here!

As a married man, that vibing should be BRIEF. Like just enough to let you feel a kindrid spirit, and that's IT.

I know this is going to be hard for you, because of the type of person you are. But that bordered on emotional infidelity.

See here, it was the girl in question who knew you were married and she still pursued. Yet iqqi in her female-centric mind still had to blame the man for somehow making some woman (the wife in this case) a victim when if there was a "victim" in this case it was all the other legitimately single guys the girl was blowing off to talk to Fingers.

 

[young_gun]

See here, it was the girl in question who knew you were married and she still pursued. Yet iqqi in her female-centric mind still had to blame the man for somehow making some woman (the wife in this case) a victim when if there was a "victim" in this case it was all the other legitimately single guys the girl was blowing off to talk to Fingers.

LOL, Agreed!

 

[Mad Manic]

I think Fingers tied up a chick he had no interest in closing on and he should've let her loose for some other poor, single bastard to try to get. Whenever you go to a club and there between 2 to 5 guys for every girl you know all these guys aren't really legitimately single and looking for a girl. So as a guy you have to go in an amog these fvckers. Fun stuff..Not.

Exactly it can be a total nightmare, I can't believe he actually tied her up for the night despite being married when she could have met a single guy and got with him. I thought this guy was on 'our' side, heh. Some other guy could have got some tail for a change.

MM

 

[Señor Fingers]

@ iqqi,

Emotional infidelity is a strong term. If I reciprocated her advances, didnt mention my wife at all and gave her my real number I would agree with you. This girl is already forgotten on my part.

BTW, you have a pretty unforgiving stance on loyalty considering the things you've put up with.... or maybe its precisely because of that.

Exactly it can be a total nightmare, I can't believe he actually tied her up for the night despite being married when she could have met a single guy and got with him. I thought this guy was on 'our' side, heh. Some other guy could have got some tail for a change.

I let her breathe and even tried pushing her on my friend, but no dice. She had Fingz fever.

Perhaps I could have played intentional Bad Game, acting clingy and being creepy.. it didnt occur to me.

I think next time this happens that's exactly what I need to do, play AFC and just scare them off.

Like I keep saying, this experience was a good reminder of why I had to move on from that phase of my life.

I was hoping to get feedback from married fellas, to see if they needed this reminder, but I reckon we are a rare breed around here.

 

[Obsidian]

I think next time this happens that's exactly what I need to do, play AFC and just scare them off.

No, that's ridiculous. If you can come across some hor who will incidentally boost your self-confidence a bit, all the better. You weren't doing anything to lead her on. (And just make sure that you don't.)

And you don't have any obligation to throw back hors into the sea for these chumpish h0rmongers on this site to chat up. Other men can find their own low-quality babes.


Finally, Iqqi is making two errors in her analysis:
1) She is holding men and women to the same standard -- in line with her feminist views.
2) She is equating passive conversation with overt sarging. No one here has a problem with unavailable girls who respond to us in a friendly way. It just pisses us off when they hit on us and don't mention their boyfriend until much later, if at all.

 

[LostAndConfused]

You shoulda given her my number

Btw did she notice your ring?

 

[scottfall]

HATERZ!

Just sayin...

 

[Señor Fingers]

You shoulda given her my number

Btw did she notice your ring?

Hehe.. or I could give her the rejection hotline number. I dont think they have that here though. (Maybe there is some money to be made. Hmm...)

I saw her look at my ring the first time I mentioned my wife, so that tells me she had not checked before.

 

[comic_relief]

Senor Fingers,

I look at it as game is like riding a bike. Once you learn to ride, you won't ever forget it.

I mean you actually change your personality to become the DJ. Therefore, unless you change your entire personality then you won't lose it.

comic_relief

 

[SinJester]

I personally don't think it's a big deal. If Fingers let her know he had a wife it is completely her fault for continuing to vibe with him. He's married girl, leave the guy alone. Funny that it's a guy giving fake digits though

If anything the experience made me glad that I am not part of this scene.. its kind of like hanging with your elementary school friends and finding that you have nothing in common with them. I can't believe I used to do this sh!t every weekend!

Hmm Fingz what do you mean by that? And yeah I don't see why they moved this here either.