LTR: Lack of sex

Treetz

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
55
Reaction score
0
Lately I have an issue in my relationship.

My girlfriend and I are having a LTR for about 2 years now. Recently we bought a house and moved in together. In the beginning of our relationship the sex was good, almost everytime I saw her we had sex.

Now after we moved in together we had a busy time, going to work, studying and fixing the house. The sex games dropped to a zero point. After we where done with the house we had more time for each other and the sex seemed to get back to the previous point.

The last few months we are having sex like one or maybe two times a week.. because of this I am coming way to fast so the time we have sex it is for a small amount of time..

Nothing else changed though.. we are still having fun, doing nice things when we have time, she cooks stunning meals every day and makes a good breakfast when we are free together..

I know she aint cheating and I do not want to next her because I do believe you have to put some effort in a LTR but I just dont understand how this can/could happen... Anyone familiar with this situation or any thoughts??

Thanks!
 
Joined
Mar 12, 2007
Messages
2,153
Reaction score
13
Treetz said:
I know she aint cheating and I do not want to next her because I do believe you have to put some effort in a LTR but I just dont understand how this can/could happen... Anyone familiar with this situation or any thoughts??


Recently we bought a house and moved in together.

How are you going to next her after you bought a house WITH her??

Might as well get married at this point. Either way she'll get your house.
 

Treetz

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
55
Reaction score
0
We got a sort of contract wich will devide our stuff and house at a break up. So if I want to I could just walk away and still have my stuff together to start a life on my own. I always made sure that if she dumped me or cheated on me I would be able get back on my feet asap.
 

NoMoreTapDancing

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 15, 2008
Messages
63
Reaction score
0
Relationships just kind of go like that after a while...
If she's cooking you stunning meals, then she wants to keep you sweet because obviously that will keep a roof over her head. But there is a possibility that she is going elsewhere to get some on the side.
 

Maurizio 2.0

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2003
Messages
59
Reaction score
0
I don't think she's cheating. There's no reason for anyone to jump to that conclusion and unduly worry this guy.

Listen, I think you should just bring it up with her. There's no harm. Have you ever talked about why it's not as frequent? You might want to talk to her about switching things up with the sex, making things more interesting by taking it out of the bedroom.

She probably just doesn't feel as though she's as sexy in your eyes as she once was.
 

The Bad Ass Canadian

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 15, 2003
Messages
1,654
Reaction score
20
Location
CAN-NUH-DUH
Things like this tend to happen when you're in an ltr and you move in together. Life gets busy and when you come home you just want to chill, some days. After being together for 2 years, and if you're both busy with work and such, I'd say 2 times a week is pretty normal.

I'm in an ltr with a great girl and we now live together and we have sex about 2-3 times a week... sometimes we go two weeks without it. Life just gets busy and when you're dating you tend to get physical every time you see each other... but once you move in together, you no longer have your "alone time" like you used to so things start to get less frequent just to give each other some space. As long as all the other stuff like good convos, and the little things that let you know there's "love" in the relationship are still present, you can rest assured that your just moving into a more mature relationship that becomes more about life companionship and less about sex.
 

Da Realist

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 1, 2005
Messages
799
Reaction score
23
Location
Memphis, TN
It's because you're comfortable with each other. Sex before then was exciting because you were getting to know here and now its slowing down because you see her all the time. I say start exercising more to get your stamina back up and initiate things more often; if you get her seeing stars, she'll put out whenever you get home.
 

Treetz

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
55
Reaction score
0
Thank you guys for all the replies.

Like I said I know she isn't cheating on me. I really feel the reply Bad Ass Canadian posted. I have had the conversation with my girl about me wanting sex like everyday, she told me she is tired most of the time because of study and doing the household. Mostly in the weekends when we both have time to relax a little then we have good sex and Im happy again. Problem is that when we dont have sex in a week or so I really start to get frustraded and cant stop checking out hot chicks.. also I dont want to mastrubate every day while I got my girl in the same house...

I guess things are going that way when you get into an LTR...sometimes I just got the feeling Im settling for less, but then again if most of the LTR's go like this after a while maybe I just have to get a hold of myself and sort of accept the fact that the amount of sex is less when moving in together...
 

Treetz

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
55
Reaction score
0
SharinganUser said:
Have you tried mixing things up?
Well not in a major way... just not in bed all the time but in the leavingroom on the sofa.. But what would you do in a situation like this?
 

MacAvoy

Banned
Joined
May 10, 2003
Messages
2,940
Reaction score
35
Location
Northern Ontario
I agree with CanadianBadAss as well. Its just life getting in the way. Try lightening her load up one day a week, cook her breakfast, cook supper, then maybe she'll be a little more rested that evening and you can enjoy your time together.

I also don't think she's cheating, otherwise she wouldn't have high IL and being doing a lot of the housework.

Maybe trying doing it in public washrooms or in the car at night. Anything random / spontaneous (romantic in her eyes).
 

DonGorgon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,685
Reaction score
103
Location
Studying the fact that all lies contain fragments
Yup same old story... LTR and the woman looses sex drive but the reality is that she does not loose her sex drive WHAT SHE LOOSES IS HER SEXUAL DESIRE FOR YOU! This happens when the lust and carnal desire have died off but the relationship is still very convenient financially and otherwise... and this point infidelity is the next logical progression.
 

SharinganUser

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 1, 2006
Messages
1,777
Reaction score
50
Treetz said:
Well not in a major way... just not in bed all the time but in the leavingroom on the sofa.. But what would you do in a situation like this?
lol, all you do is change rooms? I guess there really is 69 ways to do it missionary stylie.

All joking aside, have you tried having spontaneous sex? How about something with the curtains open, or introduce a bit of role playing? Tie her up a little bit.

Hundreds of things you could do. Here's an idea that you should definitely try. You should buy a book on the kamasutra, that should do the trick.
 

DonGorgon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,685
Reaction score
103
Location
Studying the fact that all lies contain fragments
SharinganUser said:
lol, all you do is change rooms? I guess there really is 69 ways to do it missionary stylie.

All joking aside, have you tried having spontaneous sex? How about something with the curtains open, or introduce a bit of role playing? Tie her up a little bit.

Hundreds of things you could do. Here's an idea that you should definitely try. You should buy a book on the kamasutra, that should do the trick.
When you find yourself thinking about that stuff after the sex has stopped it is already too late once its gone its gone.
 

Treetz

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
55
Reaction score
0
DonGorgon said:
When you find yourself thinking about that stuff after the sex has stopped it is already too late once its gone its gone.
Well it is less spontanious but I dont think it is bad to think about it like that.. I bought the sex god method book but due to study I didnt had any time to read it all the way..

I know switching rooms isn't that exciting but we dont do alot outside the house so I try to make the best out of it.

But the question is can I get her sexual disire back for me or is this just a thing I have to accept...
 

tick37

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 18, 2008
Messages
477
Reaction score
5
You're too predictable and way too available. You have to add a mystery to the relationship before it gets worse or she tries to find that spark somewhere else. This is a product of living together/marriage, and it's all because availability and predictability.
 

DonGorgon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,685
Reaction score
103
Location
Studying the fact that all lies contain fragments
tick37 said:
You're too predictable and way too available. You have to add a mystery to the relationship before it gets worse or she tries to find that spark somewhere else. This is a product of living together/marriage, and it's all because availability and predictability.
Its doomed by it's own nature... alas!
 

Charm

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 18, 2003
Messages
1,277
Reaction score
11
Age
41
Sex TOYS. The more insane, the better. Search online for the craziest **** you can find. This will save your relationship, nothing else.
 

lordson

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 7, 2005
Messages
473
Reaction score
4
Location
Australia
Treetz said:
Thank you guys for all the replies.

Like I said I know she isn't cheating on me. I really feel the reply Bad Ass Canadian posted. I have had the conversation with my girl about me wanting sex like everyday, she told me she is tired most of the time because of study and doing the household. Mostly in the weekends when we both have time to relax a little then we have good sex and Im happy again. Problem is that when we dont have sex in a week or so I really start to get frustraded and cant stop checking out hot chicks.. also I dont want to mastrubate every day while I got my girl in the same house...

this is my situation to the T.

i've been in LTR for 2.5 years, and at first, sex 7-8 times a week for several months, then it fizzled to once a week if i'm lucky. and the testosterone builds up and i get super agro and frustrated and want to bang every chick i see in the mall, and when we do have sex it's all better again

its not just me, my gf talked to two of her friends. one engaged couple and one married couple. girls and guys are all the same. the guys always want sex 24/7 and the girls just sometimes don't feel like it

i'm at that point of our sex cycle where we havn't had sex for a while and i'm getting a bit tense again, damned testosterone. even contiplated going clubbing to find some chicks. bloody hell

hope that helps you understand theres nothing wrong with your relationship and all LTR's will descend to this eventually. Don't play any mind games with her by withholding sex so she wants it more, it won't work. I've tried everything mate, nothing works. Just get it when you can
 
Top