Major advice needed. I reverted to AFC at worst time possible.

[johnballantine02]

Please read through this. I know it's long, but I just got home from work and I need some major advice.


So it finally happened! The girl I've had oneitis over so bad finally broke up with her boyfriend. She slipped it in the conversation very conspicuously today, and I knew what she was implying (ask me out!). Of course, like usual, I ****ing choked! I completely reverted back to an AFC. Let me give you some background info first.

Here's the thing, since I first started working with this girl over a year ago I had it so bad for her. She is the tomboyish, girl next door type who's pretty flirty. To me she's like an HB9. BTW, we are both 20 and work at a department store. We always flirt with each other and I make her laugh alot. She gets hit on quite often too. See, when I first met her I was so into her and wanted her, but she was taken. I then found this site, started working out, gained muscle, as well as confidence, and mostly didn't really care about her anymore. After I realized she had alot of faults and really wasn't that hot, I started going after alot hotter girls then her. We worked together like 5 days a week at first, but for the past 8 months I would only see her a few times a month.

So I hadn't seen her in a few weeks now and when she came in today the first thing I noticed is that she dyed her hair. I didn't really think anything of it, except that she looked pretty hot, and so I kinda ignored her like I've been doing lately (mostly because I've really become more of a PUA. I was thinking about going out later, friends, school, etc...). This definetly got her attention after walking right by her, not saying anything, and looking busy (I actually was). So finally by the end of the night SHE comes over to me, something that definetly wounldn't of happend a year ago, and she was all happy and excited. I knew I had her when she was supplicating to me. "What you're too busy to talk to me. You're too cool for me now." she said in a semi-serious tone as I was checking my phone for messages. A year ago I wounld've been following her everywhere, etc. I then said some funny jerk type comment which was perfect at the time, she loved it.

So we start having a great conversation and then she drops the bomb. "Yeah, I've had a crazy few weeks. I went downtown...blah..blah, I broke up with my boyfriend,...blah...blah." I was just like "oh ****, she just gave me a huge hint!" The way she said it was obivous to me. All I had to say was some ****y little comment like "Sweet, now we can go out. I'll pick you up at 8!" Something like that where she doesn't know if I was joking or not. It would of been perfect, but of course, I ****ed it up as usual!!!! I choked, I didn't even ask her out at all, but even worse was when she said that she wanted a nice guy this time (possibly another hint to me???) and I said some dumb AFC **** like: "well, there hard to find" and she said "I'll find one though, I will."

WTF! What was I thinking....errr...dammit!



So what do you guys think? I still could ask her out next time I see her. Maybe be like "Have a BF yet? Good, then I'll pick you up at 8!" Oh yeah, I don't care about the ****ty part-time job or anything, I'll definetly take the chance. I know if I don't ask her I will regret it. Even if she's not as good as I thought, at least I can see what she's like. I've heard she won't date people from the store, but I'm going to change that hopefully. Also, his "good looking" dude that works there who just broke up with his GF was talking her up, didn't have the balls to ask her out though as I hear. I'm going to have to go for it. Help please!

Thanks in advance!

 

[scott44]

Well the way I see it pal is that you did yourself a favor by not immediately asking her out when she told you she broke up with her BF.

When girls are showing interest, and you don't respond to their flirts, it drives them crazy and keeps them wondering. But, in my opinion, don't drag that shyt out too long. Ask her out, maybe a couple of days after your encounter.

BEWARE! You admit that you've got OneItis for this broad. Plus, you also work with her. I forsee a world of hurt for you if shyt goes south. I wouldn't date a hoe from work ever again. I suffered greatly after things went wrong between this chick I worked with and myself in my pre-AFC days. You'd better be prepared.

You've got to ask her out. You will regret it if you don't. Hell, you pretty much answered your own dam question. But, keep in mind that you could be setting yourself for another regret. Let me tell you something, seriously - You've got to bring this hottie down off her pedestal you've placed her on. If you keep thinking about her constantly and always want to be with her, you will go NOWHERE with this girl. Trust me.

I know its hard to stop thinking about her right now, but if you've got OneItis, you really need to find at least one other girl to chase. You've got to think of this one as a backup for now to fullfill your dream of boinking her. And, if and when you do get that pvssy, you probably won't think about her like you do now. If she declines the date, it's her loss, right?

Don't give in to her demands all the time, but be nice. Let me know how it goes.

Good Luck

 

[LikRetsam]

Your 'AFCness' just saved any chances you had with her. Now man up and quite bytching like a little school girl on how you fukked up. This is not DJ behavior. You don't wallow in self-pity.

Reassess your situation. Go over some well needed bible posts.

And for the love of all things holy, MAN UP!

 

[sapphire]

I would proceed with extreme caution with this one especially since you are afflicted with oneitis and are therefore vulnerable of getting hurt if things go South.

Bear in mind that this girl just broke up with her BF and is on the rebound. What does this mean? She is looking to attach herself with someone until she can find the bigger and better deal. Unfortunately for many unsuspecting AFC's that is the modus operandi of many women, especially the hot ones. They prey on AFC's, string them along and take them for all their worth then dump them when they have found someone better.

Obviously, this girl knows that you had an infatuation with her and therefore, she now has you in her sight as a possible rebound/back up guy until such time she finds her dream man who ever that may be.

Don't fall in the trap. So far your instincts have guided you well as you have not jumped at the opportunity to ask her out as she had expected. Your aloofness and detachment are your greatest weapons and will only confuse her to your benefit.

I would invite her to a casual outing to determine how far you can push the envelope sexually. Forget romance. Just think in purely sexual terms. Seduce her. If she rejects your moves then tell her that you are just interested in being friends. Tell her that you don't want to waste your time and just disappear. If she is truly interested in you she will contact you and likely submit to you.

In the meantime, concentrate your time and resources on other women and pursuits and keep this one on the back burner.

 

[johnballantine02]

Thanks for the advice so far.

I think that I have to ask her out for sure, or I will regret it. I have a really hard time detecting IOI with these flirty type of girls. I was just thinking today that if this girl really wanted me, then wouldn't she of asked ME out? Maybe she was waiting for me to ask her out? Also, I made a comment about her hair that was kinda sarcastic, but then I said that it looked "really awesome" completely serious this time and she was really thankful, etc. She also was asking me what I thought about a bunch of things from drugs, to her school decisions. Normally she wouldn't care at all what I thought. Very strange.


What do you guys make of the fact that she said she wanted a "nice guy" someone who isn't rude like her ex? I'm known at the store (and outside of the store) as a really funny, well mannered, cool guy, that always has a good time. I mean, I just hope that I'm not creating the illusion of interest and that she isn't talking about me.


I have to ask her out though. Any suggestions on things to say where it wouldn't be totally akward if she said no.?

 

[Surfboard]

After I realized she had alot of faults and really wasn't that hot, I started going after alot hotter girls then her.

You're not listening to your gut instincts.

You need to ask yourself what it is that you really want from this girl. I sure hope it's not a long-term relationship.

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by johnballantine02
Thanks for the advice so far.

I think that I have to ask her out for sure, or I will regret it. I have a really hard time detecting IOI with these flirty type of girls. I was just thinking today that if this girl really wanted me, then wouldn't she of asked ME out? Maybe she was waiting for me to ask her out? Also, I made a comment about her hair that was kinda sarcastic, but then I said that it looked "really awesome" completely serious this time and she was really thankful, etc. She also was asking me what I thought about a bunch of things from drugs, to her school decisions. Normally she wouldn't care at all what I thought. Very strange.

What do you guys make of the fact that she said she wanted a "nice guy" someone who isn't rude like her ex? I'm known at the store (and outside of the store) as a really funny, well mannered, cool guy, that always has a good time. I mean, I just hope that I'm not creating the illusion of interest and that she isn't talking about me.

I have to ask her out though. Any suggestions on things to say where it wouldn't be totally akward if she said no.?

As they say in Japan, "Rerax." You're going totally bonkers here, and at the moment there's nothing to worry about.

She's certainly sizing you up as a replacement for her boyfriend, and now you're all in a big sweat that you will need to ask her out or you will "lose" her.

Here's the reason you don't need to worry:

If you act all cool and everything, and she is really and truly interested, and is confused that you aren't trying anything now that she is "free", she'll be wondering, "What's going on? Why isn't this guy down on the ground kissing my footsteps? DID HE FIND SOMEBODY ELSE? OMG!!!"

Signs to look for: if she asks YOU out; if she starts acting nervous around you; if she starts teasing you; etc. etc. If this is true, you're still in the game.

On the other hand, if she finds another guy and makes him her boyfriend, you know that she was just flirting with you. Girls flirt and don't think twice of it, whereas the recipient of the flirtation often thinks the girl has gone nuts over him when that isn't the case.

Give us a report on how she acts in a week's time and DON'T TRY TO ASK HER OUT YET.

BGMan

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by johnballantine02
Thanks for the advice so far.

I think that I have to ask her out for sure, or I will regret it. I have a really hard time detecting IOI with these flirty type of girls. I was just thinking today that if this girl really wanted me, then wouldn't she of asked ME out? Maybe she was waiting for me to ask her out? Also, I made a comment about her hair that was kinda sarcastic, but then I said that it looked "really awesome" completely serious this time and she was really thankful, etc. She also was asking me what I thought about a bunch of things from drugs, to her school decisions. Normally she wouldn't care at all what I thought. Very strange.

You are too worried about what she thinks. Stop that. Who cares what she thinks. You are currently operating from an approval seeking mode, and that is the number one trait of the AFC. You are acting like a girl who overanalyzes everything. You are doing very very well, then you resort to questioning everything you say and do, and manage to creat doubts in your head, and end up loosing comfidence.

When it comes to her hair or anytime a chick fishes for compliments, you must take full advantage and not "apologize" and tell her you were kiddin'. Example, you should have said "well, I didn't want to say anything" etc. etc. No compliment. Don't be afraid to make fun of her.

Be sarcastic. Tell her drugs are very good, and that she sould get addicted to as many drugs etc. etc. You get my drift. Be a smart ass. That will keep you from resorting to your AFC tendencies.

Originally posted by johnballantine02



What do you guys make of the fact that she said she wanted a "nice guy" someone who isn't rude like her ex? I'm known at the store (and outside of the store) as a really funny, well mannered, cool guy, that always has a good time. I mean, I just hope that I'm not creating the illusion of interest and that she isn't talking about me.

Again, you are thinking too much. Don't let her statements of what she wants determine how you will act or what you will respond with. Doesn't matter what she tells you she wants.

Originally posted by johnballantine02

I have to ask her out though. Any suggestions on things to say where it wouldn't be totally akward if she said no.?

Don't "ask her out", you don't ask girls out, you tell them. Haha. I feel like Player Supreme and Puerto Rican Lover, as they would say, you don't ask a ho, you tell the bitsh. Can't wait for these guys to get ahold of this thread.

Next time you see her, make fun of her, then ask her, "hey, when are you takin' me out?" Don't worry about finding a perfect way/risk free, of asking her out.

All

 

[scott44]

The more I think about this, the more trouble you're in for with this girl. Listen to these guys, for they are all correct.

The reason she even approached you and told she broke up with her boyfriend is because she is seeking to improve her own mentality about herself. And, its good that you didn't fall in to her web by asking her out. You could go out on two dates with this broad, and everything could be going fine, and then all of the sudden she turns cold and doesn't want to speak or make eye contact with you anymore. That is because you, my friend, are the backup right now, just as mentioned before. She will have found another man that doesn't give her as much attention as you do, and he seems to like her - but she's not sure. Girls want a man that they feel is a challenge, and doesn't suffocate them.

You could go out with her and things seem to go fine, and then all of the sudden she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. The reason being this time is that she talked to her EX and thinks to herself, "he's not being rude anymore and apologized to me, he says he loves me! And, I realize now that I love him too!" At this point, you will be the farthest thing from her mind that she wants to think about. She will sell you out in a fvcking second for her EX if you don't get your AFC shyt together.

Don't believe that "nice guy" stuff either. That was just another piece of bait for you to fall into her trap of asking her out then and there. Women don't go for guys just because he's a "nice guy". They want guys that keep their lives exciting and stir up their emotions. She was lying through her goddam teeth. My fear is that she might have already labeled you as a "nice guy", and this means you have ZERO chance from now on.

You've got this whole thing backwards. You need to be asking yourself: "How well do I really know this girl? Do I know a lot of her likes/dislikes? Would I really enjoy spending time with this girl alone for hours when fvcking her isn't possible?" You don't know. You think you know, but you are letting your emotions get involved, and you are fantasizing right now. Hell, for all you know this gal could be having a threesome right now. Certainly thats not the kind of woman I'd want to keep around. All you need to be concerned about is getting that pvssy right now. Assume for now that she IS a hoe. If you just can't think of her like that, then my friend you have already lost.

It sounds like you've got your flirting game under control, so thats good. You've done fine so far, but proceed with caution!

 

[johnballantine02]

Wow, I suddenly feel so much better. Huge weights been lifted off of my shoulders.

You guys are all right. I'm glad I didn't ask her out. I'm just going to keep busting on her when I see her and work on my game in the meantime.



I will post an update for sure on Saturday or Sunday.

 

[Ice Cold]

It would look desperate if you asked her out just then and there.

At this point, DO NOT verbalize your romantic interest in her.

Flirt
Touch
Brush against her...
Kino
Feel her up


But don't ask her out officially.

 

[johnballantine02]

What do you guys think I should stay away from?


Like I won't bring up her being single, or ask her out, but is there anything else? Any good stuff I should say to get her more interested?

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by johnballantine02
What do you guys think I should stay away from?


Like I won't bring up her being single, or ask her out, but is there anything else? Any good stuff I should say to get her more interested?

Teasing, ****y & Funny, act like she's some bratty little sister and josh her a bit, but don't tear her down. You don't want to get into a conversation with her which gets drawn out and boring. Keep it short and exciting.

BGMan

 

[georgie24]

any luck?

 

[johnballantine02]

I won't see her again until this Saturday, but I will definetly report back.


In the meantime I was just thinking about how when I act really sarcastic and tease girls it works good for awhile, but then they seem to just get sick of it and lose interest.

Happens if I'm working with a girl(or girls). You really have to tone it down or they get turned off. BTW, I don't even go over-board or anything either.


Any comments?

 

[scott44]

Hard to tell. You say you don't go overboard, but are you sure? Like the man said, don't tear em down.

Either that or they might be thinking "I wish this guy would just shut the fvck up and ask me out already!"

In the case of this hoe bag, don't even try it though. Possible attention wh0re. As said before, nothing formal - do not ask her for a date. However, I liked the one question gangster mentioned earlier: If you're getting good flirtation from her in your next encounter, you might say " So when are you takin me out?"

Hell, I'd even make her pay too.

 

[johnballantine02]

Wow, a week later and I hate myself even more.

So I go into work today pretty happy and excited about playing around with this girl and thinking about how I'm definitely going to try and hook-up with her. (first mistake, I know.....uhh)

I saw this girl Jamie who I hadn't seen in a while who's definitely the hottest girl at my store(we're just friends), and we talked for a bit about school. Then the girl I'm after, Niki, came over to talk. Please refer to the bottom of this posting about the aristocracy. Suffice to say, I ****ing didn't even get acknowledged. It's like everytime I would say something, or one of the other girls would say something, Niki would look at Jamie for her response and then base it of what she says or does. See, from what I can tell Niki only has a brother and she's tomboyish as I've said(and she comes from a lower-middleclass background), she's hot too though, so Jamie kinda took her under her wing and she is showing her about all the typical girl stuff(fashion, where to shop, where to eat, etc...).

So, they start talking about the plans they've made to go out, Jamie, Jamie's boyfriends, Niki and.....some dip**** from the store?? Right in front of me! Like I don't even exist they're talking about this. They didn't invite me, or anything. It's like rubbing it in my face. This guy Jay is the guy that was hitting on her last week. He just broke up with his girlfriend and I guess he actually did ask her out.

So whats my point? She never ****ing wanted to go out with me anyways. I always do this! I build it up, bit by bit and the truth is she never even liked me like that. Just ****ing uses me to make herself feel better.

I'm getting real sick of this **** and that store. Maybe I should just quit My whole work day now just becomes waiting to talk to this girl. You know what though? She barely even cares to come to talk to me really. Everyweek, when I get out of there(even right now), I think "don't worry, next week will be better. You'll say someting funny and she'll ask you out." I'm getting tired of her and all of these women that think there hot ****. I don't think I'll ever get one girl higher than an HB6.

I even got approached by a decent looking girl last week. I got approached and I still screwed it up! I just ignored her cause I was scared.


I think I hit rock bottom.

Age: 20
# of Girlfriends: 0



--------------------------

Aristocracy
Anyone who says that there is no such thing as an aristocracy of women is either blind, or in denial. I witnessed it yet again today. This girl Jamie is by far the hottest girl at my store, shes like a model. Guess who all her friends are? The best looking guys and girls there. You see, she'll talk to me and some of the other girls, but when the other rulers come into the picture, you can forget about being acknowledged at all. If you raise your voice to say something (no matter how funny or pertinent), it's very likely you will be almost fully ignored. It's really amazing to watch this. As someone who is fairly intelligent, it's so ****ing obvious what's going on. It's never spoken of, but it's right there infront of you. I've seen it so many times just at my store alone. It's like
Girl 1: "oh hi, I'm new here."
Girl 2: "nice to meet you. so you're hot too? lets be friends."
Girl 1: "okay!"

I swear, I really can't ****ing stand it. All my life I've felt like I was supposed to be part of that aristocracy, but I'm just not handsome enough. WTF? I've gained 50lbs of almost all muscle since working out. I went from 130lbs to 185lbs @ 6.0ft, improved my personality, I'm funny and still I get nothing. All because its in the face for women. You're face tells everything, but thats another post.

I just want to ask this chick out and then leave that place forever. Thing is, I know she's going to just say no, she doesn't see me like that.

I'm just sick of it all.

 

[scott44]

This is just fvcking sickening.

You see? That's your whole problem right there. This whole feeling sorry for yourself attitude. Christ almighty, have you not been reading the shyt that we've posted? I don't even know why in the hell I'm typing this right now, for I'm wondering if this is going to sink in at all.

Dude, you were warned that she was a phony. Did you think that everybody here's been bullshytting you? Did you honestly expect her to come in all cheery and flirt with you? Did you think that she thought of you when you were not in her presence? As far as her acting like you're not even there - that's a typical woman for you. Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold.

Yep, you said it yourself. You fvcked up with the intention of getting the date from her before you went to work. What happened to giving a shyt less about this one and start working on another? It's totally clear now that you've still got this bytch on the pedestal, just as high as before. That's disgusting.

You want to know how to pick up wimmen? First, lose this feeling sorry for yourself attitude. Grow up and be a man, not a whiny little kid for christ's sake. Once you show this side to a woman, she'll drop you in a heartbeat.

Second, women don't ask guys out on dates. Men are supposed to ask. That's your job. Are you a man? Now act like a man and start asking girls, instead of coming here and whining about another missed opportunity.

So still you think you fvcked up last week when you didn't ask her out still? Wrong. You see now how she thought of you all along. Ahh, but you thought we were bullshytting again.

Fvck them and their little group. Why don't you just be concerned about doing a good job there at work instead of trying to fit in with all these phony sluts? I'll say it again (yes, I'm just about blue in the face now god dammit) DON"T MESS WITH GIRLS YOU WORK WITH!

You know something, you hadn't even begun to go through the heartache that she could've led you to further. Everything that's happened here so far has so relatively gone so far in your favor.

Face? Face has nothing to do with it. Do you comb your hair? Wash yourself? Does your appeance exhibit confidence in yourself? The face aint the problem pal, unless you're missing teeth, that could be a strike against you.

No more wallowing in this self-pity. Pick yourself up like a man and brush the dirt off your shoulders. It's all about confidence, my friend.

You know, it sounds like you've got a great gift of being able to talk to girls like that. What in the fvck is the problem of being able to just speak six more words to them?: "Do, you, wanna, go, out, and sometime - in that order" A lot of guys can't even hold a conversation with a girl, so consider yourself lucky. Look at that as a strength.

Quit analyzing your weaknesses and concentrate on your strengths, you've got a lot of potential.

 

[wcknightjr]

Hmmm...now listen and listen good...first, come closer...

*slaps john on back of head, hard*

There, now for the listening part.

Damn, man, I haven't had too much success in this department either, but you don't see me telling myself that every hot girl out there is conspiring to keep guys like you and me down, do you? Think about it. Why don't you leave stupid *****es be? Let them have their own little circle. The only reason this "aristocracy" exists is because you believe it does. You have assigned your value as a person to being important to people like this. How silly does that sound when you think about it?

C'mon now, why is one girl so important to you? I know it's hard to imagine not thinking of your oneitis like you do, but try looking at it from everyone elses perspective. If you were to read what you've written (especially the last post, damn) and pretend that someone else had written it, what would you think of this person?

Girls are people too, remember that. It's human nature to do as she does. It's predictable once you take your emotions out of it. This is how it's gone so far in my view.

1.) Has boyfriend
2.) Gets to know you
3.) Breaks up with boyfriend
4.) Feels down because now she's single
5.) Says to herself "hey, I know how I can make myself feel better!" This is where you come in.
6.) She flirts with you. Mind you, her goal is to make herself feel better, but triggering your oneitis is just an unfortunate side effect, not necessesarily intended but inevitable nonetheless.
7.) She finds someone to fit the rebound role. It could have been you, but now it's that other dude jay. TRUST ME, you are better off in the long run!
8.) She will drop her rebound like a murder weapon as soon as anyone with any DJ ability catches her interest. LIKE A MURDER WEAPON. Be thankful it won't be you. You should actually hope this happens to that dude.
9.) Guy with oneitis watches this unfold and thanks wcknightjr for being so damn right .

I've been down the rebound road, and it sucks, that's why I'm here. Hope this helps.

Good 100th post

 

[wcknightjr]

Damn I wanna hear more about this!