Lunch date saturday- advise needed!

[GADavid]

A little background: a girl gave me the LJBF line a while back. I severely reduced contact over the past few weeks and she's acting way more interested. She asked to go to lunch 5 or 6 times; I had to give in and agree to go.

So give me every hint, tip, ect. to nail this lunch "date". Disinterest? Flirt with her?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

GADavid,


Whenever a girl/woman VERBALLY puts you in the friend zone by saying a variation of the words "Let's just be friends" to you, she's telling you one, or a combination of the following things:

1. She's really not attracted to you physically or romantically.

2. She has a very, very small amount of attraction to you--------but she's already seriously involved with someone else.

3. She USED TO be attracted to you, but you somehow did something, or she FOUND OUT something about you that turned her completely off.

4. She's an opportunist who is looking for CERTAIN things in a guy before she can experience attraction to him--------and you didn't have them.


So, what I'm saying to you is THIS:

MORE important than what you should do with her this Saturday is WHY she put you in the friend zone previously. Now, of course, we can never expect most women to be "straight up" and just come out and tell you why she had a change of mind, so we just have to keep our eyes open and don't SUDDENLY believe the hype.

Did you experience any kind of transformation since she LJBF'ed you last time? Did you get in better shape------lose weight or put on more muscle? Did you get a better job, start making more money, buy a new car--------or otherwise have a boost in your financial or social status lately-----and SHE found out about it?

What I'm saying is that there's SOME reason why she's suddenly damn near stalking you for a date all of a sudden. Protect your heart, dude. Most of the time I do shows about topics like this, here is the reason why girls SUDDENLY start acting interested in you when they didn't before:

They're IN BETWEEN boyfriends and they want to use YOU as a place keeper until someone BETTER comes along.

Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but if I were in Vegas, I'd always bet on this being the case most of the time. The reason why I say this is because most women wouldn't risk TOTALLY shutting a guy into the friend zone unless she was pretty sure at that time that she really wasn't interested in him. So beware, soldier.

In terms of how you should react Saturday, specifically:

First off, I don't really like the fact that she invited you out to "lunch" and not a "real" night time date. Believe it or not, it's a difference. This ALONE makes me suspect that she could still very much be playing silly games with you. Regardless, if you do go to lunch with her, play it cool. Be interested, but NOT over-interested. Let her do most of the physical and conversational "heavy lifting". Treat her like SHE'S the one who is trying to impress YOU-------because she should be. Reward her good behavior by being good to her in return, but make sure she's the one putting on the show, while you're the one MOSTLY sitting back enjoying the show. Enjoy her company, but make sure that she's always the one "working for it" a little harder than you are.

Also, before the end of the lunch date (AND if you can find some type of privacy with her in the damn "daytime"), make sure you make a bold. romantic, physical pass towards her. Go in smoothly for the kiss to see if she responds like she should. What you're shooting for here is to make damn sure this woman is going out with you because she sees you as a LOVER and not her "play" BROTHER.

The days are over for wasting time on women who are only out to "waste time" with you. If she's feeling you too, then it's all good. But if you since some bullshyt-type hesitation that reveals that she's not really interested in you, then put her and her wishy-washy "interest" in your rear view mirror, soldier.

Much Respect and SUCCESS to you, either way.



V.U.

 

[GADavid]

GADavid,


Whenever a girl/woman VERBALLY puts you in the friend zone by saying a variation of the words "Let's just be friends" to you, she's telling you one, or a combination of the following things:

1. She's really not attracted to you physically or romantically.

2. She's has a very, very small amount of attraction to you--------but she's already seriously involved with someone else.

3. She USED TO be attracted to her, but you somehow did something, or she FOUND OUT something about you that turned her completely off.

4. She's an opportunist who is looking for CERTAIN things in a guy before she can experience attraction to him--------and you didn't have them.


So, what I'm saying to you is THIS:

MORE important than what you should do with her this Saturday is WHY she put you in the friend zone previously. Now, of course, we can never expect most women to be "straight up" and just come out and tell you why she had a change of mind, so we just have to keep our eyes open and don't SUDDENLY believe the hype.

Did you experience any kind of transformation since she LJBF'ed you last time? Did you get in better shape------lose weight or put on more muscle? Did you get a better job, start making more money, buy a new car--------or otherwise have a boost in your financial or social status lately-----and SHE found out about it?

What I'm saying is that there's SOME reason why she's suddenly damn near stalking you for a date all of a sudden. Protect your heart, dude. Most of the time I do shows about topics like this, here is the reason why girls SUDDENLY start acting interested in you when they didn't before:

They're IN BETWEEN boyfriends and they want to use YOU as a place keeper until someone BETTER comes along.

Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but if I were in Vegas, I'd always bet on this being the case most of the time. The reason why I say this is because most women wouldn't risk TOTALLY shutting a guy into the friend zone unless she was pretty sure at that time that she really wasn't interested in him. So beware, soldier.

In terms of how you should react Saturday, specifically:

Play it cool. Be interested, but NOT over-interested. Let her do most of the physical and conversational "heavy lifting". Treat her like SHE'S the one who is trying to impress YOU-------because she should be. Reward her good behavior by being good to her in return, but make sure she's the one putting on the show, while you're the one MOSTLY enjoying the show.

Also, before the end of the date, make sure you make a bold. romantic, physical pass towards her. Go in smoothly for the kiss to see if she responds like she should. What you're shooting for here is to make damn sure this woman is going out with you because she sees you as a LOVER and not her "play" BROTHER.

The days are over for wasting time on women who are only out to "waste time" with you. If she's feeling you too, then it's all good. But if you since some bullshyt-type hesitation that reveals that she's not really interested in you, then put her and her wishy-washy "interest" in your rear view mirror, soldier.

Much Respect and SUCCESS to you, either way.



V.U.

Thank you for the thoughtful response! Important information that I left out is that she and I had a relationship in the past. I know she finds me physically attractive and we still have a little sexual chemistry. Towards the end of the relationship phase, she got flaky and I got needy. I cut out the needy stuff by reducing contact with her to next to nothing. One day I was practically begging her to give it another chance and the next I all but disappeared. Last time I saw her, I had lost 10 pounds, and was acting like I was in a really great mood.

I think I made it clear that being close friends wasn't important to me anymore. My new attitude and lack of needing her undoubtedly made her react. My real question is, is it too soon to show interest again? Lord knows I'd love to go in for a kiss and get her back, but I'm thinking that maybe I should play it cool. Also, it is a lunch date because we both work nights.

I feel like this date is a test. If I go for the kiss, I fail for being needy. If I don't go for it, I'm a chump for not going for it. My thought is to make it clear what I want, flirt, and if it doesn't progress naturally I'll put it all in the rear view mirror. I'm pretty much regretting agreeing to the date before I was sure if she was into me again.

Either way, I'll follow your advice and let her work for it.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Go for the kiss at the end of the date. During the date be cool, be fun, be outgoing and positive -- make her feel your vibe and she will be interested. Do not talk about your dating history. Everything should be good and forward looking. In fact, if you can, during the date MOVE it elsewhere if the vibe is good. It's lunch -- just get a bit then move it to shooting hoops at a nearby park because you happen to have a ball in your car. By doing this you turn it into an active date (which is more about having fun than being on a date) and you take control of the situation and lead her. Then, after you're hot, sweaty, and tired you go in for the kiss.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Thanks for further clarifying things with the added info, GADavid. Yeah, I regret that you accepted the lunch date too, but let's move on:

Okay, so you have changed somewhat since the two of you were together before. It's possible she may see you in a new light, but it's still just as possible that she's now interested in you again because of the primary reason I mentioned above-----she's in between guys and you'll do "for now".

Based on the extra Intel that you just provided, I agree with you about NOT going in for a kiss or making a physical pass at her. Here's why: Any girl that you used to be with generally already knows of your sexual interest. So yeah, since you're locked in to this lunch date, play it cool and make HER work for it.

SHE'S the one that's being "tested" here, my man--------NOT YOU. Remember that shyt.

Come to think of it, it's still a good couple days in advance before Saturday. If I were in your position, I would actually call her and CANCEL the lunch date on Saturday and make a counter offer for a REAL nighttime date. You see, in the mind of most girls, a "lunch date" is not really a real date, because they think of it as safe. Hell, there are married women and women with serious boyfriends who will "lunch" your ass to death-------because they KNOW that nothing will ever really happen on a lunch date unless THEY want it to happen.

Yeah, the more I assess this situation, that's exactly what I'd do: See if she will quickly and easily COMMIT to a nighttime date with you instead. If she readily accepts, then that's a good sign. But if she stutters, hems and haws, or hesitates-----THEN that's a clue that her interest in you romantically is NOT at the level that you need for it to be. If SHE "bends" to accommodate you at the risk of interrupting her own nighttime schedule----then she might actually deserve your company.

By going out at nighttime, it'll change the whole vibe of your interaction, and if she wants to get with you on a more romantic level later that evening-----it'll be an easier transition to make.

Use your own judgment based on your past experience with this chick to create the most ideal meetup situation for you.

But I'm telling you now that if you DO wind up still trapped into going on a lunch date, make sure that YOU end the date first. Leave her with a "Hey, it's been fun, but I gotta run." type of line. That way, if she really is hungry to see MORE of you, she'll get a chance to PROVE IT by scheduling a real, RISKY, "grown folks' type nighttime date next time.


V.U.

 

[GADavid]

Ughhh, I wish I could cancel! But, I already cancelled twice. I don't want to walk too close to the line that is her giving up the chase. Only I don't feel ready to trust myself not to instantly start chasing her again. It's like I get stupid the moment I see her and I forget so much of what I've read here in the past few weeks. It's like knowing the physics of how to play golf perfectly, then entering the Masters' without practicing once. My only chance is to RELAX and let her do the work.

My game plan is to rely heavily on eye contact, casual kino, keep it light and fun (absolutely no relationship talk), let the body language say everything I want to blurt out, and then play it cool and end the date first as you suggested. If she doesn't give chase, I'll let it go back to NC and pretty much forget it.

I'm so frustrated and trying my best to not NEED this since that is what landed me in this position to begin with.

"SHE'S the one that's being "tested" here, my man--------NOT YOU. Remember that shyt." -this will be my mantra for the "date"

 

[GADavid]

So, I moved it up to today and was successful at playing it cool. We went to a place here in Atlanta and had a great time together. Genuinely we enjoyed hanging out, and everything was laced with sexual innuendo. At the end we even set up a tentative activity date for tomorrow. We'll see if that comes through or not... it should be exceptionally easy to escalate things then, and she knows that.

The non-date started with a more than friendly hug, continued with some light touching and great eye contact, then ended with a longer than standard hug and her asking about hanging out this weekend (I'm busy Saturday). I'm trying to play it cool now, but want to lock down tomorrow! All together, I think it went well and can say that she at least sees me in a sexual way and not a brotherly way.

Wish me success and throw some more DJ advice my way!

 

[DonJuanabe]

While it would be flaky to cancel your activity date at this point, you would have been better off not seeing her so soon. Sunday the earliest otherwise next week. Consider how difficult it is for you to wait until then -- now imagine, if she really is interested, how difficult it is for HER. And those are the emotions you need to be nurturing in her -- by seeing her so soon you are not doing that. By waiting you show patience and control which she will respect. By waiting you make her anticipate and think constantly about you. Read Anti-Dump's Machine. In any case, I'm happy for you thus far.

 

[GADavid]

It was left open ended. I'll see if she calls tomorrow, but I will not be the one to contact her about it.

And reflecting back on it, I'm seeing a lot of things I need to work on. I showed way too much interest and made some AFC compliments (it seemed to work at the time, but now I see it showed that I was the more interested person. I was trying to be more sexual and got off track with it). I had one good day, but didn't do anything to raise her IL in the long term. My biggest screw up was lingering and trying to set up another date. At least I'm slowly learning from mistakes!

Upon further reflection:
It's weird, we flirted all day and had fun, and now my interest in her is dropping. Actually, I'm not sure this relationship is something I want to pursue... maybe I got caught up in the chase when she showed interest again. She was really cold towards me in the past and all those memories popped today; I found out that she had lied to me (nothing major) but it still bothered me that she had so little respect for me at one point. It seems I was previously ignoring my anger towards the way she treated me. I was trying so hard to win her back that these things didn't surface until now. I screwed up the relationship the first time, but there was no need for her to treat me the way she did.

I'm tired of trying with someone who showed me so much disrespect and disdain at one point. I got close to the one thing I've wanted for months, only to realize it wasn't worthwhile. I think I'm done.

 

[GADavid]

Here is my recap of this week's events:
She and I ended up hanging out a lot. Lunch, activity date, and finally drinks. After a few ****tails I walked her back to her car and kissed her goodnight. Not passionately making out by any means, but she didn't try any of the "we're just friends" stuff either.

Its obvious that we still have a great sexual chemistry together, but I can sense her hesitation to get involved again. I'm curious if I should have escalated or if I played it right by keeping it light. I haven't called or texted since then. Is this the right move? We're working on a project together all next week too. I know I shouldn't ask if she was okay with the kiss, should I pretend like it didn't happen? Would this be like a push/pull strategy to keep her IL up?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

While it would be flaky to cancel your activity date at this point, you would have been better off not seeing her so soon. Sunday the earliest otherwise next week. Consider how difficult it is for you to wait until then -- now imagine, if she really is interested, how difficult it is for HER. And those are the emotions you need to be nurturing in her -- by seeing her so soon you are not doing that. By waiting you show patience and control which she will respect. By waiting you make her anticipate and think constantly about you. Read Anti-Dump's Machine. In any case, I'm happy for you thus far.

Your advice is solid here, but don't tell him to read Anti-Dump. That dude is the Dr. Phil of Sosuave. He still lives in a world where people carry cell-phones the size Zack Morris had in Saved By the Bell and he thinks texting is a sign of low interest from the girl.

That dude was legit for 1998; not 2012.







PIMP

 

[TheJazz]

She didn't just LJBF you. She dumped you. Next!

 

[loveshogun]

I'm curious if I should have escalated or if I played it right by keeping it light.

I'm thinking you should investigate further. With your penis.

 

[loveshogun]

Also, why so much grief over your results with one (1) woman?

If this was happening with all 6 of the women you're spending time with, then you might have some issues.

Wait, you're not spending time with 6 women?

Are you married or have a girlfriend?

No?

This confuses me...

 

[GADavid]

Also, why so much grief over your results with one (1) woman?

If this was happening with all 6 of the women you're spending time with, then you might have some issues.

Wait, you're not spending time with 6 women?

Are you married or have a girlfriend?

No?

This confuses me...

Because I really like this one....... ahhhh crap, I get your point. I'm falling right back into AFC mode and oneitis. I'm kind of embarrassed for having put so much time and thought into this one girl... needy behavior for sure.

Anyone else have trouble staying out of those patterns? Before coming here I didn't know any better. Now I know what a DJ is but can't seem to kick my bad habits.