Making myself attractive...

[kk2004]

Whats up guys....I just wanted to list some of my self improvement procedures or protocols...lol...just my way of saying how I am going about implementing these changes...

The very first thing Im doing is not reading the DJ Bible....after reading the bible each time...and each post...I come away feeling as an inadequate failure..the Dj bible is very hard on me. It tells me to have an alpha male attitude and the ferociousness of a tiger.

Ive taken a little spin on that and what Im doing right now is learning to accept myself for who I am right now..that means to just be happy with who kk2004 is..girl or no girl..bcuz a girl doesnt make me a better or worse person...a woman is for company just like your other friends except that you can do more things with them..you can have this whole sexual side to them.

Being so positive puts me in a great mood..I read jariel's post the post he calls his most inspired post. It was the best post that I have ever read.

Accepting myself as who I am and being easy on myself is helping me and making life alot easier....

I hope to continue this positive self attitude and now to start working out..I am already studying harder in school and got a 96 on my math midterms in my college class...im so proud.

My success is trying to be the best man I can be...the best MAN i can be...women or no women....makes no diffrence to the value of my life...yet I cant deny that I feel lonely though.

So Im learning to accept myself...build a positive self esteem...replace all thoes negative things about who I am...by reprograming my mind to only think good things about myself.

Im studying harder in school..and now I am ready to commit to a workout schedule for the benifit of my health and spirit...working out improves your mind and body and releases stored up endorphins. So its a great way to improve your lifestyle.

I dont know...but not worrying about not having a women or tons of friends and even though being a loner....and not letting that affect me is making me feel better.

 

[Hamno]

Your on the right path, one that I once walked...except I failed my first university math class...

I would reccomend reading the DJ bible, but with a grain of salt. I went through my whole 'DJ phase' in university but it is somewhat hollow in the end, it was only when I accidently DJ'd the right girl that I figured out whats more important. I didnt have any great resources for figuring this stuff out...only brutal trial and error(which leaves a few awkward situations in one's wake). Read it as though these are the skills you will one day use to meet someone worth your time. Dont worry bout all the dating crap and the 'must approach 100 girls and try a cold-pickup' stuff and just talk to women with no 'evil' intent...they truly are no more or less complicated then men. (Sadly, both men and women being deeply flawed individuals...)

Keep it up man... you are truly right that women are not a means to the end of making yourself a happy and well adjusted individual, They will enter your life when you actually are a happy well adjusted individual.

Hamno

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the comment on my post, glad it helped.

It's great to see you moving in a positive direction and learning to accept yourself. I know a lot of guys here try to motivate themselves with critical or punishing self-talk, or by measuring their worth on how many women they can get. But these guys are laying so much stress on themselves and it's sure to hold them back and give them very little faith in themselves.

Yet you can improve yourself and reach for your goals out of enjoyment and respect for yourself. It then becomes a positive cycle - the more you improve, the more you respect yourself. Sounds like you have already found this for yourself!

Keep it up!!

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I agree with both posters, and we do need some counterbalancing around here. The general theme here is improve thyself, and the chicks will one day follow. THat is true, but many guys here need practical experience with women. How can we be better than our current selves with out forcing new habits? I think that the DJ bible is a decent starting point to misunderstanding the "game." We should focus more on being better versions of ourselves. All this am I afc or alpha mess is misleading. Be the best that you can be (which is unlimited), and live without fear.

As for the OP, I use mantras and affirmations. I only tell myself positive things, when a negative thought enters my mind, I don't allow it to linger. Create a positive internal dialogue. How can the DJ bible make you feel like a failure? Do you lack the confidence to change? Anyway--- I've been practicing all of the above for the last month, and it is like a drug. Once you learn to accept yourself, and live outside your body (without ego), you can make all kinds of changes.

Also, listening to tony robbins and wayne dyer helps.

 

[kk2004]

see....

See..the Dj bible is a great tool...but I have a very low self esteem..and whenever I rad the dj bible...all I can read is..do this..do that...improve then fold...and all I can say is "oh boy"....

When Im walking down the street and I look at some honey...all I can think is "wow I have so much left to improve"...

I thought that rather than reading so much Dj Bible....I could learn to just accept myself and love myself for who I am..good and bad and just roll with it...So I can develop a positive self image...rather than trying to be perfect...

When I go outside...I love to tell myself..."Your okay, theres nothing wrong with you..things of that nature"

 

[solo1]

Re: see....

Originally posted by kk2004
See..the Dj bible is a great tool...but I have a very low self esteem..and whenever I rad the dj bible...all I can read is..do this..do that...improve then fold...and all I can say is "oh boy"....

When Im walking down the street and I look at some honey...all I can think is "wow I have so much left to improve"...

I thought that rather than reading so much Dj Bible....I could learn to just accept myself and love myself for who I am..good and bad and just roll with it...So I can develop a positive self image...rather than trying to be perfect...

When I go outside...I love to tell myself..."Your okay, theres nothing wrong with you..things of that nature"

hm, sounds like you're pretty self conscious.
With the DJ bible, it's easier said than done. Truth is you should probably put aside what you've read so far. NO need for extra information to clutter your brain at this point in your life.

I've been down this road before. All i gotta say is just be happy with yourself. Once you have your self image and ego coming together, only then can you be happy. Always look on the bright side of things, negative thinking will only lead to more frustration which you dont need....so try to avoid it.

If you're not happy with yourself, how can you learn to care about others? Get your **** together

 

[The Cooler King]

A girl who is a friend told me the same thing.

It also helped me too. :cheer:

 

[kk2004]

well

Well guess what its not working too well....

I know that happiness shouldnt be based around how many friends you have or how many "cool" friends you have...but its still depressing to be lonely...its a vicous cycle...you feel upset and alone and when you talk to somebody your down on yourself already which makes the person not want to talk to you..which makes it worse.

Having "cool" friends is a big thing with me..unless there the most outgoing..party fest individuals I feel like Im a failure...which is wrong. And I know I need to change that type of thinking....which means accepting people for who they are...and not being so judgemental...its not fair to them.

But my lonliness is making me upset....bcuz im alone most of the time and my friends are busy...Im always home on the weekends or out by myself around the neighborhood with nothing to do..

It kind of feels like life isnt worth living....your supposed to be happy waking up...eating..working...sleeping...working out...and maybe go out by yourself...thats the message I get...that your supposed to be happy alone...without anyone else...

Its just that I cant change the fact Im alone right now...and its putting a damper on my self improvement..all I want is that I could have a bunch of friends to go out on the weekend with and have fun...and maybe even a gf like I did before...

When I look back at my life and last year and I look at it now the diffrence is so tremendous...I wasnt lonely...always surrounded by people....now I know that people dont equal happiness but having a gf still would make things alot better even if it was temporary....even though I know that I should be totaly content with not having a gf.

Because happiness is supposed to come from me and me alone...this way your not reliant on someone else where they can almost become your drug....so yeah

But feeling lonley cant be helped..no matter how much I tell myself that Im happy...I dont care how many people hangout or not or what they do...I just want to have some friends...

IM sure your asking yourself...why dont you just go out and make some friends already idiot...go out and get a gf...go sarge...stop whining read the bible....Ive heard each and everyone of those answers....

For me, kk2004, its a little diffrent...I cant "just" make friends....I never choose who I can be friends with or not...and I also... I never choose whom I speak to or not either. What im trying to say is that everybody that I have met I have gotten lucky....and most people that I meet tend not to like me where they would let me know hint wise that they would want to hang out outside of school. Im not saying people avoid me...but there also not making any effort to get to know me...I feel like a general attitude of apathy from most people that I come into contact with...they'll be nice to talk to...but nothing more than that.. most of the time. Ill make alot of effort to make exciting convo....and ill try to do it in a not so needy way...just relaxed but still exciting...but it just seems that I can never click with most other people.

I think I have social anxiety too....whenever I am in a public place such as a classroom or a bus...I feel very anxious and extremely self conscious....its hard to give people eye contact...unless I percieve them to be very low socially..which is worng again bczu im judging people.

Im very nervous to just say "hi" to new people outside of my comfort zone...that goes for most girls..bcuz I really dont have any girl-"friends". With girls Ive tried something called situation overload where I force myself to talk to girls...and honestly it doesnt get better...it makes it worse bcuz Ill feel nervous half way through the convo...and makes me feel worse comming away from the interaction and I lose motivation to do it again.

I just dont know what to do...and I dont want to see a therapist...
I mean how can I be happy if I am lonely?...Im kind of on my last legs..lol.. I really have no clue what to do anymore..

 

[skeeloo]

300 posts since april..? no wonder you are depressed. visit this place for 15 mins only and logg off.

 

[Mikers]

About 10 months ago, i was in your exact same position, dont feel your the only one! Alot of people here are in your shoes, or once were.
Hell i remember myself celebrating new years eve at a club with aquantinces i barely knew and when after the countdown, 5,4,3,2,1.. it turned 0 everyone grabbed someone and hooked up... except me. This shattered me, i didnt know wat to do, i just put on a happy face and just accepted i was lonely.
The next ten months as i studied for my exams i used that as an excuse more or less, to not approach girls. I'd notice a HB look at her, stare even, but then force myself to stick my eye balls to reading my text book, i dont have "time" for her.

Now just recently i have awaken, i saw some motivational speakers(gotta love them) at a free business enterprise festival which have open my mind to new possibilities. They were a couple starting out in the business world who 20 years later are millionares, and they were the most unlikely couple to begin with. But one thing the wife said was:

"If you dont plan your life, then somone else will plan it for you."

This doesnt just apply to the business world, but this is what has helped me get back onto the road to acting positive and well.... planning on becoming a filthy rich millionare like them... always the dream anyway

Dont feel bad about your social connections, friends are over rated any way But having friends you will soon learn arent hard to make. I know what your thinking, i felt the same, i dont think like everyone else, i just dont have the right personality to make friends, im too weird, the list goes on... i got news for you, thats impossible.

Your just not used to chatting to people for pro longed periods of time, you think they wont like who you are. You'll be suprised how much in common people have with you. If you practice just talking to strangers, i promise friends will follow. I used to talk to old people alot, they often like a conversation with just about anyone, same goes with people generally.
It's not weird to talk to random people at college/clubs/cafe/town because in the end... thats how we meet our friends in the first place right? THey are random strangers often to begin with, we just make the initiative to get to know them.

So what i suggest you do my man is:

1. create a list of self affirmations.
This is essential, if you need help on then look up the term on google, plenty of "positive" results
2. next time your in class - talk to another class mate, like say "whoa how'd you go in the test?" and then introduce yourself.
3.practice talking to strangers.
Unfortunently this site can only take you so far, then you must take the plunge in putting the practice in being the man you want to be.
4. write a list of all the things you want to be. Then stick to those core goals and set out to apply them.

Oh and one other, which is always a good way to set up weekend plans is to call up old buddies on your phone book. Dont be afraid of what they'll think, show them how much of a man you are now

Well i hope i have helped you in one form or another, ive sure helped my self write 40 minutes worth of sore fingers

 

[ScrewIt]

You sound depressed. No way i would want to be around a guy like you in real life, moping in his own insecurities. Would you? Exactly. If you keep this up, ill tell you , you wont make friends or get a gf.

As Mikers said friends are overrated. Most of my life, i've only had a few i could call friends, even now i only have a couple of friends.

There are people worse off than you, dont think you have it so bad. Anyway i think the reason you want friends badly now and dont like being alone is cause you have a lot of free time on your hands. And you want to use them to fill your loneliness.
Nothing wrong with that.

Keep yourself motivated and busy, that you wont be so lonely.
Truth is i dont really hang out with my friends much. I've been caught up with other stuff in life that not having friends doesnt bug me.

Find hobbies that you're interested, join the school clubs, active sports. As long as you keep yourself busy, you wont feel so lonely anymore. It's normal for human nature to desire human contact/communication.

 

[kk2004]

ic

thanks for ur inputs....


Yes I feel lonely...bcuz of that I feel inadequate....I cant keep masking my lonliness with happy positve self talk..telling myself everything is okay when it isnt...I feel anxious outside and thats whats causing my unhappiness and depression...Not having friends...thats fine...but the socail anxiety is disrupting me from enjoying myself...there are great things to enjoy...this social anxiety has me feeling as there is a war going on inside me...

yes I can fill my time up with hobbies and things...but what I want really is people to talk to and enjoy and have fun with..

Im so nervous when I go out..I become extremely self consiocus and it kills everything.