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[Gioco]

Hello everyone,


I'm new to this site, I have been on and off it for a couple years now. It's a good site that has opened my eyes to certain things.Just want to thanks to everyone who contributes to this site.

The point of my thread.


Ok, well we all have a problem to tell lol this is mines. So I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 years now, things have been decent I guess over a certain period of time. I mean we always paid each other a decent amount of attention and we always would listen when somone had a problem. But over the last 6 months things have changed a lot. She has just changed she aint the same person. She's always late when I say I want to meet up somewhere she hardly calls, her conversation isn't really there. And when we are together she just ends up watching tv. I tried telling to stop, she says yeah then its the same thing again.To be totally honest, I like my space I do not really like having endless conversation and bullishhh etc etc I like to talk but not loads . I just feel our relationship has turned into a game now where we try to play games to get the other persons attention and it's really stupid. We both have spoken about marriage numerious times and i've met and spent time with her fam and she has also done the same with mine. She brings up things in regards to marriage sometimes. I have tried to speak to her and she just says she is busy or "pretends" like nothing has changed. It's weird, I mean we have had some serious arrguments and she tells me that i'm hard headed and I always think i'm right(which I am, even if I am wrong ).And now she's always doing something in her spare time that doesn't envolve me. Do you think I should just do my own thing and where ever the relationships goes it goes? or should I keep on making an effort.


To be honest, I can't stand her rudeness and her obvious attitude of ignoring me and always telling me how she loves spending time with her friend(she does this a lot,trying to get me jealous). She even try to tell me "IDK I think you just lost interest in me" just the other day.

But, what do you guys think?what can I try to see how she sees our relationship.

 

[Latinoman]

Does she do the girls night out? Does she goes to nightclubs with her girlfriends?

How frequently?

 

[Latinoman]

And how old are both of you?

 

[Gioco]

Well I know she's not cheating or anything like that. I've spoken to her friend. She goes and sleeps at her friends house atleast 3 times a week. Her friend is a mother of 3 kids, and I guess she likes going over there and chillin' with them all. But she goes there's a bit too much. I think she's just trying to get me jealous because when we first started dated sometimes I would go off with my friends, when we were supposed to talk. Even though that was atleast a year ago. But I would always let her know, I was with my friends. She sometimes doesn't even do that.


I'm 23

Shes 21

 

[Latinoman]

Well I know she's not cheating or anything like that. I've spoken to her friend. She goes and sleeps at her friends house atleast 3 times a week. Her friend is a mother of 3 kids, and I guess she likes going over there and chillin' with them all. But she goes there's a bit too much. I think she's just trying to get me jealous because when we first started dated sometimes I would go off with my friends, when we were supposed to talk. Even though that was atleast a year ago. But I would always let her know, I was with my friends. She sometimes doesn't even do that.


I'm 23

Shes 21

You two are WAY too young to be even considering marriage.

And what make you think that her friend has been honest with you?

I would NOT be surprised if this girl has an interest on somebody else. Not saying that's the case.

Games get tiresome after a while.

 

[Gioco]

We have decided if we do get marride that it will be when I'm around 26 and she is around 24, so we have a bit to go and I would like to come correct with my career and I would want the same from her also before we do anything like that. It's just this whole games thing I don't like. I think we have hurt each other somehow and now we just playing dumb lil games.

 

[Latinoman]

Well have decided if we do get marride that it will be when I'm around 26 and she is around 24, so we have a bit to go and I would like to come correct with my career and I would want the same from her also before we do anything like that. It's just this whole games thing I don't like. I think we have hurt each other somehow and now we just playing dumb lil games.

Just talk to her about it. And do that clearly. I mean, you two have been together for 3+ years and are even talking about marriage (although, I think you two are WAY too young for that).

If she continues...then...she has no one else to blame but herself.

 

[Gioco]

You see that's the problem, I do not like putting myself out there because I know she's just going to deny it and say something stupid.Then she tries to make me the one that's seeing things. What am I going to say?, Ohhhh why are you trying to play these little games. I know her well, she would ask for examples then have a counter for everything I say. It's annoyin'

 

[Latinoman]

You see that's the problem, I do not like putting myself out there because I know she's just going to deny it and say something stupid.Then she tries to make me the one that's seeing things. What am I going to say?, Ohhhh why are you trying to play these little games. I know her well, she would ask for examples then have a counter for everything I say. It's annoyin'

Well...you just tell her. And if she continues...then leave her or find somebody else AND THEN leave her.

You should not even waste your time trying to give examples if she is going to have a counter for everything.

The issue here is YOUR HAPPINESS. Her behavior makes YOU unhappy.

You will tell her (for time sake).

If she continues...then you have to take action OR stay unhappy. YOUR choice.

 

[Sinistar]

Ok, well we all have a problem to tell lol this is mines. So I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 years now, things have been decent I guess over a certain period of time. I mean we always paid each other a decent amount of attention and we always would listen when somone had a problem. But over the last 6 months things have changed a lot. She has just changed she aint the same person. She's always late when I say I want to meet up somewhere she hardly calls, her conversation isn't really there. And when we are together she just ends up watching tv. I tried telling to stop, she says yeah then its the same thing again.To be totally honest, I like my space I do not really like having endless conversation and bullishhh etc etc I like to talk but not loads . I just feel our relationship has turned into a game now where we try to play games to get the other persons attention and it's really stupid. We both have spoken about marriage numerious times and i've met and spent time with her fam and she has also done the same with mine. She brings up things in regards to marriage sometimes. I have tried to speak to her and she just says she is busy or "pretends" like nothing has changed. It's weird, I mean we have had some serious arrguments and she tells me that i'm hard headed and I always think i'm right(which I am, even if I am wrong ).And now she's always doing something in her spare time that doesn't envolve me. Do you think I should just do my own thing and where ever the relationships goes it goes? or should I keep on making an effort.

...man I hate that friggin' word. If a woman's desire is cranked you'll often hear every detail instead of 'busy'. Just think when you might use the word 'busy' - maybe she's doing the same?

From your description she has shifted towards being aloof / indifferent. Follow her actions, especially her change in where she's electing to spend her time (ie not with you).

And the Latinoman is dead-on right. A MAN's definition of wisdom surely does not include *believing* the GF's friend in these matters. It is just as likely (and I would argue even more so) that the *friend* is providing the alibi for where she's really spending her time.

So your gut is twitching, she's losing respect, her desire is falling, her answers are now vague or half-true and she's shifting where she spends her time. She just might be doing what you could be doing - deciding she's too young to be in LTR right now and getting back the freedom to entertain multiple offers, learn more about relationships and simply enjoying her youth while she's still young and marketable.

ps. You play a stake in this too. Someplace, somewhere the mystery that you were to her faded. If you were still her prize, you wouldn't be hearing 'busy' right about now.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is very good advice here. Sinistar and Latinoman are right on the money.

 

[woods]

If she's not cheating on you, (which it sounds like she is to me) she's trying to get you to end it with her first. When she says she thinks you are losing interest in her, it probably means shes losing interest in you. The best thing you can do is break it off. Then, and this is VERY important: be cool about the breakup. Act like you're totally fine. If you run into each other, treat her like an aquiaintance. Dont ever let her know you're miserable even if you are. Dont call and let her have it about how f*cked up she is. I had a girl that used to dump me on a regular basis, and I would always be cool about it, so she kept crawling back a week later. It puts you in control of the situation, so you can decide for yourself if its worth taking another shot at it. And, if you do decide to give it another shot, you need to work on yourself, because its something you"re doing or not doing, thats driving her away from you.
Also, dont be naive. Friends will ALWAYS cover up for their friends. Its the code. Noone ever wants to tell someone that they're being cheated on. I'm not saying she is, but it looks pretty damn suspicious to me, even before I read the part about her staying at her friends house three nights a week. Look for the signs. Im sure there is a section here somewhere about signs of being cheated on. If not, look elsewhere.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

You're young, she's in a relationship that she doesn't want to be in, she is losing interest and she's starting to treat you poorly. You stopped being a challenge and she wants something new.

If you want to salavage the relationship you can try one of two things,

Initiate the break up, walk away, whatever. Get on with your life, take up some new hobbies and forget that she exists. She'll come back if she really just needed her interest rekindled.

Or

You can try to start doing things to raise her IL without breaking up with her. Become more assertive, get some new hobbies, generally spend less time thinking about her and more about yourself. That may knock her out of her b1tchiness.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Do I really need to do the DJ Math here?

You 23, she 21, minus 3 year relationship equals you 20 and her 18 when you hooked up. Do you honestly think you're mature enough to commit the rest of your life to this person? You're only in a learning phase and using the adolescent social skills you held over from high school. I realize this is easy for me to say, but NEXT this girl and spin more plates. Don't even consider being monogamous until you're 28. Get into college if you haven't done so already and focus on the ambitions you want to achieve.

 

[Gioco]

Thanks to everyone in here that has taken the time to reply. It is much appreciated my fellow Don Juaners. But I understand what you guys are saying it may just be me being an AFC, but there's a couple of things that don't add up to me . For example we were chillin' the other day on the bed and I started saying some nice things to her in Italian while we were having sex, and she just started crying loads. I asked her why but she didn't want to tell me. I think it could be that I might not be showing her enough love maybe? I do recall her saying a few times that she wants to feel loved. But to be totally honest in order for me to give it I need to recieve it.


woods


I hear what you saying about how she wants me to end it first. She has actually told me in the past that, that's how she ended with her last BF, she treated him bad and made HIM end the relationship. She can be a real *****h sometimes man. But the reason I do not think this is true, is because couple weeks ago she really pissed me off and I told her that , her disrespecting me is a NO NO and i'm not happy in the realtionship. And she got really upset and started crying and didn't want it to end. So I don't know man.

 

[woods]

Crying during sex, and she doesnt want to tell you why? Does anyone here know any reason a chick would cry during sex (not out of pleasure anyway) other than GUILT? I'm truly, truly sorry man, but its obvious.

 

[djbr]

I hear what you saying about how she wants me to end it first. She has actually told me in the past that, that's how she ended with her last BF, she treated him bad and made HIM end the relationship.

You answered your own question.

Man, I wish someone had put it for me this way when I was in your shoes: IT IS OVER. *I HAVE BEEN THERE*. You are waiting for her to say *something* to confirm what you've already seen for yourself. You know what you need to, you're just afraid to act (until now I hope).

There is no need to tell that this power struggle is to her benefit.

You better move on. She already has.

 

[djbr]

(after getting a post deleted)

Ironic thing is, the original poster is 23 and not able to post on the Mature Man forum just like me.