maintaining high IL...Help!

[golf299]

ok, i posted earlier about a girl who i met, hung out with a couple times and finally kiss closed the other night. now, she goes back to college (about an hour away) today. she'll be gone for like 2 weeks before she's back in town.

how do i maintain her interest level?

if i called her, it would just be to say "what's up?" i know that's usually not advised, but what's a guy to do in this situation?

thanks guys!

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Well by not seeing her or calling her will raise her interest level. I dont know if it will hold for 2 weeks though. You could meet her on a date halfway between if there is a town or something.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

If shes going back to college without any agreement of exclusiveness then your ship is already sunk in my book.

 

[OpenMind]

If shes going back to college without any agreement of exclusiveness then your ship is already sunk in my book.

he just kissed her for the first time! no need to be exclusive after just one kiss!

my advice: call her in a week and make plans with her for when she comes home.. that will get her thinking about you when you're gone.. but dont call her in between and make sure you go find some other women so that you dont get hung up on this one! good luck!

 

[Big Pappy]

I agree with OpenMind.

Call her in a week, make plans for the weekend of her return.

Best of luck!

 

[golf299]

IDEA..

here's what i was planning on doing...

one of my good buddies is going with his gf to see the girl i kissed (hb7.5) at a college function, which is like an hour away. (his gf and hb7.5 are bestfriends). however, hb7.5 doesnt know they are coming and i was going to go along to surprise her as well.

sounds a little afc, but i dont see how it would be a bad move on my part. she did have high IL.

thoughts?

 

[bishopdonjuan]

As long as you dont frame it like you came all that way to see her (though she'll be thinking that, then you should be fine)...have some backup, like I just came with my friend becausse he didn't want to be alone on the long drive...though that may sound corny, you get the jest. Make it seem like the fact that you get to see her is just an added bonus, and not the goal. Maybe even find a point of interest in the area that you want to go to and set that as your reason for coming. Make sure u tell her that too.

 

[Big Pappy]

Make the trip about the destination activity, not the girl. When you focus on the girl, you lose power.

 

[golf299]

AFC thoughts return!!

while at school today talking to some other prospects i got this itching feeling. i really want to call hb7.5 that i havent seen or talked to since sunday morning... but, it would just to say 'hi' which i do not want to do...

my worry is how long her high IL will last... i am going to see her sunday evening, unbeknownst to her...

does a girls interest stay high if there has been no contact for a week??

 

[OpenMind]

dont worry and when you catch yourself worrying just stop.. thats where you get into trouble.. why worry? what benfit do you get out of worrying about her interest level? if you want to worry about anything worry about the fact that your worrying is gonna fvcking lower her interest level in you.. so stop! call her friday and set up a date for next weekend when she is back home.. Fvck the surprise visit to see her which she is gonna see through anyway..

just ask yourself this question.. and be honest.. are you going there because your buddy really doesnt want to go alone? cmon! you are going because of her.. this attitude is exactly what will fvck up her interest level! and isnt her interest level what you are posting about maintaining???? you are in a catch 22.. best bet is to find other chicks and stop focusing on this one cuz once full fledged oneitis sets in, regardless if you think this isnt the case, you WILL be fvcked... and it wont be by her.. it will be by her ignorance of you.. good luck!

BTW: a girl's interest level stays high (assuming it is high already) when a guy lives his life and does what makes him happy... not when he thinks about her interest level!! and what the fvck is a week? shyt a week or two of you being a man when she is away can more than make her interest level skyrocket, provided you are focusing on yourself as opposed to her or her interest level..

 

[golf299]

yeah, im definitley not going to call her, and im pretty sure her IL will still be there the next time i see her, which will be this weekend.

yes, i am going to go see her at college. its not like im going by myself to see her, im going with my buddy and his gf, who is also the best friend on my target (hb7.5)

i may be ignorant, but i dont think that my presence will kill her interest level... logically, that just doesnt make sense. i think shes the type of girl that likes that sort of stuff anyway, as attested to by her best friend who is going with us...

im gonna push my luck and try it. if for some unforseen reason it backfires, then lesson learned.

oneitis? everyone speaks of oneitis as a curse, a plague that you need to avoid at all costs. but, i dont think it is such a bad thing as long as you dont turn into a total AFC with the target girl...

 

[OpenMind]

i wish you well on the weekend visit.. but as i said before.. truly ask yourself the question about why you are going.. and it is obvious, logical or not, rational or not.. you are going to see her.. but i can assure you one thing... you are thinking and acting from the mind of a man.

if your true goal and intention as your post said is to raise or maintain her interest level... then you MUST think like a woman.... which is illogical and irrational.. and not go on this trip as hard as it may be, to short yourself this satisfaction.. because all in all.. you are going there to see her and to satisfy YOUR desire to see her..

women are different creatures than men so if your true goal is to raise or maintain her interest level in you (as your post said), then you will see where i am coming from..
continue being ignorant and i guarantee you will become a wise man from this experience...

women want a man that they cant have..by visiting her you are showing her that she can have you.. so do as you please..learn as you will.. but please make sure to enlighten the other AFC's on this board about your new learning experience in the next month or so.. cuz this type of logic will become repetitive on your side and you will learn the hard way what "oneitis" is.. and how bad it can destroy you.. i wish you well.. good luck!

 

[golf299]

i surely will let everyone know exactly what transpires over the next month or so, or what doesnt transpire...thanks for the advice...

 

[Jake Steed]

When a girl kisses a guy right before she goes away to school, it means nothing to her. She's just having fun. In her mind, she's already written you off as a fun date, but nothing more. When you show up, NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO SWING IT, you will creep her out.

You are going to turn into that story she'll tell her next boyfriend about how she went on one date with this creepy guy, and he stalked her all the way out to school.

Trust me, you will creep her out.

Jake

 

[OpenMind]

i sincerely hope it all goes well and you are happy! Jake Steed is on the money.. you will creep her out! keep us posted! good luck!

 

[sql]

id say you definately run a big risk creeping her out like jake says if you go up there pretending to surprise her.

if you do go up there, dont call her, and dont tell her you're there. just go to have fun on your own and totally forget about her.

your best friend in any situation is patience. patience and the will to have yourself a good time for you. dont be pushy, dont follow her steps, just do your thing. when the time comes, and you see her again, be friendly, kino, work eye contact, smile at her, crack your jokes, but let her be the one to come to you.

im sorry to say, but since she doesnt sound like shes coming back often, its not going to be easy to get her into a stable relationship. dorm life is unlike anything else out there. just take your time, and make sure you assert yourself as confident and comfortably single.

2 cents

 

[OpenMind]

Interest level is the key..as always.. if she has high interest, a week or two apart will only raise her interest level in you and it will work to your advantage as the less effort you put out the higher it will go, and the more she will want you.. so if you dont pursue her like a fly on shyt and she doesn't deny your next request to go on a date it may be fair to say that she has high interest.. if she doesnt appear to jump on your date offers then assume with fairness that she didnt have much interest in you to begin with..

remember, you can't kill a woman's interest level in you when your not around.. you can only kill it by acting like a b1tch when she is in your presence..

 

[Paid Laid & Made]

OpenMind is right, dont act like a AFC ***** and she will continue sticking around for the time being. Go AFC and watch that son of a ***** you call the start of a beautiful relationship crumble to the ground. From there on its just you takin a piss on the ashes.

 

[NewMan]

I'd skip on the drive to see her....

just appearing out of the blue - that's pretty fvcking creepy in my book. If you were dating for a while, then I can see you doing this - as in SURPRISE.... but's it's so obvious your going there for her. And no matter what you say - she will think your there for her. Period.

I'd do the follwoing. Skip going, but when you talk to her next time mention that your buddy went there that weekend - and say that you were bumbed because your plans fell through and you could have made the trip also. Gage her reaction.


Now, think about this. You've just gone out with her a couple of times - kiss closed the last time. I think your over playing this girls interest level.

I think you should leave her the fvck alone until she comes back in 2 weeks - then see what happens. I seriously think that pushing things at this point is going to bring down her IL - she's probably having fun in college and could be seeing someone there - you never know. Showing up out of the blue is going to put her in an awkward situation - and that will ruin it for her.

What you don't want to do, is you don't want her to think your some needy guy - and that just because you've gone out and kissed her once that you think there's something between you.


Remember the Bible. You don't tell a woman you love her first. You don't tell a woman that you want to be serious first.

And here's another...

You don't show by action that your needy to a woman. That going to ruin her IL.

Play it cool. Stay home and find other chicks to mack on.

 

[Jake Steed]

Here is a good post by Blitz about IL, mystery and challenge that applies to this situation.


http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=42813