Maintaing the Mindset

[Buddha_Mind]

Gentleman, I wrote quite a long post and unfortunately lost it. So I'm going to try and recapture and get to the heart of the issue.

I'm for the first time spinning plates. I've had sex with one of them. The other two I'm taking out on dates (each separately). The situation has yet to arise with either female about exclusivity, and I am in an early stage with all of them.

They are each different ages (in one case, eight years apart -- from early twenties to thirty) -- and are each at different places in their lives. Right now, I do not feel any strong gravitation towards any single girl yet. Although there have been moments of that "dreamyish" sort of feeling (especially girl I had sex with)...but I've let this deceive me before

However I am interested in having fun with all three of them, and seeing if anything develops. In that event, or if exclusivity begins to arise, then I will disengage and pull away from the others. This is a difficult mindset to maintain.

There is an added component, as I am job searching and there is a tentative nature to my present geographic location. That is, I could land a particular job and suddenly be 500 miles away.

How do I enjoy myself with these girls, perhaps balance multiple sexual relationships with them (is this unethical, if we have yet to define any exclusivity?) How do I prevent getting too focused on the future, or work through these issues (possibility of geographical impermanence) when these conversations transpire? They will likely be feeling me and probing me for commitment as things develop.

Gentleman, criticism, sharp or soft is welcomed. I am a humble student.

 

[horaholic]

Do what ever you feel is right. If you feel its ok to sleep with all of them because you aren't exclusive, go for it. Its all about what values you hold.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

One of those Analytical Players. You're thinking way too much.

 

[SuSHI]

Just keep doing what you are doing. Congrats, because you seem to be doing everything right. I don't think its unethical to sleep with all three if none are your gf. But as soon as that does happen with one (or more lol), then obviously you can't be sleeping around. I think you should have the job be the priority, and if it lands you far away, oh well. Try to move on I guess.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

One of those Analytical Players. You're thinking way too much.

Brother, I agree with you on that one. I am working to kick back the philosophical waxing a bit (on women and other dimensions of life), but I also recognize this as a valuable character trait. A tree is sometimes a tree.

Plate1: upset that I may be leaving, started going nuts at a bar, I left her to "cool off a bit", and she called me today, but I'm just really not feeling her anymore. She's too dramatic at this stage already, and this may have to do with her youth.

Plate2: going to be painting with her, bringing beer. She sounded excited, she knows I'm mobile, but doesn't know that I may be leaving soon. Her IL may drop quickly if she is hoping for a relationship. Have not closed with her.

Plate3: have not closed with her either, older than myself by about five years, but valuing conversation with her over the phone.



In many ways this has just been a learning experience, and what I've learned is that it doesn't matter if any of these girls become anything. Really it's about experience and enjoying my time with each of them. If anything, I've been able to interact with several different women who have expressed interest in me. And this feels good.

And it also feels good that I am choosing them, rather than being blindsided. In those ways this gives me more control over the unfolding of my own life.

I suppose one thing I've also learned -- is that if you just keep interacting with them, one will seem to bubble up above the others. If not, then you might just have three new interesting friends, or learning experiences if nothing else.

I appreciate your guys responses.

 

[slaog]

I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with more then one even though the relationship isn't exclusive so I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't tolerate a woman doing it to me either.

I suppose one thing I've also learned -- is that if you just keep interacting with them, one will seem to bubble up above the others. If not, then you might just have three new interesting friends, or learning experiences if nothing else.

What helped me alot was thinking about what I wanted and making it clear in my mind by writing down the traits I wanted in a woman. As soon as it became clear what I was looking for I was able to read woman alot quicker and not waste any time.