LTR - Needy & Interest Waning?!

omniswami

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Hello Gentleman...

I have been in an LTR with a woman for about 14 months now, and am starting to see some possible cracks in the relationship.

She has become increasingly more needy it seems. I spend a pretty fair amount of time at her place when I do not have my kids - Our custody schedules lines up quite nicely and we share every other weekend without kids. When my kids are with me, we go about a week without seeing each other.

A couple weeks ago, I had an unexpected free night without my kids during our usual week apart. It was on a night that I had an outside obligation that I knew wouldn't end until nearly 11PM. I have to be at work by 7AM the following day...

When my girlfriend found out that my kids were away and I didn't plan to go to her place after my obligation, she got really bent out of shape about it. She was acting like I don't make her a priority, blah blah blah. Fact is, I was tired, didn't have time to get my stuff together to stay at her place, had to work early the next AM, etc.

I explained all of this to her, but she seemed genuinely hurt and pissed. I told her my reasons for not coming by and she seemed to tone it down a bit. I told her that I really do enjoy spending time with her, and that I want her to feel she's getting what she needs and that if I can give her the amount of time she needs maybe she needs something else...

I wasn't threatening about it, I really want her to have what she needs/wants, but I have my life to live too and don't need to catch bs from her about it. All this bs after I spent almost the entire week prior over at her place...

I see this as a recent reoccurring trend with her... Aside from this crap, we really get along pretty well - she's a great gal overall.

Here's what I find strange... Despite her seemingly needy behavior with me of late, my gut seems to have sensed her interest is slipping. I've pulled back a bit (cut some of the messages, etc), but really not sure what's up here? Any ideas?
 

omniswami

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Thanks Sam... Good advice. Yeah, a weeknight...

She does have kids too and it is understood by us both that they are priority one.

It's a strange dynamic right now, but I won't play into her neediness. I think she's just having a rough go of things lately as there has been some other crap going on for her.

I've been where you've been and won't go back to being an AFC no matter what. Got my a55 handed to me a couple times because of that.

I hear ya on the staying over too much. I don't want her to think I'm too available, yet it gets more difficult as the relationship continues on, because realistically, she knows what is going on in my life and we do try to spend time we have open together.

I think she was getting fed some crap from a friend prior to bawling me out about not coming over. I could almost hear her friend saying, "He had the chance and didn't even come by... OMG, I'd be pissed off. I wouldn't stand for that." Suck it.

Thanks for the input.
 

omniswami

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Add on Question...

I've learned to trust my gut feeling on these things, and my gut is telling me that something is up with my girl. I'm supposed to drive out to her place this weekend...

What do you think? Do I call this out with her - my feeling that she's being distant or just let it ride a bit?
 

window

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No she's just testing your masculine core...you need to be more than her moods. Take her back to happiness through humour or whatever way you can. Not through words though. Not by saying I'm sorry I was at work late and had an early start...say something like hey you know I've got another mistress and she's very demanding. This demonstrates you dont fear her energy and at the same time you are making light of her mood and situation. She will see the silliness of it and feel better.
 

Colossus

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omniswami said:
I think she was getting fed some crap from a friend prior to bawling me out about not coming over. I could almost hear her friend saying, "He had the chance and didn't even come by... OMG, I'd be pissed off. I wouldn't stand for that." Suck it.
Women really do behave as a herd, and I've found they can be massively weak and impressionable with their friends' opinions, especially when in a vulnerable place.

You were totally in the right though. I would not address the issue again, because there is nothing to address. There is nothing for you to apologize about.

Wait out your suspicions of her lack of interest. You need more data I think.
 
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