LTR - Dealing with the EX Boyfriend

[Reyaj]

Whether you are in an LTR or not I wanted to see what the consensus was in regards to the proper attitude toward your signifcant other's ex boyfriend.

Here's a couple of questions:

1.) Would you allow them to be friends?
2.) If you did would you allow yourself to become his friend?

If you choose to Forbid this:

If you were out with her and came across him in a public outlet i.g. shopping mall Would you shake his hand?

If your girlfriend said he was a bad guy but he offered his hand out, what do you do?

 

[SBW]

Been here before a few times in the past.

In most cases, any remaining contact between gf & ex tended to be just civil and any contact was social rather than personal - parties, night outs etc but in a couple of cases, there was a closer friendship but the ex bf was in a new relationship by then

In those situations, I did shake hands without a problem.

In my last LTR, I was initially very concerned about her ex, based on what she told me but in the end, I gained a good deal of respect for the guy after I began to appreciate what he had dealt with when her longstanding psych problems flared-up again. He also helped both myself and her, despite being in a new relationship himself when her self-destructive behaviour took over big-time.

 

[vitor]

The only reason I am friends with my Ex's is because if I am bored or lonely I hope to sleep with them...

 

[Bible_Belt]

1.) Would you allow them to be friends?

They shouldn't be hanging out together just for fun, but I don't mind texting or facebook. Women will always cultivate their options for the event that your relationship ends. It's easier and more effective to simply fight fire with fire and do the same thing for yourself. An ex who wants you back badly enough to keep the invitation open is like a nuclear weapon - it's ok when both sides have them, because then neither side wants to use them. Problems arise when there is an imbalance, and only one side of the relationship has options.


2.) If you did would you allow yourself to become his friend?

No, there's no point. The friendship would be false and contrived. I respect everybody, but I have very few real friends. The other guy would always put getting laid ahead of whatever politeness had passed between the two of you.

 

[Reyaj]

1.) Would you allow them to be friends?

They shouldn't be hanging out together just for fun, but I don't mind texting or facebook. Women will always cultivate their options for the event that your relationship ends. It's easier and more effective to simply fight fire with fire and do the same thing for yourself. An ex who wants you back badly enough to keep the invitation open is like a nuclear weapon - it's ok when both sides have them, because then neither side wants to use them. Problems arise when there is an imbalance, and only one side of the relationship has options.


2.) If you did would you allow yourself to become his friend?

No, there's no point. The friendship would be false and contrived. I respect everybody, but I have very few real friends. The other guy would always put getting laid ahead of whatever politeness had passed between the two of you.

I currently am in the camp of there being no contact with ex relationships. That being said how about my last question... Would you shake hands with an ex-boyfriend if you met him out with your girlfriend somewhere? What if your gf told you he treated her bad... does that make any difference?

 

[catman]

I currently am in the camp of there being no contact with ex relationships. That being said how about my last question... Would you shake hands with an ex-boyfriend if you met him out with your girlfriend somewhere? What if your gf told you he treated her bad... does that make any difference?

Im also in the no-contact camp as well i also dont like the facebook and i cant stand the texting!! I have my own facebook with a couple ex-gfs and i came to the conclusion that this constant internet- facebook-tagged thing causes guess what? DRAMA lots and lots of it Women love it im hateing it!! As far as the other question i learned a long long time ago this statement almost always holds true: Women never like the the women you had before them.Doesnt matter if you were married to them,dated them,or just had a ONs with them.They will not like them period. If they act like they do its fake trust me. Unless the ex beat her i would shake his hand why not?Hell i might even ask him some stuff about her if i thought he was cool and would give me an honest answer? U could learn from his mistakes and get a feel of her character as well if you trust him?

 

[horaholic]

yes you should shake his hand. What wen ton between them in the past is between them. Shake his hand as you would meeting one of your buddies freinds. If he is cool, you could be his friend, but it might piss your GF off. He is just a person. Hell, if you were buddies, you could call him up when she pisses you off and ask if she pulled that shyt with him. Do this right in front of her, of course.

 

[KontrollerX]

"1.) Would you allow them to be friends?"

Its not a question of "would I allow that?"

I'd never get involved with a girl who insisted on keeping her ex in her life to begin with and neither would any other sane male out there.

What characterizes beta behavior the most strongly is that beta behavior at its core is self defeating but since many aspects of it are promoted by our feminized emasculated society as good and proper the beta male has the self defeating beta mindset continually re-inforced.

"2.) If you did would you allow yourself to become his friend?"

No.

I'm interested in the girl I'm with not the guy she use to be with.

That said just because I would not become his friend does not mean I'd suddenly start acting hostile towards him.

I'd be neutral but then again since I'm an alpha I wouldn't have to act any which way to an ex of my current girl since that ex would not be anywhere near her current life if I was in it.

Then you might ask if I'd allow an ex in a current girl of mine's life if they have a kid together and I'd answer if the girl is just my fvck buddy I could care less if the ex and her meet up to exchange the kid for this week or that and I could care less if they even got back together or simply started fvcking for her to have a little extra fun in addition to me on the side...since a fvckbuddy scenario is not a real relationship but just having fun I really could give a fvck what she does.

Then you might ask well what if you wanted to have a real relationship with a girl who has a kid with an ex?

And I'd answer I would not have a real relationship with a girl who has a kid with an ex as that keeps that guy in her life and puts me in the beta position of raising another male's seed.

I am not a self defeating beta and so would never put myself in that undesireable position of overwhelming genetic cuckoldery.

Then you might ask well what if the guy and the kid both died in a car accident? What then??

Then I'd say if she's a decent chick I'd consider giving her a go for a real relationship in that scenario...unless of course she had any other ex living boyfriends in the background as well kids with other daddies for me to worry about.

Say no to cuckoldery and raising other men's seed guys as well say no to beta male fagg0try of tolerating an ex in your current girl's life.

You are just setting yourself up to be played if you do that as women in these situations are only using you both for attention but ultimately to make their ex jealous so that after she's pissed him off long enough to pay him back for some perceived slight of his to her she can then drop you and take him back.

That or she simply wants to sample a little strange for a while before going back to the man she really wants to spend the rest of her life with.

"If you were out with her and came across him in a public outlet i.g. shopping mall Would you shake his hand?

If your girlfriend said he was a bad guy but he offered his hand out, what do you do?"

The only way this could happen to me is if the girl had kept the ex out of her life long enough to get me hooked on her and I was one day suddenly surprised by us encountering the guy in public.

Regardless of what she would say I'd shake the guys hand to avoid an awkward moment and because I know women lie all the time about how bad a previous guy was so in reality he'd probably not be too bad of a human being anyway so why should I pre-judge him?

Then if she started gradually suggesting that she and him still want to be friends I'd gently lean in, softly whisper to her, "thats nice", then I'd lightly kiss her and say "thats your goodbye kiss" and I'd walk out that door to find a new girlfriend.

Hope this answers your questions kid? :yes:

 

[Slickster]

"1.) Would you allow them to be friends?"

Its not a question of "would I allow that?"

I'd never get involved with a girl who insisted on keeping her ex in her life to begin with and neither would any other sane male out there.

What characterizes beta behavior the most strongly is that beta behavior at its core is self defeating but since many aspects of it are promoted by our feminized emasculated society as good and proper the beta male has the self defeating beta mindset continually re-inforced.

"2.) If you did would you allow yourself to become his friend?"

No.

I'm interested in the girl I'm with not the guy she use to be with.

That said just because I would not become his friend does not mean I'd suddenly start acting hostile towards him.

I'd be neutral but then again since I'm an alpha I wouldn't have to act any which way to an ex of my current girl since that ex would not be anywhere near her current life if I was in it.

Then you might ask if I'd allow an ex in a current girl of mine's life if they have a kid together and I'd answer if the girl is just my fvck buddy I could care less if the ex and her meet up to exchange the kid for this week or that and I could care less if they even got back together or simply started fvcking for her to have a little extra fun in addition to me on the side...since a fvckbuddy scenario is not a real relationship but just having fun I really could give a fvck what she does.

Then you might ask well what if you wanted to have a real relationship with a girl who has a kid with an ex?

And I'd answer I would not have a real relationship with a girl who has a kid with an ex as that keeps that guy in her life and puts me in the beta position of raising another male's seed.

I am not a self defeating beta and so would never put myself in that undesireable position of overwhelming genetic cuckoldery.

Then you might ask well what if the guy and the kid both died in a car accident? What then??

Then I'd say if she's a decent chick I'd consider giving her a go for a real relationship in that scenario...unless of course she had any other ex living boyfriends in the background as well kids with other daddies for me to worry about.

Say no to cuckoldery and raising other men's seed guys as well say no to beta male fagg0try of tolerating an ex in your current girl's life.

You are just setting yourself up to be played if you do that as women in these situations are only using you both for attention but ultimately to make their ex jealous so that after she's pissed him off long enough to pay him back for some perceived slight of his to her she can then drop you and take him back.

That or she simply wants to sample a little strange for a while before going back to the man she really wants to spend the rest of her life with.

"If you were out with her and came across him in a public outlet i.g. shopping mall Would you shake his hand?

If your girlfriend said he was a bad guy but he offered his hand out, what do you do?"

The only way this could happen to me is if the girl had kept the ex out of her life long enough to get me hooked on her and I was one day suddenly surprised by us encountering the guy in public.

Regardless of what she would say I'd shake the guys hand to avoid an awkward moment and because I know women lie all the time about how bad a previous guy was so in reality he'd probably not be too bad of a human being anyway so why should I pre-judge him?

Then if she started gradually suggesting that she and him still want to be friends I'd gently lean in, softly whisper to her, "thats nice", then I'd lightly kiss her and say "thats your goodbye kiss" and I'd walk out that door to find a new girlfriend.

Hope this answers your questions kid? :yes:

The only response worth reading.

Good post.

 

[Reyaj]

catman and horalic thanks for feedback. I can tell there's a lot of mixed views on here but the 1 thing that is constant is that shaking the ex's hand is a plausible move. If for nothing else to not cause unnecessary drama.

As far as him beating her... I have to be honest I really don't know what the deal was. I asked her this point blank and she said that he didn't but she's also alluded to the fact that he was abusive in some manner. But Kontroller makes a great point about how women lie about a guy based on her reality of their situation. I can definitely see this as a possibility.

"1.) Would you allow them to be friends?"

Its not a question of "would I allow that?"

I'd never get involved with a girl who insisted on keeping her ex in her life to begin with and neither would any other sane male out there.

What characterizes beta behavior the most strongly is that beta behavior at its core is self defeating but since many aspects of it are promoted by our feminized emasculated society as good and proper the beta male has the self defeating beta mindset continually re-inforced.

"2.) If you did would you allow yourself to become his friend?"

No.

I'm interested in the girl I'm with not the guy she use to be with.

That said just because I would not become his friend does not mean I'd suddenly start acting hostile towards him.

I'd be neutral but then again since I'm an alpha I wouldn't have to act any which way to an ex of my current girl since that ex would not be anywhere near her current life if I was in it.

Then you might ask if I'd allow an ex in a current girl of mine's life if they have a kid together and I'd answer if the girl is just my fvck buddy I could care less if the ex and her meet up to exchange the kid for this week or that and I could care less if they even got back together or simply started fvcking for her to have a little extra fun in addition to me on the side...since a fvckbuddy scenario is not a real relationship but just having fun I really could give a fvck what she does.

Then you might ask well what if you wanted to have a real relationship with a girl who has a kid with an ex?

And I'd answer I would not have a real relationship with a girl who has a kid with an ex as that keeps that guy in her life and puts me in the beta position of raising another male's seed.

I am not a self defeating beta and so would never put myself in that undesireable position of overwhelming genetic cuckoldery.

Then you might ask well what if the guy and the kid both died in a car accident? What then??

Then I'd say if she's a decent chick I'd consider giving her a go for a real relationship in that scenario...unless of course she had any other ex living boyfriends in the background as well kids with other daddies for me to worry about.

Say no to cuckoldery and raising other men's seed guys as well say no to beta male fagg0try of tolerating an ex in your current girl's life.

You are just setting yourself up to be played if you do that as women in these situations are only using you both for attention but ultimately to make their ex jealous so that after she's pissed him off long enough to pay him back for some perceived slight of his to her she can then drop you and take him back.

That or she simply wants to sample a little strange for a while before going back to the man she really wants to spend the rest of her life with.

"If you were out with her and came across him in a public outlet i.g. shopping mall Would you shake his hand?

If your girlfriend said he was a bad guy but he offered his hand out, what do you do?"

The only way this could happen to me is if the girl had kept the ex out of her life long enough to get me hooked on her and I was one day suddenly surprised by us encountering the guy in public.

Regardless of what she would say I'd shake the guys hand to avoid an awkward moment and because I know women lie all the time about how bad a previous guy was so in reality he'd probably not be too bad of a human being anyway so why should I pre-judge him?

Then if she started gradually suggesting that she and him still want to be friends I'd gently lean in, softly whisper to her, "thats nice", then I'd lightly kiss her and say "thats your goodbye kiss" and I'd walk out that door to find a new girlfriend.

Hope this answers your questions kid? :yes:

I agree with practically everything you said Kontroller. Believe me I'm no fool. I guess I was vague with my initial post so let me clarify my personal situation on this matter.

She does not have a baby with this guy or anything like that. What it was is that he was the guy she lost her virginity too... So supposedly he was an azzhole and she broke up with him. But then they still probably were together after that since they had the same group of friends and still would see each other.

When she met me she told me he still called her and he would sometimes be over her friend's house.

She then said "he might ask me to hang out sometimes as friends is that ok?"

I responded "listen we are just dating right now so I honestly don't care what you do, and vice versa for me. However if we were in a relationship I would not allow this"

She complied.

We have been in a relationship and she tells me he calls sometimes. I told her to stop answering the phone and she hasn't since. She even mitigated hanging around their mutual friends to reduce their encounters.

Now... I did have a huge fight with her last week because I noticed he was on her facebook. She said she wasn't thinking when she accepted the friend request. She said I could go onto her facebook and delete him,all she cares about is our relationship. Now if I were reading what I just wrote here I'd think it was BS too.. but I know her and I really believe it was just an air head move. She saw the request, just clicked it, and continued doing what she was doing. The point is she complies with all my solid rules.

The only reason I bring this up is because he lives in the same area.. and if I'm out somewhere around there, there's a chance we might randomly bump into him just like you bump into people you know in your town at the store or the mall etc...

So I just wasn't sure if I should shake his hand and be done with it. What if they kiss on the cheek or something? Should I forbid this or act like I don't care....

Thanks all.

 

[speed dawg]

I want nothing to do with ex's. I will be friendly in public to anyone, unless I don't like you.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

He's probably an AFC anyways.

But see that you do not become AFC by worrying about such trivial matters.