Making it click

[iveyleeger]

I met a girl online and it turns out we have a lot in common. After a few emails I got her full name and said it would be more fun to talk in person when she has time. I did that b/c at some point she put me off for awhile due to a work trip and to simply ignore that would be lame. She did apologize and said she would love to get together and asked what we would do. Now I've put her off for a bit while I think about it and enjoy my weekend.

It seems to me I've got the date b/c she sees me as a credible guy and I knew a lot about her professional area. But there is no spark yet. It's been more like business networking. Now that credibility is established I need to ramp things up. The last thing I'm going to do is be a chump and actually propose a date.

She is a "nice girl" type from a conservative background and the hard-working corporate type. In my experience can be a real firecracker but needs to loosen up first.

So my instinct is to basically say,"I'm having dinner with a friend Thurs. at ___. Let's meet for a drink afterwards around ___ and take it from there. We'll relax, unwind, and get to know each other better."

The idea is to make her work for a real date later and to use social proof. I also want to use the subliminal stuff to suggest how I want her to feel with me. My sense is this girl is tense so relax is one key word to repeat.

Also, I think she's going to ask me about someone we knew in common, and while she will expect to hear professional bla bla bla stuff I'll say something like, "She's a babe, the sexy accent really did it for me." Basically, make clear I'm not some asexual woosbag. Follow that with good EC and see what happens.

So what do you guys think of this plan? Admitedly I'm over-thinking it, but I am rusty and really don't want to end up in the friendzone.

Also, would you ask for her # and set the date on the phone or just do it by email?

I am thinking to just do it by email b/c I don't want to add another step in there now where I could screw it up before I get the date. In the past, I think I've done it by email and women have volunteered their number which I took as a positive sign. I'm thinking if she did that I could find an excuse for a quick call before the date to give her directions or something and this might up the tension. Opinions?

 

[Seattle76]

In my experience online, I've gotten more interest from women when they get to see my personality in a few emails first (one intro 2 or so follow up). Back and forth banter C+F. They usually end up giving me their number without me asking. If not, after 3 emails, I ask for theirs. By the end of the first call, I get an idea of my interest in them. Keep it short and have fun with it. End the call first, tell them you're busy for the next few days and you'll call them to set up a date. Don't ask them for a date.

Keep the first date short and end it first. Drinks after your dinner with a friend works well. Just make sure that you have a story to tell about where you went in the event you didn't really go to dinner with a friend. Something clicked for me about 6 months ago where I realized there was really nothing to be lost from a first date (other than an hr or two of my time), so I may as well enjoy it. I stopped caring so damn much and its helped me a lot.

 

[iveyleeger]

Thanks for this advice Seattle. I will definitely meet some real friends for dinner first -- loosens me up. More feedback?

 

[penkitten]

i have met people from the internet before.
always feel a little nervous.
being a chick, i prefer to meet them somewhere public cause what if they were to kill ya or something right?

however , i wasnt afraid to meet gio at all and everything was so completely comfortable. i am not sure if thats because we have known each other online for years or what the reasoning was behind it.

 

[San]

"relax sexy, let me massage you...

 

[Seattle76]

Originally posted by iveyleeger
Thanks for this advice Seattle. I will definitely meet some real friends for dinner first -- loosens me up. More feedback?

Don't let the date become an interview, but try to get her to spend 70-80% of the time talking about either herself or her interests. It's a lot easier to make a good impression over 2 hrs if you're only taking up 30 minutes of the time talking about you.

She'll leave feeling good, because people naturally like to talk about what they're interested in. She'll leave more curious about you, because you spent a fraction of the time relating to her, gently teasing, cracking a few jokes, etc. You'll leave with a better picture of if this is a girl you want to spend more time with.

 

[iveyleeger]

Update

Okay, here's what happened:

I proposed an outdoor date by email. She was psyched about that and said yes. Then she emailed me again later b/c the weather looked like it wouldn't work out. She wanted to know what we'd do instead.

That's a red flag, imo, since the date was 5 days away... Anyway, managing the date is the man's job. So I didn't say anything, just got her # and called her the next day.

And unfortunately she's an alpha girl. This would have been a miserable date. I would say one thing, she would shoot that down and say something else. It was really not an enjoyable conversation at all. We left it that I'd call her with specifics since I have friends visiting. I'll just call her and bag it.

Moral of the story: A picture does *not* speak a thousand words. A phone call. Saved me fifty bucks.