Making inroads

[donjuanapprentice01]

I'm finally starting to show more confidence... Went to the bank today, saw the bank teller I like. Ill call HBT... She and her bf had split up last friday... First thing I notice is she gives me a huge smile as I enter. Now, I went in with a "I don't give a fvck attitude". I decide to challenge her a bit. I ask how she's been doing... Then I basically say:

ME: "Let me ask you... Would you have MARRIED this guy?" (Caught her completely off guard here... Very powerful statement)

HER: umm... We were close... Ummm.. Yeah I would have

ME: well, this guy obviously wasn't going to. so, it was kind of a good thing.

HER: (complete silence)

Then I tell her:

ME: you should go out and have fun tonight, let your hair down

HER: no, I'm going to stay in

ME: what? Why, so you can cry on your pillow? (Ok, I'm starting to think this was a bad comment to make... Let me know.. But that's what I was thinking and fvck it I said it). I'm going to be at X club tonight, you should come

HER: no, I don't dig the bar scene anymore (she is only 23 here... And I'm realizing now by her tone of voice that she is shy)... Just going to go hang out at a friends house. You have fun tonight though.

ME: well whatever you decide to do, have fun as well.

It was a bit longer than that, but that's the gist of it. Also, my mom went to the same bank earlier and the teller came up tp her and made a convo. (She knows her as well, that was the first time she had done that... Not sure if that means anything.

Now to the bad... I had to go back to the same bank again (its part of my job). Bank was a lot busier... I ended up getting a teller right next to her. There was a moment that she was completely free... She was busy adding up numbers... Should have said something to her, but I didn't. I wanted too say **** like "is it all adding up?" And made a comment that I sucked at accounting in school... But I didn't... My shyness kicked in again and I stood there like a jackass... (But she WAS busy so she didn't even acknowledge me). I looked at her hoping she would glance over, but she didn't. (I have a tough time talking to someone if they don't look at me first... Really got to work on that). I ended up leaving tje bank tje second time without saying anything to her. (I was going to say hi, but by the time I was done she was dealing with someone and I didn't want to interrupt her)

All in all, I feel good about myself. I'm going to ask her out again in due time... But I am feeling some good vibes here.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Bump

I'm starting to think I might have come across as an ******* here with my "he obviously wouldn't marry you" comment.

Any insight fellas?

 

[justanotherguy]

You should have told her that she's staying in to be self indulgent and that that's lame since when she could come out and party with you.

Also, don't second guess what you say, you're already thinking about trivial things way too much and you're already putting off asking her out because you're too nervous to do so. Just say what you have to say, stop wasting your time and go in for what you want no matter how lame you might think it is later (it won't matter at that point because it'll be over) and either take take her out on a date or take the rejection like a man, shrug it off, and move on with your life.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Well, I'm going to ask her out next week... It looks like she is getting over her bf (fb updates are really great). I hadn't asked her out earlier because of the split. I know she won't want to jump in a new relationship right away, so I'm going to keep it friendly, but ill escalate a bit on the date (if I get there of course)

I dunno... I still kind of regret the convo I had with her. Looking back at it, it probably made her feel worse... All I was trying to do was make her realize the douchebag wasn't worth it. Only good thing I did was say it confidently. And I used the word marriage to spark some emotion

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

No, you made yourself look like a douche by bringing that stuff up. I've seen that I do the best with "broken birds" (just broke off engagement, etc.) by never acknowledging her past at all. If you start off by talking about the recent LTR failure, then you will inevitably hear "I just got out of a thing, LJBF" when you try to escalate, or even get a date. I don't hear that crap when I'm the new exciting guy she wants to branch swing on over to. You are the FUTURE, not the shrink for her past.

I'd work on other women. This one just got out of a deal, and you are trying to game her at work, to which you will receive no cooperation from her. She'll be a tough nut to crack. And quit the facebook stalking, it'll have you running around in circles inside your head when you should be worrying about what YOU are doing.

 

[jophil28]

I dunno... I still kind of regret the convo I had with her. Looking back at it, it probably made her feel worse... All I was trying to do was make her realize the douchebag wasn't worth it. Only good thing I did was say it confidently. And I used the word marriage to spark some emotion

Women do not "realize" that her ex was a douch just because you ( a stranger ) says so.
IF fact woman rarely "realize" anything significant about their past failures.
Women just feel hurt and victimized by every experience which does not work to their liking even though the guy may have been a good guy who acted flawlessly..
You cannot 'make' a woman acquire wisdom or insight when all she wants is to shift blame onto her ex. Neither is it your job to sympathise or counsel her.
That is why she has a best girlfriend or a shrink.

 

[zekko]

No, you made yourself look like a douche by bringing that stuff up.

It does make you look like something of a vulture.