Major fail last night

[Mr.Impeccible]

I went to a 18 & up black club in the eastside of atlanta last night. I went with my brother, 2 sisters, & my sister's bf. Now I went to just have some fun, and holla at some women. I hollered at 4 girls, but none of them was successful. Keep in mine, I was in an all black club. Here is how the convo went with the 1st one:

Me: What's hannen'n?
Her: Nuthin.
Me: You from round here?
Her: No, I live in Miami.
Me: Ohh, what you down here for then?
Her: Visit'n.
Me: Family?
Her: Yeah.
Me: True. Well I'm new out here myself, I'm come'n from South Carolina.
Her: Oh.

P.S.: This is where I kinda lost my foot'n & didn't know what else to say.

Me: So what are you get'n into after this?
Her: Idk.
Me: Well lemme get your number so I can hit you up.
Her: Nah.

I gave her a look like girl you play'n.

Me: Why not?
Her: I have a boyfriend.
Me: True, well I'll holla at you then.


I knew she was lyin about the boyfriend, I knew it was the way I presented myself. Any advice & pointers on how I coulda went about this in a different way with better results? (Keep in mind, this was an entirely black community, mean'n a good bit of them were ghetto, to some degree).

 

[JCballin88]

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[Mr.Impeccible]

You went to the club with women tho. I was tryna get something already in there.

 

[justanotherguy]

Okay, so you failed. Tomorrow's another day...

The problem is that you're not starting off with something that can lead to a conversation. Whenever I do the cold "hi, my name's blahblahblah", it's not as effective because once that's all done there's nothing to really talk about. Instead look at the situation and see what can lead to an actual conversation (i.e. "that shirts cool," "you look familiar"). It's also really effective if she's already in a conversation and you just happen to butt in because you have something to say about what they're talking. You'll get better the more you do it, just do whatever you can not to be nervous, people can smell fear.

 

[Prodigy746]

We need more information in order to help you. Did you look around? Was anyone else hooking up, did your brother get any numbers? Were people dancing ? How were you able to talk to the girl, from my experience its pretty loud and hard to talk to a girl unless you take her away far away from the dance floor.

Did you dance w any girls. Maybe you were the weird guy standing around looking lame. I am guessing you didnt drink since you are 19 so you were not lose. Were you social w other guys ?
Are you black (asking because you went to all black club and if you are white that might have something to do with the girls rejecting you.) I dont see anything wrong with your convo other than the slang words but i guess thats ok since you went to the ghetto club. I would know since i grew up in dekalb (Decatur) (east Atlanta). Maybe they sensed that you were trying to hard to be gangsta lol... i dont know

I only went to a club once so i really cant speak too much about the club game..
I never thought i would like clubs since i didnt know how to dance. Before i went my only practice was by computer with the help of youtube videos lol! The one time i went with my friend and I had a blast. My only goal was to have fun and dance w one girl. We went to a 21 and up club everyone was drinking including me and it was awesome. I danced with probably 25 different girls and that includes black, white, and Asian. I am sure i could have taken some girls home that night but i live 2 hrs away and we rented a hotel there.

That same friend went to many clubs here in Atlanta and said 18 and up clubs usually suck. He said half of the people dont drink and are just standing around like idiots. Young girls are very uptight and dont even want to grind or dance close since they are not drunk. Can you tell us more about the whole experience that you had .. what you observed ?

 

[Mr.Impeccible]

Alright, I went to the club (The Cave) about 3AM. I walked in there & posted up with my brother & sister. I pretty much scooped out the scene for all the women I was interested in (there was probably 5-6 girls that I was interested in). Yes, there were other people dance'n, but the girl I talked to was not dance'n. She was posted up with her girls, but they payed us no attention when I did spoke.

My brother was smoke'n so no he did not get any numbers. It was 45 mins into the time we entered the club when I decided to walk up to her and engage in conversation. We spoke into each others ears so we did hear each other.

No, I did not dance with any girls. I made no attempt to. I was only focused with try'n to get a number or some panties. I did have a cup of goose & a strong martini before I went out there. The only people I was social with was the people I came out there with.

I am black (light skin to be exact). But nah, I was try'n to be gangsta. I had a laid back attitude last night. I don't try to be someone I am not. Is that enuff?

 

[Igetit!]

Dude,it's CLEAR what happened here.


YOU WERE BORING.


You bored her socks off. I almost fell asleep while I was reading the conversation. I can't even imagine how she must had felt to actually be a part of it.

Also,you telegraphed interest. You were asking all these questions about what she was doing,where she was from,what she was going to do afterwards.

You asked her ALL THAT,but she knew you didn't really care about all that. You were just interested in her sexually. Women aren't stupid,they know this.

Answer me this: Did you generate any emotion in her? ANYTHING?

Did she feel anything from your presence...other than boredom?


You rattled off those questions like you were giving an interview for a job.

You'd been better off making her mad,and that's NOT A JOKE. I'm serious.


How did you feel while you were talking to her?

Were you nervous or uncomfortable? Were you bored as well?

Emotions are contagious,so there's a good chance that if you expressed it strongly enough,whatever it was you were feeling at the time,she felt it too.

I agree with JustAnotherGuy.

There was nothing there for her to connect to.

That's why she only gave you one-word answers,and didn't ask you anything about yourself.

She just stood there,let you go on with your little monolague,then once you finished,she went on about her business.


Women like fire,passion,excitement,energy. Did you conversation with her possess any of that?

Or did she feel like she was a student listening to a professor talk to his class?

Just put some more energy into YOURSELF while you're speaking to girls.

The energy you give off will infect them,then they'll be energetic in their responses to you.

 

[Mr.Impeccible]

Yeah, I kinda figured that was the problem. I don't know about get'n excited when talk'n to her becuz I'm a laid back type of dude. Alot of girls from where I stay love my laid back manner so I know thats not a big problem.

But you both are right about her not be'n able to connect to anything I really said. What do you think can help me solve this little problem?

 

[Igetit!]

Yeah, I kinda figured that was the problem. I don't know about get'n excited when talk'n to her becuz I'm a laid back type of dude.

You don't have to run around bouncing off the walls like you're full of sugar and caffiene,but you do need to exhibit the types of behaviors you want from the girl.

For example...

If you want her to be open and friendly,then first,you must be open and friendly.

If you want her to be warm and easy to talk to,then first,you need to be warm and easy to talk to.

You get what you give.

You can't approach a girl all nervous and scared,or shy and quiet,then expect her to be all warm,friendly,inviting,and easy to connect to.

You're going to get whatever you bring to the interaction.

The girl you approached...did she seem bored? If so,it was because that's what you took to the interaction. You approached her asking boring,mundane questions.

All she did was recipricate.

But you both are right about her not be'n able to connect to anything I really said. What do you think can help me solve this little problem?

Easy.

Women are emotional. So WHATEVER YOU TALK ABOUT,show some emotion when you speak. Something like...

you:You'll never guess what happened to me today. Well,right after I got off work,I stopped by a convience store to get some gas. Well anyway,I walked off in there and guess what?...

There. You can fill in the blank The emotion you'd be expressing here is excitement/intrigue/anticipation.

And I guaratee you the listener (the girl) would be hanging on your every word,instead of just standing there rolling her eyes,waiting for you to finish.

With women,it's all about emotion. It really doesn't matter what you talk about as much as it does the vibe,the energy,and the passion you have while you're speaking. She'll connect with you on this,because more than likely,she'll be able to recall an incident in her life where she felt the same way,and not wanting to look like a dud herself,she'll feel compelled to share similiar story herself.

Remember,it's not so much what happens in a story,as it is HOW YOU FELT while the things were taking place.

Also,you shouldn't be "formal" in a approach. Just jump in and start talking.
You can exchange names later.

What you did wrong in your approach was you bored her first,then you asked for her number.

Try making a connection through her emotions first,then go for the number.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Basically when you approach chicks what happens is you go through a learning stage. Just remember the great pyramid was not built in one day. The more times you approach the more experience you get and the better you get at it. Its not what you do.. its how much experience you get.

 

[Mr.Impeccible]

I've never been an emotionally type of guy, but I've always been a learner so I'ma take ya advise and run with it. Thanks mayne.

 

[Soprano]

that convo was brutal man lol! but look dont sweat it, girls like laid back dudes, but its also important to talk about different **** than everyone else in the club

some tips for convo...dont make it like a job interview, i always stay away from stuff like "where u from/what u do/school/etc" just as a rule of thumb. gotta have fun with it...cuz if you aint havin fun with it then chances are neither is she lol

id recommend jus takin some time out of ur day if you got any and read through all the **** on this website you can. i remember when i was starting it definitely helped to read examples from what other people were doing.

just an example of a convo starter thats outta the ordinary (but this is a common one here on sosuave):

me: hey let me get your opinion on somethin...
her: blah blah blah
me: i was thinkin about growin my hair out, like this (i put my hands up over my head to show like afro length hair) what u think (or if you got long hair than the opposite say u shavin it)
her: blah blah blah

and remember when ur sayin it, say it like you really do wanna get her opinion on it, instead of just using it as a pickup line. but again thats just an example.

from there you can just introduce yourself. since you're in a town u aint from u can say stuff like "so what kinda stuff u do for fun around here" etc just to get the convo rollin.

im a real big dude so sometimes i do **** like the hands up over my head to show the afro size just so girls know im cool and aint some big scary suge knight mothafckker, but jus do you and have fun with it

 

[nismo-4]

that convo was brutal man lol! but look dont sweat it, girls like laid back dudes, but its also important to talk about different **** than everyone else in the club

some tips for convo...dont make it like a job interview, i always stay away from stuff like "where u from/what u do/school/etc" just as a rule of thumb. gotta have fun with it...cuz if you aint havin fun with it then chances are neither is she lol

id recommend jus takin some time out of ur day if you got any and read through all the **** on this website you can. i remember when i was starting it definitely helped to read examples from what other people were doing.

just an example of a convo starter thats outta the ordinary (but this is a common one here on sosuave):

me: hey let me get your opinion on somethin...
her: blah blah blah
me: i was thinkin about growin my hair out, like this (i put my hands up over my head to show like afro length hair) what u think (or if you got long hair than the opposite say u shavin it)
her: blah blah blah

and remember when ur sayin it, say it like you really do wanna get her opinion on it, instead of just using it as a pickup line. but again thats just an example.

from there you can just introduce yourself. since you're in a town u aint from u can say stuff like "so what kinda stuff u do for fun around here" etc just to get the convo rollin.

im a real big dude so sometimes i do **** like the hands up over my head to show the afro size just so girls know im cool and aint some big scary suge knight mothafckker, but jus do you and have fun with it

You were a bore to the girl and you reaped what you sowed.

Lesson learned. Case closed.