Making a guy friend

[pulchritudinous chum]

I'm heterosexual and I have many guy friends I party with and scout women with, but I only have one guy friend with whom I can just chill with and go play pool and sht like that, and I've known him since middle school. I feel like a fag though asking my party friends if they want to go catch a movie or something, and I don't want to call up an ex girl or something. I mean, if you got a call from an acquaintance that you've only partied with or used as a wingman, would you be freaked out if he asked you to go to a movie?

 

[Skel]

you feel like a fag if your callin up a guy to watch a movie?
I think you have issues my friend.

 

[Okra]

Human beings are very social. If a guy is bored, there is nothing fag-like about calling up another human with a **** to go waste time with.

 

[KbTo]

you need to relax, is not the end of the world calling a guy to watch a movie,tv, porn or whatever

you have issues indeed, if you have problem inviting a guym how can you invite a girl?

 

[ScrewIt]

let me tell you, it's not easy to become good friends with a guy.
he may only want you as an acquaintance or a hi bye relationship.

my whole life i never had a true friend, the ones i had were just to pass the time with. and i was probably the same for them.
the ones from H.S. i still hang with htem occasionally, but will they call me if they do something or will they call me if they want to do something?? NO, they used to, but rarely now.

this semester @ work i was able to make a good friend with a co-worker. talked about lots of stuff, childhood stuff, we had lots of similarities too. @ school, this dude i met this semester, we're in the same major, me and him have similar views on women, and other stuff, he tells me his probs i tell him mine. for once in my life i actually feel comfortable with these ppl i can confide in.

the H.S. guys i know are still immature fools, and they wouldnt talk to me about anything nor would i. truth is, whenever i hang out with them, i really dont have anything to talk to them about, cause we dont really have that much in common. we're very closed off to each other.
I think the key to making a good friend is both open up to each other. if either one of u is closed off, u can only be acquaintences.
but yea this semester has taught me quite a lot about ppl.

for the record im heterosexual

Okra -
[Human beings are very social. If a guy is bored, there is nothing fag-like about calling up another human with a **** to go waste time with.]

the reason my H.S. buddy i hang out with doesnt call is usually cause he doesnt wanna seem like a wuss in having to ask.
Even if he's having the most boring time ever at home, he'll NEVER call anyone up to hang out. I think he takes his pride too seriously. there's nothing to be ashamed of, if u wanna hang out right?

last fri, i went up to his place to watch cable channels for 3 hrs, then i left. i said "laters" he didnt say a word. probably pissed cause i didnt ask him to shoot pool and call up the guys. cuz normally we shoot pool every friday. and normally his place is the meeting grounds for when we go chill. He wants to chill about every week, but he puts us on the spot and expects us to ask. even when he may not feel like shooting pool or hanging out, he will still never say "no" to us, he'll usually say whatevers..trying to act all cool n ****. cause he's afraid that if he does, we wont bother asking him again in the future.
Man he pisses me off sometimes, he acts like a girl, he loses his temper so easily. anyway im done talking

 

[DJ_Dork]

Make sure your friend is "Quality" I can make friends with dudes just as easy as I can make friends with females. For females, I don't care as long as they are not super ugly. For guys.. they gotta match my personality even more so than girls. I'm talking about friendship not acquantaces that "hang out" when you call for movies/bars.. we're talking about a dude friend that'll talk to you about life and girls - infact he will be your best wingman at clubs/bars. Finding a dude friend is hard.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Originally posted by ScrewIt
let me tell you, it's not easy to become good friends with a guy.
he may only want you as an acquaintance or a hi bye relationship.

my whole life i never had a true friend, the ones i had were just to pass the time with. and i was probably the same for them.
the ones from H.S. i still hang with htem occasionally, but will they call me if they do something or will they call me if they want to do something?? NO, they used to, but rarely now.

this semester @ work i was able to make a good friend with a co-worker. talked about lots of stuff, childhood stuff, we had lots of similarities too. @ school, this dude i met this semester, we're in the same major, me and him have similar views on women, and other stuff, he tells me his probs i tell him mine. for once in my life i actually feel comfortable with these ppl i can confide in.

the H.S. guys i know are still immature fools, and they wouldnt talk to me about anything nor would i. truth is, whenever i hang out with them, i really dont have anything to talk to them about, cause we dont really have that much in common. we're very closed off to each other.
I think the key to making a good friend is both open up to each other. if either one of u is closed off, u can only be acquaintences.
but yea this semester has taught me quite a lot about ppl.

for the record im heterosexual

Okra -
[Human beings are very social. If a guy is bored, there is nothing fag-like about calling up another human with a **** to go waste time with.]

the reason my H.S. buddy i hang out with doesnt call is usually cause he doesnt wanna seem like a wuss in having to ask.
Even if he's having the most boring time ever at home, he'll NEVER call anyone up to hang out. I think he takes his pride too seriously. there's nothing to be ashamed of, if u wanna hang out right?

last fri, i went up to his place to watch cable channels for 3 hrs, then i left. i said "laters" he didnt say a word. probably pissed cause i didnt ask him to shoot pool and call up the guys. cuz normally we shoot pool every friday. and normally his place is the meeting grounds for when we go chill. He wants to chill about every week, but he puts us on the spot and expects us to ask. even when he may not feel like shooting pool or hanging out, he will still never say "no" to us, he'll usually say whatevers..trying to act all cool n ****. cause he's afraid that if he does, we wont bother asking him again in the future.
Man he pisses me off sometimes, he acts like a girl, he loses his temper so easily. anyway im done talking

That friend who doesn't call you to hang out ain't your friend, he's just an acquantance who is really pathetic. A true friend wants to know what's up in your life and you want to know what's up with his life. There's something wrong about the DJ approach, there's no emphasis about rapport/friendship part of finding a girl. Having friends 2 way street. If you feel like you're doing all the work (1 way street), Drop him, go solo/find a new buddy.

 

[Okra]

another tip is to find a guy that you have a lot of stuff in common with. I'm into art music and photography, and going against the norm. Somehow I always wind up hanging out with guys that are into the same type of stuff. It just kinda happens though. I never really go out looking for friends. iGuys can be friends or enemies. **** the ones that want to be my enemy.

 

[ScrewIt]

yea Fvck the enemies. and fvck the ones that disrespect you.

reminds of this **** who asked me to help him design a logo.
he occasionally works for my boss as a comp techie advisor or support. he knew i was a graphics designer. he said he wanted to see my work and i sent him some examples thorugh email. **** never emailed or called me back. i called him a week after to check if he even received my stuff. prick said he found someone else. then 2 days ago this prick calls the office looking for me to see if i had the photoshop cd...i said yea, then he said he's gonna pick up one of these days at the office. ill just shove it in his face when he shows up that he aint getting **** and he came over here for nothing. guys like these piss me off.

earlier this week a **** co-worker burned what me, him, and another intern did onto cd's. projects of the company. then i confronted that bastard. but hey he's already stolen the work, cant do much about it. he said he's gonna bring in the cd's for us to check...but that doesnt mean he didnt make copies.

no matter what, you cant be friendly with everyone. there are times where you'll have to make an enemy or 2 along your life. It IS bound to happen....it IS inevitable

 

[SuSHI]

I made some really good male friends this semester.

We are planning road trips and such for the summer.

The problem is, I really like alternative music, and skateboarding. But none of these guys do this. I just moved here this year.

My problem isn't making good friends, but its making ones that are into the exact same stuff i am. Like punk rock so i can go to shows with em.

BUt what i do share in common with most of these guys is our interest in GIRLS. So i guess it isn't all bad.

The problem is, i take academic classes, and a lot of skaters do not take such classes, last year, i took many art classes, so making skater friends were easier. But this is a new school. And next year at uni is gonna be harder, cause I am going into science LOL.

Hopefully there are skaters in my dorm i can meet ^^

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I've been very lucky in that I still have all the good guy friends I've grown up with. I'd say three of them I count amongst my best friends - one of whom I've known since I was 5. I dunno how, just lucky that way I guess.

 

[ScrewIt]

let me say it's not easy to find true friends, you just gotta sort out through the garbage until you find it.

of if ur like me, ull come across one if ur lucky

usually the ones in the same field of study as you will usualy have similarities with you

 

[Chewy Bagel]

This is really interesting to me.

Did you guys who have trouble making guy friends grow up in a family where there was an absent father or grow up in an area where there were no other children to play with?

 

[Tweek_1984]

Originally posted by SuSHI
I made some really good male friends this semester.

We are planning road trips and such for the summer.

The problem is, I really like alternative music, and skateboarding. But none of these guys do this. I just moved here this year.

My problem isn't making good friends, but its making ones that are into the exact same stuff i am. Like punk rock so i can go to shows with em.

BUt what i do share in common with most of these guys is our interest in GIRLS. So i guess it isn't all bad.

The problem is, i take academic classes, and a lot of skaters do not take such classes, last year, i took many art classes, so making skater friends were easier. But this is a new school. And next year at uni is gonna be harder, cause I am going into science LOL.

Hopefully there are skaters in my dorm i can meet ^^

Dude, I'm in a similar position to you.

What happened to me is that I went off to university. I was in a skate-punk band at the time and made some strong relationships with some guys.
As soon as I went to uni I lost these links. After about 6 months my bassist calls me up and tells me not to bother coming to practice because they were getting a new guitarist.
Anyways, I wasn't too bothered because I was making lots of friends at uni.
So anyways, a year passes and I fail my first year of uni and I drop out. That was back in June last year. As a result of that happeneing, I lost all my cool friends at uni. I was literally left with no friends.
I started a nightshift job last september but I got laid-off at christmas so I didn't get to make good friends with anyone. Since then I've been on the dole (I'm in the UK). I live at home with my parents. The promise of my dad building a new house has meant that I havent had a job since christmas. Every day I'm stuck in my house watching DVD's and surfing porn. It's pretty sad I know.
So my only friend who happens to be a good friend since I was about 5 years old isn't into punk or skating or watching good films or anything like that. He's a total woman and uncool to boot. But I respect him for standing by me.
So anwyays, at the moment my dad has bought a plot of land and we should start building a house in the next month or so.
Luckily, I go back to university in september, to the same city I was at uni last time (Manchester). So I'm desperately looking foward to that.
My parents always just say to me, why don't you go out to the alternative clubs you went to before I went to university. Well, it's all about insecurity tbh. I hate being in a place I'm uncomfertable with. If I go out to a club or to a party or to watch a band or whatever, I have to look my best. As a result of me sitting on my arse for 6 months, I have no new clothes and I'm just the same as I was a year ago. I want people to think I look different or I've changed because everyone else seems to have done that.

Are you feeling me?

Where abouts do you reside anyways?

Just curious, have you seen the film 'Kids' directed by Larry Clark?

 

[maranathaman]

My way of "Male-Bonding" is working on our Hot vw's!
I have an `03 GTi with an up-graded Turbo and a bunch of other mods. I have some buddies that also have tricked-out water-cooled VDubs. So we help each other hop-up our cars.
We'll usually throw-back a few beers, talk about women, the usual stuff...

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

Ask your boy if he wants to smoke a bowl. Weed brings everyone together.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Chewy Bagel

Did you guys who have trouble making guy friends grow up in a family where there was an absent father or grow up in an area where there were no other children to play with?

what does growing up w/o a father have to do wtih??
well since u asked, my dad works 12hr a day @ work. from 12 to 12. he's not really a good father, but i doesnt hinder me from growing, nor did it hinder my bro.



actually, most ppl in their teens do not have true friends. a group of guys may hang out and stuff, but that's it. just so you can be accepted, you hang out with a specific group or change yourself, your morales, your clothes to bond with them.

i hang out in the pool hall occasionally, and on fridays there are always h.s. kids there. they act so fake and "try to be all that", makes me think back if i was ever like that iwth h.s. buddies.
friends will be friends, but Best friends are different, they are the true friends. Friends can be along the line of acquaintence, depending on how far you go with the relationship vs how much you limit its growth.

best friends will watch out for you when you're in deep ****. friends/acquaintences may not, usually they wont....simply because you're not as important to them as a best friend, in other words, not worthy enough.

 

[EternalBachelor]

I know exactly how you feel. While girls are fun to be with they cannot offer the companionship that a guy can, and they certainly won't tolerate drinking beer, watching sport and talking about guys stuff. But it is extremely hard to get guy friends.

Something I have found is guys like to departmentalise friendships. So you have friends at work who you work with, have coffee breaks with and have a drink after work, friends from the football team who you play footy with, and have drinks with etc etc.

I know it is difficult because it sounds "gay" to ask them to the movies etc. The secret is to be casual. Say you are working together, say something like hey have you eaten, lets go and grab some chips or something. Ask things like seen any good movies? Start a conversation about movies, and then say something like, if you like action movies there is this great movie at the Odeon, we should go and see it sometime.

A great place to meet guys is sports. Take up a team sport.

 

[ScrewIt]

yea it'd be easier if you met a girl that was one of the guys.
altho i've met a hb7 in my school, she's seems cool and usually has a lot of guy friends that she chills with, she doesnt even like to shop with her girlfriends cause they take forevver to pick out clothes. but eh she seems like a ***** or not that interesting after getting to know her.

truth is most ppl are comfortable in their zone with their current friends. many will not feel a need to make extra friends, some may not even have the time to invest in it. u just gotta face that fact whether or not someone wants to be friends with you or just an acquaintance. normally if 2 ppl share a lot of stuff in common, usually it's very quick to become friends and do stuff together or talk about chicks n ****.

that's why it's best to go do something you like, where you'll meet new ppl. you're already off on a good start as you like to do the same things there....volunteer, @ work, clubs, sports.

there are ppl who like to have lots of acquaintences/frends, and there are the types that like to have only best friends around.
one guy i know he only keeps his best friends. he talks to no one else or doesnt bother to become acquainted. i see that as a loss for him. while me on the other hand have a good amount (not a lot) of acquaintences/friends/Good friends (not best friends yet, but it's possible to get there)

everyone's busy in life, ill hang out with different ppl on different days. if ur the type that likes to keep ONLY best friends around, then you're at a loss. they might have their own friends and have priorities in life to deal with, so they might not be able to stick around when you wanna do something. im the type that usually likes to rely on myself, and even if there are weeks where i cant hang out if im busy, then im fine with it.

Friends come and go, ppl's lives change, they move away...die..etc. that's why id prefer NOT to be the type that only keeps best friends, cuz once they're gone, u got nothing but family.

 

[EternalBachelor]

Good points Screw it. It is good to have lots of guy friends: guys for watching sport with and drinking beer with, guys that are pals from work, guys you play sports with, guys who you can trust and talk to about problems (very hard to find) etc.

But yeh, you can only really rely on yourself, so your best guy friend should be yourself


What is the best way to find wingmen? Most of my friends either have girlfriends or are too AFC for words.