Managing time for girls/dating etc?

[Heretolearn]

Hey,

So how do you guys manage your time. Time being our most valuable asset after all.

I have a set schedule except for Thur/Sat/Sun nights which I use for socialising when I feel like it. (the rest is for work or training).

My friends say this is why I am 30 and single and will never move forward as I am inflexible. However, I am improving the other areas of my life (career/fitness/having fun) and place them as a priority at the moment.

Girls usually get upset/pressure me to make more time for them. Funny thing is they dont want MORE time they just want me to be available when they want me to (that is how I feel). This means I miss out on things I like. I tried giving up things when I was younger but the girls just took me for granted. I don't mean to write off all girls for this but surely a quality girl would understand that I am putting other aspects of my life first??? (at THIS point in my life). Obviously if I felt strongly about a girl, I would be more flexible. This would happen over time though. I have learnt from this site not to be reckless (working hard at it )

How do you guys manage your time etc?

your thoughts?

thanks

 

[jhl]

Well...time management is something everyone has to work out themselves. I think what you can do though is to try to screen out the girls who don't fit your bill. Through a long and arduous process, I learned that my priority is to determine if red flags and dealbreakers are evident in the woman first. Hotness and attraction, while important, take a second seat to this criteria.

I can't emphasize how important the initial screening process is (which is emphasized to death on this site and which a lot of people seem to disregard). For someone like you whose time is precious, time is money and you don't want to invest in a girl who is going to cause you headaches and who doesn't align with your time and interests. Remember your career, schooling, work etc are tangibles that stick with you. They don't nag you, leave you, cheat on you. They are loyal for the rest of your life and are guaranteed to add value. Those are your priorities and anything that disrupts that should be kicked to the curb.

 

[Heretolearn]

yeah thanks. That was my interpretation too. A girl at work said to me (I turned down 2 party girls (past their expiry date) at work who were her friends saying that I have to work/train/am busy plus different interests. She said 'quote' I will end up alone, lonely and depressed. That relationships stick with you whereas money and fitness come and go and are not as important.....

Ideally I want both but am happy to focus on career/fitness first (also part of getting to know myself and my true interests).

As for filtering, last night this girl I went out with once messaged me saying she was leaving thursday and wanted to catch up before she did. I replied saying sure, love to. How about Thursday night

...

*she actually responded saying what about Tuesday. Lol. All I remember was that she was bossy on date 1. Hate to see the rest ...

 

[Heretolearn]

anyone?

 

[squirrels]

Girls usually get upset/pressure me to make more time for them. Funny thing is they dont want MORE time they just want me to be available when they want me to (that is how I feel). This means I miss out on things I like.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

A friend of mine is dealing with that crap now. His girl is a nurse...she works odd long hours and expects that because her schedule is miserable, he should accommodate that and be there for her whenever she's not working, for cuddle-time or WTFever.

Thing is, she practically DEMANDS that he not be on the Internet, not play Xbox, not watch ESPN, etc during that time so she can have his undivided attention and be sure he's "not cheating"...but then SHE is on mobile FaceBook 7x24x365.

There's about a dozen other red flags in that relationship too...but I think that's just what women have come to expect.

That's why I'm still single...because I don't want to be up a woman's arse all the time. There was another thread recently about modern women and how they seem addicted to validation and attention...and feel like if they're not getting it ALL the time, as MUCH as possible, then the man "isn't really interested in a SERIOUS relationship". That's why I hate the term "serious relationship" so much. My parents never had a "serious relationship"...they just share big parts of their lives and worked together to create a good family. They still have their alone-time. Men are men and women are women...as such, they have different interests. Sometimes they just don't WANT to be up in each other's business.

That's what cracks me up about these "couples" who are all hugged up on each other whenever we go out with friends. The "normal" guys break off with the other guys and talk about guy stuff...football, cars, guns...and the women break off and talk to the other women about chick-stuff, only crossing over when a mutually interesting topic comes up. Look at any family gathering you've ever had...the guys are usually off around the fridge/cooler talking shop while the women are in the kitchen talking style. And those are fully-functional WORKING relationships.

The "couples" who are hugged up on each other to show off (or try to convince themselves) how in love they are...6 months later, they're usually "having problems".

 

[TomSwift]

Thing is, she practically DEMANDS that he not be on the Internet, not play Xbox, not watch ESPN, etc during that time so she can have his undivided attention and be sure he's "not cheating"...but then SHE is on mobile FaceBook 7x24x365.

This right here wouldn't sit with me at all. If my girl did this I would get up and walk out, and she'd know why. As guys we have to set the framework from DAY ONE. The whole "bait and switch" doesn't work and will only serve to turn you into a sniveling, supplicating, chump.

 

[Burroughs]

That's what cracks me up about these "couples" who are all hugged up on each other whenever we go out with friends.

Trouble is you'd be hard pressed to find a 'couple' that isn't hugged up at least in the post college crowd. I'm anti PDA and it mostly works in my favor to a point as the stoic guy. But chicks today are SOOOOO insecure they need to have their guys on a leash. I'd say 90% of the relationships I know are like this...and no they never last. Its just another female control frame. But its the norm...no matter what we read on sosuave most guys are plugged in to the matrix guys and dances to the beat of the girl. Some guys just want a warm body to come to and will do anything to secure that, even if the body is cold hearted, out of shape, and selfish.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Hey Burroughs, that's a good name.

 

[FairShake]

If you are content with your life why change? It seems like you're telling us that your life is full...and you're content. Sometimes the grass is greener...and sometimes it isn't. Take a good look at yourself and figure out if you want a girlfriend and the commitment that a solid relationship requires or you don't.

Otherwise I'd say that you choose hoes over bros. That's what grownups do although it doesn't sound pleasant. Or you drop hobbies as so many do from age 30-40 while they get families started.

It's a tough decision but think long-term and you'll figure out what you want.

 

[Burroughs]

Hey Burroughs, that's a good name.

thanks!

My favorite writer.

 

[Heretolearn]

If you are content with your life why change? It seems like you're telling us that your life is full...and you're content. Sometimes the grass is greener...and sometimes it isn't. Take a good look at yourself and figure out if you want a girlfriend and the commitment that a solid relationship requires or you don't.

Otherwise I'd say that you choose hoes over bros. That's what grownups do although it doesn't sound pleasant. Or you drop hobbies as so many do from age 30-40 while they get families started.

It's a tough decision but think long-term and you'll figure out what you want.

thanks for the responses everyone, especially this one. I figure I set up myself first then work at the relationship side. Seems contrary to most, I just think I need a longer dating period of my life to learn more about the world, women and myself.

Thanks for everyone's input though as it is nice to get different views.

 

[betterthandead]

If I'm dating. I set a prompt schedule a couple days ahead of time regardless if there are other things for first-second dates. Even if it's going good, I will only see her when it's convenient for me, then after a couple months will I want to dedicate weekends with her.

Many men do the opposite, they date one girl and then propose on seeing her more frequently and more scheduled. That's fine if relationship is your #1 priority. for me it isn't.

 

[squirrels]

If I'm dating. I set a prompt schedule a couple days ahead of time regardless if there are other things for first-second dates. Even if it's going good, I will only see her when it's convenient for me, then after a couple months will I want to dedicate weekends with her.

Many men do the opposite, they date one girl and then propose on seeing her more frequently and more scheduled. That's fine if relationship is your #1 priority. for me it isn't.

They way I see it, you should only really need to "schedule" the first three or four dates.

After that, if you're both into each other, you'll eventually just think up stuff to do and will think, "Hey, it'd be neat if she came with me...she'd enjoy it and we'd have fun".

If you're still "scheduling dates" at #6-#7, you may need to consider whether this is "going anywhere".

Of course, if all you want is a F-buddy, whichever way you can get her nekkid is best.

 

[Greasy Pig]

When I've spun plates (just moved to a new town and finding my groove still at the moment), I found the most successful strat was to only engage these women when sex was imminent.
If they just wanted to talk sh!t or tell me how their crappy day was, I became unavailable.
Then when I had time or felt h0rny, that's when I'd re-engage.
It worked for ages on three women. They soon got the message that I wasn't the guy to fulfil their emotional needs, just their 'inner slvt' needs.
Life was frickin great because I had time to play footy and train and fvck without the inane time-consuming chit chat.
You have to condition them to see you purely as 'Mr Goodfvck', nothing more.
Chatting for the sake of it is what their girlfriends and AFCs are for.

 

[The Duke]

I would ask myself.......is there really a reason I have to work out on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday or can I be more flexible and work out on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday?

Being flexible and working with people will get you a lot further in life.

When you are unwilling to be flexible it sends the message you don't care about that other person.

No one is asking you to give up your goals, just tweak your schedule a bit and I bet you can make it all happen.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Julius,
"Hey Burroughs, that's a good name" I know you enjoy the Quirky...When I see this name I don't beat my chest and think of Tarzan King of the Apes,rather it brings back memories of my early days in the Estimating Industry...The days when Rods of Brickwork,cwt of Steel and Perches of stone were the norm...We would multiply and divide all day using duo decimals in our heads...you did it so much that you literally KNEW the answer without thinking,your brain automatically progressed ahead of your ability to rationalise your answers...One guy was so good that he would add double columns of your calculations upside down and get the right answer before you could add one column...We did have Slide rules...Slip sticks,but they were too slow...Some of us used the Trachtenberg system,but in the main just our heads...One of our Colleagues was a Dullard and had to resort to the only print out adding machine in our office,a very tedious business involving the pulling of a handle with each insertion...Such was our contempt for this poor buggers abilities that we called him Burroughs USA, because that was the name on the machine.Interesting though he became a disgustingly rich Bathbun,who used lock himself in his bedroom to prevent his BrunHilde of a Latvian Wife beating him up,while the Mathematical prodigy became an Alcoholic,dying with Cirrosis of the liver...Maybe some moral here.

 

[Heretolearn]

I would ask myself.......is there really a reason I have to work out on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday or can I be more flexible and work out on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday?

Being flexible and working with people will get you a lot further in life.

When you are unwilling to be flexible it sends the message you don't care about that other person.

No one is asking you to give up your goals, just tweak your schedule a bit and I bet you can make it all happen.

Challenge is that my commitments are group/team/organised commitments so I cannot change without quitting/letting others down. Guess its just my choice. Shame you cannot have cake and eat it too