Low expectations! The key to happiness!

[countermart]

Squirrels wrote in another thread - "The more mature men get, they either accept that women aren't worth as much as less-mature men make them out to be and start playing the game like they have "nothing to lose", or they wallow in desperation and depression."

Squirrels, exactly. The great tragedy of male, female relationships is that the less the guy cares the better he does with women in many cases. Where's the tragedy?

It's that most guys start off caring a great deal, and as they mature they are forced to move to an attitude that works ("don't give a darn" or "nothing to lose"), or as you say live in "desperation and depression."

The guy eventually adapts to what works. Are there girls out there that do not respond in the common fashion, perhaps but not that many. And even if you think you have found her she can change on a dime.

Perhaps our expectations are too high for women, lower your expectations and never again be disappointed lol. This could be our fundamental problem!

Bottom line: The only way to be assured you will be pleasantly surprised is to have very low expectations!

...and then, let’s get out there and live like we are going to die one day!

All the best,

 

[goodfoot]

I was hoping this is sarcasm.

 

[squirrels]

Ehh...the only thing I really meant to get across by saying that is:

Women aren't all that. I know men who act like they're going to die or go insane if they don't get sex after a certain period of time. I've seen plenty of men who don't get laid often...I can tell you that's NOT the case. Women aren't these perfect little angels/idol objects that you NEED to garner your self-worth from. They're human beings, just like you or I. If they step out of line, you need to be willing to cut them loose. And no, that's not just a "Don Juan tactic"...you have to REALLY be willing to CUT THEM LOOSE.

If you want to do well with a lady/the ladies, especially if you want to "play the game", you have to accept the fact that there are women out there who are going to hate you. There are women out there whose heart you are going to break. They will tell all of their friends how much of a d!ck you are.

It's something you are going to have to accept. When I say "play like you have nothing to lose", I mean you CANNOT care that others will look down on you. They will accuse you of being irreverent toward women. But it's the UNDESERVED reverence and idolatry that they express toward women that puts them in a position of inferiority, being unable to win a woman's heart.

ALWAYS respect women. NEVER worship them.

Also, ALWAYS evaluate a woman by what value she brings into your life. By who she IS, never who she COULD be. You can't change her. If she would be the perfect mate if only she would stop treating you bad/flaking out on you, she would NOT BE THE PERFECT MATE.

If you are unwilling to release a girl because she provides negative value to your life, you are a SLAVE to whatever she wants you to do. If you're LUCKY, she'll just want you to go away.

People on this forum too often act like women are important. It makes them convince themselves of things that aren't true. ("she's a perfect girl!" or "she would never cheat on me!" or "I can win her back!" or "We can work this out!")

I have NEVER met a natural "Don Juan" who cared that much about women. They are a hobby. They pursue women even past rejection, but only as long as they are HAVING FUN with it.

 

[Drum&Bass]

good posts. I agree with all points. I meet people not just women with low expectations so I'm never really disappointed or let down by anyone. Lately I am starting to realize that quite a few people exceed my expectations and I am able to connect with them pretty well.

Having high expectations for a complete stranger or someone that has not proven themselves or does not have a reputation is immature and foolish.

 

[2crudedudes]

How do you distinguish between "act[ing] like they're going to die or go insane if they don't get sex after a certain period of time" and just flat out wanting to get laid?

I ask because I have these naggin thoughts in my head about wanting to bang as many chicks as possible (juvenile? probably), not because I'm "going to die", but rather because I just don't get laid enough to satisfy my urges (physical and mental).

I have a terrible history with women, and all I want to do is prove to myself that getting laid by decent looking chicks isn't as hard as I make it out to be in my head.

 

[squirrels]

I have a terrible history with women, and all I want to do is prove to myself that getting laid by decent looking chicks isn't as hard as I make it out to be in my head.

If that's truly what you're trying to prove, then it's as simple as being willing to set your inhibitions aside and give it a shot.

If, however, what you're trying to prove is your own self-worth, you will place far too much importance on the women. You need to feel like you DESERVE a good woman before you go out seeking one. If you are not confident in this regard, women will sense it.

This forum focuses a great deal on "self-improvement" to try to win over women. Self-improvement is great...for oneself. But if you ask yourself, "what does this woman have going on that makes her DESERVING of the god-king of a male I would like to one day be?", often you'll find that SHE is really not a god-queen, either.

 

[2crudedudes]

If that's truly what you're trying to prove, then it's as simple as being willing to set your inhibitions aside and give it a shot.

If, however, what you're trying to prove is your own self-worth, you will place far too much importance on the women. You need to feel like you DESERVE a good woman before you go out seeking one. If you are not confident in this regard, women will sense it.

This forum focuses a great deal on "self-improvement" to try to win over women. Self-improvement is great...for oneself. But if you ask yourself, "what does this woman have going on that makes her DESERVING of the god-king of a male I would like to one day be?", often you'll find that SHE is really not a god-queen, either.

I won't deny there may be a bit of the "self-worth" part in my situation now, but this wasn't the case when I was younger.

I used to be really ****y in my early 20s, to the point where almost no girl was good enough. Well, that's not true. The girls that came on to me were not good enough. The HBs I approached usually turned me down. But that didn't make me feel worse about myself.

So basically all I've ever really been with is the bottom of the barrel assortment of women, never really banging the "girls of my (wet)dreams" (AKA big tits, nice ass, pretty face, the works).

 

[Mr.Positive]

If, however, what you're trying to prove is your own self-worth, you will place far too much importance on the women. You need to feel like you DESERVE a good woman before you go out seeking one. If you are not confident in this regard, women will sense it..

Bullseye...remember, women are a byproduct of a good life. A healthy, strong, masculine life.

Women are not an achievement in itself, but more of an assessory to be enjoyed...but, never to be the focus.

It's important for men to understand this, and as a man matures, this becomes more and more apparent.

We each have a purpose, and for each of us it's different. The best we can do is live the best life we can, as individuals, and it all pieces together as it naturally should.

 

[countermart]

Reply

Hi Squirrels,
I am not saying you agree with having low expectations, just that I agreed with your quote.

If you approach a girl however, and have low expectations, like "I am just going to check out what this girl is like" it is much easier than having other approaches like..."will she like me", "what if she regects me", "Geez what am I going to say", "This has to go well" etc.

The older I get the more I realise she has to like me and fit in with who I am, so she is being screened, and because you have only just met it helps to have very low expectations in regard to her. She then needs to "climb a wall" of exceeding your expectations at each level. Try it, you will be a lot more relaxed.

Do not confuse low expectations with being willing to settle for low standards. The two things are completely different.

All the best,