Mail Order Brides & Arranged Marriages

[darkstarrr]

If I had a dime for every time I responded to a personal ad on c-list or elsewhere and got a response back from some floosie telling me about her webcam or go to her site and watch her on the camera. I've seen given up on the online dating thing but it got me thinking about arranged marriages and mail order brides for some reason.

Now I know what some of you are going to say and I have heard a few stories about people getting green cards and then next thing you know peeling out.. but I am more interested on the situations as I will describe below, that actually work out.

Suppose you go to another country and meet some families who are trying to hitch their young adult daughter up in an arranged marriage like the old days and in other cultures. Perhaps that is normal for the cultures where they are.

You get to know the family, where the women are all excited for your arrival and looking out the window. Like in Masterpiece Theater on WGBH. Does this shit still exist these days? Like in the Godfather when he peels out to Italy after offing the corrupt Lieutenant. Runs into a babe. Meets/greets her family...etc

The purpose of this thread is to discuss other types of relationship arrangements, of any kind, other than the type of courting/dating/whoring that I see currently in contemporary American society, and not even necesarily limited to mail order brides or arranged marriages. Do we, as men who are getting older and becomming established financially and otherwise, really have these types of options?

 

[STR8UP]

Tonight my business partner was talking about how it's time to get his sh!t together cause he's approaching 40 and ready for a serious relationship or even marriage. I told him that's all fine and dandy but good luck finding an American woman to play the role he's looking for. I know they are out there but very few and far between....

I told him my goal is to get myself into the position in the next 5-10 years that I can pick up and go to central/south america, eastern europe, or S.E. asia and find a woman who wants to be a WOMAN.

I know there are risks involved with these women as well, but statistically speaking you have a better chance with one of these women than you do an American. That has to say something for this type of arrangement.

Maybe we can get a 2-4-1 deal or free shipping or something? I'm down.....

 

[picard]

you can get Russian women as mail order bride.

however, one caveat, you must beware of women who works for Russian mafia. These women would marry you for money then kill you to get your inheritance.

There were several high profile murders in the US involving Russian brides.
You need lots of money to impress these Russian women since they come from poor background regardless of profession. The rouble currency devalue thus many Russians are struggling to survive. The only wealthy people in Russia are the mob, real estate salemen or hookers.

 

[edger]

however, one caveat, you must beware of women who works for Russian mafia. These women would marry you for money then kill you to get your inheritance.

There were several high profile murders in the US involving Russian brides.
You need lots of money to impress these Russian women since they come from poor background regardless of profession. The rouble currency devalue thus many Russians are struggling to survive. The only wealthy people in Russia are the mob, real estate salemen or hookers.

Hmmm....it is something to think about that I've never thought about before(not that I was thinking of hooking up with a Mail-Order Bride). Makes sense that these women might work for the Russian Mob and be trying to set you up, or that they're working on their own and just want to collect and inherit your money.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I'm fairly good friends with an extended family that is from SE asia. They are always trying to get me to marry one of their kin from the old country. They'd fly back there with me, and choose several decent girls from decent families and then I'd choose one. I'd never actually consider that, but at least I've that option if I ever change my mind.

I'd never trust an agency, that only cares about making their cut. Nor would just go to country and hope to meet miss right. She'd have to come pre qualified from a reliable source, like a friend who's family I've know for several years.

 

[vitor]

Although this sounds like a great idea you have to think about this long and hard. A few thoughts from someone who has seen his buddy do this and be screwed .

1. When you bring her here and get married, even in the event of divorice you are obligated to pay for her for 10 years, it is part of the marriag visa. When I say pay I mean Alimony etc....
2. It is very expensive to bring a bride over here.
3. When you are in her third world country throwing money around like a king, hell a lobster dinner and peru cost 10$ us, and then you take her back here and you can not afford to take her to reb lobster she is going to get dissapointed. You would have to be honest that in her country she can be the queen and here money is tight. 4000$ in SA you are a king unmongst men. 4000 a month in us you are probally avg joe
4. She will miss her family, beautiful weather etc..

Just somet things to think of

 

[FireOnTheMountain]

People who participate in human trafficking are sick, sick people.

Do not do it.


http://www.humantrafficking.org/

 

[darkstarrr]

The purpose of this thread is to discuss other types of relationship arrangements, of any kind, other than the type of courting/dating/whoring that I see currently in contemporary American society, and not even necesarily limited to mail order brides or arranged marriages. Do we, as men who are getting older and becomming established financially and otherwise, really have these types of options?

As I stated originally this thread was not specifically intended to be only about mail order brides or arranged marriages. The human traficking thing is kind of outrageous. Nevertheless, I like what Fuzz had to say. Dealing with American women is a crap shoot. Perhaps I will take a trip overseas for 6 mos to a country whose culture isn't so deranged, and meet a real woman. I agree with TO that if one were to consider any kind of arrangement it would preferably be through family freinds or a reliable source. Like the old days. Kind of like I see on Materpiece Theater. For now I will soldier on and spin plates/string pearls.

 

[bigjohnson]

I'm thinking about a filipina pretty seriously. I've been there a few times and they're just really sweet people, very loyal and genuine. While I was there I met a lot of ex-pats and other 'white' guys who lived there and had married locals, had some kids and so on and the way their wives treated them, and the way they obviously felt about their wives, was really nice to see.

 

[vitor]

I think not marrying an American Woman is a great idea. I think they are Fat, Lazy, and just take the Man Out of you. I think women from South America are the way to go. I just wanted to point out the key points I made. A lot and I mean A lot of men goto these countries Marry these hott and I mean HOTT as chicks, then when they come home they get left because the reasons I wrote. You just have to be careful these 3rd world ladies have a way of making you feel like a billion dollars and fall in love fast..

If you go to Colombia or Brazil you will see a fat ass lazy 50 year old guy with the hottest 22 year girl and think WTF? She will marry him for his money, come to America and eventully divorice him, and stay here for good.

 

[Mr. Me]

I don't need to post on this site anymore, I've been with my mexican RICH girl for close to a year and she cooks, cleans and wants kids in the future. We are getting married shortly and very cheaply on a cruise ship.

Sounds like you may be on the deferred, "pay later with interest" plan.

Reminds me of a story I recently saw on NBC Dateline (see the story here http://www.care2.com/news/member/970133549/1033946). American guy marries a south american woman from a wealthy family. They have a son, everything seems fine for some years. She goes to visit family with the kid, and then drops the bomb. She doesn't want to come back, she wants a divorce and she's keeping the kid. No one can understand why, all his friends claim he's a very loving and attentive husband and dad, and even the foreign wife says he is.

The dad's devastated. She gets remarried and every attempt he makes for help to see his son gets kicked out of the courts by the machinations of her well connected family. It gets even better:

The mom dies in complications giving birth to her new husband's son. You think her ex, the biological father of their boy can now claim custody. Everybody thinks so, but... the courts there rule that the child is acclimated to his new surroundings and will not be made to leave.

Another story: I have a relative who got fed up with north american women too, and so, went to China to find a bride. Married a woman there, but... it's now been over a year and they can't get her out of the country yet. Plus, she has a son, and eventually he'd have to be brought stateside too. Personally, I like asian women too, but downtown NYC is as far as I need to go to find one.

A problem with these situations, besides the complications that are always unforeseen, is that you don't really get to know the person. You live thousands of miles away and see them inconsistently. Their contact via phone or email is always going to be best foot forward, just like people near each other who date every Friday. It's only when you're with that person for a considerable length of time, seeing them in all sorts of situations, in all sorts of moods in real time, that you get to see their character. And that's after the guard comes down.

Plus, if it's an *arranged* marriage, odds are there may not be love or chemistry. I'm not being a romantic, I'm saying these are worthwhile components in making a great relationship. In arranged marriages, the couples may bond because of goals like having a family or out of the notion of family duty, but hot sizzling monkey love where she jumps on your lap giggling and squeezing you close while kissing you all over type of lust as a component in your relationship - that's gonna be rare. Why deprive yourself of that?

 

[STR8UP]

I'm thinking about a filipina pretty seriously. I've been there a few times and they're just really sweet people, very loyal and genuine. While I was there I met a lot of ex-pats and other 'white' guys who lived there and had married locals, had some kids and so on and the way their wives treated them, and the way they obviously felt about their wives, was really nice to see.

My last LTR was with a filipina who was born there but moved here when she was 3. She still had some of the undertones of her mother's culture, but for the most part was pretty well Americanized. Her mom loved me despite the ten year age gap (step dad not so much so) and I could see in her mom the qualities that make these women much more desirable to American men.

Guess you gotta go over there to find one that is not yet corrupted.

"Half Eddie! I want HALF!!!!!"

 

[bigjohnson]

Guess you gotta go over there to find one that is not yet corrupted.

I spent a month over there in 2008, airfare is less than $1000 and staying there is cheap. Think $0.70 for a pint of beer or $1.25 for a rum and coke. $3.00 for a plate full of prawns with rice. $25 a night for a decent room on the beach.

The hard part is taking the time off.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that "...marriages arranged through these services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available." [4] The USCIS also reports that "... mail-order bride and e-mail correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000 marriages between U.S. men and foreign brides each year."

source

Compare that to a 50% divorce rate with western women and its absolutely amazing that a success rate of 80% can be achieved by people who hardly know each other. People think they marry for a greencard and alimony. While I have no doubt that there are cases where this happens, it seems to be pretty rare. The stats dont support that viewpoint.

I agree with Fuzzx, you are better off going to Russia or an Eastern European country and living there for a while though. I lived in Russia for a while and have travelled throughout Eastern Europe quite a bit. They are not weak women by any means and most are just looking for a stable man who is not going to beat them once a week like clockwork.

One thing I noticed about Russian and Eastern European women in particular is that CHARACTER is the biggest deciding factor in a man. They judge you on your values more then anything else. Saying that, they wont tolerate a man who cant support his family either. To them, a man who cant support a family is one who lacks the character required to raise one.

What a terrible, old fashioned disgusting point of view.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I've read studies about the longevity of arranged marriages, too. I think much of the reason they are so successful is due to the couple's mindset going in. They may not know one another, but they know that they NEED to make it work, or they will bring shame to their families. When you accept that as reality, you actually find ways to APPRECIATE your partner MORE over time.

Contrast that to the American marriage institution, where the couples know they can bail at any time. Many people now accept divorce as a perfectly reasonable alternative to a marriage devoid of passion. The purpose of marriage has shifted from providing a secure base to raise children into a Disney-esque fantasy of finding self-fulfillment for many women. And, for most men, the lines between the women that you f*** and the women that you marry are increasingly blurred--they just don't want to be alone!

Arranged marriages last. However, I don't see them as an option over here, as part of their success depends on the integration of two extended families. Going through a commercial agency to get a "mail order bride" is just ridiculous and unnatural, IMO. I also have a hunch that if you bring a foreign, "feminine" woman over to live her, she'll wind up behaving worse than her domestic-born counterparts.

The best course of action is to marry a woman with traditional family values.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DarkStarr,
Don't import one,let someone else do that,often these Mail Order Romances go Pear shaped,the Ladies will have had the edges knocked off them,will speak English,know how to drive,will be broken into our ways....A much better deal for you.....Easy to find,suggest ethnic Churches,specialist Grocery shops,take up English as a second language teaching or be a student yourself....You wont need ****y and funny,just politeness and an enquiring mind....they are worth the effort,particularly the educated ones.

 

[darkstarrr]

take up English as a second language teaching or be a student yourself.

I'm a teacher myself and maaaaan if you want a short easy way to meet tons of women THAT is it... and its relatively easy to get into. I still have chicks trying to pick me up on the bus when they find out I'm a teacher. (Mexico)

I took this course www.globaltesol.com (1 week and I have no degree)
They lined me up with a job in the country I wanted to go to at the time (Korea) and I was working there the very next week. 4 years later, I haven't looked back. You can do short stays like 4 to 6 months if your into that.

If you'd like some more info I'd be happy to help.

i have a steady job and am unable to leave the country for 6 months right now or anytime soon for that matter. perhaps i will look into a part time ESL gig in the area and keep spinning plates.

thanks for the great recommendation and information on the subject.