LTR ex-gf married and still wants me

[loser-it]

Hi guys,

I know this whole thing sounds very stupid but I feel kinda down right now with the situation.

I was with this girl for 8 years and I never thought I would want to marry her. I made it very clear that I wouldn't marry her so she finally decided to find another guy to marry. She found it and got married quickly. I was fine with it actually until she showed up again a few days ago at my door step only 4 months after her wedding.

We talked a lot and she told me how much she wanted me to marry her but I never popped the question. At times we were both crying and sad. I did not know I really still like her that much but I do. We made out and even had sex.

Thou shall not commit adultery but we did it. I am not even sure if either of us felt any guilt. She would ask me hypothetical questions such as would I want her if she divorced the guy. The bottom line is she would much rather marry me then her husband.

I just feel I don't know what the hell is going on. Why do I still have such strong feelings for her? I am the one she wants but why didn't I want to marry her? I am not even sure if there will be any other girl that can replace her in my heart. Will both of us be happy?

I know you guys probably will come down on me hard on this. I just needed a place to talk about it.

 

[5string]

I'm not gonna come down hard on you. What's done is done.

I think she "settled" for this guy and realizes she made a huge mistake. Thus, she branch swinged back to you. One thing you now know is that she is a cheater. Nothing is possible with her now as she has cheated on her husband and you are aware she may very well cheat on you if she divorced and you took her back.

No way you could be happy with her.

Let it go.

 

[EvilAgenda]

I was with this girl for 8 years and I never thought I would want to marry her. I made it very clear that I wouldn't marry her

You've made your decision. Do not go back on it just because she reached out to you.

You are a DJ. You made the choices of living life for pleasure, that's your commitment. You are already committed and therefore cannot commit to any woman. It is your biggest attractive quality. It's your gift and your curse. You must live with the consequences.

From the story, I sense that she will always want you as long as you do not marry her. The moment you marry her, the moment she "GETS YOU," the attraction will fade away over time, as it happens in all marriages and all relationships.

You won't be happy with her. Don't let this moment of delusions play tricks on you.

 

[speed dawg]

Stop acting like a whiny pvssy. You can't have it both ways. You made a decision you wouldn't marry her, now live with it. Cut her loose. Don't contact her, and don't reply to her attempts for contact.

 

[Delly2000]

Hey man...

To be honest. I actually am posing the same question to myself. I dated the girl for 5 years. She asked me to marry her but I didnt want to. Wasnt ready..not right girl. She treated me well. A part of me really cared about her but I wasnt ready to take the plunge. So a few months go by and she dated, and eventually found someone and they fell in love...all in the span of 3 weeks (she claimed she dated the guy for a month..i think thats a lie). They look happy together. Hold hands and such. I think its kinda soon..but i guess when u know u just know. Dont know what happened to taking it slow.

I guess in ur case it was a rebound. She even went as far as marrying the dude. Wtf? Not working out with him so she coming back to u. Its not gonna work out for him or u with this girl. Not gonna work out for you because she left you and got MARRIED to another guy. I bet she would have been real happy to see u suffer without her. Girls are dumb.

Man u dont want her after some guy been up all in her. Dont fall in love with her...she proved it to you what she all about. I know it aint right but I would say have her as a FB and look for something else. Like a good quality girl u really dig and really digs you and leave this convuluted garbage of a situation behind. She made her bed now let her sleep in it.

 

[In2theGame]

Hey man...

To be honest. I actually am posing the same question to myself. I dated the girl for 5 years. She asked me to marry her but I didnt want to. Wasnt ready..not right girl. She treated me well. A part of me really cared about her but I wasnt ready to take the plunge. So a few months go by and she dated, and eventually found someone and they fell in love...all in the span of 3 weeks (she claimed she dated the guy for a month..i think thats a lie). They look happy together. Hold hands and such. I think its kinda soon..but i guess when u know u just know. Dont know what happened to taking it slow.

I guess in ur case it was a rebound. She even went as far as marrying the dude. Wtf? Not working out with him so she coming back to u. Its not gonna work out for him or u with this girl. Not gonna work out for you because she left you and got MARRIED to another guy. I bet she would have been real happy to see u suffer without her. Girls are dumb.

Man u dont want her after some guy been up all in her. Dont fall in love with her...she proved it to you what she all about. I know it aint right but I would say have her as a FB and look for something else. Like a good quality girl u really dig and really digs you and leave this convuluted garbage of a situation behind. She made her bed now let her sleep in it.

Strange isnt it,... My LTR ex 5 year relationship,... as soon as she ends it, i found out within a month that she is "in love" with her new bf and is moving in with him and getting married. incredible really...

 

[loser-it]

Thanks for all your feedback.

The past few days have been really hard. The more interaction I have with her, the more depressed I am afterward.

I feel I am going to miss her so much, but what is done is done. There is no turning back.

Thanks.

 

[mahoney]

Man u dont want her after some guy been up all in her.

but unless a girl is a virgin some guy will always have been up all in her, no?
not sure its practical to limit yourself to virgins

Strange isnt it,... My LTR ex 5 year relationship,... as soon as she ends it, i found out within a month that she is "in love" with her new bf and is moving in with him and getting married. incredible really...

actually i dont find this all that incredible. I tend to think people marry whoever they are with at a certain age (or time in life).

also i think that by the time a LTR has finished the girl (or dude), may well have subconsciously moved a lot closer to the (abstract or theoretical) idea of marriage but the relationship itself has now gone. the next relationship will have a very different starting point! things like 'im a bit older now', 'when do i have a baby', 'i'd like to live in a nicer house' the answers to all these questions will be very different now, to at the start of your own relationship with them 4,5,6,7 years previously

kind of like imagine being in a neighborhood that you love all day, and then at 6pm you've then got the bus over to a different neighborhood and by this time you realize you are hungry and you eat at a restaurant in this neighborhood - even tho you just spent 6 hours in a neighborhood you really love

 

[sexysuave]

I agree with this also, how are you gonna say "man yo udont' want her after some dude been all up in her" ?? LOL what kinda advice is that, and if you read his post, his girl is the one who WANTED him, wanted to marry him, not the other way around, so she DID NOT leave him really, he said that he made it clear to her that he did NOT want to marry her, after eight years together! Common now, this dude didn't want the chick and I guess thought the grass is greener on the other side. So this case is different from many of you other guys that just flat out get dumped cause your'e pu**ies. This guy could have had anythign he wanted with this girl, but he didn't want her. So her marrying someone else is perfectly fine (of course, if she was actually in love with the other guy lol ). Everythign that happened afterwards is the stuff that is actually pretty common. She was with him for 8 years and probably settled for the other dude, and then she started missing old boyfriend and reached out to him to see if there might be another chance. This is not totally crazy. My ex of 6 years spent about a year trying to get back with me, even when she had a boyfriend, so I'm not terribly surprised that this chick showed up to your door.

Now what you wanna do is truly your decision man. What really makes you happy? If you were completely honest with us, then it sounded like you really just DID NOT wanna spend the rest of your life with this girl. What you could be experiencing now is TEMPORARY pain and feeling of abandonment, but this WILL go away, I PROMISE YOU!!!! However, if you lied (to make your self look better or somethign) and truly are in love with this girl and do want to spend the rest of your life with her, then fvck it, take her back. We only life this sh*t once man, you can't be worried about what ANYONE is gonna think, so do what makes you happy. Do this knowing that she did cheat with her current husband, so you would be relying on hope that she only cheated because you (the only man of her life) were in question and it is you and only you and no one else that she ever wants. So yes there is some risk because she cheated, but if actually really do want this girl and think you will be happy with her and she is the one for you, than just take her and pray to GOD that she only cheated because of you (let's be honest, it's not like she went and fvcked a random, she came back to her boyfriend of 8 years, and the guy that she wanted to marry all along).

And I have to agree with Mahoney again that girls at some point reach a certain age and just marry who they are with. It doesnt' mean that they are happier (they may be), but they are at an age where their biological clock is saying "time to settle down, time to reproduce, time to get tied up while your looks are still working).

 

[loser-it]

Thanks for a such sensible and positive post! What I said was totally true: I was the one who left her behind when the time came. She felt abandoned by me and she turned 30 so in her mind it was her time to settle down.

She told me she is not sure if it's the right decision to marry. She also realized it was stupid to do so just for a piece of paper which didn't really matter as long as we were still together.

All her words made me feel like she isn't completely happy and it was partly my fault. I do want her to be happy.

I never stop loving this girl. I just felt she wasn't "good" enough and I could find one better. However I haven't found a better one and when she came back I saw what I gave up.

At times the thought of her going back to her husband at night disgusts me and I just want to turn away and not deal with all these. At the same time I know I still care for her.

I wish she had waited it out for me instead of feeling like she had to rush into a marriage.

I agree with this also, how are you gonna say "man yo udont' want her after some dude been all up in her" ?? LOL what kinda advice is that, and if you read his post, his girl is the one who WANTED him, wanted to marry him, not the other way around, so she DID NOT leave him really, he said that he made it clear to her that he did NOT want to marry her, after eight years together! Common now, this dude didn't want the chick and I guess thought the grass is greener on the other side. So this case is different from many of you other guys that just flat out get dumped cause your'e pu**ies. This guy could have had anythign he wanted with this girl, but he didn't want her. So her marrying someone else is perfectly fine (of course, if she was actually in love with the other guy lol ). Everythign that happened afterwards is the stuff that is actually pretty common. She was with him for 8 years and probably settled for the other dude, and then she started missing old boyfriend and reached out to him to see if there might be another chance. This is not totally crazy. My ex of 6 years spent about a year trying to get back with me, even when she had a boyfriend, so I'm not terribly surprised that this chick showed up to your door.

Now what you wanna do is truly your decision man. What really makes you happy? If you were completely honest with us, then it sounded like you really just DID NOT wanna spend the rest of your life with this girl. What you could be experiencing now is TEMPORARY pain and feeling of abandonment, but this WILL go away, I PROMISE YOU!!!! However, if you lied (to make your self look better or somethign) and truly are in love with this girl and do want to spend the rest of your life with her, then fvck it, take her back. We only life this sh*t once man, you can't be worried about what ANYONE is gonna think, so do what makes you happy. Do this knowing that she did cheat with her current husband, so you would be relying on hope that she only cheated because you (the only man of her life) were in question and it is you and only you and no one else that she ever wants. So yes there is some risk because she cheated, but if actually really do want this girl and think you will be happy with her and she is the one for you, than just take her and pray to GOD that she only cheated because of you (let's be honest, it's not like she went and fvcked a random, she came back to her boyfriend of 8 years, and the guy that she wanted to marry all along).

And I have to agree with Mahoney again that girls at some point reach a certain age and just marry who they are with. It doesnt' mean that they are happier (they may be), but they are at an age where their biological clock is saying "time to settle down, time to reproduce, time to get tied up while your looks are still working).

 

[Masculinity]

You don't want to marry her because you're a DJ and you have a good idea of what marriage (for the most part) can do to a relationship. Don't doubt your own ground. I'm sure there is a reason why you decided this.

In my opinion, being married only guarantees she'll leave with half of your sh!t if it gets ugly and you guys decide to divorce. I'm going to use an analogy my friend used on e recently. I number-closed an hb7 eight years older than me who was pretty shy; this is the conversation with my buddy:

me: Do you approve?
him: Hmm...she's too old for you
me: I don't wana wife her and knock her up, though
him.: still, women around that age are looking to settle down. You are a wild stallion and she is a timid horse. You would just break her apart (this is true). You need to find yourself that can keep up with you. I think that's the kind of relationship you would enjoy the most.
me: she can make a great submissive sex partner!
him:

Overall, the message I'm trying to give you is that if you must find what works for you. If you don't want to get married then don't. This chick CHEATED on her HUSBAND with you. What do you think is the probability of her doing the same to YOU once she is your wife? I mean, she already did with you, right? Think about that. Do not even consider marrying this chick.

Enjoy the sex and hope the husband isn't a marine. The more you reject her. the more she'll stick to you.

 

[Delly2000]

I think its good advice that the OP should not want to be with a woman when she left him for another dude to have all types of sex with. I think some may have miscontrued what I said...I an not saying i expect the next girl i date to be a virgin..that would be obsurd (although it would be nice..lol)...just that with me I am a "clean slate".

He even brings it up as one of his conerns when she leaves him to go back to the husband. His jealousy isnt because they are sitting around having tea but becasue they are having sex.



I am going to openly admit that the new guy is a rebound. She obviously had deep feelings for you especially if she was with you for 8 years. But she got married to him. She was thinking about herself. She is sleeping with her husband. They are having laughs together etc. She maybe faking part of it but when she got married she was saying to the world and you that she loved this guy. How did she think her getting married to some other dude would make you feel?

When she cheated on her husband it was all about her. Not love. She is confused and now she is confusing you and betraying him.

Have an honest assesment with yourself man. Not sure of your age but if you really really loved her and could not see yourself being with anyone else you would have married her. Have you never dated a girl that you were crazy about maybe because she was so sexy or you two had a deep connection?

I think what you are feeling is pride man. Cut this girl loose and teach her a a few valuable lessons. One not to rebound until her feelings for someone are gone. Two not to marry someoen they dont love. Three...not to cheat on their husbands.

 

[supremacy]

We made out and even had sex.

NOT COOL!
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

YOU DON'T GO AROUND SHAGGING MARRIED WOMEN!
There is being a DJ and being a fooking pr1ck and you became the latter.

Tell her to fook off where she came from.
She is messed up in the head and is emotionally everywhere. That is not a chick you want to be with, I don't care how much you think you know her.

You were right not to marry her, her cheating on her husband proves it!!!!!

You are no different, she will **** him once she marries you.

You are pathetic and weak if you carry on seeing her.

Be a man and find someone worthy ffs.