Male Satellites

[Buddha_Mind]

This may just be a rehashing of things in the bible, but for the sake of public discussion and my own personal relief (this board can be useful for venting frustration and finding perspective) -- I have become very infuriated with the male satellite mentality, and more so, my own partaking in the act.

I have met *too many* hot women with boyfriends who literally entertain this pool of nice-guys-dying-to-take-the-place-of-the-bf. The worst part is that these females invite you so deeply into their "friendship" and give you everything aside from sexual gratification. They feed it. Try to pull you in more deeply. Keep reaching out and out. WHY?

Text messages out the @ss about all sorts of things, picture messages of her cat in a cuddled pose at 11.30pm, daily tasks, random ideas...then the emails start coming in...job postings (knowing I'm looking for better environmental work)...then she starts making me breakfast, or noodle dishes (we work together)...it goes on and on, this attempt to be genuine friends...and my constant resistance. Ignoring texts. Long delays. Which may sound terrible to exist *good* things, but you see it feels all as a ploy, and in the end of the day truly makes me feel like sh!t for being a sucker, never getting any...as though she tries to suck the mojo from my testicular organs (she'd be better off sucking the mojo from my...hehe)

But then, there are moments where it cracks, I respond in real-time, I share my own frustrations...I strengthen the p*ssy-female-friend connection. There is distant imagery of a "someday relationship", as the lack-of-giving-her-attention-boyfriend would perhaps be nixed.

But then I realize it's all a sick little game. Not even intentional. Women love to create this pool of men who listen to their bullsh!t all day, try to council them, invite them into this "friendship"--and I feel most all of it is for the boosting of their own egos, to set themselves up for options, or sometimes even random sexual teasing...without ever giving it up...and even if she did give it up, it would be a big nasty pile of mental-mess anyways.

I have recently withdrawn from a few females that I was friendzoned deeply with, for they are causing me to become mad with their incessant *lovey* texts which are really all teases for attention and a result of their own boredom.

I know the benefits of female friends has been discussed on this board. I think I'd prefer to keep female acquaintances, or colleagues, let's talk about the subjects in which our lives necessitate interaction (ie, work, common-project), but we're not going to be "buds" or "friends" or text each other with life-related on-goings. It's all a dead-end trap it seems.

I'm no longer a male satellite. I've become a rocket ship with my own burner, and I think I'll take a nice direction over that-away because it looks so pretty and interesting.

 

[Radharc]

The only female friends, in the true meaning of the word I have, are all girls I eventually had sex with. It´s like, once that is out of the way then I can trully be friends with them.
Otherwise I don´t think it can really work out for us guys with that source of tension there, for them, though, all is fine and dandy as long as they keep receiving male attention.

 

[Lexington]

The fact that you are so bothered by it tells me that you don't have enough of on your own plate or, to use the cliche, you aren't spinning enough of them. Any decently sociable guy is probably going to have some female friends. It's inevitable that you'd want to pound some of them.

Keep genuinely busy. Occupy your time with work, hobbies, working out and women. Pretty soon, you won't even have to time to bother thinking about a taken chick. Ironically, that will make you more attractive to these taken chicks and it increases whatever chances you have of eventually getting with her.

 

[Tazman]

Be proud that you can actually SEE this. I have a close buddy who has pined over a chick for more than 7 YEARS.

She turned him down the first time I told him to ask her out (years ago), stating that she didn't want to "ruin the friendship." Since then he has been the guy she calls upon when she isn't doing anything else (f-cking some other dude) to keep herself entertained. She also has a 12 y/o kid.

I tried to clue him into how women behave and just when he started to take my advice she actually has sex with him. Coincidently, he had to have some minor surgery on his sack (unrelated to being with her) so he only had sex with her once, but I was shocked she actually did it. The first time he tried doing something with her she was apparently drunk, and he started eating her out until he realized she wasn't responding (I thought maybe she was faking it because she didn't really want to go through with it).

Although he finally got sex, I'm a bit skeptical about where this is going. The only reason I even care is because he's a really good friend.

 

[grayclif]

Be proud that you can actually SEE this.

and do something about it. Personally, I have done the same. I'm not sure if all my "plates" have bf's or fb's but I don't care if they do and I am uninterested in participating in their charades.

Honestly, I used to be that "help if I can" kinda guy but now I'm telling them to go sort that shyt out for themselves. It's most liberating to say the least. I truly don't care what they think. And surprisingly the less I care the more they seem to care. In any event it matters little what they think.

 

[Maxtro]

They feed it. Try to pull you in more deeply. Keep reaching out and out. WHY?

the lack-of-giving-her-attention-boyfriend

But then I realize it's all a sick little game. Not even intentional. Women love to create this pool of men who listen to their bullsh!t all day, try to council them, invite them into this "friendship"--and I feel most all of it is for the boosting of their own egos, to set themselves up for options, or sometimes even random sexual teasing...without ever giving it up...

You pretty much covered it all.

The reason women do this when they are in a relationship is because they are not getting the attention they need from their boyfriend. So in essence by her receiving the attention from other men, she's able to stay in her current, unfulfilling relationship.

 

[Jitterbug]

I've never been an orbiter, even before I knew about it through this site, or when I was very much clueless and couldn't find a plate to save my arse. How do men let themselves get used so easily?

My chick friends never try this sh!t on me, maybe because I don't have "sucker" written on my forehead. Although I'm not nailing any of them (some I certainly wouldn't say no to), they do a lot of things for me: give me a ride home or to places, cook / bake me tasty foods, buy me drinks, invite me to social stuff, dance with me and some of them listen to me b!tch about chicks I date from time to time.

Hey now that I think about it, they sound like my orbiters

Maybe that's what you guys - the ex-orbiters - should do: flip the script on them. Ask for favours, like tell them to bake you a cake.

 

[zekko]

The reason women do this when they are in a relationship is because they are not getting the attention they need from their boyfriend.

These types of women cannot get enough attention.

 

[squirrels]

They do not know how much they are hurting these "satellites" because the "satellites" do not express their frustration with the situation.

They are usually passive-aggressive or just plain passive...they do not know how to assert themselves and get what they want out of the relationship. As a result, they never get lovin' because they never bother to either ask for it or try to take it. This is usually out of fear of rejection. They think (erroneously) that being in the "friend zone" is closer to being a lover than not being around at all...unfortunately, they're dead-wrong. "friend-zone" is just as far from being a lover, if not further, than "total stranger".

Women like attention...this should come as no surprise to anyone. This is rule #1 of dealing with women.

To them, the "satellite guys" are girlfriends who happen to have penii. All that cutesy stuff, sending texts to each other, being "cuddly", they do that with their girlfriends too. There is nothing sexual or romantic about it...they do it though. They will do this with males as well...as long as the male hides his masculinity. The second he tries to make a move, it's to the girl as if one of her girl-friends suddenly tried to get all lezzed out with her. Creepy.

This is one of those things where you can't blame the girl...they are taught to be flirty and collect attention as a means of getting what they want...and it's at least to some extent ingrained in them genetically.

The problem here is men who refuse to be men. Who hang around a girl thinking that one day it will be "their turn" and then they'll show her how wonderful they are.

If they were THAT wonderful, they would have shown it already. They're not waiting their turn...they're not even in-line. They're sitting there like pathetic children waiting for someone to say, "It's OK johnny/mikey/whatever, I will love you."

Then when they get passed over, they get all angry and spiteful, when in reality it's their OWN damned faults.

Those are the kinds of guys who need the "DJ Bible".

 

[Trader]

This may just be a rehashing of things in the bible, but for the sake of public discussion and my own personal relief (this board can be useful for venting frustration and finding perspective) -- I have become very infuriated with the male satellite mentality, and more so, my own partaking in the act.

I have met *too many* hot women with boyfriends who literally entertain this pool of nice-guys-dying-to-take-the-place-of-the-bf. The worst part is that these females invite you so deeply into their "friendship" and give you everything aside from sexual gratification. They feed it. Try to pull you in more deeply. Keep reaching out and out. WHY?

Text messages out the @ss about all sorts of things, picture messages of her cat in a cuddled pose at 11.30pm, daily tasks, random ideas...then the emails start coming in...job postings (knowing I'm looking for better environmental work)...then she starts making me breakfast, or noodle dishes (we work together)...it goes on and on, this attempt to be genuine friends...and my constant resistance. Ignoring texts. Long delays. Which may sound terrible to exist *good* things, but you see it feels all as a ploy, and in the end of the day truly makes me feel like sh!t for being a sucker, never getting any...as though she tries to suck the mojo from my testicular organs (she'd be better off sucking the mojo from my...hehe)

But then, there are moments where it cracks, I respond in real-time, I share my own frustrations...I strengthen the p*ssy-female-friend connection. There is distant imagery of a "someday relationship", as the lack-of-giving-her-attention-boyfriend would perhaps be nixed.

But then I realize it's all a sick little game. Not even intentional. Women love to create this pool of men who listen to their bullsh!t all day, try to council them, invite them into this "friendship"--and I feel most all of it is for the boosting of their own egos, to set themselves up for options, or sometimes even random sexual teasing...without ever giving it up...and even if she did give it up, it would be a big nasty pile of mental-mess anyways.

I have recently withdrawn from a few females that I was friendzoned deeply with, for they are causing me to become mad with their incessant *lovey* texts which are really all teases for attention and a result of their own boredom.

I know the benefits of female friends has been discussed on this board. I think I'd prefer to keep female acquaintances, or colleagues, let's talk about the subjects in which our lives necessitate interaction (ie, work, common-project), but we're not going to be "buds" or "friends" or text each other with life-related on-goings. It's all a dead-end trap it seems.

I'm no longer a male satellite. I've become a rocket ship with my own burner, and I think I'll take a nice direction over that-away because it looks so pretty and interesting.

I understand what you are saying, but why the need to make it so complicated?

Again, the theme is simple, if you aren't getting what you want out of the relationship, then end it.

If you want sex, but are simply being treated as satellite, and you continue to put up with that, that's not on her, that's on you. I think you realized that and pressed the *eject* button

 

[Chromeo]

ok I would agree with a woman having orbiters while having a boyfriend is an attention wh*re. I mean how much attention can you really give someone in a relationship?

There is a difference tho between being an orbiter(you are hanging on) and being kept in orbit(she pulling you in).

Now an orbiter is hoping for a chance, a guy being kept in orbit probably has a chance.

I would say flip the script if your an orbiter, but can you really? If your the one hanging on, and you let go, your going to float away....

I think men should keep females in orbit tho. I dont really know how to do this, I do know that as soon as you have a girlfriend or something near it, they start to come out of the wood work. Should you start initiating these girls near the same way the attention wh*re would? Oh sorry I have a girlfriend, but lets go out and have drinks and i'll flirt with you, or send you playful or dirty text messages... ?

 

[dark god]

Maybe that's what you guys - the ex-orbiters - should do: flip the script on them. Ask for favours, like tell them to bake you a cake.

BINGO..thats the platinum test there fellas. thats a sure fire way to disguinish whether ur an orbitor being used or if shes a TRUE friend. And doesnt have be bakein a cake. Basically If she would do something that ur guy friends would help u out with.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

ok I would agree with a woman having orbiters while having a boyfriend is an attention wh*re. I mean how much attention can you really give someone in a relationship?

Right on! Those girls who complain their BF´s don´t pay enough attention are either spoiled brats or are dating the mentally unavailable/busy guy. As Dr Tara puts it:

The NPD/BPD woman is a huge time sink. She demands constant attention and, when you’re not showering her with attention, you spend the rest of the time thinking about what you did wrong and how you can please her so that she doesn’t go ballistic or give you the cold shoulder again.

It´s a catch-22, if you don´t pay enough attention she flips out and blame you; if you do she will take you for granted, and still it will not be enough.

There is a difference tho between being an orbiter(you are hanging on) and being kept in orbit(she pulling you in). Now an orbiter is hoping for a chance, a guy being kept in orbit probably has a chance.

Well, I disagree with the latter here. Being kept an orbiter is form of free attention supply. She might use the sex card as a last resort, or do like drug dealers do (offer a sample and withdraw it)!

 

[jophil28]

Being kept an orbiter is form of free attention supply. She might use the sex card as a last resort, or do like drug dealers do (offer a sample and withdraw it)!

This ^ .
IF you are in this orbiter position ask yourself how much progress you are really making ?

A woman who really wants you as #! in her life will fukk you as her FIRST resort BEFORE you get away . To her , sex is an uncontrolled explosion and a natural reaction.

An orbiter sometimes gets pvssy, but it is grudging delivered by her as a LAST resort . THis often happens when the woman detects an orbiter's IL in another woman.

Same vagine, different setting. BIG difference, gentlemen.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

IF you are in this orbiter position ask yourself how much progress you are really making ? An orbiter sometimes gets pvssy, but it is grudging delivered by her as a LAST resort. THis often happens when the woman detects an orbiter's IL in another woman.

It´s the "go away until I want you back", or "Carrot and stick" methods of control, to keep you orbiting around her insecure azz. She likes to practice the tyranny of small mercies. She needs a mirror, guess who reflects that? The orbiter (mirror). Without mirror there´s no image, no reflection. She feels invisible. Just to remember, in this system who is the center (the sun)? She is, IF YOU LET HER BE!

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Thanks.

This is all good stuff and I agree with a lot of the opinions expressed.

The fact that you are so bothered by it tells me that you don't have enough of on your own plate or, to use the cliche, you aren't spinning enough of them. Any decently sociable guy is probably going to have some female friends.

This is true man, you're not wrong here -- I have been playing it safe as of recent, not putting myself out there as much as I used to, part of this is my working to keep my economic situation stable, ie, I do outdoor education and finding gig-related work is tough, and between these things I do food service, ect, making smaller amounts of money can definitely effect the self image and what a man is capable of providing. Don't get me wrong, I am mostly happy, I am meeting my bills and I have free time to write, workout, climb, hike, make music, these are important to me--but yes, I'm not making enough approaches ($ is effect confidence...this is something to continue working on)--and these females who are in my life end up taking more attention than they likely ought to or need to.

There is a difference tho between being an orbiter(you are hanging on) and being kept in orbit(she pulling you in).

Yes. This is true too--and I'd say in all honesty this woman would not leave me the f*ck alone. I would straight up ignore texts for days, but she doesn't let up. I'd hit on other girls I worked with (and here's the bigger mistake which relates to my above point on not putting myself out there enough...my range is too small [work females]...this is limiting and the social BS that accompanys it is no fun...hence the DJ principle of dating outside of the workplace...although not always easy when lives are so wrapped) -- but -- hitting on other girls and having success with them would only provoke this certain female to do odd things, like start rubbing my shoulders for no reason, or rub my back, things she'd rarely do unless there was a visual expressed interest by other females.

It's as though she would use her alpha-femaleness to dominate, use kino to somehow defizzle these other girls or keep them below her, all the while still not giving me anything but a f*cking tease.

And yes there is some truth to the fact that I've flirted back with her. That's not a lie. There are definitely times where it has occurred, I will say I did not initiate and have tried mostly to ignore, but down times and times of boredom, ect and her presence I've said/done some things to kick things up a bit or be spontaneous. So I'm not really blaming the guilt on a single person as so much as I'm done being a female's friend. I'll be a good person. If **** hits the fan and someone goes into cardiac arrest or chokes on a hard candy, I'll be there to help. But I won't be entertaining this b*ll**** thing of friendship anymore.

Women like attention...this should come as no surprise to anyone. This is rule #1 of dealing with women.

To them, the "satellite guys" are girlfriends who happen to have penii. All that cutesy stuff, sending texts to each other, being "cuddly", they do that with their girlfriends too. There is nothing sexual or romantic about it...they do it though. They will do this with males as well...as long as the male hides his masculinity. The second he tries to make a move, it's to the girl as if one of her girl-friends suddenly tried to get all lezzed out with her. Creepy.

This is one of those things where you can't blame the girl...they are taught to be flirty and collect attention as a means of getting what they want...and it's at least to some extent ingrained in them genetically.

The problem here is men who refuse to be men. Who hang around a girl thinking that one day it will be "their turn" and then they'll show her how wonderful they are.

Right on the nail with this. Although with this female it seemed as tho even the sexual-based stuff would get a positive response, but it had a certain line, not sure if this was partly because of her not wanting to feel as though she was "cheating", and I'm almost certain she would delete my text messages from her phone. But it was though she potentially would bang me/sometimes wanted to, but then either defaulted to some psychological safety net when thinking of her ****ty-relationship and then using that to buffer things back towards friendship. It's hard to explain fully, but rather a mind fvck and I appreciate what you've said here.

I have been in fact, a little b!tch in regards to being that nice guy who is hopeful of something good down the line. I've definitely not succumbed as strongly to this as I have in the past and since reading this board, but I'd say that trend is still around and I've got to work on it.

The catch-22 is I've heard from some couples who seem to have healthy relationships, couples who both parties seem to be rather vocal or independent thinkers, committed to their own values, they all say, "start as friends first"..."that's how we met"...but I question how much of friends were they really...girls use the word "friends" very loosely sometimes, and I question this.

But more or less what I've learned is that by being the nice-guy-satellite you essentially are sacrificing your testicles, taking on the harder work that the boyfriend doesn't have to deal with (all of her emotional issues are propagated out to her male friends)--but never gets any of the reward.

Maintaining female friendships, have in my mind, also always been easier when I'm actually successful in the sexual realm with other females at the time...ie, I'm getting laid, I'm getting some of my appetite met, it is much easier to not give a ****...unlike the present when it's been sometime since I've gotten any...and when fewer females are in the mix these women somehow get more focus from myself mentally...and this is no bueno.

We learn. We keep going. Strength.

I understand what you are saying, but why the need to make it so complicated?

I'm not sure pal, seems my mind enjoys the complicated nature of things, or thrusts such upon things...a bit of zen simplicity is important...a bit of letting to and let things be what they be.

Why does a fish swim?

It just does.

There is value in this way of thinking in every day life.

Thanks for all of your responses, some wise words and these things help.

 

[jophil28]

General rule - always give a woman LESS of your attention, validation, energy and time than she is giving you.
Think about this - all those male orbiters are giving MORE that they are getting in return. They are convinced that their efforts to stay in an orbit and perform various 'service' acts to please her will result in her pulling him into a closer inner orbit.
THis rarely works because she KNOWS how to play this game to her advantage. Orbiters are NOT potential B/fs in her mind, they are more like LJBF's .

Ultimately SHE is getting all her wants and wishes and the guys (including ) her B/f are just willing objects to be exploited in her universe.

My advice to someone in "orbit" - drop out, practise aloofness and retreat, and put your efforts and energy into other women.

 

[Colossus]

This may just be a rehashing of things in the bible, but for the sake of public discussion and my own personal relief (this board can be useful for venting frustration and finding perspective) -- I have become very infuriated with the male satellite mentality, and more so, my own partaking in the act.

I have met *too many* hot women with boyfriends who literally entertain this pool of nice-guys-dying-to-take-the-place-of-the-bf. The worst part is that these females invite you so deeply into their "friendship" and give you everything aside from sexual gratification. They feed it. Try to pull you in more deeply. Keep reaching out and out. WHY?

Text messages out the @ss about all sorts of things, picture messages of her cat in a cuddled pose at 11.30pm, daily tasks, random ideas...then the emails start coming in...job postings (knowing I'm looking for better environmental work)...then she starts making me breakfast, or noodle dishes (we work together)...it goes on and on, this attempt to be genuine friends...and my constant resistance. Ignoring texts. Long delays. Which may sound terrible to exist *good* things, but you see it feels all as a ploy, and in the end of the day truly makes me feel like sh!t for being a sucker, never getting any...as though she tries to suck the mojo from my testicular organs (she'd be better off sucking the mojo from my...hehe)

But then, there are moments where it cracks, I respond in real-time, I share my own frustrations...I strengthen the p*ssy-female-friend connection. There is distant imagery of a "someday relationship", as the lack-of-giving-her-attention-boyfriend would perhaps be nixed.

But then I realize it's all a sick little game. Not even intentional. Women love to create this pool of men who listen to their bullsh!t all day, try to council them, invite them into this "friendship"--and I feel most all of it is for the boosting of their own egos, to set themselves up for options, or sometimes even random sexual teasing...without ever giving it up...and even if she did give it up, it would be a big nasty pile of mental-mess anyways.

I have recently withdrawn from a few females that I was friendzoned deeply with, for they are causing me to become mad with their incessant *lovey* texts which are really all teases for attention and a result of their own boredom.

I know the benefits of female friends has been discussed on this board. I think I'd prefer to keep female acquaintances, or colleagues, let's talk about the subjects in which our lives necessitate interaction (ie, work, common-project), but we're not going to be "buds" or "friends" or text each other with life-related on-goings. It's all a dead-end trap it seems.

I'm no longer a male satellite. I've become a rocket ship with my own burner, and I think I'll take a nice direction over that-away because it looks so pretty and interesting.

Great post.

The thing is, men tend to perceive this kind of attention from women as interest, and this is how they fall into her orbit. It's easy to sit back and label all male orbiters as chumps, but many of them are otherwise non-AFC guys (not necessarily DJs) who have naturally interpreted all the cutesy texts and hanging out as genuine interest....which, they all eventually find out, is not.

I've even fallen prey to this recently. I knew better, too. I started to like a girl with a long-term bf. Broke one of my own rules. I heard rumors of her fighting and imminent breakup with said bf, and all the classic signs were there: increasingly frequent texts, making plans together, studying together almost every night (in my room!), close physical contact....and most of it SHE initiated! Then like a fool I put myself out there and got promptly rejected through a series of awkward "i'm-flattered-but-I-have-a-bf" texts. Humiliating, and I'm not even a newb here I knew better!! I let my feelings get the better of my judgment.

Anyways, the take-home point is that what men often interpret as genuine interest is nothing more than an insidious game. Girls fvcking know when you like them. They crave male attention, especially if there is a deficit there with her current bf. She will give you just enough to keep you thinking there is a chance, but in reality, like mr. squirrels pointed out, a total stranger has a better likelihood of hooking up than a male satellite.

Beware of this trap! It can sneak up on you. A good rule of thumb---at least on I've adopted for myself---is do not waste your time with attached women. It is rarely, if ever, worth the effort you could be using on better prospects. At best, she'll cheat on her bf with you and you'll end up the rebound guy. At worst, you'll end up in orbit or just plain humiliated.

 

[mrRuckus]

deleted

 

[maqnetik]

do not allow this-- its not jealousy its being a man