LTR Issue? Unsure

[happyman2012]

Been with her a year and she is a nice girl, really good looking, used to get on great, still do but not as much because she has issues:

Jealousy issues
Needy and clingy

I broke up with her recently about it, as I made it clear I couldnt be with someone like that. We spoke about it and she says she is determined to make a change and sort it because she wants to be with me.

Thing is, I dont know if her actions have pushed me away/made me lose attraction for her FOREVER, or if its just temporay as we were going through a bit of a ruff time.

I have started to look at other girls on facebook and think "hmmm I'd love to shag her" and started to think about sleeping with other girls. (I wouldnt cheat on her though) Is this normal when your in a relationship going thru a ruff patch?

How do you know if things just arnt the same anymore/lost attraction
vs
Temporary Phase and things will get back to normal.

Am I right in thinking that time apart would be a good thing to see if I miss her/want to spend time with her e.t.c ?
Perhaps if I do, focusing on slowing things down, seeing each other just a few times a week and doing fun things together, again?

I realise relationships take work from both sides, so is there anything I could do?
I would love for it to work because shed be a top notch if she got rid of the issues.

Dont want ripping apart, just some advice!

Thanks guys

 

[narcissist]

Dude. You writing this post shows me your unhappy with her. She annoys you so much you've been driven to write a post about it. And your too scared to drop her? That's afc.

Man up and move the fxck on. You obviously ain't about this girl anymore, do what a boss does and get rid of the things that infect your life negatively.

One thing I know is relationships don't "get better" only worse, and the harder you try to make it better, the worse it gets.

My advice: Become a boss and better yourself consistently, keep her around for secks, IF THAT. If you were truly a boss then there wouldn't be any issues, because she would be trying so hard to keep you around that she wouldn't want to "fxck up"

 

[happyman2012]

Thanks for the replys.
I get what your saying about its a good trait but...

The jealousy issue is a problem because it effects our night outs regulary.
Girls who I know will come up to say hello to me ( and her) and she is very off and distant with them and makes things uncomfy.
This is not acceptable in my view.
Ill be on the phone and shell say "whos that?!" as soon as I put the phone down. Thats just a few things. Its OVER KILL.

The clingy thing is that she never wants me to leave her and if I do she gets funny and off with me and silent (good yeah?) - not when it spoils a great night we have had together!

Its always her coming to me 24/7. Her texting me, her ringing me, her IM'ing me, her asking me to go upto her house. Her asking me to do stuff. Her hugging me, Her kissing me.

She never gives me chance to breath, miss her, and actually chase her out abit.

Its bascially OVER jealous, OVER clingy...and abit obbsessive.

A relationship should be a balance in my opinion.
I am not one to chase after women, but us men do like the thrill of the chase.
So in a relationship there needs to be some balance to keep the attraction alive, dont you think ?

 

[happyman2012]

but yeah getting off topic there haha:
just wanna know:

Is this normal when your in a relationship going thru a ruff patch?

How do you know if things just arnt the same anymore/lost attraction
vs
Temporary Phase and things will get back to normal.

Am I right in thinking that time apart would be a good thing to see if I miss her/want to spend time with her e.t.c ?
Perhaps if I do, focusing on slowing things down, seeing each other just a few times a week and doing fun things together, again?

 

[VikingKing]

From my experiance, in my ltr's i would get bored of them and in time gain interest again. Its natural. Rough patch or not. But them being extra clingy and needy can push u away. Your already asking yourself if u really want tostay in this ltr. Dont worry about hurting her feelings, worry about yourself and what u want. She will ibe fine. U know what u want.

 

[n52]

Thanks for the replys.
I get what your saying about its a good trait but...

The jealousy issue is a problem because it effects our night outs regulary.
Girls who I know will come up to say hello to me ( and her) and she is very off and distant with them and makes things uncomfy.
This is not acceptable in my view.
Ill be on the phone and shell say "whos that?!" as soon as I put the phone down. Thats just a few things. Its OVER KILL.

The clingy thing is that she never wants me to leave her and if I do she gets funny and off with me and silent (good yeah?) - not when it spoils a great night we have had together!

Its always her coming to me 24/7. Her texting me, her ringing me, her IM'ing me, her asking me to go upto her house. Her asking me to do stuff. Her hugging me, Her kissing me.

She never gives me chance to breath, miss her, and actually chase her out abit.

Its bascially OVER jealous, OVER clingy...and abit obbsessive.

A relationship should be a balance in my opinion.
I am not one to chase after women, but us men do like the thrill of the chase.
So in a relationship there needs to be some balance to keep the attraction alive, dont you think ?

My GF is exactly like this and it bothered me to the point where I wanted to tear my hair out. You know what I did? I stopped caring about how she felt when I needed or wanted to do my own thing. It's your life she shouldn't have this much of a say in what you are doing with it. If you want to go and do your own thing, do it. If she starts going silent awkward (just like mine does) hell, that's even easier you don't even need to talk to her for the night!:crackup: Literally, anytime she does any of those clingy/needy things change the subject and do not let it bother you. If you want to go out or do something, do it, dont ask her tell her you are doing it and if it bothers her blank her until you're done with it and ready to see her. It worked for me

And in answer to your questions as I feel I can answer these adequately as your GF sounds exactly like mine:

Is this normal when your in a relationship going thru a ruff patch?
I'd say most girls will get like this at some point or another so yes.

How do you know if things just arnt the same anymore/lost attraction
vs Temporary Phase and things will get back to normal.
Was the same for me, I didn't have sex with her for months, purely because I just didn't feel like I wanted to with her, I still wanted to with other girls. It does get back to normal after awhile.

Am I right in thinking that time apart would be a good thing to see if I miss her/want to spend time with her e.t.c ?
Perhaps if I do, focusing on slowing things down, seeing each other just a few times a week and doing fun things together, again?
Basically if you spend time apart and you have lots of things to do you won't get back with her. Purely because you'll be enjoying yourself doing other stuff too much. If you spend time away from her and have nothing to do you'll find yourself texting her and trying to see her again PURELY BECAUSE you have nothing else in your life. Lookup my thread on the 'box' method. I believe it will help you as it did for me.