Major self evaluation (NEED HELP)

[moneybanks24]

Ok, I think I've written one of these things before but I'll just write it again because it's getting more urgent. So, I've spent a lot of this summer reading up on all the materials of the seduction gurus. The main thing I've taken away is that girls are attracted to guys that just don't give a ****. Therefore, I have tried to convey that I don't give a ****. But this has honestly led me nowhere, and I've had my opportunities. I come off as the funny, really witty kid, I make all my friends laugh but girls don't seem to get my humor. I make obscene comments or I just **** around in general. The main problem is: GIRLS DON'T UNDERSTAND MY JOKES (or my sense of humor for that matter), and I just get either ignored or not taken seriously most of the time. I'm like tucker max's best friend in i hope they serve beer in hell. Instead of making obscene and out of place comments I'd like to develop my sense of humor so that girls understand it, and thus, it becomes a source of attraction.

Another problem of mine is that although I'm funny and friendly, I'm very immemorable. People don't remember if I was there when they did such and such a thing or went to such and such a party. I just blend in, I guess. I want to figure out a way to stand out in peoples minds (both girls and guys). I want people to want to have me with them cuz I'm really fun to be around, instead of just not caring if I come along.

Anyways, last night, me and 4 of my friends went to this girls house to play ruit. This girl was hot but she had one friend there that was nasty. The girl was giving everyone major IOIS (including me). She grabs my necklace and says: OMG, what is thisss? What stopped me was that it wasn't just me, it was all my friends that she was flirting with. THe point of the story is that my friend matt got her even though he has a gf of 5 months.

There's nothing flashy about matt, he's just a really cool guy. But every girl he comes into contact with seems to fall in love with him. He isn't incredibly good looking, funny, or talented BUT I've come to realize that he gives off that i dont give a **** vibe that girls flock too. I want to have that vibe, but for me, it means making obscene comments that defy the principal social dynamics.

I need some help, guys, so hit me up with those comments, suggestions and advice to get the idc vibe and improve my sense of humor to make it more accessible. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[nicelife]

when your at a party do you walk around and talk to lots of different people/groups of do you mainly just stick to your own crew ?

If you cruise around by yourself and meet new/random people you've got a better chance of people remembering you/your vibe instead of just your group of friends as a whole.. if that makes sense?

with the humour - it might be that your joking about stuff chicks dont really get, try change up the subject and see what works, but you gotta let that **** flow anyways otherwise your gonna come across trying too hard to be funny..

with the not caring attitude - again, dont try to push it eh, just get into that mindstate that you actually dont give a f*ck and it will project, if you worry too much about giving off that vibe then its not gonna work, cos your showing that you do give a f*ck so yea, if you feel like your caring too much about **** that isnt important remind yourself that it ISNT and your just chillin..

so yea, cruise around and talk to random people, introduce yourself, be a bit crazy but not too crazy. Tone down your humour so it seems like you dont care if people think your funny or not, your just saying funny **** cos you feel like it not to get attention. Stop caring about small things in your HEAD first, dont just pretend that you dont care, really get into that mindset and the rest will follow.


AND STOP SPENDING YOUR SUMMER READING SEDUCTION TECHNIQUES, GO OUT AND GET LOOOOSE

 

[BlakeW5]

Definately don't waste your time reading through a bunch of material. Use it as a guideline, not a bible. Take the things you learn and use it to develop your own way, one tailored to you. With knowledge comes a burden..... you get stuck in your own head overthinking things.

Tone down your humor too, don't be a Slingblade (I LOVE that book). You already named the biggest problem you have with humor, and in your own words you describe it as obscene. Now I'm not sure if you mean you tell crude jokes or use vulgar language, but neither tend to go well when it comes to the ladies. A foul mouth just makes people look ignorant. I'm not saying you have to be a saint, just don't be as obscene as often as you are. Watch stand-up comedy, it'll help you develop a sense of humor that people can relate to.

As far as the 'I don't care' attitude, be careful with it. It does work, but you may be taking it too far. If you want to get girls with that attitude you still have to show them your interested in some way (and thus at some level care). I know it was just an example, but why do you want a girl that you describe as "nasty"? If anything your friend did you a favor by taking the bullet.

 

[PumpingIron13]

The only way you can make people understand your jokes is by understanding all the social dynamics. You cant be obscene because that will make everyone think your too out there and girls wont view you as attractive especially if your always making jokes that only cater to a group of guy friends your always with as nicelife mentioned. You gotta be able to relate to as many people as possible and make them laugh and get to know you and then they wont forget you.

Its once you have these peoples attention...both guys and girls that you'll realize (if ur not a chump) that girls are more attracted to you and its at this point that you cant show that you care about them. Girl like guys who dont care when it comes to the chase...when they come bat the eyelashes in front of you, flash their titties, or touch you they are now trying to get you to fall in for their trap. With a little clever witty humor and neglecting them at this point they will truly confirm that you are not a ***** and the high valued out going guy that everyone in that room wants.

Those girls now dont give you the attention you want because your not managing to grab that much attention to yourself and theyre not gonna give theirs up for free

 

[moneybanks24]

Thanks for these comments, guys, seriously. This helps a lot. TO nicelife: At parties, I meet new people sparingly but I tend to stick with my friends mostly (that's the first thing I'll work on). Blake, nice call on that slingblade, I couldn't remember his name haha. And honestly, I've come across a bit of a paradoxical connection in regards to the seduction material. If you read it, you become better at this, but at the same time, you're not GOING OUT and having fun. I've made a rule that if I have the opportunity to go out, I always will. The thing is: I'm not a chump at all. I have my friends, we go to parties with girls. I just have fallen into a prolonged dry spell (I had been on a streak up until this point). Some **** isn't clicking right now, so I turned to all this seduction based stuff. Some of it works, but it mainly has a negative impact on my life by making me overanalyze situations and turn fun into a science.

And to blake: Matt got the hot chick, not the "nasty one".

So I've got a few things to work on
1) Be more social at parties and talk to different groups of people
2) Branch out of my immediate friend group
3) TOne down my humor
4) Be a little more crazy, do some things that are OUT THERE
5) Get the idc vibe by actually not caring and not conveying that i dont care haha
Quite a list boys, keep em' comin, I'm motivated.

 

[WalkingStick]

First off, I think it's safe to say the "hot" girl at the party was an AW.

Second, everyone has a different idea of what they find funny. A good sense of humor is exactly that, a sense. There are jokes that would make a room full of guys burst out in laughter but would comlpetely miss on a girl. Girls generally aren't big fans of obscene humor. Try situational, sarcastic, or ridiculous. For example, Will Ferell doesnt tell really dirty jokes, but guys and girls find him funny.

Branching out into other groups at parties or gatherings is a GREAT idea. But you have to do it right. You MUST, absolutely MUST make sure you have the attention of the group before leaving on a high note. It is not enough to talk to everyone, you must make connections with everyone. Otherwise, you risk being forgotten by the new groups AND your group of friends.

Be careful with the whole not giving a sh*t thing. If you try to portray that you dont care about anything, you'll probably become boring. Try instead to portray that you don't care if a girl gives you attention or not. The old "I want you but don't need you" idea is great for avoiding desperation.

 

[WalkingStick]

double post

 

[KontrollerX]

One trick that works at getting chicks interested in you is finding a way to make all your guy friends practically worship you as being the most awesome guy that they know.

Become a student of the people you hang around with.

Observe them and see what others do that they like and respond well to.

You don't do the exact same thing of course in response but rather your goal with the observation is to get a general idea of what kind of person each of these people is and what they want so that you can give it to them and become their new hero/idol.

The idea of becoming an idol type of figure to your guy friends is it gives you the type of shallow status women crave in a man they want to bone them.

There's a lot of ways you could try to get into your friends good graces.

And no you don't let it go to the point that you become anyone's doormat but doing small things like helping a buddy clean his garage or just going out of your way to help one of these friends at times when everyone else didn't want to or refused to can help you win hearts and minds which is ever so critical to building status among your guy friends.

Become a guy that embodies to them all that is good in the world and someone they can count on and trust and you will become their idol and hero that can do no wrong and is loved by all and again you will have your needed status for making things easier with women.

Oh and avoid becoming clique-ish when you do this. You want all the guys on your side, not competing groups.

 

[moneybanks24]

walking stick: AW? (not sure what that means....average ***** maybe haha. Besides that, awesome stuff, as you probably know my humor makes a room full of guys laugh and girls say why is that funny.
Kontroller X: Great advice, but I'm not trying to manipulate my friends into seeing me as an "idol", I just wanna be the fun social guy that everyone loves.

 

[WalkingStick]

Close. AW means Attention Wh*re

 

[SinJester]

Ok a few things on humour:

-You DO NOT need humour. If it is just your personality, that's cool, but you do not need to be funny to attract a girl.
-People laughing at your jokes has a lot to do with your status and not a lot to do with how funny you are. If you are the cool guy people will usually follow you lead and laugh at your jokes, if you aren't you will have a much harder time. It's true that some people are funny and other aren't but most people don't realize the connection to status.
-If people see you as the 'funny guy' then people will be much more likely to laugh at your jokes. If they have the image in their head that you aren't funny it will be brutally hard to make them laugh. Unfortunately a lot of this comes down to first impressions.
-If you are attached to other peoples response and TRYING to make them laugh it wont work as well. If you tell a joke be unattached to the response, don't care if it works or not.
-If you are laughing at your own jokes STOP IT NOW. It kills the humour and lowers your status.

Trust me on this I've actually researched all of this, and my experience validates it. I am a funny guy but there's some people I can't make laugh to save my life. I'm learning to correct all of the above. Know that you don't need humour to get people to like you are attract girls. Like I said before if you are just naturally cracking jokes then that's cool, as long as you aren't trying to use it as a tool to get people to like you, even subconsciously. I used to. That's your humour covered, now onto the important stuff.

SEDUCTION MATERIAL DOES NOT MAKE YOU BETTER WITH GIRLS,

It doesn't. It really doesn't. You can read as much as you like and you won’t be any better. What seduction material does is teach you logically what should attract girls according to that belief system. It doesn't make you any more attractive.

What makes you attractive is EXPERIANCE. You can read some material, although I would recommend cutting it down, as long as you are going out there and trying it. Try it consistently and see what works, otherwise you are wasting your time and possibly making yourself worse.

Don't just learn seduction material either, work on improving all areas of your life. Of you are studying seduction material the most important parts are INNER GAME and EXPERIANCE. I would reccomend you have a look at this thread I made: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=149913

Another important point. For years when I was studying this I thought it was what people DID that made the difference. Now I realize it's who people ARE that’s important. You don't have to DO anything. You just have do BE yourself fully. If you want to change that then you do this by consistently acting and thinking in a new way until it becomes you.

The last thing I want to stress is that most people have the wrong opinion about how to 'not give a ****'. You don't get there by running around yelling YEAH I DONT GIVE A **** YEAHHH!. People who really don't, well, they don't do that. It's not about being an *******. It is just letting go of social constructs and what people think of you. You should still be warm and friendly, you just aren't attached to what they think. In order to do this you need to let go of needing people to like you. Stop trying to impress them. This can be hard to do, because it almost goes against everything you are aiming for with seduction material. As soon as you let go of needing other to like you, they start liking you. When you let go of the need to be cool, you become cool.


PS: KontrollerX's post is spot on. The best teacher isn't online seduction material, it is the guys who you want to be like. Observe and learn from them. Hell, even ask them for advice. Be a good bloke, help people out without being the 'nice guy' that gets walked over, and you will be halfway there.