Love and sex with the EX and New Girlfriend!

[Qualtran]

Me and a girl fell in love last year and dated for about 9 months. She broke things off over the summer as she was going to be gone for 3 months. During the summer, I always thought about her, but ended up dating a bunch of new girls. I figured I might as well have some fun, and I never quite agreed with breaking things off the way we did. I assumed things were over for good, so I didn't feel like I owed it to her not to see other people. We actually met up for a week in the middle of summer and everything happened again, but we ended up breaking things off again at the end of that week.

I had been seeing a few girls from the very beginning of summer, and when I came back I got right back into things, just having fun and fooling around. But something very unexpected happened: me and one of the girls ended up falling in love and becoming exclusive with each other. When summer ended we had to go off to different universities. I am still with her, and we love and are crazy about each other and we are only about a 3 hour drive away so we have visited each other every weekend except last weekend.

Now we come to the dilemma.

About three weeks ago, after not having talked to my EX for about 4 months, we bumped into each other on campus and hung out for a while. I immediately told her I had a new girlfriend, but it was apparent that we were still very strongly attracted to each other and she even ended up stating directly that she wanted stuff to happen. We ended up meeting up a few more times, and even though I almost slipped, I was able to prevent my self from doing anything. Then we met up once more and went on a long hike, and ended up making love on a bluff overlooking the ocean. I couldn't believe it had happened. I never thought I would make love to this girl again, and here we were.

This all happened last weekend, and me and my ex actually ended up spending the night together last night and it felt so amazingly perfect. We are planning on meeting up again next Tuesday night, so as you can see this is turning into an ongoing thing, although lite and easy.

I have still been talking to my current girlfriend every day and she is coming to visit this weekend and I'm excited, but I feel very conflicted, and confused. I really love her but I can't decide if doing what I'm doing is evil or just something I shouldn't worry about too much. In one sense, it feels terrible doing things with my EX behind my girlfriend's back and pretending I'm all hers, but I'm in love with my EX too! In another sense, I'm only 21 years old, a junior in college, and right now really isn’t the time to worry about all this so much!

I'm in love with two girls, I'm sleeping with them, and I don't want to lose either of them! Any advice or comments?

 

[b's nuts]

lucky you, don't get caught!

 

[DJZ]

I don't think you are in love with either of them. Maybe infatuated, but not in love. If you were truley in love with one of them, then that would be the one you'd be faithful to.

You probably have a love for them -- and what I mean is, you care about them, care about their feelings, their well-being, and you like them a lot (think about them a lot too), but you aren't in love. The first stage in a LTR is infatuation...it feels like what you'd think love feels like (based on your perception from movies, books, and word of mouth)...but it's not love.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by Qualtran
me and one of the girls ended up falling in love...

we love and are crazy about each other...

Then we met up once more and went on a long hike, and ended up making love...

I really love her...

I'm in love with two girls...

My advice is simple: GROW UP. You sound like a friggin woman, and not surprisingly, you are acting like one too.

A MAN does not have "love" feelings for some ho he's been screwing. If a MAN does have those feelings, he makes a decision. Otherwise, a MAN does whatever he pleases with whomever he pleases without questioning his motives or desires. Be a MAN. If you truly "love" one of these girls, then pick one. But a real man would never get caught up in this hollywood/hallmark romantic bullsh1t to begin with.

 

[Slickster]

Qualtran,

You are 21 and having an exclusive GF isn't a real good idea for you right now.

I understand your confusion and guilt but if you just kept yourself out of a relationship you could be having all the fun you want without any negative feelings.

Read the DJ bible. There is a section about Multiple LTR's which is pretty good.

Think of it like this. You are at a fork in the road right now. Each girl represents a different path. You could choose one and forget the other. Or you could stay right there at the fork and enjoy the benefits of both paths for as long as you can. Believe me when you're 31 you'll wish you did.

I know its hard to stop but don't fall in love. You're only 21 and have too many options and too much fun in your future to tie yourself down to anyone or anything.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Don't worry Qualtran, all your questions will be answered for you when one of these girls finds out she has an STD.

 

[echo1212]

Qualtran......youre an idiot. You throw around the word love like its candy. THe only person you love in this situation is yourself.

First of all, your ex is playing you like a fiddle. She basically breaks up with you twice, goes off, does other guys, then when SHE decides its convienent for her, gets back in touch with you and wraps you around her little finger again.

Meanwhile, your present gf thinks shes in a great relationship, an EXCLUSIVE relationship I remind you, places total trust in you, and you go off with your ex like a little boy. Imagine if you found out shes doing some guy all week while you two don't see each other. Wouldn't feel too good would it? Now, if you had never told her that U2 were exclusive and in "love", then fine date whoever you want. But the point is..you did. Start being a man and end things with both girls before you really hurt someone..including yourself. Then start over and either date alot of different girls HONESTLY, or date someone exclusively...HONESTLY.

 

[Qualtran]

I can't say I view this situation as negatively as my post may have suggested; having two hot girls who want to have sex with me isn't exactly something many men would complain about. And there is no point in questioning whether I "love" these girls or not because that is something impossible to tell from the outside, so for now forget I ever mentioned the word "love" in my first post.

As I think about this more, I come to a similar conclusion as "Slickster." I realize the risk "echo1212" alludes to, but I do not think its as serious as he/she makes it out to be. Of course I'm not going to tell my current girlfriend that I'm hooking up with another girl and that is dishonesty, but at the same time I have told her that I do not want too serious a relationship and when we are apart we need to live our own lives.

So, selfish as it may be, and perhaps somewhat in accordance with the third sentence "echo1212" writes, I'm going to as "Slickster" put it, "stay right there at the fork and enjoy the benefits of both paths for as long as can."

 

[echo1212]

Well, you reap what you sow, and what goes around comes around. Trust me, sooner or later this will end badly...for all three of you.

 

[jbbrain]

right, but do it with integrity..

now youre catching on

 

[1hepcat]

Just watch that How To Be a Player movie.