LTR, no sex... 1 year. i get everything else i want (oral etc) HELP I'M GOING MAD!

[darktempler]

hey guys, i left this board thinking i don't need it nomore. how wrong was i? my aka is spermvader.... so of you may remember me. anyway...

i've been going out with my girl for 1 year. but no sex. i've waited.... and waited and waited... but no avail. my patience has come to and end.

i'm 18 she's 16. it's legal wwhere we are. here is where the problem lies.... every other aspect of out relationship is perfect. except the sex.

we do everything thing else except sex. BJ'S, 69, i got down on her etc etc... sometimes even 5 times a night but hell... i NEED sex now.

here is where the problem is. she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. she is a christian. anyone help here before i go insane?

i don't want to finish with her... but sadly it is leaving me no choice. i'm very happy with her except this.

any advice appreicated.

 

[1DJ]

I think you should find another women because 18-16 is not cool in my books. However, I will toss you something to think about. Why should she have sex with you if you go down on her five times a night or any time she wants it. (she gets everything she needs) Tell her that having any kind of sex at all conflicts with her morals/beliefs and cutt her off. Tease her until she sees the light and becomes a "born again" sexual being. Oh ya, if you have not noticed Christians tend to be hypocrits. This is evident in her claim that she does not have sex before marriage and then proceeds to have oral sex with you. Oh yes, eighteen is too old for sixteen-just had to say that again.

 

[SexPDX]

MrSex4uNYC from ASF laid out the attitude on this topic well in my opinion. Someone posted a reply saying that the guy should "respect her beleifs" and this was MrSex4uNYC's reply...

>OK, here's a crazy idea, since you like her, how about you respect her
>beliefs? And if you can't do that, then you don't like her as much as you
>think...move on!!

He does respect her beliefs. If he didn't he would call them a bunch of crap
and keep persuading her directly to have sex. What do you want him to do?
respect her beliefs until a real SSer comes along and screws her brains out?
then what? what happened to her beliefs?

The point is CHANGING her "beliefs". the reason those chicks believe that
stuff anyway is that someone influenced them before. Someone told them that
sex before marriage is bad or that "no one will buy the cow if you give the
milk away for free" or something like that. Babies are not born with the idea
that sex before marriage is bad. Someone influenced her to beliefe that and
now it is time for him to influence her NOT to believe that.

That's what it's all about. Change her frame of reference so she does what SHE
wants to do... which will JUST SO HAPPEN to be what YOU want her to do

------------------
- The performer known as Nick

 

[Don_juan]

18 is not too old for 16, that's crazy. But if this is her belief then you have to respect that. I wouldn't complain to 5 BJ's a night, I don't care about anything else. So, if it's that big of an issue then break it off with her (but please give her my address and I'll be happy to get 5 BJ's a night!).....

 

[[A]rtful[DJ]]

Originally posted by Don_juan:
18 is not too old for 16, that's crazy. But if this is her belief then you have to respect that. I wouldn't complain to 5 BJ's a night, I don't care about anything else. So, if it's that big of an issue then break it off with her (but please give her my address and I'll be happy to get 5 BJ's a night!).....

LOL

SexPDX is right about this one, its about changing her beliefs. There various approach you can use in changing a gals belief about sex.
Mentally: Need lots of convincing and logical reasoning, supported with the facts of biology on how we are sexual beings and sex is a need for a guy as much as feeling safe is a need for a woman.

Physically: Get her so wet that she will be longing to **** you. Make up some bull**** about how you cannot her lick her out anymmore. At the same time kino her heavy, play with her nipples and other sensitive parts. Always remember to make up some solid excuse and leave her hanging. Never ever finish the job, leave it half way through, so that she will be longing for a fu.ck all night and day long. Basic concept behind it is to give her a small piece of the apple pie and then suddenly take it away from her before she goes for another piece. Sort of like luring her desires towards yours. And when all is said and done and her dersires are strong enough she will give up that pus.sy.
And boy will you be gald that you did what you did, coz most of the times once these sorta gals freak, they freak like there is no tomorrow.

Speaking from personal experience, give it a go

------------------
Realize that the world is just a stage, and u ll see how easy everything is.

 

[Jake Steed]

At 18, you are the horniest you will ever be. You going without sex for a year is WRONG. I would suggest dating other girls who will fvck you NOW, while continuing to work on this girl. I agree with the others that you should tease her and cut off the oral sex and even making out. Fight fire with fire. Show her what it feels like to be deprived.

That whole "sex before marraige" bullshyt is a sham. Remember that. Every girl claims that shyt, but none of them hold to their "beliefs." Mark my words, this girl will be taking it up the ass by the time she's in college.

Jake

P.S. When she finally does give you the puzzy, be prepared for her to act like she gave you one of her kidneys. She will try to hold it over your head for the rest of your relationship. Don't let her do that. She's not doing you a favor by fvcking you.

[This message has been edited by Jake Steed (edited 08-07-2002).]

 

[[A]rtful[DJ]]

Originally posted by Jake Steed:

P.S. When she finally does give you the puzzy, be prepared for her to act like she gave you one of her kidneys. She will try to hold it over your head for the rest of your relationship. Don't let her do that. She's not doing you a favor by fvcking you.

[This message has been edited by Jake Steed (edited 08-07-2002).]

Absofukingloutely right.. forgot to mention the downside to playing this out with her.
Like Jake Steed mentioned I have had gals give up the ***** and try to play it out as if they did it as a favour to me.
There is a simple way to counter that. At first just play along with it, milk it for all its worth, make sure she has a fu.ck of a great time having sex with you. Let it slowly grow on her. Keep this up till you feel she truly enjoys sex with you. Then again its your turn to turn the tables around. It is time again to fight back, and take a stand. And if again she were to ever present you with a situation "I did it for you", during this stage. You can smile and say "No babe you did it coz you love it, you did it coz yours such a bad gal". How bold you can be with your words depends on how much she is into having sex with you.


------------------
Realize that the world is just a stage, and u ll see how easy everything is.

[This message has been edited by [A]rtful[DJ] (edited 08-07-2002).]

 

[killerasp]

u want sex? she is 16! and its illegal!

 

[Tantric]

I agree with Jake on this one...keep in mind though...DJ's don't NEED sex, they desire it...fight fire with fire...girls love sex as much as guys...thing is, you're playin' her game...SHE'S satisfied, you're not...chances are, you're still doing the whole BJ, 69 thing, cus it's close to sex...STOP...STOP RIGHT NOW! You are the one in control, not her, yet you're letting her have it...instead of HER cutting you off...cut HER off...she'll turn around...if not, think about moving on if you really think it's important.



[This message has been edited by Tantric (edited 08-07-2002).]

 

[JustDoItAlways]

I've ran into similar problems to this quite a few times. In my opinion, there is nothing you can say or do that will change her mind OTHER THAN HER FEAR THAT SHE WILL LOSE YOU.

I posted a similar issue to this on mASF recently and the answer I got was there must something wrong with you, I've never run across it before.

Every guy in the world is going to face this type of problem eventually, that of not getting enough sex to keep you satisfied. Ask any one of your married buddies and you will hear about it.

In my mind, these are the only solutions:

1. Next Her. (If her sex drive does not match up with yours, it just will not change as long as she is with you, maybe the next guy, but its time to move on to other chicks who are more compatible. You will know within two to three weeks what the rest of your sex life will be with her.);

2. Pull Out the Ultimate Ultimatim. "If the sex part of our relationship is not going to change, then I am done" (and mean it.) (I've used this successfully in the past with no negative consequences. The chick usually smartens up for a short period of time until you need to go back to #1 or #2 again.)

3. Avoid the Problem To Begin With. (In my experience, there has never been a problem with a chick's sex drive when I was in the dominant in-control position. Be a Man and keep your interest level below hers. When you want sex, do not settle for anything less. To be honest, this approach makes them desire sex ten times more than they did before. My last girl would sneak into my shower in the morning for another round even though we just finished ten minutes before.)

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Originally posted by darktempler:
... she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. she is a christian. ...

Real Christian women don't suck a guy's d*ck before marriage. (Notice I said "before"

)

Despite Clinton's claims to the contrary, when a chick "hunkers down on Bo-Bos nose", it *IS* sex. As is typical of a woman, she wants all the enjoyment, but none of the responsibility (i.e., she wants to ACT like a wh*re, but doesn't want to think of herself as one).

I'd drop the b*tch, but NOT because she doesn't want to have sex. Any b*tch that can lie that convincingly to HERSELF isn't going to have any problem lying to you.

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Originally posted by Jake Steed:
At 18, you are the horniest you will ever be.

That is not true. At 18, my d*ck got hard when the wind blew, BUT I can get WAY hornier now that I am older. PLUS, I know what to do with it!

I can (sexually) do things at 31 that I never even thought possible at 18.

 

[StellarPKT]

Originally posted by killerasp:
u want sex? she is 16! and its illegal!

Please educate yourself before posting something like this and check your fvcking age of consent laws!!!! In most places fvcking a 16 year old is legal and luckily it is where I live.

And whoever said that 16 is too young for an 18 yr old, that is just ludacris. I mean come on, its a freaking 2 year difference. Is an 18 year old too young for a guy thats 20? 16 year olds are fully developed, its not like they are kids or something, and most of them aren't virgins. And another cool thing about young chicks is they are dumb. You can get them to do a lot of things that a more experienced chick would not consider doing.

 

[darktempler]

Great response guys!
there are alot of fantastic ideas here. i will try every one of them until it works.
last night i gave her the line

"if you don't at least TRY to change, i'm going to finish with this relationship... we have been through a lot together and it would be a shame to just throw that all away. it's all or nothing at all with me"

so this morning to my supprise, she told me

"she will TRY to change, and will do it when she is ready"

i then said

"so there is no longer a time limit on it? like no sex before marriage"

"she said no, and that she would do it when she is ready."

then she said "you have chosen the worst time for you to break up with me when alot of things are going wrong"

i asked her "what are the conditions that she will be ready"

she replies
"there are no conditions, just when i'm ready... it may be before marriage it may be after marriage i don't know.... but i doubt that it will be any time soon."

what do you guys think of this? i think some progress has been made. i'm trying to decide if i should do the depriving her thing of all things sexual ASWELL, instead of pushing for sex straight away. lol but isn't not making out with her a little harsh? or does it HAVE to be done. i'm willing to give up whatever that's needed... man she sucks me till my Di<K turns white... gonna miss it! lol

any more lines i should use on her.
i'm starting to think all this djing stuff has got me into this position! i've been djing her since day 1 till now. maybe that's why she doesn't feel "secure" in the relationship. she feels as if she can lose me in an instant. she once said she needed to feel secure in order to have sex....

DJing bad for a LTR?? i'm starting to wonder.

lol there is only a year and a half differance between us, yes it is legal for a 16 yr old to have sex where i live.

[A]rtful[DJ], u'r post is inspiring! i will probs do that leaving her hanging thing, fantastic. what i fear is that her beliefs will be stronger than her sexual desires... then i'm soooo screwed! lol

tantric: yeah! fight fire with fire sounds good to me.. looks like i'm gonna be deprived of my bj's for a while!

Sir_Chancealot LOL u'r posts funny and ****y as always, but don't you think it's a bad idea at the moment to go through the "oral sex is still sex " route with her? i've read that post too, was great but it is a very demanding , dominate approach to take and is basically saying she's done wrong anyway, so why not go all the way... i thought i needed to change her belief, not make her feel worse about it?


StellarPKT: yeah too right!!! where else am i gonna get a endless supply of BJ's, she swollows AND is willing to try anything except penetration at the moment, but hopefully, that will soon change with help from you guys!

 

[Tyrna]

Perhaps what you should do, is sit down with her, and each of you should explain what you want and need from this relationship. If sex is that important to you, and its not in her equation untill the wedding night, then you should probably break it off. For some women (not all) it's important to wait until they're married for sex because they believe its safe. Their husband is a lot less likely to have sex with them, then leave them, or admit afterwards that all he wanted was sex, or whatever. The first time for a lot (not all) women is very important to them, and they want it to be with someone who is right for them and safe. And a husband fits that pretty well.

Anyway, aside from my ramblings. Either break it off if you two can't come to a compromise, but don't pressure her. That is the worst thing you could do. If she does it, because she doesn't want you to leave her, she will regret it, and the relationship with go to hell.

As for the oral sex, but no actual sex... For a girl that wants to maintain her virginity, oral sex and that kind of thing seems like a very good alternative. Girls get just as stimulated as guys, and if they don't have a way to relieve that tension, they're going to end up doing something they may regret in most cases. She doesn't want to go all the way, but that's hard, so oral sex and that type of thing can help ease the strain.

This doesn't apply to all women, and no I don't plan to wait until marriage, but this is my interpretation. Hopefully it helps somewhat.

Love,
~Tyrna

------------------
~I'm lost, I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please have me wait.~

 

[TesuqueRed]

Chance is right.

BJs, 69s, handjobs and whatever else you think up is sexual activity.

So, like, dude, 'splain to me how sexual activity is not sex?

If can't explain it, see what she says. That should be an interesting conversation. That reminds me--getting off subject--of a girl of a roommate of mine who believed she could keep her virginity by letting a guy go only so deep and no further. Imagine the look on her face when he explained to her how it really worked!

Getting back to the subject at hand. She's walking a real fine line where she's basically saying penetration is sex and everything up to it isn't (yeah right.) This is, as noted above, convenient self-delusion.

This convenient self-delusion pops up elsewhere--like two weeks after you break up with her she'll give it up to a new guy and later say "I don't know what happened, it just got out of hand and...and..."

I will say that 16 is young and everyone takes the next step at their own pace, and you gotta respect that (now if she was 23 and saying that--yikes!)

And she---and you---have to respect that you're at your place right now, which is more than ready for it. You're both at different places and you should think seriously about moving on.

You can probably make her more ready if she sees you moving on, btw. The key is that you have to be moving on.

My opinion is that an age difference of 40/30 is less than 18/16 (ok, 18/16.5 if you want.)

 

[darktempler]

lol dam! yeah TesuqueRed chance is right....
but i can't help thinking i've made SOME progress now, mind u it IS a little.(see previous post)

but the thing is, the picture you gave me of me leaving her and her banging another guy 2 weeks later is worrying. i don't want that. I want to be the one that bangs her. THAT is exactly what i don't want to happen.

as i explained before.... i don't want to make things worse by explaining to her sexual activity IS sex. i think the key this is making her feel BETTER about it. making herfeel worse may be counterproductive i feel.

i've decided to take a lighter approach towards the relationship now and play everything off as a bit of fun. keep her on her toes more etc....

but i'm STILL confused because women like these will only have sex when they feel SECURE in a relationship. how would i create this feeling in her?surely me keeping her on her toes will make her LESS secure?

i feel this is a differant class of woman i'm dealing here with. this one is out for a LTR (hence 1 year dating). not after anything quick which is what most women are after these days.

anymore help? i still think there is alot to discuss here. this TYPE of woman is not really covered on these boards i feel.

 

[Tantric]

I'm telling, you...act like you don't care about having sex...BJ's 69, whatever...it's that simple...she WILL come around...

No matter how much i want to bang a chick, i will NEVER maken it apparant...after all, i'm in control...i don't need it...i would say that every girl i've been with pracically has raped me for sex...i think mostly cuz i give it too them for a while, then "take it away"...maybe things are different for a virgin...it's posible she may be just scared...

That whole, "maybe before, maybe after...i doubt anytime soon" thing seems like a play...YOU'RE giving her control!!!!

STOP!!!!!!!

Get her to TRUST you, it's possible that you may be bordering on that...this may sound WRONG, but, you COULD go back to an AFC for a bit...what i mean by that is tell her "why" you want to...none of this, "i need it" shyte...girls open up to trust...if she doesn't trust you than it ain't gonna happen...tell her how much you care about her, blah blah blah,

I personally would just hold back...let her come to you...cuz YOU AIN'T IN CONTROL MY FRIEND!!!! When she asks why, tell her you're "not in the mood...she'll generally think it's because of her (chicks are like that)...

But it it these terms....let's say you just met her, and you're wanting her phone number, would you be as desperate as this..."i need her number so bad"...talking about it, "how do i get her to give me her number?", hell no...you'd DJ her, get her to trust and admire you, get her number...

Master POOK always says, "kill that desperation"...try it in this situation...instead of sounding so desperate to fuc her, play with her emotions a bit...hell i'm ALWAYS in control, and really don't care if i get sex...doing this allows me to get it a lot more...

 

[xblitz44x]

SexPDX was correct with what he posted. Somewhere along the lines she was programmed to believe and practice that sex before marriage is bad, and whorish. It is not "natural" for her to believe that sex before marriage is bad, it was embedded in her mind by some person or people (which I doubt were effective SSers :O). So what you have to do, is explain to her in a mature manner, that you think your relationship has evolved enough to where your love should exist on a physical level as well as emotional. It sounds cheezy, but your going to have to break through this by making her feel that her urges are acceptable, and you would like to make love to her to show her just how much you care.

I found these patterns on fast seductions website. They will probably help you out. You could always combine these together and tailor this to fit your situation.

"The mistake is that they don't recognize that in each woman their are actually TWO women... the natural woman and the culturally programmed woman. The culturally programmed woman is the one with all the rules and all the roles... all the restrictions, constrictions... all the shouldn'ts, shoulds, don'ts, can'ts, mustn'ts...etc.

But the natural woman....that's the woman right there at the core... where you keep your most exciting memories... where you ponder fantasies... daydreams... amazing possibilities... the things you'd do if no one were watching and no one... even your best friends... would ever, ever know about...

Most men just do things that trigger the culturally programmed woman... But when a man... a rare man... can touch a woman in that special place in all those special ways you LONG to be touched... in ways you maybe even can't admit to yourself... then WOW... an almost complete transformation takes place... and you start blossoming way beyond what you ever even thought possible.

So I think the smart man is the man who has the realization that that place is there... waiting and longing... even inspite the fact that women often have to lock all of that away... and yet they are still there..."

"When you just stop... and look deep inside of you... and you are able to push aside all the rules and restrictions that hold you back... you find that you are free to look at your own desires with eyes unclouded by the fears of others. You can look deep inside and see that special place where you keep all your secrets. Inside is what you desire. You can see your desires and when you see your desires, you know that what you want is right there waiting for you to act on your desire. Now, with me... that's quite a powerful thing. When you see your desires clearly, maybe for the first time, the excitement and longing you feel is very strong. The excitement of knowing you can fulfil these desires and the longing of wanting so share that experience with someone who understands how you feel. When you allow your feelings and desires to dictate your actions... you can look deep inside yourself with eyes unclouded by the fears of others... and now see your true desires... and know this is something you have to experience."

-Blitz


[This message has been edited by xblitz44x (edited 08-09-2002).]

 

[darktempler]

**just an update on the situation**

after much debate on the topic... she has told me she can't *try* to change nomore. it is getting her upset.
we argued for a long while. then i suddenly turned around and said

"ok, lets forget about sex"
there was a VERY VERY long pause after that so i took control and said if you WON'T change, I WILL...


LOL then... STILL a very long pause...
so i said
" all this tension has made me lose all mood and desire to make love to you anymore"

LOL u guy's should have seen HER FACE!!! LOL

then silance again....
i interrupted with
" so, i have decided to lose all sexual attraction and all sexual desire for you... i do not find you sexually stimulating nomore"


i think made my excuse and left her, her mouth dropped to the ground.

later i got a text message saying so are we ok? i texted back "whatever, i'm busy right now"

that was it.


what do u guy's think? i regained control of the situation. i'm going to follow up on the advice from u guys by not even KISSING her next time we meet. good idea? i'm going to TOTALLY withdraw ALL sexual activity from her except holding hands.

she fuked with my head... i'm gonna fuk with hers... like what all u guy's have said "fight fire with fire"

i'm gonna leave this like this for a while. see what happens.

xblitz44x i'm so bad with patterns... i guess that comes with practice. gonna say that one to her over the phone within the next day or two and see what happens. fastseducion.com is a great site, but always been doubtful about the patterns... willing to give it a go tho!


Tantric: regained control as u suggested. now I AM the one who doesn't want sex and doesn't find her sexually attractive. anymore advice? or shall i just sit back and hold back? let her come to me now?


the thing is, when she comes round to watch a movie, shall i not even put my arm round her and sit on the other end of the couch? lol or wud that be taking it too far? i don't think i'll go kiss her. that WILL get her thinking!!