Happy_Camper
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 2, 2006
- Messages
- 65
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Hey, one of my new years resolutions are to be more confident and have a higher self-esteem and be less insecure.
Im trying to overcome my fear of making eye contact and smiling at girls who walk by at my school, in the street, mall, girls who are strangers etc.
Im not really trying to pick them up, im just trying to overcome the fear of doing the task.
What happens often is i make eye contact when they are about 5 metres away from me, and when they are farther than that i usually pretend im looking at something else on the street to avoid looking like im staring at them. So when i look at them 5 metres away suddenly, i scare them off because i think it looks too sudden.
My first question is, when you're walking down a hallway, street etc, how close should you be before making eye contact?
I also have a habit of looking away / breaking eye contact before they do, by looking on the ground (which makes me look submissive), and then 2 secs later i look back and they dont look at me anymore. This is when we're walking past each other or i caught another girl's eye contact in a room or in the bus.
I also have a fear of smiling, because im not sure what kind of smile should i put on. I mean, if you have a big face grin with teeth, it looks too spooky and weird because its too exagerated, and a grin looks half-a$$ed. Also if i pull of a smile too fast because they're approaching it will look forced and just plain weird leading her to look away quickly.
When i make a grin and have eye contact with a girl on the street, sometimes they give me the exact same grin back, and it looks like a polite grin than a smile looking interested in me. I think it might be a problem with my eyes when i smile because a genuine smile shows in the eyes. Maybe i have to have certain thoughts when i smile to the girl while thinking optimistic thoughts such as complimenting her with my eyes or thinking of something to say and try to communicate it with my eyes. For example, "Heyy you're a very cute girl that i dont see around often" and thinking this might communicate it with my eyes?
I think the main reason why im concerned about this is that i want to gain practice in the field, i mean after all i might never see those girls again anyway, and partly because i want to boost my self-esteem when a girl smiles back and gives me dreamy eye contact. I dont know if the last thing was a good idea though. As in "dont have girls to boost your self-esteem than to boost it on your own with your accomplishments besides women"
Sometimes i feel like im scared to make eye contact / eye contacting + smiling / just smiling because i fear getting rejected from a smile and eye contact in return. Its like i dont want to risk not getting a smile back and holding eye contact.
Sometimes when im walking down a street and a girl is approaching, i get really hurt when they look away before you even look at them while you're approaching and they look off in directions like across the street, inside a store window (with nothing inside, nothing much to see, or anything thats not very interesting) and i get the feeling they dont want me to be looking at them or just dont want to have eye contact with me.
But one great post i read on this forum was about "Dont think every girl has to like you" and i think i should apply this to this topic as well. Because not all girls will find me interesting and will want to look at me so i shouldnt get discouraged about that? Im not sure if i should think like this for this discussion though. Correct me if im wrong.
Another problem i have is staring. Sometimes when im talking to a girl and i feel like im trying to hard to make eye contact (i look at one of their eye's the whole time they talk) and when they're trying to break eye contact to avoid awkwardness it looks forced because its off to the side and sudden. The problem is i dont know when to break eye contact when im talking to a girl and where should i be looking if im not. I heard stuff like look at another body or face part when they break eye contact first then move back into the eye.
There have also been times when i really like a girl i just stare at them and i cant help it. Sometimes they would notice me looking and i would look away to pretend i wasnt and they always catches me doing so and we feel awkward afterwards. I was even confronted once from my former girlfriend 8 years ago when i saw her at the bank and she didnt recognize me right away and i was looking at her the whole time during i was in the lineup. I said, "heyy jenn, it's mee! Haven't seen you in a very long while. Since when you work here now?"
she replies, "ohh heyy didn't recognize you, i was like thinking who and why is that guy that was staring at me"
and you see, now im aware of all these problems. I hope i can change these behaviours and maybe have a different mindset. Thanks and happy new year to everyone.
Im trying to overcome my fear of making eye contact and smiling at girls who walk by at my school, in the street, mall, girls who are strangers etc.
Im not really trying to pick them up, im just trying to overcome the fear of doing the task.
What happens often is i make eye contact when they are about 5 metres away from me, and when they are farther than that i usually pretend im looking at something else on the street to avoid looking like im staring at them. So when i look at them 5 metres away suddenly, i scare them off because i think it looks too sudden.
My first question is, when you're walking down a hallway, street etc, how close should you be before making eye contact?
I also have a habit of looking away / breaking eye contact before they do, by looking on the ground (which makes me look submissive), and then 2 secs later i look back and they dont look at me anymore. This is when we're walking past each other or i caught another girl's eye contact in a room or in the bus.
I also have a fear of smiling, because im not sure what kind of smile should i put on. I mean, if you have a big face grin with teeth, it looks too spooky and weird because its too exagerated, and a grin looks half-a$$ed. Also if i pull of a smile too fast because they're approaching it will look forced and just plain weird leading her to look away quickly.
When i make a grin and have eye contact with a girl on the street, sometimes they give me the exact same grin back, and it looks like a polite grin than a smile looking interested in me. I think it might be a problem with my eyes when i smile because a genuine smile shows in the eyes. Maybe i have to have certain thoughts when i smile to the girl while thinking optimistic thoughts such as complimenting her with my eyes or thinking of something to say and try to communicate it with my eyes. For example, "Heyy you're a very cute girl that i dont see around often" and thinking this might communicate it with my eyes?
I think the main reason why im concerned about this is that i want to gain practice in the field, i mean after all i might never see those girls again anyway, and partly because i want to boost my self-esteem when a girl smiles back and gives me dreamy eye contact. I dont know if the last thing was a good idea though. As in "dont have girls to boost your self-esteem than to boost it on your own with your accomplishments besides women"
Sometimes i feel like im scared to make eye contact / eye contacting + smiling / just smiling because i fear getting rejected from a smile and eye contact in return. Its like i dont want to risk not getting a smile back and holding eye contact.
Sometimes when im walking down a street and a girl is approaching, i get really hurt when they look away before you even look at them while you're approaching and they look off in directions like across the street, inside a store window (with nothing inside, nothing much to see, or anything thats not very interesting) and i get the feeling they dont want me to be looking at them or just dont want to have eye contact with me.
But one great post i read on this forum was about "Dont think every girl has to like you" and i think i should apply this to this topic as well. Because not all girls will find me interesting and will want to look at me so i shouldnt get discouraged about that? Im not sure if i should think like this for this discussion though. Correct me if im wrong.
Another problem i have is staring. Sometimes when im talking to a girl and i feel like im trying to hard to make eye contact (i look at one of their eye's the whole time they talk) and when they're trying to break eye contact to avoid awkwardness it looks forced because its off to the side and sudden. The problem is i dont know when to break eye contact when im talking to a girl and where should i be looking if im not. I heard stuff like look at another body or face part when they break eye contact first then move back into the eye.
There have also been times when i really like a girl i just stare at them and i cant help it. Sometimes they would notice me looking and i would look away to pretend i wasnt and they always catches me doing so and we feel awkward afterwards. I was even confronted once from my former girlfriend 8 years ago when i saw her at the bank and she didnt recognize me right away and i was looking at her the whole time during i was in the lineup. I said, "heyy jenn, it's mee! Haven't seen you in a very long while. Since when you work here now?"
she replies, "ohh heyy didn't recognize you, i was like thinking who and why is that guy that was staring at me"
and you see, now im aware of all these problems. I hope i can change these behaviours and maybe have a different mindset. Thanks and happy new year to everyone.
