Slimjims.. that was for Kmart, not the mall.
I've read that one already and it had waay more. Heres the cooler version.
Fun at Kmart.
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Intro
The stuff described in this file are things that I have done, and are pretty ****in kick ass. Just don't be an idiot.
**Vol #2**
One of the best things to do in Kmart is to have fun with the intercom system. All ya have to do is walk up to an intercom, pick it up and start talking... Dont worry, no one will pay attention to you anyway cause all Kmart employees look like hoodlums. One of the best things to do is announce a blue light special. Normally this would be pretty lame, but not if you used Pee Wee Herman's voice...
Quite honestly that is for 13 year olds... Walk up to the key making machine (ALWAYS unattended and in the auto department) and start cutting your own key. It always get K employees real pissed, and ya can get a couple of security guards out of hiding... That way you can spot them, the next time ya need a new CD... When they come up to you and try to act tuff, flip out on them... Don't get physical, just be a total smart ass... That always sets them off balance... When they ask for your name or anything, rattle off all the ID that you can think of real quick... ive um you SS#, DL#, license plate number, DOB, address, phone number, work phone... They will never be able to write quick enough... Hopefully they will hit you, and you can watch them squirm when you have them arrested for assault... REMEMBER! You did nothing WRONG!! There is no sign by that key machine that says you cant use it!! If they are still following you, keep walking out to your car and do a real nice brake torque on the way out... If at all possible, cause a scene!
Now that you have left Kmart, go to the nearest grocery store that uses scanners (they should all - its 1991!)... Bring in a magic marker with you, and go down the isle slashing through UPC codes! they will be useless and the cashier will have to enter those all by hand instead of scanning. If ya had about 2 hours, you could really screw up a store's operation.
Another thing to do in the grocery store (this really pissed the **** out of stockers - I know, I was one) is to take a cart and walk up and down the isles filling the cart up... Then when you have filled the cart up, leave it there and leave cause you forgot you wallet! When doing this make sure not to go from isle 1-13 or from 13-1, do them randomly like 1,7,2,8,6,3,9,10,4, etc. This way it will make it harder to put all that stuff away. Make sure ya get some ice cream too, and put it right on top of your favorite magazines. Put the bread under the 3 gallons of milk.
The last thing to do in the grocery store requires a box cutter. Take your box cutter and run down the milk or soda isle. Slice open the fronts of all the milk or soda. What a MESS!! Get out QUICK, this is illegal!! If ya must stick around, ditch the blade.
The last thing to do, which is the most destructive would be to go to your local strip shopping center, and put superglue in all of their door locks! They won't be able to open the next day. A lot of FUN!
