Love notes. Guys, I'm in trouble...

[CyranoDeBergerac]

No, I'm still not having any trouble commiting any of my sentiment to the written word, but my game, four shots and six beers got me int trouble the other night. My impulse control has been slipping as of late and that combined with the alcohol meant I found myself crossing the line with a girl I had known for a while. I am an incredible kisser by all accounts and this little rendesvous was the physical manifestation of a dormant passion on her part. This is the emotional equivalent of waking up a sleeping Dragon: just try putting it back to bed.

I know it was a mistake, not because I didn't enjoy it, but because both of our lives are already complicated enough. I've known shes been interested for a while now, she was just waiting for me to make a move, but I wasn't about to throw my relationship with my woman into flux and I don't believe in leading people on or engaging in affairs. I've already chosen my path here and the last thing that needs to be going on is some fling on the side, least of all because again, I don't do things or lead people on.

Tonight I stepped outside and I found this (I must admit inspired and well-written) note on my door. [red flag]:

When your lips touch mine,
I tremble all over.
My head starts to swirl.
My bossom starts to pound.
All I can think of is you
& how your soft sweet lips
can make everything in the world pause.
With the gentle touch of
your hand against my face
the world around us melts away.
The stars in the sky
start to winkas if they
knew exactly what I was thinking.
My heart is beating so fast now.
Im growing warmer &
warmer as each second passes.
But the end is drawing nearer.
The Fvcking world is coming back.
The stars eyes begin to open
as to see the expression on my face.
The kiss comes to an end as I
lay there in your arms I feel
so safe & warm.
I knew you would never do any harm to me.
But the end of the moment is coming too soon.
I can't wait till the next time I feel your touch again.
Unitl then, thank you for the most unbeleivable kiss in my life.

Uh, problem guys. I fvcked up in a moment of alcohol induced weakness. I'm already taking steps to ensure I don't do that again. The problem here is that I deeply love my woman soul-to-soul and I can't risk what I've been building for two years now going off on some romantic tangent.

Meanwhile the aforementioned romantic tangent is already very emotionally invested. She also defines escapism and it look s like in crossing the line (however marginally) I've become her new favorite escape. I'm playing with fire here and I have to turn off the gas now. Advice would be appreciated.

The other problem is that this calls into question my commitment to my current relationship and all the plans that I've made around it. What is my psyche trying to tell me? Advice here would be appreciated as well.

Again I thank you my DJ brethren for listening and for any subsequent help you can afford me. Help me make this situation right again.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Page]

Okay, so you got a little wasted and kissed this other chick. At least you didn't fvck her-- things would be much MUCH worse.


If your woman doesn't already know about it, then good-- it is your objective now to make sure that things stay that way. Break all contact with this other chick, and don't tell anyone what you did. Burn her note just for good measure -- ashes cannot betray you. Trust no one.

 

[jbbrain]

Cyrano-

You've GOT to come clean with your woman...uhhh.

Just Kidding.

I think you should just relax about it all. You say you love your woman and wouldn't do anything to jeapordize your relationship: This small detail (the kiss) will only lead to your relationships downfall if you let it. I commend you on being the type to not lead ppl on or play nookie (whatver that means, ha!), so, just don't. Make sure you don't put yourself in a situation like this again with this girl. Let her know in a firm but gentle manner that you'd love to pursue something more intimate with her, but simply cannot because deep down you're commited to your current woman and relationship.

Take a deep breath, it'll all be ok if you want it to be. Don't question your integrity or strength from this incident. I think you have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you bring to the table. Most of all, DO NOT tell your woman.

However, if you notice more and more that you are eyes are starting to wander and thoughts begin to emerge about life "without" current gf, simply take a good moment to reflect on your relationship and come up with a good game plan on what your next move should be. Gizzle Lizzle (good lizzuck)

 

[AFK Protector]

Aight I'm here to help.

PLAN A:

Tell the girl to backoff lightly. Say you can stay friends, but no physical crap. Explain to her that you are in a relationship and blah blah blah.

***NOTE: She may try to fvck ur ass by tellin ur GF. Also, come up with some honest explanation to your GF. Save the poem as proof sayin she wants you and not the other way around. Those are just ideas. I dunno, but u gotta have sum contigency plan for this b1tch. Some girls are psycho like that.


PLAN B:

Kill the psycho stalker girl. Hide the body. Go to Russia. FOR MOTHER RRRUUSSIA!!


aight good luck man. no matter what. remember two wrongs dont make a right and don't like to your woman. cuz if u do, ur ****ed. and if u don't and she STILL doesn't understand, there's a chance she'll find out u told the truth and you'll get back together. good luck again. btw, im a 15 yr old noobie, so better wait for other ppls advice too.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

The alcohol induced kiss...hhmmm...now she loves you? You knew that this girl was romanticaly interested in you and she knew that you knew how she felt...so she sees your kiss as an acknowledgement and acceptance of her attraction and affection for you; thus, THE LETTER!

Talk to her in person like right now ASAP, and tell her that you were flattered by her letter but you have other deeper long-lasting obligations that you are more loyal to, than her momemntary infatuation. Hopefully she doesn't interfere with your romantic life and start talking about her wonderful kiss experience with others. I take it was a lusty long-lasting one and not just a peck!

Things like this always seem to eventually come out, just be ready to deal with it if/when your girl finds out about the "alcohol induced kiss." Jusy say. "Honey, It was the alcohol and not me" - women love to hear this line - she'll never let you drink again, without her presence! Your "hanging out with my buddies" moments will be a thing of the past!

Keep it a secret at alll costs!!!!

 

[E-Z Rider]

eh, you're just showin' off

Just play it cool. Don't worry about it. Take the attitude that you're not going to actually *tell* your gf, but it's not a big deal if she finds out.

Why do I say that? B/c if you have that non-chalant attitude you won't set off her alarms, or do things subconciously that sabotage your relationship (trust me, if you worry, you WILL screw something up). Plus, if she finds out from some other source, it's unlikely that you could have done anything to stop her from finding out anyways. Plus, you DID screw up- if she happens to find out, just man up and take her wrath.

But do keep the note, in case she does happen to find out, you can tell your gf that she was some psycho like the 'swimfan' girl.

To get the other girl off your back- you might try pulling the 'I want to marry you, you're the one' line. Be really persistent and annoying, and she might freak out and run. If you chump her off, she'll probably keep coming around, or be vengeful and try to sabotage your relationship.

Good luck- -E-Z

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Its a bit more complex than that. I have enough common sense not to get all worked up over something as trivial as an innocent little kiss. This was not an innocent kiss nor even a momentary one. There was a passion to it that was not lost on me and I know it shook her to the core. It was more like an hour long make-out-like-high-school-freshmen-with-the-hickeys-to-prove-it. I lost not only my self-control, but my discretion as well. I've always had enough restraint and discretion not to make out like a high school freshman even as a high school freshman, and leaving evidence of the event is just downright criminally negligent.

One thing that bothers me about this is why I felt the need to go through with it at all, drunk or sober? I can no longer deny the possibility of being unfaithful and that alone is a sobering realization. It cuts straight to the heart of my integrity. Could it be that I'm not feeling totally fulfilled in my current relationship and am looking for an excuse out? Or could it be that I've gone so far with my current that I'm afraid to make that last committment? I've always been more detached than the girl, ever since my first girlfriend cheated on me. I can't help but wonder if I'm still reacting to that sting I felt so long ago. I know that I am man enough to weild control in any relationship I undertake regardless of petty tricks and safe-gards, so why does it seem I'm afraid to lose myself completely in my current??? Am I simply hesitating to take that last step in emotional intimacy? Is this the natural hesitation before the leap or a red flag that something is seriously wrong?

I know I was in the wrong. I know I have to kill this now, and I know telling my MF (either main flame or MilF) is beyond not an option. I will not consciously deny it, but I have no problem making the sin of omission. That's not what's bothering me the most though.

After the first time I was cheated on I vowed never to break another's heart through conscious and wreckless action. I have lived up to that until now. I've broken hearts before, but I've never taken advantage of another person romantically which is what this evidently comes down to. I've known this girl for a long while. I was her counsel and her confidante while her last BF took her virginity and then used her. (Granting the whole while that she was allowing herself to be used.) It is not unusual that those being counselled will develop strong feelings for those who are counseling them.

In terms of the SG (side girl), I basically used her in my loneliness and now she's expecting something that I am fervently not willing to give her. I know I have to, and I will be frank with her next time I see her. (probably tonight) This will stop, but now I am faced in the position where I have to break her heart after already reaffirming her (Wise catch PRL, I noticed it too) thus forcing myself into a position where I must break my solemn oath and be cruel as well. I cannot help but feel I'm losing my moral integrity and being a total rat bastid besides.

I shoulder the entire blame here because this entire incident was predicated on my action. I cannot hold the high ground here and there will be much pain before this is done, becuase I was too weak to defy my impulses and use my better judgement. Further more I knowingly arose within her emotions which I only know too well are raging inside of her, and she was already having problems dealing with her realities. In cutting it off with her she will ot only find rejection, but deep and bitter betrayal. This makes her dangerous.

Finally what bothers me is the weakness and hypocrisy I feel right now. I have counselled never to take advantage of another person or hurt them intentionally; the strong may prey upon the weak in nature, but they protect the weak of their own kind. I have counselled not to cheat, to choose one road and stick with it. I have counselled that to know your impulses is human, but the greater man can rise above them. In all these ways I feel I am a hypocrite. I have put an end to this behavior, but the damage has been done.

Integrity is the greatest asset a man can earn, it is hardest to gain and easiest to lose. I am now faced with the difficult task of confronting my weakness and annihilating it to regain my integrity. These are the issues I must wrestle with and conquer before I can again claim to be a man.

I sincerely thank you all for your wise counsel. I admit I'm nervous. Not because of what was done, or what needs to be done. All of that is clear. What makes me anxious are the questions this raises to my relationships with both girls.

-CyranoDeBergerac

P.S.: E-Z: while I won't deny my vanity takes some degree of satisfaction in my apparent ability, I've heard this from every girl I've ever kissed, so its not something so new and exciting that I have to tell everyone about it. I only included everything in there not to reaffirm my ability, but rather to provide depth and context to the situation.

 

[KiInCollege]

If you had not drank alcohol, would you have done the same actions with this woman?

You have begun this huge introspection over your actions, when really, your judgment at the time was clouded by alcohol. Is a man truly a cold-blooded murderer for killing a young girl when he is driving while intoxicated? No, he has commited manslaughter.

Are you unfaithful by nature? I don't think so...you sound like you'd have too much to lose.

Although, you are responsible for your actions, like the drunken driver. I hope you'll now take the actions that minimizes everyone's potential pain.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

A man with a concsious - this is a good sign! You can't undo what has been done, but at least this situation brings to light that you are a man who knows that his thoughts and actions need correction.

You could look at this in a positive vein, if you didn't love your current beau so much you would have and could have gone much further, if not with her than with someone else. Your guilty concsious tells me that you do care about your g/f, but you are now asking yourself "Do I love her enough not to ever touch another woman."

You are not concerned about the actual kiss more than you are about your current thinking of why you did it. After two years in a relationship, and as a mature man, it is only normal to question if you want to move the relationship further to a higher level or do you want to cut it off and pursue other options.

This kiss affair came at a point in your life where your decisions today will affect your future life, and you are considering being loyal to one person forever. Are you contemplating marriage?
This is part of the reason why you are thinking so deeply into this - if you didn't care about your g/f to the point of contemplating marriage then you wouldn't be so affected.

Or are you upset with yourself out of principle - saying to yourself, "Why did I betray my gir? I would't want her to do what I did, because I would question her future loyalty, and correctly so!"

Acting as a counselor in your current occupation, requires others to have total confidence in you, and now, in your betrayal, you are questioning in your mind whether you are even fit to carry out your duties as a counselor.This incident now is no longer only about you and your girl, it has now become focused on you as a person.

You are disappointed with your actions because it affected your personal and professional mindset that totally relies on confidence and loyalty. You are questioning yourself and reflecting on who you are as a man and to what principles you would adhere to that makes you into the man that you will become.

Now is a good time to review what you want out of life and determine if it is worth pursuing!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Tell your girl, seriously... It was a drunken mistake and you don't have to inform her about the longevity of the kiss... Just say that this girl came onto you and started kissing you because you were drunk..

 

[Grey Fox]

Hey one note deserves another.

It was hazy when we last kissed,
but not by foggy passionate bliss,
Twas the booze and the shots.
Though you say the sky was melting
I know it was my poor abused liver,
is avioded rupture, violently it did quiver.
I'm sorry your bossom is did pound
But rest assured thats the only thing that ever will,
Because the only love I ever gave you, induced by cheap swill.
Sorry for the heighten expectations, sorry for leading you on,
Breaking your sweet will.
But I can give you no great sexual thrill,
Because my angry girlfriend shrieks in foul shrill
So our short lived journey, winds down its path
To a place many come and many must stay.
Dear baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville, population YOU.

Sensitive!

Alright all bad humor aside, your girlfriend is going to find out. Let her know what happened, because Side Girl isn't going to go away. Can you say Swimfan, Fatal Attraction, with a note like her's she is way outside healthy desire. Take the pill now and let your GF know, before flowers start showing up at your place.

-Grey Fox

 

[KiInCollege]

Stop scaring the man. If he plays his cards right, there is little chance that his current GF will find out.

I heard on the radio once that a girl's BF had told her about his infidelity. She forgave him, but said it herself, and I paraphrase, "I wish he hadn't told me. It's been years now, and I forgave him but the thought if it always crosses my mind."

You don't want your current GF to have this mindset, even if she, too, forgives you. Do not let the current GF find out, at nearly any cost!

 

[iqqi]

cyrano, you keep questioning why this happened. your options you've proposed are either you are unhappy with your relationship, or you are scared because you are so happy with your relationship. you are basically putting the blame on your relationship, either way. you are doing this to take blame away from YOU. is that fair? is it even accurate? could it be that your integrity is not flawless?

PRL said:
[Q]This incident now is no longer only about you and your girl, it has now become focused on you as a person.[/Q]

and maybe it should.

i am not trying to berate you or patronize you here, i am serious, because i consider myself a person of integrity. this situation you have found yourself in, i vowed myself i would never be in. and so far i have not. but i have done things that undermine my own integrity, as i know you have witnessed. i am just wondering, as another who values integrity above much else, if you will assign blame correctly here.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

iqqi

Originally posted by iqqi
cyrano, you keep questioning why this happened. your options you've proposed are either you are unhappy with your relationship, or you are scared because you are so happy with your relationship. you are basically putting the blame on your relationship, either way. you are doing this to take blame away from YOU. is that fair? is it even accurate? could it be that your integrity is not flawless?

And misguided dramatics which completely lose sight of the point is precisely why I can't respect your logical capacity enough to discuss anything with you as my intellectual equal.

iqqi, where have I denied full culpability? I'm not saying that I wouldn't have kissed SG if I were not in a committed relationship, happy or unhappy.

Even if I weren't in a comitted relationship, I still take responsibility (and moreso than most would) for violating her trust and using her for whatever compelling reason my drunken idiocy prompted.

I know its all on me, and I do not make any claims against that, so what's with the Matlock 20 questions routine??

Furthermore, Of course I'm questioning why I allowed this to happen. Such uncharasteristic and possibly devastating behavior means something's wrong and I need to fix it. PRL is right, if stating the obvious when he said "This incident now is no longer only about you and your girl, it has now become focused on you as a person." I completely agree.

i am not trying to berate you or patronize you here, i am serious, because i consider myself a person of integrity. this situation you have found yourself in, i vowed myself i would never be in. and so far i have not. but i have done things that undermine my own integrity, as i know you have witnessed. i am just wondering, as another who values integrity above much else, if you will assign blame correctly here.

I know you consider yourself a person of integrity. I am a person of integrity. Were I not, I would not voluntarily shoulder the entirity of the responsibility here, but rather blame it on her weakness or the booze, if I even cared enough to assess responsibility at all. The question is not that I messed up, but why? What am I trying to tell myself here? I need to know myself here. If I do not get to the bottom of this, my integrity is little more than farcical fancy of my own vanity and it will blow over in a light breeze.

PRL

I do not counsel in a professional capacity. My friends need help and I'm there for them. Neverless the same emotional concept applies and I do believe I stepped over the line by encouraging, enabling, and as you so elequently put it "validating" those feelings which I should never act on and which with only cause her pain in the long run.

You pretty much nail the introspection angle, but I am worried about the kiss and its impact on my relationship with SG and my own understanding. Kissing can be more intimate (emotionally more important to the woman) than sex. I would've made less of an impact on her emotionally if I had just nailed her. This is the reason why kissing is my favorite form of foreplay.

All in all though, you bring up some good points.This is a fork in the road. I need to take it.

Grey Fox

Nice poem, can I borrow it? And thanks, I needed that.

SG and MF used to work together but not anymore, and that is the extent of their relationship. They are in two entirely different circles of friends with me being their only common link. Under the circumstances, unless MF stumbles upon this site. (which I don't think she cares enough to) the chances of her finding out are slim. Again, if she does, I won't deny, and I'll probably do just like E-Z wisely counselled and play it off as an unfortunate occurance of negligable importance.

KiInCollege

She has little or no way of knowing. I've been with MF for two years and she only recently started to trust me fully. I give my balls to her on this one, I'm never getting them back. That having been said, I adopted the above attitude.

everyone

I did indeed see SG last night. We hit a karaoke bar and we all had a few. Before the end of the night though I pretty much put it just like jb did. There were tears and a few other things, but we both know its time to move on with our lives.

I want to thank you guy for your support again. I don't need help too often, but I'm glad to know you guys are there when I do. Best of luck in life and love DJ brethren.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[sux2bu]

Alcohol


a. liquid courage

b. liquid ignorance

c. all of the above


Survey says.......

"C"


Ode to Cyrano -

When her need for for you is gone
and it's time for her to part
Do not rhetoricize
For the faithless heart
But with manlier virture
Be content to say,
That she both loved you, and hurt you
In her own special little way

 

[Grey Fox]

If you want to keep the poem for yourself, go right ahead.

-Grey Fox

 

[LikRetsam]

I read the original post and nothing more but am about to read the rest. I just feel urged to say that you asked your "DJ bretheren" for help. Well last I checked, a DJ had his integrity. For the sake of your relationship, of 2 years, in honor of that, I urge you to tell your girlfriend what happened. Everything. The marks, the length. Do not even think within the DJ lines. The ball is in her court. You let her decide what she wants to do with you. She means alot to you I presume after 2 years so let's see if your relationship can survive that. You broke her trust, be a man and take responsibility for your actions.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Likrestram,

You are obviously 15 years old, so I won't be to harsh on you, "Are you insane?"

She'll think about this forever and it will do no good. The only reason he would tell her is if he didn't want her in his presence any longer.

Lik, you are asking him to be honorable for doing a dishonorable thing!