Michael Chief
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2004
- Messages
- 432
- Reaction score
- 228
I matched with a really nice HB who happened to be very interested in the idea of polyamory (I am poly). I super-liked her without knowing she was poly, too. She seemed to fit everything that I was looking for: didn't mind that I was already in a relationship, very physically attractive, T&A for days, has a lot of detailed thoughts about poly, really open-minded, bisexual inclinations, sweet personality, good sense of humor, kinda similar music tastes, and doesn't seem to mind my shortcomings at all (I'm short and poor). She's also smart, which isn't necessarily something I look for, but it's impressive that she's got all that AND a double major plus a minor. She also does some adult modeling as well as photo editing for sexy modeling shoots, which was also something I liked. The only potential downside was that her English isn't that great (she's Korean), and my Korean isn't that great, so there's a little language barrier.
We had a nice chat where she expressed a lot of interest in discussing polyamory. It seemed like she didn't have anyone to talk to about it and didn't know any other polyamorous people. I have translated all the Korean into English in the following:
Me: hello (username) I am Mike what's your name?
Her: Call me by (username) for now! I was curious about polyamory because I haven't had the chance to talk about it with anyone else
Me: I am happy to talk about polyamory
but my Korean might not be fluent enough to explain every thought about it
Her: You can speak in English! Is it OK if I use Korean? I can understand English to a certain extent but I'm still not good at speaking it.
Me: Perfect! Good we can understand each other. Sometimes I might ask you if you use a hard word. Have you ever been in love with more than one person before?
Her: Yes, I thought something like polyamory was ideal even before I ever experienced love myself. But most people aren't like that so I only had "normal" relationships. I think love shouldn't be about possession.
Me: I agree with you 100%
Her: I think love is getting to know a person deeply and connecting emotionally! I'm not asexual but I think sex is just a side thing, like something that can just happen during that process. So, I was also interested in same-sex relationships, but I just never had the opportunity haha
Me: I guess we think the same way in a lot of ways. We should have a date and see what happens. Even if we don't have perfect chemistry we should still be friends.
*It's best to transition to talking about meeting up as soon as you feel like there's some excitement on their end. The bit about being friends if there isn't chemistry is useful to show a lack of desperation, as well as suggesting that there is already some kind of rapport or connection.
Her: Then Mike study Korean and I study English XD
Me: language exchange date lol
Her: lol can you understand Korean in person?
Me: Yes. Maybe.
Her: Would you like to eat something with cilantro? lol * My profile mentions that I like cilantro
Me: You like cilantro, too? I think Korean people who like cilantro are more open-minded XD
Her: Love it so much. lol But liking or disliking cilantro is a matter of genetics! did you know?
Me: ah yes i heard some people have a gene that makes cilantro taste like soap. what are you doing tonight?
*Trying to meet sooner is better than trying to meet later. Each day that passes after matching decreases the chance of meeting.
Her: hmmm tonight I have to watch (show or movie name) on Netflix. It's a bit dark but it's fun!
Me: but you can watch netflix anytime
Her: I promised to my friend a month ago that I would watch this with her today XD XD
Me: woooow I guess your schedule is packed and it's hard to meet you
Her: lol why
Me: are we meeting next month? lol
Her: I'm super J (MBTI) and my schedule is really packed... lol But maybe next week? maybe
Me: (my phone number) call me right now
Her: :O
The hotter the girl, the less likely she's used to texting and the more likely she's used to phone calls. Getting girls on the phone can be vital step. Over the phone we have some banter, flirt a little, and set up a fixed date to meet a week or so after. We also connected on instagram.
Between that time and the day of our scheduled first date, I texted her short messages intermittently to get a gauge on her interest level and potential to flake, but it didn't look good. She didn't reply to anything. When I tried calling on the day we were supposed to meet, the number no longer existed.
Looking back at all our past conversations, I couldn't find any reason for her to suddenly feel turned off by anything from my side. I predicted that she would still want to meet and talk about polyamory even if she lost interest in me as a prospective romantic/sexual partner. I thought it was very likely that her sudden ghosting was from a problem on her side. My intuition was telling me that she probably had a stalker and she had to change her number, and was probably dealing with all that drama. Girls that hot have that happen to them fairly often, after all.
It turns out my intuition was spot on. About a day after, she replies to my DM on instagram.
Me: changed phone number?
Her: Yes sorry to reply late. (phone number) this is my new number! I have a problem that will make it difficult for me to meet people for a while. Thank you for contacting me and I'm so sorry about that Can I see you when my problems are solved and I'm okay? I really want to talk about poly with you!
Me: Yes of course. I can wait as long as you need. But feel free to talk to me about your problems if you ever need someone to listen. I am a good listener
Her: TY mike (fire emoji)
Some days later, we get to DMing a bit again and I called her mid-convo. I build up some more rapport and she feels comfortable enough to tell me the full story. Her crazy ex-boyfriend called the police and told them that she was trying to kill herself (a lie) just so they can break down her door and he can see her face again. Going through crazy sh!t like that, I'm surprised she still wanted to meet so soon. If I were in her shoes I probably would have sworn off dating for a much longer time. During the call we arrange for a dinner date.
We finally meet near the restaurant we planned to go to, and there is immediately some good rapport. I greeted her with a hug, she accidentally stepped on my shoe, and I jokingly say that the date is canceled because I need to go to the hospital now. She's laughing and we're walking arm-in-arm to the restaurant.
There was some technical issue on Tinder that displayed her age incorrectly, so I asked her about that and jokingly accused her of being a scammer. These kinds of jokes are useful for first dates you meet from online dating so that it kind of disarms any potential fear she may have of you being dangerous.
When we get to the restaurant, I get some social proof that I didn't plan for. I recognize the server. My date gets the impression that I probably know people everywhere in the city, which isn't too far from the truth.
We talk about a lot of things over dinner, I show curiosity, and we eventually get to talking about attraction. She says that she always knows if she feels like someone is "just a friend" or if she could feel like there could be something more within the first few seconds of meeting them (and it's not just based on looks for any of you incels that may be reading this - she specifically mentioned confidence at some point). I look her straight in the eye and ask her what she felt about me when we first met outside, but she coyly said that she wasn't going to tell me. I confidently say that my guess is that she actually likes me because, logically, if she felt like I was only going to be "just a friend," she would have already told me by now. She continues to act coy and doesn't confirm anything verbally.
After dinner we head to a bar not too far from my place. We walk arm-in-arm or hand-in-hand whenever we move to any other places. I didn't get a chance to kino at the restaurant because we were facing each other across a table, but we sit side by side at the bar and do a bunch of little kino here and there. I also get more social proof because I know everyone at the bar. One of the things we discuss is love languages, which she wasn't familiar with. I have her take a love language test online on her phone while I chat with her intermittently about the questions on the test, my own test results, mixed with a little chatting with a friend nearby. I wasn't just awkwardly sitting there in silence as she took the online test lol
I take her to a second bar even closer to my home. I also know everyone there. I introduce her to a couple of my close friends who happen to be there. We grab a table in the back to get back to our date.
In terms of sexual framing, I brought up 3somes at the restaurant very casually since we talked a bit about polyamory, and I forgot what I did at the first bar but it was just light sexual framing. At this second bar, we got to talking a little bit about ****. I show her my **** test results and it seems to match up well enough with her own preferences. It usually does since I have higher scores in the categories associated with a more dominant role while most women have higher scores in categories associated with a more submissive role. The sexual framing seems to be working; she ends up taking the initiative to teach me some sexual Korean slang. After a little while, I tell her, "We don't have to have sex, but I want to take you to my place." She nods quickly. No hesitation. You can probably guess what happened after that.
Note the bounces. Going to more locations creates a time distortion - it will feel like the two of you have spent more time together than you actually have. It builds more trust and rapport because you are creating more memories with them.
We had a nice chat where she expressed a lot of interest in discussing polyamory. It seemed like she didn't have anyone to talk to about it and didn't know any other polyamorous people. I have translated all the Korean into English in the following:
Me: hello (username) I am Mike what's your name?
Her: Call me by (username) for now! I was curious about polyamory because I haven't had the chance to talk about it with anyone else
Me: I am happy to talk about polyamory
but my Korean might not be fluent enough to explain every thought about it Her: You can speak in English! Is it OK if I use Korean? I can understand English to a certain extent but I'm still not good at speaking it.
Me: Perfect! Good we can understand each other. Sometimes I might ask you if you use a hard word. Have you ever been in love with more than one person before?
Her: Yes, I thought something like polyamory was ideal even before I ever experienced love myself. But most people aren't like that so I only had "normal" relationships. I think love shouldn't be about possession.
Me: I agree with you 100%
Her: I think love is getting to know a person deeply and connecting emotionally! I'm not asexual but I think sex is just a side thing, like something that can just happen during that process. So, I was also interested in same-sex relationships, but I just never had the opportunity haha
Me: I guess we think the same way in a lot of ways. We should have a date and see what happens. Even if we don't have perfect chemistry we should still be friends.
*It's best to transition to talking about meeting up as soon as you feel like there's some excitement on their end. The bit about being friends if there isn't chemistry is useful to show a lack of desperation, as well as suggesting that there is already some kind of rapport or connection.
Her: Then Mike study Korean and I study English XD
Me: language exchange date lol
Her: lol can you understand Korean in person?
Me: Yes. Maybe.
Her: Would you like to eat something with cilantro? lol * My profile mentions that I like cilantro
Me: You like cilantro, too? I think Korean people who like cilantro are more open-minded XD
Her: Love it so much. lol But liking or disliking cilantro is a matter of genetics! did you know?
Me: ah yes i heard some people have a gene that makes cilantro taste like soap. what are you doing tonight?
*Trying to meet sooner is better than trying to meet later. Each day that passes after matching decreases the chance of meeting.
Her: hmmm tonight I have to watch (show or movie name) on Netflix. It's a bit dark but it's fun!
Me: but you can watch netflix anytime
Her: I promised to my friend a month ago that I would watch this with her today XD XD
Me: woooow I guess your schedule is packed and it's hard to meet you
Her: lol why
Me: are we meeting next month? lol
Her: I'm super J (MBTI) and my schedule is really packed... lol But maybe next week? maybe
Me: (my phone number) call me right now
Her: :O
The hotter the girl, the less likely she's used to texting and the more likely she's used to phone calls. Getting girls on the phone can be vital step. Over the phone we have some banter, flirt a little, and set up a fixed date to meet a week or so after. We also connected on instagram.
Between that time and the day of our scheduled first date, I texted her short messages intermittently to get a gauge on her interest level and potential to flake, but it didn't look good. She didn't reply to anything. When I tried calling on the day we were supposed to meet, the number no longer existed.
Looking back at all our past conversations, I couldn't find any reason for her to suddenly feel turned off by anything from my side. I predicted that she would still want to meet and talk about polyamory even if she lost interest in me as a prospective romantic/sexual partner. I thought it was very likely that her sudden ghosting was from a problem on her side. My intuition was telling me that she probably had a stalker and she had to change her number, and was probably dealing with all that drama. Girls that hot have that happen to them fairly often, after all.
It turns out my intuition was spot on. About a day after, she replies to my DM on instagram.
Me: changed phone number?
Her: Yes
sorry to reply late. (phone number) this is my new number! I have a problem that will make it difficult for me to meet people for a while. Thank you for contacting me and I'm so sorry about that Can I see you when my problems are solved and I'm okay? I really want to talk about poly with you!Me: Yes of course. I can wait as long as you need. But feel free to talk to me about your problems if you ever need someone to listen. I am a good listener
Her: TY mike (fire emoji)
Some days later, we get to DMing a bit again and I called her mid-convo. I build up some more rapport and she feels comfortable enough to tell me the full story. Her crazy ex-boyfriend called the police and told them that she was trying to kill herself (a lie) just so they can break down her door and he can see her face again. Going through crazy sh!t like that, I'm surprised she still wanted to meet so soon. If I were in her shoes I probably would have sworn off dating for a much longer time. During the call we arrange for a dinner date.
We finally meet near the restaurant we planned to go to, and there is immediately some good rapport. I greeted her with a hug, she accidentally stepped on my shoe, and I jokingly say that the date is canceled because I need to go to the hospital now. She's laughing and we're walking arm-in-arm to the restaurant.
There was some technical issue on Tinder that displayed her age incorrectly, so I asked her about that and jokingly accused her of being a scammer. These kinds of jokes are useful for first dates you meet from online dating so that it kind of disarms any potential fear she may have of you being dangerous.
When we get to the restaurant, I get some social proof that I didn't plan for. I recognize the server. My date gets the impression that I probably know people everywhere in the city, which isn't too far from the truth.
We talk about a lot of things over dinner, I show curiosity, and we eventually get to talking about attraction. She says that she always knows if she feels like someone is "just a friend" or if she could feel like there could be something more within the first few seconds of meeting them (and it's not just based on looks for any of you incels that may be reading this - she specifically mentioned confidence at some point). I look her straight in the eye and ask her what she felt about me when we first met outside, but she coyly said that she wasn't going to tell me. I confidently say that my guess is that she actually likes me because, logically, if she felt like I was only going to be "just a friend," she would have already told me by now. She continues to act coy and doesn't confirm anything verbally.
After dinner we head to a bar not too far from my place. We walk arm-in-arm or hand-in-hand whenever we move to any other places. I didn't get a chance to kino at the restaurant because we were facing each other across a table, but we sit side by side at the bar and do a bunch of little kino here and there. I also get more social proof because I know everyone at the bar. One of the things we discuss is love languages, which she wasn't familiar with. I have her take a love language test online on her phone while I chat with her intermittently about the questions on the test, my own test results, mixed with a little chatting with a friend nearby. I wasn't just awkwardly sitting there in silence as she took the online test lol
I take her to a second bar even closer to my home. I also know everyone there. I introduce her to a couple of my close friends who happen to be there. We grab a table in the back to get back to our date.
In terms of sexual framing, I brought up 3somes at the restaurant very casually since we talked a bit about polyamory, and I forgot what I did at the first bar but it was just light sexual framing. At this second bar, we got to talking a little bit about ****. I show her my **** test results and it seems to match up well enough with her own preferences. It usually does since I have higher scores in the categories associated with a more dominant role while most women have higher scores in categories associated with a more submissive role. The sexual framing seems to be working; she ends up taking the initiative to teach me some sexual Korean slang. After a little while, I tell her, "We don't have to have sex, but I want to take you to my place." She nods quickly. No hesitation. You can probably guess what happened after that.
Note the bounces. Going to more locations creates a time distortion - it will feel like the two of you have spent more time together than you actually have. It builds more trust and rapport because you are creating more memories with them.
