LTR woes

[blackhatter]

Preferably I'd like this answered by those with experience in LTRs, but anyways.

I've been on and off with this girl for about 1.5 years now. When things are very good, they are very good, but things can get just as bad. We go out, have a lot of fun, and have a lot of sexual attraction for each other. However, almost weekly we get in heated arguments in which she calls her friends and tells them I'm yelling and hitting her, while obviously I'm not really doing either. Usually then this just ends up in me getting pissed off and putting a holes in my wall.

The other night I was ****ing her and I guess I hit a sore spot and she said STOP! And told me that it hurt and she "lost the mood". From there, she just went to sleep and I was like what?! You're telling me you can just stop having sex in the middle and goto sleep? What the hell would happen if I did that? Among other things are just small favors I ask of her that she never really does, but she insists that she loves me and is just a "stubborn girl".

I don't know if I'm just used to girls who spoil me or what, but I can't take a girl who can't do things for me and do me favors every now and then. I like the girl, but it's tough to hold it down when shes not putting a lot into it (it's funny she always says shes putting A LOT into it and trying to do things for me, but it never really goes through). She does do things every once in awhile like cook me dinner, or buy me gifts, but whenever I ask for something like a sexual favor, it's like pulling ****ing nails. It sucks!

 

[Entropy4]

Maybe she DOES feel like she's doing a lot but you just don't notice it. It sounds like this is a stressful and unhealthy relationship.

First of all, her telling her friends that is purely unacceptable. I'd dump a girl on the spot for it. But it sounds like this girl craves drama, and women who crave drama are typically very needy and co-dependent.

The incident with the sex probably wasn't "spur of the moment". She probably didn't want to be having it with you then and found a reason to stop. Sex is the state of the union of the relationship, if there are problems and miscommunication in bed, then it reflects something deeper going on emotionally.

As far as the highs and lows, it sounds like this is an unhealthy love. This really reminds me of a relationship I was in for three years and looking back it was incredibly unhealthy even though we both loved each other. We were both just very dysfunctional and naive people who couldn't handle our emotions well.

If you really do care for the girl, you can try and stick this stuff out. It DOES get better, but you have to fight tooth and nail with her the entire way. But honestly, it sounds like she's extremely emotionally needy and is tugging you around as a result of it. My guess is some part of you actually enjoys the drama because it makes you feel important and needed, but you need to get over it.

Healthy relationships are built between two people who enjoy giving value to each other. This seems to be the opposite. I'd move on.

 

[DavenJuan]

first, let me tell you i have been in your shoes before, so dont feel this advice is unjust..

you ask her "favors" .. what kind of favors for example?

many will get on here and simply tell you to NEXT. which is def. an option. but even if you do NEXT her simply because you were told to, you still havent really learned anything have you?

the worst thing that can happen is to continue to be in these type of relationships and not know why.

first off, the fact that you say you ask for "favors" to me, are a red flag. yeah you can ask your women to do something for you, but it shouldnt be considered a favor, it should be expected from a women you have given yourself to in a relationship. if you present it as a favor, it IS a favor that she has done for you. rather than presenting it as something expected.

REMEMBER, if there is something she wont do for you, then find someone that will. there is always someone willing to do something that someone else doesnt.

another big red flag is she is screaming to friends that you HIT her and are abusive???? this is not a good sign. AW comes to mind. this is nothing to play with and by sitting by and letting this continue gives her power and beleives it to be acceptable behavior.

you putting holes in your own wall is ludicras. bottom line is you need to gain control, control over YOURSELF. dont let anyone including your gf control your OWN emotions.

1. it looks weak and when she sees this, espeically being an AW, she will feed on this and continue to act in ways just to see your reactions. how can she respect you when she knows she can manipulate you?

2. you will never be happy when you place your emotions in control of someone else. if she wants to go flying off the handle, or b*tch and moan, or throw hissy fits, then let her. but dont let that dictate your self control. only you should determine what effects you in that type of manner


i have read similar situations like this over and over again, and i myself have been in this situation before. most of the time we put up with this type of behavior for a long period of time . in your case a year and a half, when does this stop?

if you settle for less, you get less. if you want certain things, then go find someone that will give them. make it clear on what you want and dont settle for less.

good luck brother

 

[Real_Deal]

I stopped reading at the part where she calls people and lies about physical abuse. Just leave her before she gets mad at you and starts telling those lies to cops.

It's not a far stretch before she will call the cops and try to get you put in jail for a few days because she's angry.

She's not stubborn she's flat out playing you and obviously could care less about your feelings in the relationship.

 

[KontrollerX]

Absolutely agree with DaveJuan and Real Deal.

What Real Deal said especially about the physical abuse lies is serious, serious business.

You don't want to stay with a chick that is willing to make sh!t like that up.

It really is only a matter of time until she would get p!ssed off and involve the cops and since she has built up a history of telling friends about the imagined abuse guess who they are going to question next to back up her story to put you away for a long time?

Yep thats right.

And with the holes you've been putting in your wall its strike three and it won't be hard for the cops to believe the "he's a violent abuser" lie.

NEXT!!

 

[ProDJ26]

leave Now For It Gets Any Worse...

You Don't To Be In My Shoes Right Now

Leeeeeeeave That Hoe!!!!!

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Preferably I'd like this answered by those with experience in LTRs, but anyways.

I've been on and off with this girl for about 1.5 years now. When things are very good, they are very good, but things can get just as bad. We go out, have a lot of fun, and have a lot of sexual attraction for each other. However, almost weekly we get in heated arguments in which she calls her friends and tells them I'm yelling and hitting her, while obviously I'm not really doing either. Usually then this just ends up in me getting pissed off and putting a holes in my wall.

The other night I was ****ing her and I guess I hit a sore spot and she said STOP! And told me that it hurt and she "lost the mood". From there, she just went to sleep and I was like what?! You're telling me you can just stop having sex in the middle and goto sleep? What the hell would happen if I did that? Among other things are just small favors I ask of her that she never really does, but she insists that she loves me and is just a "stubborn girl".

I don't know if I'm just used to girls who spoil me or what, but I can't take a girl who can't do things for me and do me favors every now and then. I like the girl, but it's tough to hold it down when shes not putting a lot into it (it's funny she always says shes putting A LOT into it and trying to do things for me, but it never really goes through). She does do things every once in awhile like cook me dinner, or buy me gifts, but whenever I ask for something like a sexual favor, it's like pulling ****ing nails. It sucks!

She's a taker. I'm also seeing signs that she is abusive. Classic abusers always turn shyt around and try to make you the guilty party. Especially the women abusers. They do this so they can justify to themselves in their own minds that they are entitled to act like a complete b*tch, guilt free. Hence the abuse accusations. You're playing into it by punching holes in the walls - then she can say, "See, he's abusive! He's crazy!"

Obviously, you aren't hitting her. But she's making shyt up to try and turn the tables. She's also trying to keep you emotionally off balance in order to control you - this is evidenced in the fact that she's getting you so mad that you're putting holes in the wall.

This business of making shyt up that you're hitting her is really, really the sore point here. That is some nasty, nasty behaviour. I would start thinking about what kind of future you want. Because a future with this creature could be quite painful.

Stop taking her bait and see what happens. Stop getting sucked into her arguments, and let's see how she reacts. Stop asking her for stuff too. I really don't like what I'm hearing, dude.

As some of the posters before me said - she could be setting you up. The holes in the wall, the prior accusations to the girlfriends......If I'm you I am scared at this point.

All it takes is one call to the cops and you'll be pinched. Her girlfriends can corroborate everything too. "Yes officer, on this date, she called me and told me he was yelling at her and hitting her.....and then on this date, she called up at this time and said he was being abusive again. Yes officer, she's called several times and complained about this to many of this. Oh yeah, and officer, if you go to his place, you'll see the holes he kicked in the walls."

Dude, you should be getting nervous at this point, because she ain't all there.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I'd be getting the f*ck out of this abusive shyt immediately.

 

[Warrior74]

run fool!

 

[MacAvoy]

I agree wholeheartedly with DavenJuan accept the part about not nexting immediately. The fact that she tells her friends that you hit her is a HUGE red flag. Who's to say that next time you p1ss her off, she doesn't go running to the cops. Then you'll spend the next 6-8 months fighting a trial followed by probably a couple of months in jail.

There is an expression "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned", when women are in love and they get hurt, some lash out and when they lash out, its one of the worst things on earth. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.

I had to spend thousands of dollars on lawyers to win the trial and I'm a calm cool collected guy. She didn't accuse me of hitting her but she made up a lie and it's not easy to beat the system, it takes money and lots of it.

But don't think I'm some bitter guy, not at all, I love women, I immensely enjoy being in relationships with them but when I see trouble, there are some things I avoid, crazy psycho women are what I avoid. I've had women smash rocks through my truck windows, I have women try break off my truck mirror with a stick.

I use to be a heartbreaker because I'd give all my love to a women, I was the love of their lives, but when you take away something that powerful, sometimes you get an opposite and equal reaction, only negative. My point is, you should run from this women but don't let this experience sour you on all women, just consider it a life lesson.

You just dodged a bullet, are you going to let her try again?

 

[blackhatter]

Thanks for the replies, I wasn't expecting such a good response on such a stupid post!

First of all, let me just say the instance in which she told her friend that I hit her was just once, and she was drunk. This kind of thing does not go on otherwise. To be honest I think I need to reevaluate not only the relationship, but how I handle them. You're all right that I'm just giving her power when I show her what pisses me off. She knows exactly what to do to piss me off now. She should be the one throwing some immature fit, not myself.

From here I'm going to try and control my emotions a little bit more, and let her be more emotional if she has to. If things work out, then they do. If not, then not.

 

[DonGorgon]

She is young immature psychotic and OVER YOU...(I can tell cause her respect level is very low) You dont have to next her but you need to stop spending as much time with her... Detach yourself emotionally.. then start training her to act right using an "attention reward system"...

 

[positivity_injection]

cmon dude

you are just another AFC who is stuck in a LTR, when what you SHOULD be doing is sexing up different girls at the same time and not taking any of them seriously

do not expect a real LTR unless you have played the game and know the ins and outs

you are obviously desperate for pvssy, and the fact that you posted this thread stating that you have been with this girl for 1.5 years (and im sure you've been faithful too, right Mr AFC?) given how she has treated u, shows that you wont be taking anyone's advice here

a real don juan would have never committed to a LTR with a fvck buddy who's got emotional issues

 

[DonGorgon]

you are just another AFC who is stuck in a LTR, when what you SHOULD be doing is sexing up different girls at the same time and not taking any of them seriously

This logic, though fun, renders marriage completely obsolete and impractical and reproduction a bad idea,,.... Too many people spend from age 16 to 35 living like that then wonder why they cant make relationships work..

I say if you dont plan to have kids be a player or ho for ever but if you want kids that kid deserves a mom and a dad not a player and a ho....

 

[MacAvoy]

First of all, let me just say the instance in which she told her friend that I hit her was just once, and she was drunk.

You are rationalizing her behaviour here. Your doing it because your addicted to the way her pvssy makes you feel, its why you put put with her when you KNOW "shes not putting a lot into it".

She's even taken away the sex and you still chase it like its the only way to get it on earth. You said it yourself "whenever I ask for something like a sexual favor, it's like pulling ****ing nails"

You should never allow a women to use sex as a weapon. A women who does that doesn't have your best interest at heart and you should walk away. But enough about her, I got so tied up in her red flags that I forgot to address your issues in my first post:

Usually then this just ends up in me getting pissed off and putting a holes in my wall.

The other night I was ****ing her and I guess I hit a sore spot and she said STOP! And told me that it hurt and she "lost the mood". From there, she just went to sleep and I was like what?! You're telling me you can just stop having sex in the middle and goto sleep?

Suppose in the middle of sex, you got smacked in the balls, would you really want to keep going? Do you see how selfish and idiotic you are being? Its no wonder she doesn't like having sex with you.

Try looking at things from her perspective. However I still thinking your completely going down the wrong path with this women but its your life and your choice.

 

[DonGorgon]

Suppose in the middle of sex, you got smacked in the balls, would you really want to keep going?

LOL.. i have... and have kept going.. in pain and pleasure...

 

[positivity_injection]

This logic, though fun, renders marriage completely obsolete and impractical and reproduction a bad idea,,.... Too many people spend from age 16 to 35 living like that then wonder why they cant make relationships work..

I say if you dont plan to have kids be a player or ho for ever but if you want kids that kid deserves a mom and a dad not a player and a ho....

yea in this time of his life he needs to be a player, because right now he is just another AFC with limited experience

 

[Faded Image]

She is emotionally unstable.

When you mentioned the part about her lying to her friends about you that triggered a memory of my X-wife. Her family loved me and for her to justify why she was doing the things she did, she told her family all types of horror stories about me.

She even claimed that three girls knocked on our door (while I was some how conveniently not at home) looking for me and that they had met me in at club and didn't know I was married. She was serious about it too and at the same time, I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I should have cut my ties then cause it only got worst but that another story of many.

It's your life and love don't love nobody

 

[blackhatter]

yea in this time of his life he needs to be a player, because right now he is just another AFC with limited experience

You are obviously just another ignorant nerd who just browses the forums all day. Yes it's true, I don't have to brag about my experience with other women. I came to college 4 years ago and trust me I had my share of ass my first 3 years. I don't know what your definition of what a "real don juan" really is, but get over it you're not one either. Yes it's true that I posted a question on here for those who have been with a girl for a good while and how things panned out; in fact the first post I've made in a good few months. Yeah bro, real AFC of me to ask a question like this, you're so interested you've already replied twice. Lastly, the reason things are so on and off is because I HAVEN'T always been faithful, so go suck a fat one Mr. I Inspire to Be a DJ. Constructive criticism is one thing, but you're not really constructive, you're just a plain idiot.

Ha, anyways back to the important stuff. I appreciate the advice, especially Mcavoy - you really bring up a good point. I've really treated a lot of the women I've been with like ****, and I expect a lot back. I don't really know if I'll continue with this one, but come who ever is next I'll remember that theres a way to be a man, and a way to be a piece of ****. I'll start shooting for the former.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

You are obviously just another ignorant nerd who just browses the forums all day.

HAHA.

Anyways... Shake the broad dog she can't be trusted! Why be with a girl on and off who isn't giving you what you want? Only thing she is gonna be is another statistic and when you leave she gonna talk about a playa gone...

If you think she is worth keeping work things out. If not there are plenty of new recruitments you can find!