LTR fizzling - gf seems to want out

Ronin I

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Background – I am 29 years old she is 28.
We met in a bar about 2 years ago, been dating for about a year in a half. This is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in.

Recently my girl has been sending me mixed signals, but most of them seem to point to the fact that she wants out of the relationship. Last Thursday we got into an argument and we basically “broke-up”. Friday night I went back over to her house, it seemed that we patched things up, we had a good weekend together, but last night we were again discussing that we have not resolved all of our problems.

Lately my girl will openly rattle off all of the reasons why she doesn’t see things working out for us long term. Some examples are:

- she is a devout Catholic – I was raised Catholic but do not practice. She wants her family to be raised in the faith and questions whether or not as a father I’ll be able to provide that guidance to “our” children.
- I play poker online part time to earn extra money. Even though I have consistently won over the past two years, she hates the fact that I “gamble” and fears a worse case scenario where if we were married someday, I’d lose our life savings in a poker game or something.
- She is bothered by the fact that we’ve been together this long but don’t “know” that we want to marry each other. She thinks we should “know” by now.
- She will openly question how I was raised (I was raised by a single mom) and whether or not that will impact what kind of father I will be.
- She thinks I am too preoccupied with making money and that that would distract me from being a good father/husband.

She will then discuss whether or not she is willing to “accept” these things or not.

My girl is pretty up-front with what she wants. She wants to get married and she wants to start a family – and she wants to do these things soon. She is 28 and she realizes that time is not on her side. She will say that she loves me in one breath and then in the next she’ll say that she doesn’t want to marry me and that that bothers her. I respond that I am not ready to get married either and that I am certainly not ready to propose to some one who just told me they don’t want to marry me (obviously).

To make matters worse our sex life is non-exsistent. We took a trip to Vegas for a few days the week before last where I was hoping to rekindle some physical spark, but her cycle did not comply.

I do love the girl – I don’t want to give up on the relationship but I am growing weary of her constant tests. Each time she rattles off a reason why it’s not working, I try to reason with her that it’s something that we can work through. But, I am getting tired of defending myself all of the time.

Anyone been through something like this before that can offer some meaningful advice/insight?
 

al77

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Originally posted by Ronin I
- She is bothered by the fact that we’ve been together this long but don’t “know” that we want to marry each other. She thinks we should “know” by now.
I think that is the main reason she is worried. She doesnt wanna invest her time in you if you are not going to marry her after 2 years. Probably at this point of time you gotta decide what you want: either you marry her or she'll dump you tomorrow.


All other reasons are mild, but they look better when lumped together: be very careful though, I am sure she as a religious person got tons of girlfreinds who are constantly tell her what to look for in a decent man. It means she may think with their brain sometime....It is tough since she has to be realy confident person to be able to think for herself with her girlfriends' advice.
 

Albion4

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Originally posted by Ronin I

- she is a devout Catholic – I was raised Catholic but do not practice. She wants her family to be raised in the faith and questions whether or not as a father I’ll be able to provide that guidance to “our” children.
This is the toughist one of them all. Getting around a religious belief either means you become devout or you break up.


- I play poker online part time to earn extra money. Even though I have consistently won over the past two years, she hates the fact that I “gamble” and fears a worse case scenario where if we were married someday, I’d lose our life savings in a poker game or something.
This is a bad thing!!! I can't stress it enough. I solved my problem by turning my gambling skills into market skills. I started to learn about how the stock market works, funds management, bonds, comodities and started making my spare cash there. Many of the skills you use in gambling with cards can be used in the market. At least an Investment Portfolio sounds a lot better then a gambling debt to a woman. Honestly, she's right here, stop the gambling and get into something more lucrative to make your money.


- She is bothered by the fact that we’ve been together this long but don’t “know” that we want to marry each other. She thinks we should “know” by now.
Well, do you want to marry her? If you do then you need to express that. If you don't then you need to get out. Women dream of that perfect white wedding from the time they're little girls. They don't want a man who doesn't know what he wants either.


- She will openly question how I was raised (I was raised by a single mom) and whether or not that will impact what kind of father I will be.
Tell her she's full of ****. Not growing up with a father means nothing. It's how you use what you have learned throughout life that will make you a good man and father.


- She thinks I am too preoccupied with making money and that that would distract me from being a good father/husband.
Are you??? There's nothing wrong with making money as long as you take the necessary time out to spend with your family. I think this question has a lot more to do with her problems with your gambling then anything else.


My girl is pretty up-front with what she wants. She wants to get married and she wants to start a family – and she wants to do these things soon. She is 28 and she realizes that time is not on her side. She will say that she loves me in one breath and then in the next she’ll say that she doesn’t want to marry me and that that bothers her. I respond that I am not ready to get married either and that I am certainly not ready to propose to some one who just told me they don’t want to marry me (obviously).

To make matters worse our sex life is non-exsistent. We took a trip to Vegas for a few days the week before last where I was hoping to rekindle some physical spark, but her cycle did not comply.

I do love the girl – I don’t want to give up on the relationship but I am growing weary of her constant tests. Each time she rattles off a reason why it’s not working, I try to reason with her that it’s something that we can work through. But, I am getting tired of defending myself all of the time.

Anyone been through something like this before that can offer some meaningful advice/insight?
You need to give her a gesture of good faith. I think I believe I have already told you which. Relationships are all about compremise, sometimes we have to give up the things we love doing if we want the relationship to work.

-Craig
 

ER!C L!VE

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Dood, there are so many women out there who will bend over backwards for you. Find one of them and you'll never go back to the kind of girl you have now.
 

San

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I've read and seen & experienced sad & happy lovestories..

And this is one sad ending lovestory fellow don juan...
 

Ronin I

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Re: Re: LTR fizzling - gf seems to want out

Originally posted by Albion4




This is a bad thing!!! I can't stress it enough. I solved my problem by turning my gambling skills into market skills. I started to learn about how the stock market works, funds management, bonds, comodities and started making my spare cash there. Many of the skills you use in gambling with cards can be used in the market. At least an Investment Portfolio sounds a lot better then a gambling debt to a woman. Honestly, she's right here, stop the gambling and get into something more lucrative to make your money.


I have an MBA from a top 20 school and IMHO, investing in stocks is more of a gamble than what I do.

I have played well over 100,000 hands in the past year and a half and am up over $20K. Tell me what fund I could've invested in where I could've turned $1K into $20K in the same time frame?

Also, I have resisted the urge to step way up in limits and risk a good chunk of my bankroll. I still play conservative limits and "grind" out my earnings. If you've ever seen the movie Rounders, I am not Mike McD, I am Knish.

Don't get me wrong though - Poker IS gambling. Every time I put money in the pot, I am risking losing it. The key is to get your money in when you are the favorite to win the hand. If you can do that consistently, in the long run you will wind up a winner.

The truth of the matter is, if I DIDN'T play poker, I would be broke right now.
 

libre

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Discordant values

I'm sorry sir but my virtual prognostic is very bad for your relationship. Though I very rarely do, I suggest that you dump the lady. She is a lady, however she is not fit for you.

As she is not having sex with you actually, what will it be when you have been married for 5 years and she has two kids to take care of and she is tired from the ecthic rythm of life? Do you mind have sex twice a year? I am not exagerating believe me.

If she does not like your values actually and she does not share yours, what will it be when you have been married for a few years and the «shine» of your new relationship will have worn off? Would you like to have a constantly nagging wife?

Would you like to offer your children the model of parents where the wife is constantly nagging and downgrading you as a father? What will this teach your children?

Think well sir. I think you would be well advised to terminate your relationship if she doesn't do it. Find a woman with compatible values. There must be some.
 

Slickster

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Re: Re: Re: LTR fizzling - gf seems to want out

Originally posted by Ronin I
I have an MBA from a top 20 school and IMHO, investing in stocks is more of a gamble than what I do.

I have played well over 100,000 hands in the past year and a half and am up over $20K. Tell me what fund I could've invested in where I could've turned $1K into $20K in the same time frame?

Also, I have resisted the urge to step way up in limits and risk a good chunk of my bankroll. I still play conservative limits and "grind" out my earnings. If you've ever seen the movie Rounders, I am not Mike McD, I am Knish.

Don't get me wrong though - Poker IS gambling. Every time I put money in the pot, I am risking losing it. The key is to get your money in when you are the favorite to win the hand. If you can do that consistently, in the long run you will wind up a winner.

The truth of the matter is, if I DIDN'T play poker, I would be broke right now.
Thank you.

I was just about to post these exact thoughts. Most people view poker as gambling but that is wrong. Roulette is gambling, Craps, is gambling. Poker, (assuming you know what you are doing) is consistently placing your money in the middle when you are a favorite to win. Choose your moments and be patient and it can be very profitable indeed. Mainly because you can target players that are really bad.


Ronin, I was in a very similar situation to you a few weeks ago. Including the poker issue. My girl gave me grief about poker on a daily basis even though I only play a few short sessions a week. I don't think its the poker. It could be anything. A sport , a hobbie, etc. Anything that I was doing that would take attention from her. Do you give her grief about any of her passions or interests? Probably not. Women are selfish that way.

In general though it sounds like your woman's interest level has fallen. Although she still loves you she's looking for dirt to give her ammunition so she can break up with you. Some of the things she's giving you grief about sound silly to me. If she truly loved you then she wouldn't be thinking such things.

She's giving you grief about your interest in making money? What does she think is going to support your family if you do get married and have kids? Grief about your upbringing!?! She knew about that when she fell in love with you. Nonsense.

I had to pull the pin on my relationship and although its been tough I think it is for the best. I loved her very much and still do. We just weren't the right fit.

Ask these 3 questions.

1. Can you put up with her mood swings and annoyances for the rest of your life?

2. Do you have the same views about money and financial matters.

3. Is the sex good and plentiful.

Answer "no" to any two questions and its time to move on.
 

jack80202

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Ok friend.

Girls don't talk straight and they tend to disguise their questions.

Your Girl wants a commitment. The rest of the stuff is just stuff.

Stop getting into fights with her. Just listed to her concerns and acknowledge them.

She is right, She is running out of time to make babies rapidly.

Be the man. Make your decision and go forward!
 

Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Ronin I

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Poker

Speaking of Poker, PM me if you're interested in getting a 20% deposit bonus at the best site (full of the worst players you'll find) on the net.
 

Aztec

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Re: Re: LTR fizzling - gf seems to want out

Amen to Albion4's comments.


You obviously care about her concerns. Reflect on your situation and discuss it with her. Based on your data, considering to "next" her is immature and it shows that you just want to run away from your issues (I know you did not mention about nexting but I just want to stress a point).


My experience with my comments above was a poor choice of of using the "next" on my part. Due to the height of "nexting" on this forum, I used it inappropriately and loss someone who is (a reverse) "sponge-worthy" in a LTR sense. So take heed of this method.



I think she has legitimate concerns about your relationship. She is 28 and seriously considering getting hitched or at least the prospect.









Originally posted by Albion4
This is the toughist one of them all. Getting around a religious belief either means you become devout or you break up.



This is a bad thing!!! I can't stress it enough. I solved my problem by turning my gambling skills into market skills. I started to learn about how the stock market works, funds management, bonds, comodities and started making my spare cash there. Many of the skills you use in gambling with cards can be used in the market. At least an Investment Portfolio sounds a lot better then a gambling debt to a woman. Honestly, she's right here, stop the gambling and get into something more lucrative to make your money.



Well, do you want to marry her? If you do then you need to express that. If you don't then you need to get out. Women dream of that perfect white wedding from the time they're little girls. They don't want a man who doesn't know what he wants either.



Tell her she's full of ****. Not growing up with a father means nothing. It's how you use what you have learned throughout life that will make you a good man and father.



Are you??? There's nothing wrong with making money as long as you take the necessary time out to spend with your family. I think this question has a lot more to do with her problems with your gambling then anything else.



You need to give her a gesture of good faith. I think I believe I have already told you which. Relationships are all about compremise, sometimes we have to give up the things we love doing if we want the relationship to work.

-Craig
 

Eileen

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Originally posted by Ronin I
Anyone been through something like this before that can offer some meaningful advice/insight?
How about a womans perspective? I've been in her shoes. It wasn't pretty.

I think she's got a bad case of wanting you to be someone you're not. You are who you are and either she loves you for that or she doesn't.

I'll be the first to admit that women tend to find a man and then want to shape him into their vision of the perfect man. We mistake being with someone who has "potential" with being with someone we're really attracted to. "He'd be perfect if only ... " seems to be the mantra. You can try to be everything she wants, but you'll only make yourself crazy because in the end, you are who you are. Go find someone who likes who you are.

You're talking a lot about what she wants. What do you want? Do you want a woman who makes you feel like you don't measure up? Or would you rather have a woman who see's you for who you are and is thrilled with that? Hell, your not even getting sex on a regular basis. That's a loud message. If she's not putting out it's because she's not happy with you. Believe me, when we girly types are happy with our men, we want to make him happy too. And we all know what makes you all happy.

It's sounds like game playing, but it's really not. If we're not happy with you, we don't want to make you feel happy ... and it takes a lot more than an orgasm to make a woman happy. You can be the best lover on the planet, but it makes no difference if your woman is thinking about all the things that she thinks are wrong with you. If she's thinking about what you need to change about yourself, she's not thinking about doing you.

It sounds to me like both of you are trapped in a comfort zone. Being with each other is easier than facing the possibility of being single again. You're settling and she fighting the "do I settle or not" battle. Do you really want to be the guy she settled for? And she's right. If after two years, you're still not sure you want to marry her, you probably never will be.

Be proactive. Figure out what it is that you want and go after it.
 

FratAndDiddy

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bro, youre stuck in a rut.
i will have to agree with the woman who posted before me. the only thing i disagree with in her post is her last statement: " Be proactive. Figure out what it is that you want and go after it."
although this is true in theory, it is extremely hard to do when your life is following a "go-no-where" routine.
soon, someone must make a move, so i suggest you make the first move. when a woman starts to point out your faults in a negative way, youre done.
 
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