Hi everyone,
Me (26) and my GF (27) have been dating for a little over 6 years now. She has terrible anxiety. Over the years this anxiety has often been at the cost of me and everyone around her. Some examples: she won't take any pictures with anyone, including me, unless she feels like she looks absolutely perfect. She bought me some kind of present for us to enjoy while having sex, but won't give it to me unless she can "properly prepare for me". She'll stress out about picking out clothes to go out to simple hang out at the mall to the point where she cries and just flakes on me and even her friends. I've been very understanding of her anxiety but made it clear in the past we can't keep going on like this without improvement.
She's been doing a lot better recently making time for me and overcoming her anxiety. Last weekend she asked if I wanted to spend some alone time with her at my apartment since we havent had a lot of alone time. I said sure. She then tells me she just learned that her family is traveling to a nearby town. No problem enjoy your trip, I tell her. Next day, she tells me she decided not to go with her family and we can hang out over the weekend if I want. I say "Sure come on over in the evening and we can have a relaxing weekend together". She then wakes up super late on Saturday tells me "I just woke up, i'll let you know if can still make it over".
Alright so the signs are already appearing that she will flake. I call her at around 5 pm to see if she's coming over, and she is clearly having anxiety over packing to come over and that it is "already getting dark outside". I telling her it's fine, just quickly pack her stuff and i'll see you in an hour or 2. She then texts me "I'm frustrated can I come over another time?". I let her know that I was looking forward to spending alone time with her but fine. She gives some excuses about working in the morning (from home mind you) I try to reason with her, but then quickly realize the futility and tell her "Alright good luck with your work then". She then texts me "I <3 you" the next morning.
After ignoring her all day I reply with this;
Me: "It was disrespectful of you to flake on me like that. I get it, you're busy, and you need to work, and it stresses you out. These are things we could worked around, but instead you put me on the bottom priority. We're going to have to deal wth work the rest of our relationship and I don't want it to be this way".
Her: "I understand, I didn't mean to flake on you. I know I made it sound like my main reason for not going over was because I had things to do in the morning, but it was also because of anxiety. I tried really to fight it, but it was too overwhelming. I'm still working on it but some days it get the best of me. I'm sorry if you canceled plans or cleaned up your place and then felt like you were an afterthought. I was so consumed with my problems that I didn't think of how my actions affected and how you spend your day. I'm sorry. I'm glad you let me know how you felt though because it didn't seem like you were upset about it".
It was a good apology but I was very frustrated since this has happened in the past. I then sent a 3 page text explaining how her inaction from anxiety causes more harm then if she ****ed up, how it has affected our relationship, and what I want out of the relationship going forward. That was Monday morning and she hasn't replied since then. My questions to you guys are these:
Did I handle the situation properly?
Should I have left it at her apology and not continued to beat in the point with my 3 page text?
And should I continue to wait for her to contact me, or should I eventually call her?
Best Regards,
A guy getting back into an alpha mindset
Me (26) and my GF (27) have been dating for a little over 6 years now. She has terrible anxiety. Over the years this anxiety has often been at the cost of me and everyone around her. Some examples: she won't take any pictures with anyone, including me, unless she feels like she looks absolutely perfect. She bought me some kind of present for us to enjoy while having sex, but won't give it to me unless she can "properly prepare for me". She'll stress out about picking out clothes to go out to simple hang out at the mall to the point where she cries and just flakes on me and even her friends. I've been very understanding of her anxiety but made it clear in the past we can't keep going on like this without improvement.
She's been doing a lot better recently making time for me and overcoming her anxiety. Last weekend she asked if I wanted to spend some alone time with her at my apartment since we havent had a lot of alone time. I said sure. She then tells me she just learned that her family is traveling to a nearby town. No problem enjoy your trip, I tell her. Next day, she tells me she decided not to go with her family and we can hang out over the weekend if I want. I say "Sure come on over in the evening and we can have a relaxing weekend together". She then wakes up super late on Saturday tells me "I just woke up, i'll let you know if can still make it over".
Alright so the signs are already appearing that she will flake. I call her at around 5 pm to see if she's coming over, and she is clearly having anxiety over packing to come over and that it is "already getting dark outside". I telling her it's fine, just quickly pack her stuff and i'll see you in an hour or 2. She then texts me "I'm frustrated can I come over another time?". I let her know that I was looking forward to spending alone time with her but fine. She gives some excuses about working in the morning (from home mind you) I try to reason with her, but then quickly realize the futility and tell her "Alright good luck with your work then". She then texts me "I <3 you" the next morning.
After ignoring her all day I reply with this;
Me: "It was disrespectful of you to flake on me like that. I get it, you're busy, and you need to work, and it stresses you out. These are things we could worked around, but instead you put me on the bottom priority. We're going to have to deal wth work the rest of our relationship and I don't want it to be this way".
Her: "I understand, I didn't mean to flake on you. I know I made it sound like my main reason for not going over was because I had things to do in the morning, but it was also because of anxiety. I tried really to fight it, but it was too overwhelming. I'm still working on it but some days it get the best of me. I'm sorry if you canceled plans or cleaned up your place and then felt like you were an afterthought. I was so consumed with my problems that I didn't think of how my actions affected and how you spend your day. I'm sorry. I'm glad you let me know how you felt though because it didn't seem like you were upset about it".
It was a good apology but I was very frustrated since this has happened in the past. I then sent a 3 page text explaining how her inaction from anxiety causes more harm then if she ****ed up, how it has affected our relationship, and what I want out of the relationship going forward. That was Monday morning and she hasn't replied since then. My questions to you guys are these:
Did I handle the situation properly?
Should I have left it at her apology and not continued to beat in the point with my 3 page text?
And should I continue to wait for her to contact me, or should I eventually call her?
Best Regards,
A guy getting back into an alpha mindset
