LTR feels like it's in jeopardy

[ThunderMaverick]

No one who wants and cares about you pushes you away when life throws them a curve ball. She's working fulltime? When she gets off work she should be more than happy to see your or at least hear from you.

There's not a girl I know who doesn't want to see someone they fancy after a full day of B.S.

What she's doing might be considered cold for you, but she really doesn't mean to be a *****. She's just operating a way most women only know how. She's slowly detaching herself from you. They more supplicating you are the easier it's going to be.

At least you COULD have to upperhand. Dump her first. Have no contact. Go see other women. No contact will drive her crazy; "no man to be there for me whenever I want him to be? I don't have my own personal d!ickless puppy anymore?!

Seeing other women will driver her crazy too; "I'm not the most important thing in his life?! I'm really selfish and I want to be. I'm going to try to worm my way back in!"

Whatever you do, remember that (As Guru says) the frame is damaged and she'll never see you the way she use to see you. She sees you less as an object of desire and more of a friend with strong emotional attachments. It's not that she doesn't care about you, she just wants something different from you now. As a man who has sexual wants don't put up with it. You're better than that.


I would strongly suggest you breaking up with her first and initiating no contact. You're young man. Go have fun!

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Thanks everybody so much for the input. Hearing from some guys who have all been there before is a huge help. I can't thank you enough.

I'm all about taking the no contact road. I feel really disrespected by her and I know I can do better and I know I deserve way better, no matter how I might still feel for her deep inside.

Only thing is I still have a whole lot of her stuff at my place, and she has a couple things of mine that I would want. I really don't want to contact her at all, so I was thinking about putting all her stuff in a box and just leaving it at her apartment door with a note telling her I'm done with her and all this and that she can leave whatever she has of mine at my door whenever she has a free chance.

Thoughts or suggestions?

 

[Tazman]

cause things were good for the most part all up until we moved apart back in April/may

Just wanted to add, you need to drop this mentality. This is NOT the reason things went south. Women, for the most part, don't like confrontation with men they want to get away from (that and if they want to branch swing and have you around as a place keeper until the BBD comes along). Moving apart was an "opportunity" for her, quite the opposite of what you were thinking. There may have been some subtle cues she was giving off that you didn't pick up on, but she had a plan long before you realized.

You cannot make someone want to be with you, especially by talking to them or giving ultimatums. They have to want it themselves, through their own volition, it's non-negotiable. All of your behaviors only serve to make you look desperate in her eyes, which means you have to let it go. There's no point in trying to teach her any lesson by leaving her a letter telling her you're done etc., it's been over for her for a while now. A clean break with no contact is definitely what the doctor ordered.

Your focus should be other women now.

 

[amoka]

If you can live without your belongings at her place, don't bother calling her. Boxing and leaving things at the front of her door, to her, will be a sign of you "checking on her". Plus who is to say she won't claim things are "missing"? Do what Danger said: box her things and put them in your closet. Six months after you've stabilize yourself with another girl, contact her for exchange of things. (Make sure you have no feelings for her any longer... it will only help if you have another chick banging.)

 

[mikeraw]

This is the Metaphysical thread:


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

 

[Colossus]

Unless you really, really need the stuff you have at her house, forget it. And forget about her stuff, she can fvcking come get it herself if she wants it so bad.

 

[Sinistar]

Needing to get stuff back (unless really valuable) = denial / excuse to contact.

Box it. Stow it. Forget it.

 

[jophil28]

Agreed. Again, we've been there before.

One thing to add. When you box your stuff up, and go 100 No Contact, SHE may contact YOU about her stuff, and yours.

She may be honestly inquiring about getting her things back. But it's more likely that she's looking for an excuse to sniff around and see how your life is going now that you've completely forgotten about her a$$. This will probably coincide with when she's been rejected and/or you've found a new girl(s). Don't take the bait! Stay indifferent, figure out a way to exchange goods with as little hassle and interaction as possible, and go back to silence.

Or just ignore until you're ready. But whatever you do, don't use HER contacting you as an excuse. It's a classic pitfall but easy to avoid if you are aware.

Wise words indeed, Sam. The exchange of stuff can easily progress into a cup of coffee which can lead into a late dinner "as friends only" , and then about midnight you are balls deep in the same nutjob that you posted here about. That puts you back in her frame, and you are back in the same situation with the same woman.
I have made this very mistake - the same two people getting together trying to produce a DIFFERENT outcome. Never works.

The best way to solve this dilemma of returning the "stuff" is to have a buddy do the exchange for you . Stay away from her ! ( it may sound lame that you are asking a friend to do your heavy lifting for you, but No Contact means NO contact)

 

[sodbuster]

During my divorce,when we were dividing up the furniture I picked right and SHE ended up with every piece of furniture we ever had sex on. I don't ever look at a piece of furniture and "remember when"

 

[JimmyBizzle]

One thing I did just remember is that she has a key to my place. Should I be concerned about this or not worry?

 

[brokenupinside]

One thing I did just remember is that she has a key to my place. Should I be concerned about this or not worry?

Are you kidding?
Change the lock PRONTO!!!!!:crazy:

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Alright so I've been maintaining the no contact thing and she finally sent me a text just a little bit ago that simply said:

"I'm stopping by"

I'm not home right now so I just said:

"I'm not there"

and she just said "Ok"

My gut is saying she's either coming by to talk about things or just to get her stuff, how would you guys handle this?

 

[jophil28]

Alright so I've been maintaining the no contact thing and she finally sent me a text just a little bit ago that simply said:

"I'm stopping by"

I'm not home right now so I just said:

"I'm not there"

and she just said "Ok"

My gut is saying she's either coming by to talk about things or just to get her stuff, how would you guys handle this?

Your reply left doubt about your committment to NO Contact.

"I'm not there" could interpreted by her as your likely willingness to meet with her IF you were at home. Of course she will probably read it that way because she wants it that way.

No Contact means NO Contact- in particular, in person..


THis is better-

She texts," I'm stopping by."

You," NO "

She will perhaps then try to pester you into a meeting which serves HER agenda (whatever that is)
Just keep texting "NO" . Do it three times and then go to radio silence.

Remember that women believe that it is their right to run relationships and to end them when it no longer suits. She is entitled to be the dumper, apparently.
IF YOU have inititiated the breakup, she will feel that the ending was not her idea and therefor she has a duty to put this right be hoovering you back so that she can dump you.
Women will often go to extraordinary lengths to have the last word.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

I know that, but she still has a key to my place so she could just stop by if she wanted regardless and let herself in, which I really don't want her to do.

Plus just knowing her, if I had been at my place and just ignored her text she would've just showed up regardless cause that's how she is. I still don't want to talk to her cause I'm still pretty pissed off at her.

 

[jophil28]

I know that, but she still has a key to my place so she could just stop by if she wanted regardless and let herself in, which I really don't want her to do.

Plus just knowing her, if I had been at my place and just ignored her text she would've just showed up regardless cause that's how she is. I still don't want to talk to her cause I'm still pretty pissed off at her.

Simple solution - call a locksmith and change the locks .
Let her knock on your door until her knuckles bleed.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

UPDATE:

First off I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me their invaluable input and who shared their past experiences with me. This thread and this site has really helped give me the kick in my butt and my head that I really needed to see what was really going on with my relationship. Deep down, I knew everything all along, I was just blinded by infatuation and didn't want to believe it.

You'll all be happy to know that I have stuck to no contact and have moved on. I've been working a ton to make some mad money and to keep my mind off her. I've also been reconnecting with some old friends that i have neglected during my past relationship, which is also something I vow to NEVER do again.

Never again will I put a girl on a pedestal and make her the number one priority in my life. Never again.

Since I have moved on my social life has been amazing, especially with women. I've been banging a new chick I know through a friend and have been having the time of my life.

So thanks again to everyone for the help. I'm going to post something to the main discussion forum about all this cause I want other guys to be able to find the kind of advice you all gave me here when they do a search on this whole topic, because this has been invaluable to me.

Well that's enough of this crap, let's all go live some kick ass lives now! Peace out.

 

[AMDG]

Thoughts or suggestions?

A long time ago a girl left some items at my place ( she was sleeping there ) , saying she will come back in a day, phoned me to say she will be late, then no contact - ( she was ok - she posted after that new images on her net account ). I tried to call her back the first and second day - phone was shut down. When the phone was back on I stopped calling, and donated her stuff. Case closed for me. Many told me - go back after her at her house/workplace ( she presented me even to her colleagues ), but no thanks.

 

[sodbuster]

sometimes they leave inconsequential stuff at your house so they have an excuse to come and get it[if they want to renew the ralationship]. Just another ploy they've read in a womans mag somehwere

 

[jophil28]

sometimes they leave inconsequential stuff at your house so they have an excuse to come and get it[if they want to renew the ralationship]. Just another ploy they've read in a womans mag somehwere

Yeah, but I am not sure that leaving stuff behind in your bedroom is a conscious act many times - but then again I am also not convinced that most of what woman do in relationships is done in a state of consciousness. More like a fog of emotional confusion .