Love Stinks...

[MaTuA]

I'm fvcking a married woman right now. It's interesting. Her mans been locked up for a while and will be for a bit. Her husband fvcked up and she still loves him Goes to see him in prison on weekends. At first, I wasn't going to fvck with her, but being that she persued me, I yielded to her advances. She is a mother, grandmother and a regular worker. She's been in prior previous relationships that weren't so great, but overall she's a real woman. She's 12 years older than I am and has her stuff moreso together. I on the other hand, am just getting into pulling my stuff together properly. I told her I am envious of her success and hope to be as succesful by the time i'm her age. This woman has been very good to me. Treats me like a king,and I treat her like I feel I need to be treated. This relationship is going nowhere, however, when it ends, I may occasionally keep in contact with her .

This is my unique situation. There are othersituations going on like this all over. My point is to know the situation you are in, control the situation you are in. And if it does not meet the standards you can be comfortable with, then don't yield to that situation. Remove yourself from it. You always have a choice. If you would have talked to me a yr. ago or longer, I would have told you "I would never fvck a married woman." And after this year, I tell you I will tell you I will never fvck another married woman again:nono: But this has taught me that if I ever do decide to get married, to not be a fvckup going into it; so you aren't fvcked up in it, and if it ends before it should you won't be fvcked up afterwards. To each his own... or it winds up becoming someone elses own. Real Talk

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

Bad situation.

You are being played.

Sounds genuine to me. Already, straight off the bat you are already judging him!

A DJ would just use this chick as a fvck buddy or avoid her altogether.

There are no DJs! How many times do I have to say that. All because you join a site it qualifies you as an expert or be able to bed any woman you want?

You can't help your FEELINGS, that's the way things are.

Since you're emotions are now involved with this cheating wh0re and she is married you will likely come out of this situation with a broken heart and a heaping helping of egg and pie all over your face.

depends . . we can't really know for sure. There have been cases of people leaving their spouses for the "love of their lives". I'm not saying either way, but we really have no right to judge.

Sorry dude but thats the way these situations tend to play out.

see previous comment.

That or wifey does leave the husband for you only to do the same to you down the road with someone else.

maybe, maybe not, it's very hard to tell these things. More and more people are having multiple marriages and relationships these days - I wonder why?

You've got to understand you are not dealing with a mature human being here who loves the men she gets involved with.

and you have no right to judge her like that. Your experiences are YOUR experiences and not necessarily his.

This woman likes the drama and excitement that cheating brings and thats what she craves, not you. She likes the fresh new body and sordid relationship and any man of decent qualifications to her liking will do, you just happen to be the man on her radar at the moment.

again, your opinion and no more. . .

So yeah getting back to whats important to you that being the love stuff.

If she ever loved her husband and was a mature human being she'd leave him when she fell out of love with him and not go behind his back and cheat like this.

She'd leave him and then go and find what she wants now.

people fall out of love all the time, happens to most people. And if there is a mathematical theory about it, then I can state that humanity does it understand yet - because it's that complex.

The problem why people have issues with relationships is, deep down, they don't really understand themselves well enough - they only think they do. And that's the REAL problem. Perhaps you are right in your judgement, or maybe this guy has met the love of his life (even that concept is a bit dubious)

So what she is telling you about herself with this cheating behavior is that she is selfish and immature and that means she puts herself first above other people's feelings ie those of her husband's.

again, your own judgment, if you saw how he is with the woman in question you might change your mind. It's all very subtle this human interaction thing.

Like most people who don't think about these scenarios before involving themselves in them you likely don't care about all that at the moment or at least never considered it, you are just thinking about what lies she's feeding into your ear at the moment about her ever lasting love for you but you don't realize her treatment of other men all ties in to how she will treat you eventually when the perceived big and better deal comes around.

you're judging again . .

Also you don't consider at the moment you are just being played and used as a sex toy while she tells you what you want to hear to keep you doing what she wants which is doing her.

ditto . . .

Now most guys are cool with the fvck buddy scenario but she's not being straight about this as she is manipulating your emotions to get you to give it to her.

As potato once said, there is no manipulation or game play when attraction is genuine, when someone WANTS you.

She doesn't love you and if she did she'd leave her husband for you as soon as she can and even if she does that her character is already rotten because she if she were mature would've left her husband before cheating with you.

you cannot make that inference from what he has written. It's his own personal problem, all we can do is to try and understand and not to jump immediately to conclusions so fast

So what do we have in total here?

A woman with a bad character who is prone to cheating and probably playing on your emotions to acheive her goal which is to be boned by a safe guy for a while a guy she's decided probably doesn't got any STD's until she can find your replacement.

Ooh ouch.

Well thats what you get for going after a married chick dude.

Edit: Whoops I missed the part where you said you haven't fvcked her yet.

Oh well like Sodbuster has said in that case she's just playing you at the moment for your emotions. She's getting caught up in the drama of considering cheating with you on her husband. All that I said still applies about her bad character. Women that do emotional cheating usually go on to do physical cheating.

already you show your hand and where you are at with this. why don't you curse all the cheating that the celebrities do, and the games they play etc. . . . it's a emotional response typical of the general population.

It would be best to get some feedback from leeman67 . . .

 

[jophil28]

As potato once said, there is no manipulation or game play when attraction is genuine, when someone WANTS you.

There are a lot of things that Potato said that are just foolish and untrue and this quote is one of them.

Are you claiming that women who are strongly and sincerely attracted to you wiil not "manipulate" to draw you closer ?
MY experience shows the opposite to be true.
A woman who "wants" you is MORE likely to call on any, and all tactics, available to her to achieve her objective.
Her womanly "training" teaches her to flip all the sex game switches to 'ON'.

It is human nature to amp up the effort to achieve a valued abjective.

Human beings try HARDER to acquire a prize of high value, and manipulation by women is habitual strategy in achieving their desired results.

 

[jophil28]

Of course he is judging. Since when is that not okay? The OP came here with a problem about a woman, he described her actions and personality traits, and asked for advice. Part of the function of the advisers on these boards is to render judgment, particularly on what they deem to be inappropriate behavior. In fact, I'm judging you right now because your arguments are not sound. If you're too soft to handle judgment, maybe you shouldn't be on this forum.

.

Ahh, that is money..

It is fashionable in the social sciences to only see behavior as adaptable, or productive or otherwise. "Judging" is regarded as harsh and a rightwing aberration - indeed, a character defect... which is a "judgement" in itself !
However nobody ever said that social 'scientists' were logical or consistent so who cares what they think.

 

[broken dreams]

you are looking for a savior to rescue you from your own misery. stop putting that kind of burden on other people and start to make yourself happy from within. no person out there is going to make you happy, and if they do, it will wear off and you will go back to being miserable. find your happiness within and someday you may find another to AUGMENT your life, not COMPLETE it.

Awesome advice! Kontroller x and you dude kick ass!

I kind of had similar issue and I agree.

I feel this guy cause he wants what he cant have.
this woman is definately excited to be wanted and even if she is married, that turns her on cause she knows its forbidden desire.

What a wh0re ! theses guys here post awesome advice. TAKE IT!

 

[grinder]

I seldom comment here, but, for this I must share my personal experience.

You focus on her out of desperation and lack of options.

But more so, out of a lack of wisdom.

As others have pointed out, you have yet to develop the skills and abilities that are available to you here to get women.

If you persist here, you will develop them, and you will find the 1 percent of ability you have over other men will set you apart and women will notice.

Then you will have choices.

But you must make wise choices.

Never forget that just because you CAN do a thing, it does not necessarily follow that you SHOULD do a thing.

Sometimes, as you learn the things here you will find it is easy to become arrogant, to believe you can do anything, get away with anything, fvck any woman.

When you finally learn to click your bulb on and start to attract women, you will get some married ones. You will not be prepared for this. It will be too easy to cave in.

I did. And I caused a great deal of harm, and damage and anger from the husband. In this case, she felt guilty and confessed all to the husband. And he’s hunted me for several months. At first I felt a great sense of power of ability, but that soon changed.

It’s truly been a mind-fvck and an excruciating learning experience that I hope to impart to you so that you and others can avoid this.

Be wise.

A DJ does not fvck married women, he does not need to.

 

[broken dreams]

You focus on her out of desperation and lack of options.

Grinder, What would you do if she said hey I want to hang out or shoot the sh7t ?

Im seeing almost as my ex GF FB dumped me and she is now wondering if I have moved on....I do believe that our weakness as a man is to think with our d7ck rather than our heads.

I hate looking back cause it becomes worse and worse.

I felt something for the exact reason you pointed out and not of her quality but what I perceived as feelings for her.

You like her,you know its wrong... now

How would you reject her ? please give me an example.

thanks

 

[grinder]

Grinder, What would you do if she said hey I want to hang out or shoot the sh7t ?

Im seeing almost as my ex GF FB dumped me and she is now wondering if I have moved on....I do believe that our weakness as a man is to think with our d7ck rather than our heads.

I hate looking back cause it becomes worse and worse.

I felt something for the exact reason you pointed out and not of her quality but what I perceived as feelings for her.

You like her,you know its wrong... now

How would you reject her ? please give me an example.

thanks

It’s about balance, of not loosing your frame.

Whatever it is you focus your attention on: it will become important. No matter WHAT it is, or who. This is a simple process.

Of course you can hang out with her, unless she’s the only thing you are focusing on. Then you’ve handed your personal power to her.

You don’t reject or NEXT her, simply turn that singular focus away from her to others. Her importance will naturally diminish.

My specific example is a bad one. She was trying to live out some fantasy and I took advantage of it. I honestly had very little feeling for her other than seeing what I could get away with. I was working on banging her best friend at the same time….sordid story, thought I could get ‘em both. She freaked out, felt guilty, told the hubby everything and there has been zero contact (except the hubby called me and showing up where I work) since. When dealing with married women their is always that invisible third party in the room....the husband.

I am friends with married women now, and yep, I do tease and play with them. But I won’t cross that line, and a big part of the teasing is talking about the OTHER women I am seeing. My dating life is a form of puerile entertainment for them.

Rollo’s plate theory is absolutely a vaccine against oneitis, of handing your personal power to any one woman. It’s not easy, and you need to learn to multi-task, but it works. Even when you don’t fully understand WHY it works….it works…..

 

[ketostix]

Have you ever - or would you ever - entertain the fact that his poster is honest and he has found someone that he connects with and that it's unfortunate that she's in the situation that she is?

Lol poor her. She doesn't want to be with him romantically. He does. Guess who's the one suffereing?

Whether anyone likes it or not, for most of yous this site is actually found on pain. The pain of rejection, of never getting it, of could have beens etc . . . and in comes in the Mystery Method, De Angelo crap, Neil Strauss and other sh*t posters on this site spouting rubbish - it's all rather laughable. The deluded leading the delusional as it were.

We're suppose to believe we are all fools and you're not the fool? I think you're the fool.

out of courtesy I think he should reply to some of the posters on this thread, but it just seems that you all want to hang the woman already, calling her an attention wh0re etc. . . and that there are other fish in the sea, never for one moment understand what the poor guy is going through - do you get what I'm driving at or not?

That made no sense. The only way we can help him is tell him to get away from this woman and find at least one that will reciprocate his interest in her.

Has it not occurred to you that oneitis is the initial mechanism for love to happen. In fact, when you have oneitis about someone and they have it for you there's no better definition of love.

At best "one-itis" is unrequited love, and that's bad enough. This woman doesn't have "one-itis" for the OP. If she did they'd be together.

Has it also not occurred to most of the posters here that, from a natural selection point of view, most of us will be disappointed in love anyway. That is the order of things. The OP last comments is just a admittance of this.

But she doesn't "love" him back, putting aside the fact she's married. You reason like a woman.

 

[leeman67]

Short answer: date other women.

And you say you're average, slightly overweight. Get busy in the gym. Cut down on the calorie intake. Get in better shape and you will see your options open up. Sounds to me that if you were in better shape you probably wouldn't even be physically attracted to this girl because you'd be getting attention from better looking women.

Try it.

Actually, I live in the gym.. LOL 6 days per week. I just have some tough pounds I cant get off. I do get looks from very attractive women, but they are younger ladies. Sure, I would love to jump their bones so to speak, but I dont find them attractive in a relationship type way.

which actually, leads me to another question. Do you feel its right to go out with a woman when you have no romantic interest in them? I cant help but wonder that im not cheating myself out of dates by being this way. Example.

There is a woman about my same age that works part time at my gym. I spend alot of time talking to her and I know she likes me, but I dont see her in a romantic way. Woud you still date her?

 

[STR8UP]

There is a woman about my same age that works part time at my gym. I spend alot of time talking to her and I know she likes me, but I dont see her in a romantic way. Woud you still date her?

Women do it all the time. Don't feel guilty about doing ANYTHING women do on a regular basis, regardless of the double standard they try to hold you to.

 

[Sinistar]

I do get looks from very attractive women, but they are younger ladies. Sure, I would love to jump their bones so to speak, but I dont find them attractive in a relationship type way.

...kill off this relationship mindset and you'll find yourself feeling way better about yourself and dating and ultimately - relationships.

which actually, leads me to another question. Do you feel its right to go out with a woman when you have no romantic interest in them? I cant help but wonder that im not cheating myself out of dates by being this way.

...yes and you are! You're battling years of programming either by the media and/or your upbringing. All those experiences programmed you to feel ashamed of dating outside a very tight box (one woman only, approximately the same age, etc, etc, etc). Any time, repeat any time you feel ashamed stop everything and ask yourself why you feel that way. You'll be surprised once you start doing this at how often that shame is purely nonsense and contrived by someone else at your expense.

There is a woman about my same age that works part time at my gym. I spend alot of time talking to her and I know she likes me, but I dont see her in a romantic way. Woud you still date her?

...if you like the gym why screw up things. And besides this has a slight ring of sniping and LJBF already.

If attractive younger women are giving you looks start following up with smiles, eye contact and engage in conversation. You are at the perfect age to date younger women - YES - do it!

NEVER allow yourself to feel ashamed or looked down upon for dating younger, especially at your age. If you really listen carefully to any criticism they are in fact envious or jealous of the fact you have the confidence to do exactly what a MAN would, could and should do.

 

[Sinistar]

leeman67,

darwinian_sympathiser (quoted an addressed below) offers advice to you. I wonder what your gut tells you about this advice? I think this person feels they are giving good advice but in the end will that advice will most likely drive you to revert back to where you were before

Have you ever - or would you ever - entertain the fact that his poster is honest and he has found someone that he connects with and that it's unfortunate that she's in the situation that she is?

...actually I think the OP has been quite honest, not many guys would openly admit to a 4yr long one-itis. Yes it is very unfortunate that he's in this situation. But he is a man and ultimately this responsibility falls on him. Being responsible trumps unfortunate every day.

Whether anyone likes it or not, for most of yous this site is actually found on pain. The pain of rejection, of never getting it, of could have beens etc . . . and in comes in the Mystery Method, De Angelo crap, Neil Strauss and other sh*t posters on this site spouting rubbish - it's all rather laughable. The deluded leading the delusional as it were.

To first part you are correct, for many pain opened our eyes and we found this site. However, there is one irony to your statement above. You are here too - posting and giving advice - that then makes you deluded too - does it not?

out of courtesy I think he should reply to some of the posters on this thread, but it just seems that you all want to hang the woman already, calling her an attention wh0re etc. . . and that there are other fish in the sea, never for one moment understand what the poor guy is going through - do you get what I'm driving at or not?

...once again you mix a good point with a bad follow. It is quite common for posters here to brand the woman a witch. With wisdom and experience we start to learn that women are just women and will repeat the OP's scenario over and over again given the same conditions and maturity level. It's the OP who is ultimately responsible. Had he been placing himself first at all times he never would have went so far down this path of one-itis. He would have recognized that she is placing herself first over him (which is okay for her) and decided to move forward with his life rather than spin his wheels for 4yrs.

Has it not occurred to you that oneitis is the initial mechanism for love to happen. In fact, when you have oneitis about someone and they have it for you there's no better definition of love.

...no it is not! You are confusing one-itis and desire. These are not the same. One-itis is a disease. In leeman67's case it is a 4yr long fantasy relationship. That almost qualifies for obsession but thankfully he's not driving by her place every night, stalking, etc. Desire can (and should exist) without the trappings and pain of one-itis. An example - I love my wife and I definitely desire her Yet I never once felt the pangs of one-itis that I had experienced and knew all too well in my past. Pay close attention to that Leeman67 - there is a big difference!

Has it also not occurred to most of the posters here that, from a natural selection point of view, most of us will be disappointed in love anyway. That is the order of things. The OP last comments is just a admittance of this.

...so we will all be disappointed in love because that's the way things go. So what was your point. The rest of us responded (because the OP asked for help) to shed a new awareness on Leeman67 and his situation and why it can be so damaging and painful when it never had to be.

Leeman67's married friend is a woman. Women are masters at reading people, especially the intentions of men. That alone makes her responsible to a degree because she can most surely read his strong interest combined with no knowledge of him dating others in this 4yr period. She is using him. Does that make her a witch, no. But that most definitely fits the pattern for a woman. And that's the game the OP is trying to get better at rather than living by non-masculine rules while pointlessly wishing he were better.