Love at first sight (or just desperation)?

[MixedMutt00]

I'm starting to notice something about myself.
I saw this picture of a super cute girl in cosplay, and my mind said wow I could definitely see myself wanting a relationship with her.

I keep having this thing where I see (or assume) "this girl is my type" and it's followed with these intense emotions and ideas on "getting serious" with her. And almost always I get WAY invested in just a few weeks of talking to them, without even any physical connections established, and I'm already talking about girlfriends and marriage lmao. Needless to say, they're turned off immediately and things end there, and I'm left stuck with these feelings.

I'm sure this may be deeply rooted and therapy never hurts, but am I doing something wrong?
I'm REALLY REALLY picky, like extremely when it comes to looks. But when I find them attractive and I notice our things in common, I can't help but fall "in love".

I also haven't laid the pipe in 3 years, mostly because I can't kum without having a connection with the girl so I rather not waste the time hooking up to not nut smh. I'm sure I have some incorrect thinking going on here.

 

[Serenity]

You see someone that turns you on and from that alone, completely uncritically, you desire relationship without knowing sh!t about whether they're even fit to be in a relationship with. That is where your thinking is incorrect.

You might be REALLY REALLY picky about looks, but if anything goes with regards to their character, then you'll lose in every way possible. Either they'll push you away because of your severe lack of critical thinking or you'll end up in a relationship with a woman who abuses the fvck out of you while you delude yourself over her "perfect looks" or whatever...

I'd say the women who have rejected you for your obvious weakness are doing you a favor, you're not fit to be in a relationship if you compromise everything for eye candy.

 

[MixedMutt00]

You see someone that turns you on and from that alone, completely uncritically, you desire relationship without knowing sh!t about whether they're even fit to be in a relationship with. That is where your thinking is incorrect.

You might be REALLY REALLY picky about looks, but if anything goes with regards to their character, then you'll lose in every way possible. Either they'll push you away because of your severe lack of critical thinking or you'll end up in a relationship with a woman who abuses the fvck out of you while you delude yourself over her "perfect looks" or whatever...

I'd say the women who have rejected you for your obvious weakness are doing you a favor, you're not fit to be in a relationship if you compromise everything for eye candy.

Man you guys are good. Hmm, I see what you're saying. I can be as picky as I want (I don't look for 10s, but I look for my type of 10s, which can still be pretty shallow), but I shouldn't sacrifice the connection that I was originally trying to build, which does tend to happen.
I'll be really attracted and I wanna head to pound town so bad, I don't notice (or choose to deal with) their bratty-ness or rude behavior. The "abuse" part happens often too, it starts off small but they notice I'm complacent to it so it builds and builds until they know they have me eating out of their hands, and I'm here wondering why they don't want anything anymore.

I guess my Standards are somewhat "high" when it comes to looks, so I should raise my Standards when it comes to Personality as well. She can be cute, but if she's trying me the next the f outta her. Sounds like a self esteem issue, since I used to have terribly low self esteem from bullying growing up. But I have an idea on how to work on it: keep working out, be patient and love myself, and really try to get to know the other person. and then smash lmao

I sometimes end up changing parts about myself/mentality to conform to who I'm talking to as well (smh), but I feel like they won't like me if I don't

 

[Manure Spherian]

I'm sure this may be deeply rooted and therapy never hurts, but am I doing something wrong?

I believe you are. “Love at first sight” and romantic love are simply signs of hormones boiling.

 

[MixedMutt00]

I believe you are. “Love at first sight” and romantic love are simply signs of hormones boiling.

I feel you, I just don't know how to stop it, or at least calm down. What's worse is, I openly express my want for a relationship with them because keeping it inside burns. But when I share my thoughts, they cut clear and leave (maybe cuz I freaked them out).

I do feel like I should try to keep those comments within, at least until we get to know each other more and become physical. But I make it awkward instead, which just about kills any attraction I've built up till that point.

What's worse, recovery from "I really like you" seems impossible. Though I do feel like a girl who stops talking to me because I'm THAT into them is actually doing me a favor, cuz I guess I wouldn't want to be with someone who was uncomfortable with that idea. But me mentioning it instead of letting it progress naturally feels like it's the problem hmm.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why would you ever think that you "want a relationship"?

The thought should be to see if she meets your minimum standards for dating and then to observe her while dating to see if she meets your minimum requirements for a relationship.

The thought process is basically going from 0 to 5 without going from 0 to 1, 1 to 2, etc...

 

[MixedMutt00]

Why would you ever think that you "want a relationship"?

I've avoided them like the plague for years lmao. You asking me that actually makes me wonder what changed with me?
The guy who introduced me to the game and pick up, he was 27 then, is now 35, alone, desperate, and with no friends. Being his age when I first met him, I don't want the same to happen to me. If done properly, marriage with someone who truly loves you doesn't sound too terrible. So building that relationship around this age seems nicer than realizing I'm alone and wanting one at 35 (nothing wrong with being 35, but then even less wrong with being 28).

The thought process is basically going from 0 to 5 without going from 0 to 1, 1 to 2, etc...

You're totally right about this one! I was instead trying to get in the relationship first, and then date them lmao. But I think it's some emotional maturity that I'm lacking there hmm

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I think love is often your brain recognizing a fertile, healthy young woman and saying: ‘go make babies with her.’

 

[Gamisch]

It's a lack of real life experience.

If I see a woman that's my type (arab /black hair plump azz) I know I'll respond kinda like you. But, experience thought me that merely looks isn't a good indicator if a relationship would or wouldn't work.

I've been with women who I felt like looks wise they were "perfect ", only to find out that her looks are just the outside, just the package. You won't buy a car based on JUST looks..the inside could be falling apart and you won't even know it. Same with women.

I don't know what to tell you. You need some relationships with these women you think are perfect, so you can get a reality check left and right. The only medication available.

Regarding your friend: 35 isn't that far away ya know. 33 = 35 if that makes sense. It's around the corner. Be kinda grateful he thaught you how to pua , because you will need it next coming years. You are naive to believe that 35 is a age where a man MUST be settled. Doesn't work like that (anymore).

The biggest fools are those men who believe that women will provide them happiness. It's like believing the slot machine will make you rich.

Lastly, Lord knows how many much better fitting women you've ditched due to being a sucker for looks. If you haven't fecked for so long you're also wasting your prime...waiting for what? Miss perfect? You are like a starved man walking passed the cake shop with his tongue out on the floor, lusting over shyte that's seemingly unavailable. In my language they say: "hunger makes raw beans taste sweet". That's your current state: starved and willing to eat anything , even though you are unaware of this yourself!

 

[Manure Spherian]

I feel you, I just don't know how to stop it, or at least calm down. What's worse is, I openly express my want for a relationship with them because keeping it inside burns. But when I share my thoughts, they cut clear and leave (maybe cuz I freaked them out).

I do feel like I should try to keep those comments within, at least until we get to know each other more and become physical. But I make it awkward instead, which just about kills any attraction I've built up till that point.

What's worse, recovery from "I really like you" seems impossible. Though I do feel like a girl who stops talking to me because I'm THAT into them is actually doing me a favor, cuz I guess I wouldn't want to be with someone who was uncomfortable with that idea. But me mentioning it instead of letting it progress naturally feels like it's the problem hmm.

How old are you?

 

[Manure Spherian]

I think love is often your brain recognizing a fertile, healthy young woman and saying: ‘go make babies with her.’

That’s all what so-called romantic love is. Conjugal love is different, and a choice.

 

[MixedMutt00]

Regarding your friend: 35 isn't that far away ya know. 33 = 35 if that makes sense. It's around the corner. Be kinda grateful he thaught you how to pua , because you will need it next coming years. You are naive to believe that 35 is a age where a man MUST be settled. Doesn't work like that (anymore).
The biggest fools are those men who believe that women will provide them happiness. It's like believing the slot machine will make you rich.

I'm only quoting him to be honest. The same man who taught me pua is so desperate and thirsty it's cringe and pretty pathetic. He makes like 100k a year, lives on his own, scuba dives and is picking up new hobbies, began to work out, is a pro gamer, consistently winning tournaments and making money, and he feels like the only thing he's missing is a partner to share his success with.
I think 35 is still pretty young, but he now has a "time limit" to have a kid by 40 and he's freaking out about it. I'm the age he was when he first introduced me to pua, so I wonder how many girls he's ditched to end up with the feelings he has now, and now he regrets pua and pua talk, focusing more on being honest with a girl and his feelings. Feck his successes, I don't wanna be desperate and cringe like that.

Lastly, Lord knows how many much better fitting women you've ditched due to being a sucker for looks. If you haven't fecked for so long you're also wasting your prime...waiting for what? Miss perfect? You are like a starved man walking passed the cake shop with his tongue out on the floor, lusting over shyte that's seemingly unavailable. In my language they say: "hunger makes raw beans taste sweet". That's your current state: starved and willing to eat anything , even though you are unaware of this yourself!

If I've learned anything from pua, it's to NEVER settle. Have you ever smashed a girl and not had an orgasm? Literally, the biggest waste of time smh. And it's because those lower looking girls just don't do it for me; I can't look at them and nut, even if we have tons in common and they treat me great. What's the point of entering the cake shop when all this cake looks and tastes like raw beans?


I also met a girl who wasn't into ****ing around, she ("says", but I believe it, she was definitely a "goody" girl) only been with 5 guys and she was 24. She (again, "said") that she wasn't the hookup-feck around type, and I'm pretty sure she wasn't. But when she saw how I was (super ****boy, smash around and date oriented), I can tell she was super turned off by it and dropped me cold and hard (there were probably more reasons why she dropped me too lmao), even though we had much in common and hanging out was awesome, though we never got physical. But the smash around vibe she picked up definitely hurt my chances, and I learned that I liked girls that weren't into fecking around as well.

I do agree, I HATE that I'm wasting my prime since this is the best I might ever look, but I've learned life isn't always about sex, so I took a somewhat celibate route for a bit. It also has never hurt me to tell a girl I haven't smashed in 3 years. Correct me if I'm wrong, but losing a couple years of sex for a mind-blowing person doesn't sound too bad (though I shouldn't put them on a pedestal either).

 

[MixedMutt00]

How old are you?

28