Hi guys,
I am currently going through a very hard time in my life and I'm putting all my effort into "self improvement".
I was living in Russia (Moscow) till this February (been living from place to place all over the world throughout my life), and because of this Financial crash the company I was working for pretty much went under and almost all its expat staff was fired except for top management.
During my time there I was able to a great extent cure/suppress my AFC ways simply because there was so many (hot) women to choose from (though still a work in progress because at the end of it I still messed up. I guess baby steps are what counts)
I was in a serious relationship the last 2 years there and I had to leave Russia and move to India (im half french, half Indian) because the owners of the company there had a position for me in one of their startups here. The job market in Russia had deteriorated to the point where salaries had been cut by 50% and prices had shot up by 30% making it an unlivable proposition for a foreigner whose cost of living there is at par (if not greater) than New York city. So I had to make the hard (I absolutely hate living here) decision of moving here. My GF resented me for it and said that I should have had the courage to stick around there (the relationship is more important even if I/we could not make ends meet) even if it meant taking a job that was meaningless for my/our goals, in addition to be paid barely enough to eat properly and pay rent in a 3rd grade apartment complex far away from the workplace.
I had made it clear to her from the very beginning of the relationship that I did not envision myself being a 9 to 5 guy in the long run and my aim anyway was to do an MBA and start up something of my own eventually. Since she herself is well educated (fluent German and English) and wanted also to study abroad (post grad) we had common goals so it made sense to invest in the relationship.
After moving in February the relationship became a constant test of my will because I was the one trying to comfort her all time in spite of the resentment she held towards me because I had "chosen" to leave. I even got engaged to her before leaving in the attempt to comfort her that I was not abandoning her. In addition she was not getting her salary paid on time - sometimes for more than a month in a row! So I helped her with that as much as I could with some savings that I had set aside for which was meant to be used to see her later in the year.
I finally was able to arrange a "great" holiday because a friend of mine had a large place in the South of France and was happy to have me and my girlfriend over. Without getting into the sordid details (far too much drama, and the details would take pages), she completely screwed up the holiday because she was under the delusion that I had to make an "extra" effort to prove my worth to her because I "chose" not to stay in Moscow and be by her side (never mind that I helped her out financially when she was in trouble in Moscow, and never mind the fact that the holiday was at my expense). She used her affection (of ANY kind) as a tool of coercion by withholding it from the moment she stepped off the plane (she had come directly from Russia, while I came day earlier from India). I had to break up with her on the 2nd day of the 2 week holiday (her behavior was appalling) which turned out to be a misery for everyone.
Of course all this happened in the backdrop of my sorry state of affairs here. The job that I was suppsoed to get in February never materialized because the startup finally did not get the required funding because its US based investors pulled out at the last minute. This all happened about 6 weeks after I had left. At this point I was out of options. If jobs paid badly in Moscow, the salaries here are so low that one would not take their job seriously (at least I could not). In addition I did not have the inclination to take root here and work. Since I was living with my folks I took it as an opportunity to focus on self improvement since I did not have to earn to eat or to have a roof on my head (and if I did I would be eating very poorly, and have a very small rickety roof over my head!).
Since April I have been studying really hard for the GMAT exam (I was diagnosed with ADD recently, and probably because of this I was generally a poor student throughout school and college making this a trial by fire for me) to get into a good MBA program next September and working out like a maniac in the gym to get and stay fit (which I can proudly say the results of the effort are showing well now) - 2 hours daily. Unfortunately I seem to be doing this more because I really want to get the hell out of here as fast as possible more than any other reason. Im sort of using negative energy towards accomplishing a positive goal.
The women here are mostly very unattractive (in the past 8 months here I have seen only 4 hot girls!!!), and the male to female ratio is heavily skewed in the woman's favor. I have basically shunned them here (not only because they are unattractive; I am broke after this "great" holiday and I want to avoid all things that can be a source of distraction towards achieving this goal), and now Im sorely missing my pitiful relationship with my ex. She has gotten in touch with me to return the ring (she has done so) and the few times I have recieved news from her from her it eats me up hours on end after that
The climate here is sub tropical for 6 months of the year making outdoor activites a chore (both my mental and physical performance in cold/temperate climates is MUCH better - I can't tolerate this kind of climate for too long). Clubs here are filled with men who dance together (male to female ratio is very badly skewed), no cafes, no museums, no cultural life. Yes I hate being here. I am amped up on Ritalin 24/7 (doctor's prescription of course) to give me the mental stamina to keep a grueling 4-6 hour daily study marathon - every week that goes by produces diminishing returns. My daily gym routine (which gets more strenuous weekly if only to get the same endorphin high at the end of the workout so that I can survive the rest of the day) only helps me to keep my sanity in check. Without it I think I will lose a plot. I am basically channeling all my negative energy to achieve a positive goal and this has taken a huge mental toll and every morning is the battle at D-Day (just barely winning) forcing myself to accept this 2-dimensioned existence deviod of almost every pleasure that completes my day. The end of this task looks like a mirage in the Sahara desert, and every day is a slow crawl towards it - not knowing if you will reach it ever. This in turn makes my studying much harder than it should be. I need words of wisdom or a pep talk guys
Thanks for having the patience to read this.
I am currently going through a very hard time in my life and I'm putting all my effort into "self improvement".
I was living in Russia (Moscow) till this February (been living from place to place all over the world throughout my life), and because of this Financial crash the company I was working for pretty much went under and almost all its expat staff was fired except for top management.
During my time there I was able to a great extent cure/suppress my AFC ways simply because there was so many (hot) women to choose from (though still a work in progress because at the end of it I still messed up. I guess baby steps are what counts)
I was in a serious relationship the last 2 years there and I had to leave Russia and move to India (im half french, half Indian) because the owners of the company there had a position for me in one of their startups here. The job market in Russia had deteriorated to the point where salaries had been cut by 50% and prices had shot up by 30% making it an unlivable proposition for a foreigner whose cost of living there is at par (if not greater) than New York city. So I had to make the hard (I absolutely hate living here) decision of moving here. My GF resented me for it and said that I should have had the courage to stick around there (the relationship is more important even if I/we could not make ends meet) even if it meant taking a job that was meaningless for my/our goals, in addition to be paid barely enough to eat properly and pay rent in a 3rd grade apartment complex far away from the workplace.
I had made it clear to her from the very beginning of the relationship that I did not envision myself being a 9 to 5 guy in the long run and my aim anyway was to do an MBA and start up something of my own eventually. Since she herself is well educated (fluent German and English) and wanted also to study abroad (post grad) we had common goals so it made sense to invest in the relationship.
After moving in February the relationship became a constant test of my will because I was the one trying to comfort her all time in spite of the resentment she held towards me because I had "chosen" to leave. I even got engaged to her before leaving in the attempt to comfort her that I was not abandoning her. In addition she was not getting her salary paid on time - sometimes for more than a month in a row! So I helped her with that as much as I could with some savings that I had set aside for which was meant to be used to see her later in the year.
I finally was able to arrange a "great" holiday because a friend of mine had a large place in the South of France and was happy to have me and my girlfriend over. Without getting into the sordid details (far too much drama, and the details would take pages), she completely screwed up the holiday because she was under the delusion that I had to make an "extra" effort to prove my worth to her because I "chose" not to stay in Moscow and be by her side (never mind that I helped her out financially when she was in trouble in Moscow, and never mind the fact that the holiday was at my expense). She used her affection (of ANY kind) as a tool of coercion by withholding it from the moment she stepped off the plane (she had come directly from Russia, while I came day earlier from India). I had to break up with her on the 2nd day of the 2 week holiday (her behavior was appalling) which turned out to be a misery for everyone.
Of course all this happened in the backdrop of my sorry state of affairs here. The job that I was suppsoed to get in February never materialized because the startup finally did not get the required funding because its US based investors pulled out at the last minute. This all happened about 6 weeks after I had left. At this point I was out of options. If jobs paid badly in Moscow, the salaries here are so low that one would not take their job seriously (at least I could not). In addition I did not have the inclination to take root here and work. Since I was living with my folks I took it as an opportunity to focus on self improvement since I did not have to earn to eat or to have a roof on my head (and if I did I would be eating very poorly, and have a very small rickety roof over my head!).
Since April I have been studying really hard for the GMAT exam (I was diagnosed with ADD recently, and probably because of this I was generally a poor student throughout school and college making this a trial by fire for me) to get into a good MBA program next September and working out like a maniac in the gym to get and stay fit (which I can proudly say the results of the effort are showing well now) - 2 hours daily. Unfortunately I seem to be doing this more because I really want to get the hell out of here as fast as possible more than any other reason. Im sort of using negative energy towards accomplishing a positive goal.
The women here are mostly very unattractive (in the past 8 months here I have seen only 4 hot girls!!!), and the male to female ratio is heavily skewed in the woman's favor. I have basically shunned them here (not only because they are unattractive; I am broke after this "great" holiday and I want to avoid all things that can be a source of distraction towards achieving this goal), and now Im sorely missing my pitiful relationship with my ex. She has gotten in touch with me to return the ring (she has done so) and the few times I have recieved news from her from her it eats me up hours on end after that
The climate here is sub tropical for 6 months of the year making outdoor activites a chore (both my mental and physical performance in cold/temperate climates is MUCH better - I can't tolerate this kind of climate for too long). Clubs here are filled with men who dance together (male to female ratio is very badly skewed), no cafes, no museums, no cultural life. Yes I hate being here. I am amped up on Ritalin 24/7 (doctor's prescription of course) to give me the mental stamina to keep a grueling 4-6 hour daily study marathon - every week that goes by produces diminishing returns. My daily gym routine (which gets more strenuous weekly if only to get the same endorphin high at the end of the workout so that I can survive the rest of the day) only helps me to keep my sanity in check. Without it I think I will lose a plot. I am basically channeling all my negative energy to achieve a positive goal and this has taken a huge mental toll and every morning is the battle at D-Day (just barely winning) forcing myself to accept this 2-dimensioned existence deviod of almost every pleasure that completes my day. The end of this task looks like a mirage in the Sahara desert, and every day is a slow crawl towards it - not knowing if you will reach it ever. This in turn makes my studying much harder than it should be. I need words of wisdom or a pep talk guysThanks for having the patience to read this.
