Making the final push or not?

[prodigy78]

Hi dj's,

I posted a topic a while ago:
http:/a/www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=219523

I've been seeing this girl for a while now. We moved passed the friendzone crap. We've been having a great time together. We have been together every weekend, sleeping together, having sex, everything. We also work together, and even on weeknights we see eachother often. At the end we see eachother a lot, and when we are apart we are texting and calling the whole day through.

But the point is this. We talked about DTR and to her we aren't in a bf/gf relationship at this moment. So I asked her what the problem is, she told me she is in love with me at times but sometimes she just isn't. I see this happen when we are together for a few days on a row, she starts creating some distance. So I asked her what it is she is missing, and she told me there is no tension atm and at times we are acting like we are in a relationship for a few years. She knows she has me, there is no challenge for her. We never had a fight and nothing happens that creates some tension between us. She knows there are other girls that like to date me but also knows I will turn them down for her. Weird thing is when we are in a club and people ask her who she is with she introduces me as her boyfriend.

There is absolutely no intention for either one of us for dating or having sex with someone else. And to be honest, I gain nothing special from DTR. I'm having it all, so there is really no point in pushing something. But on the other hand, I find it annoying when people ask me if she is my girlfriend and I have to say no. Even girls who ask me out on a date and I turn them down ask me if I have a girlfriend. NO I HAVENT! Weird issue.

So at the end, I would like this to be something official. But her falling in and out of love all the time isn't enough basis to start a relationship, because she is old fashioned in that way and wants to be REALLY sure she wants to stay with me in the far future. How do I get her to want to make this official herself? How do I create enough excitement and tension to get her to realize she has to get me to stick with her without putting on an act?

Or am I making an issue out of this while I shouldn't be?

 

[Mr_Maximus]

Hi dj's,

I posted a topic a while ago:
http:/a/www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=219523

I've been seeing this girl for a while now. We moved passed the friendzone crap. We've been having a great time together. We have been together every weekend, sleeping together, having sex, everything. We also work together, and even on weeknights we see eachother often. At the end we see eachother a lot, and when we are apart we are texting and calling the whole day through.

But the point is this. We talked about DTR and to her we aren't in a bf/gf relationship at this moment. So I asked her what the problem is, she told me she is in love with me at times but sometimes she just isn't. I see this happen when we are together for a few days on a row, she starts creating some distance. So I asked her what it is she is missing, and she told me there is no tension atm and at times we are acting like we are in a relationship for a few years. She knows she has me, there is no challenge for her. We never had a fight and nothing happens that creates some tension between us. She knows there are other girls that like to date me but also knows I will turn them down for her. Weird thing is when we are in a club and people ask her who she is with she introduces me as her boyfriend.

There is absolutely no intention for either one of us for dating or having sex with someone else. And to be honest, I gain nothing special from DTR. I'm having it all, so there is really no point in pushing something. But on the other hand, I find it annoying when people ask me if she is my girlfriend and I have to say no. Even girls who ask me out on a date and I turn them down ask me if I have a girlfriend. NO I HAVENT! Weird issue.

So at the end, I would like this to be something official. But her falling in and out of love all the time isn't enough basis to start a relationship, because she is old fashioned in that way and wants to be REALLY sure she wants to stay with me in the far future. How do I get her to want to make this official herself? How do I create enough excitement and tension to get her to realize she has to get me to stick with her without putting on an act?

Or am I making an issue out of this while I shouldn't be?

Fear of loss. You have to take a risk. You have to walk away / withdraw and start dating other women. This will probably do it.

Just have your cake and eat it too. She is giving you permission.

 

[sodbuster]

DON'T be available ALL the time, let her think she has to work for you, you HAVE other things going on in life.....

 

[prodigy78]

Today I was in a bad mood, so I was critizicing her at some points. She asked me what is wrong, I told her my feelings are less strong as they used to be. She asked me if I wanted to quit our "thing", I asked why she's asking me this and if she wants out. She replied with a big "NOOOOOO", I told her she should put more effort in it cause her behaviour is causing me to withdraw. This caused some fear in her because she grabbed my hand right when we left the office, something she doesn't do normally.

So this works. But I should boost up this thing in a way she wont notice and that feels natural. Dating other woman isn't a solution, I know this will make her really mad cause we agreed not to date other people. The fear should be in her thinking she will loose me. Also I need to create some space so she starts missing me more. And at some point we should get into a fight cause this never happens.

I think those things will change things for her. She admitted today that she has been really in love with me a couple of times, but not all the time.

I have to steer this up and keep this feeling. It's not as easy as it sounds with this one, what makes it more interesting to me.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

ok, you should make yourself less available.

you don't have to date other people if you don't want to but you have to make it seem like your attention is elsewhere and that you could be.

By definition, if you have both agreed that you are not going to date other people and she doesn't want out, you are in an exclusive relationship.

She is being silly, she needs to feel the potential loss to make up her mind and consider / label you as her boyfriend.

 

[stevo]

Just to be clear, she does not love you, not yet.

She likes you and has some feelings for you but its not love. Love doesn't come and go, likeness does.

So her interest level drops and increases, it's like having a cake in front of you all the time. There'd be moments when you have an appetite to eat cake and moments when you are just tired of staring at it.

The way to fix it is remove the cake (yourself) from the equation so the hunger can grow.

You should really not be so emotionally attached to the girl, you shouldnt be the advocate for exclusivity, that's her role.

If you back off and let her process things herself and fill her role of wanting you to commit to her, your headaches will be taken care of.

Going forward, don't even bring it up again. You're fine regardless if its official or not. Continue to refer to her as your friend and do not turn other girls down.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Could also be another rooster in the hen house or a wish for one..

You might not be spanking and hair pulling satisfactorily. .

 

[hithard]

Sounds like she isn't investing enough into you~ so you get the one foot in, one foot out type of relationship. The other problem is you sound more invested in her then where she is with you. Mauser96 is also spot on with what he posted.
Chicks and drama I tell ya it gets old real quick. This chick sounds like a prime candidate for banging a bad boy on the side.
Assess your personality type. Are you Mr Rut lover that doesn't like to mix it up much? Or do you like it a little wild?
Cause if you try and pretend to be something you're not and she basically admits to getting wet on drama, then its a headache.
anchoring might help
Pull away a bit then spring back.Get a hobby (one where you are surrounded by women is better(fitness maybe)
Fcuk her intensely in a place you don't normally do it make sure its unplanned. Bang till exhausted.Then while you are still in her hold her hand on your heart and cup her face in your hand. Dont say $hit, hold her gaze intensely for a few seconds, smile then make an excuse you have to go do something. Or catch her with the handhold~gaze~kiss and twirl.
Hold her hand while walking telling her a funny story with expressive hand movements.Preferably in a scenic setting.
Ok yes the above post pretty gay, but you need to lock down some emotional cues.
she needs to miss you.
give her intensity.
give her laughter.
You need to electrify moments with her during the day. But not all the time.The idea is to anchor her feelings to certain looks or touches you give her.
get the gaze anchored to get her wet.
handhold anchored to feelings of happiness.
make sure she misses you.
You get the general idea. Using the above means you stroke the emotional switches with less effort, in fact just with a touch. This works for making them fall for you, not really a constant long term thing because it needs to be mixed up with other stuff. A lot of guys fcuk the above up by over doing it. You just need one clear crisp moment with all senses firing every couple days. Its an aid not the be all and end all of strategies. Make sure she is doing $hit for you and investing more into you.Dont be the nice guy.
It makes it harder when you are around each other all the time.
I would have expanded but typing on a phone is f@?king frustrating.

 

[VladPatton]

Fantastic advice here, everyone has great points of view on this. Basically, you need to man up. You need to maker her feel some loss. If she can fall in and out of love, then you bang other chicks. Keep it simple. Let HER bring up exclusivity. Until then, it's a free for all. Start becoming unavailable! She doesn't deserve your full attention and niceness yet, it needs to be earned.

Personally, I'd drop her ass if she told me the falling in and out of love thing. WTF? It's somewhat offensive. Don't be afraid to walk.

 

[prodigy78]

Thanks guys, great advice. I will try and use this to my benefit, the stupid thing is I normally don't get emotionally attached to a girl and then they will do everything to get my attention. Even now, if I give some other girl a finger she will try to take my hand. I came from a LTR that didn't work out at the end but I invested way less than my partner. For some reason I was looking for someone to invest in and this situation is the result.

Though I never been a cheating guy, girls trust me, the fact that I don't care too much always have given me the advantage. At this stage it's kind of hard to act in another way without her noticing I'm doing something with a purpose.

 

[prodigy78]

Well, I screwed up pretty bad. In stead of making her is me last month I've been an emotional mess. I was forcing her to make a decision without creating any fear of loss. At the end of the day she gave me the let's just be friends. I killed all the attraction with my behavior.

So yesterday I spoke with her, she told me how we could fix this. She wants to stay friends, but here idea of being friends is doing everything someone in a relationship does but no sex. I told her I don't want a relationship any more but I like to have sex because I like that part of our "friendships". This confused her I noticed, she asked me why her.

Don't know where to go from here, I created a distance because it is easier for me. Any way to get this my way?

 

[[S]alvatore]

It's over mate.

Don't initiate any contact with her, but if you do see her, be polite and civil. Start approaching other girls.

If you continue to do things together "as friends" it will only eat you up inside, because you're not banging her.

 

[Yewki]

She wants to stay friends, but here idea of being friends is doing everything someone in a relationship does but no sex.

First of all, this is hilarious. Wow. Second, never push for BF/GF status. That is the woman's job. Third, move on. This woman is a waste of time for you.

Get your emotional stuff together and become a better man now having learned from this ordeal. And don't do it for her, do it for yourself.