Lost the desire to bang?

[NewMan]

I'll keep this short and to the point.

Have you ever been in a relationship and lost the desire to have sex with your girl?

If so, what sparked this - and what did you do, or try to do to get over it.

thoughts?

 

[Egoist]

if its because you truly lost your interest in her, move on.

if its because you're overindulging in porn and jacking off, its your fault.

 

[Vulpine]

I have also.

In most cases, the chick lets herself go. She either gains weight, develops poor hygeine grooming habits, gets b!tchy/whiney, whatever the reason - she begins to repulse me physically.

At that point, when they proove that they will not change, it's sayonara no matter what the investment. If it has gotten to that point, it's probably been long overdue.

 

[Egoist]

P.S. yeah i do believe that there is nothing wrong with moving on if you lose the desire because the wife isnt as sexy/sexual as she used to be and so on.

 

[NewMan]

thanks for your replies.

Well obviously I'm reflecting on my situation.

It's not that she's not sexy, or gained weight. It's been a slow process, but I'm not as interested in banging her as I was. She is ready pretty much anytime - and I'm wondering if it's me physically or is it more that I am not interested in her.

It doesn't mentally make sense to me that I would be uninterested in her - she's younger than me, hot, great body and likes to bang. what more could a guy ask for.......

yet... the dynamic is changing.

example - I notice she is drinking more and more. She used to smoke when we would go to bars - but now it seems like she's smoking during the day as well. It's not like I monitor her - or want to be her 'Father' - but I can't help but notice the smell of smoke - and some of you may know that wine/smoke smell....

I just have been noticing that she's buzzed at times during the evening - and again I don't want to be her father, but when it becomes a regular occurence, it starts to bother you.

this weekend probably opened my eyes. I had been working on my house and she said she would cook dinner. when we started to eat, the meat was still raw. So she grabbed it took it to the kitchen and began to pan fry it. As she was doing this she was tossing it like a pancake - getting it all over my stove and counter top and floor. I was p#ssed - but she was obviously buzzed - an almost empty bottle of wine sitting in the kitchen.

I'm probably making more of this than I should.

 

[Desdinova]

What's happening is her habits and / or personality is what is making her less attractive. Have you ever met a woman who is not-so-hot, but her personality makes her more attractive? The opposite can happen. Her personality is the deciding factor on her level of "hotness".

A woman isn't just made up of her looks, it's made up of her personality as well. It's like a DVD with a holographic cover and moving parts on the case, but the movie itself gets less interesting and more retarded as you're watching it. However, you've decided to keep it around because the case is cool. It's a waste of space but it's a nice conversational piece. That's exactly what has happened with your GF.

You need to decide whether that waste of space is worth it, or replace it with something more interesting and valuable.

 

[Vulpine]

Banging sloppy drunks that stink like an ashtray can be pretty repulsive. When the goddess you once new turns into something else, that's a deal breaker. That's 3 card monte or the shell game and you've been hustled. You fell for the old switch-a-roo. You aren't her Betty Ford counsellor, her therapist, or her father. So, don't try to fix her. If you are unhappy, sure, give her a chance to get herself together. If she refuses, denies any problem, or doesn't care to respect you and your wishes, that's another deal breaker. At that point, sayonara.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Most of the answers have focused on "what went wrong with her". Judging from your reply, it isn't it.

My guess would be habituation. My guess is that you have been with her for a while. Research has shown that after about 3 years, you don't release as much oxytocin, a chemical that is released in the brain after sex, that gives you a feeling of satisfaction and ecstasy, and facilitates bonding. She's just not that "hott new babe anymore". From now on, it's the personality that counts, if you don't like it, it'll be time to move on.

Just my opinon.

 

[Tazman]

Like others have said, you're just used to it now. You've got her so no real effort goes into getting laid, she's already yours. If you hadn't been with a woman in a while and you just met her, I highly doubt you'd find any real complaint with the way she is now. Now that you've been with her and the challenge is gone, you feel you can do better and you might be nit picking a little. That, and she may just be letting herself go little by little, people generally do that anyway after a while (to an extent).

 

[flexion_]

The whole smoking/drinking thing would throw me off too.

I sense your goals and her goals probably aren't the same.

 

[Macgyver]

She's no good. YOU know what to do, you just want affirmation from us to the inevitable event: NEXTING her.

 

[xmlenigma]

Have you maybe looked at figuring out if YOUR BEHAVIOR is affecting her BEHAVIOR ?

Take a weekend getaway and do a fantasy role play with new lingerie.. if u still see no sparks.. its a deeper issue u need to talk it out.

 

[CraigMack]

Sounds like you are seeing the real person underneath and it's not turning you on so much.

When we get with someone sometimes they are on their best behavior for a while and then the real person creeps out and it's not so nice.

Your relationship will not last, so maybe you need to cut your losses now while your ahead. But try talking to her first to see if you can get the behavior that you want out of the deal.

And smokers suck!

Check out my buddies podcast at http://playersupreme.libsyn.com

 

[Heretolearn]

maybe something is going on in her life to cause her change of behaviour?


Maybe your behaviour has somehow affected her.

Make an effort to hear her out and see what is going on. It may be a temporary funk.

 

[JonSter]

I was in a relationship like the one you described. I was willing to overlook the drinking and pot smoking in the beginning because I really liked her and the sex was great. But once the honeymoon phase was over, these habits started to irk me more often. She really had not changed all that much, I just noticed it more as we fell out of "lust" and into the "daily routine."

Like you, I started noticing my girl was "zoned out" on pot or wine (or Coronas) on many evenings, and your dinner scene brought back memories. Sometimes, I'd sit there and watch her get frustrated at herself, trying to perform a relatively routine or simple task. But like you, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I preferred her being zoned out, over having a big argument.

It's hard to make the case to a person that they have a problem when they are doing this on their "down time," and it's not affecting their job or finances all that much -- a functional alcoholic. When I did talk to her about it, she'd just stare at me and pout, or tell me that it was all in my head -- that I was over exaggerating and should loosen up.

If I showed her lots of affection and attention, she hardly did any of that stuff -- or hid it well. When I withdrew into my own world, she would find comfort in weed, booze, and cigs in the evenings. It felt like a Catch-22. I could get her to slow it down by being all lovely dovey with her, but I didn't feel like showing affection because of the bad habits -- and other stuff.

We started doing the "breakup get back together" thing. And then we just split. She ended up meeting some guy who was willing to stick in there and put in the time and effort to help her get her life back together. Our relationship was so damaged, and I had so much resentment (this was on and off for 7 years) that I just didn't have it in me (or love her enough) to try and work it out.

Another thing, in my case, her bad habits weren't the problem. When I met her (like in your case) she was already doing all those things. Other issues we were having just made them more obvious and bothersome to me.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Um,..why are you only banging one woman?

 

[KarmaSutra]

And smokers suck!

It's my experience and a personal theory that women who enjoy smoking enjoy swallowing. Food for thought . . .

 

[( . )( . )]

It's my experience and a personal theory that women who enjoy smoking enjoy swallowing. Food for thought . . .

Word. I've noticed most smokers tend to have no hangups about smoking pole just in general

Personally I dont see all the hoo haa alot of guys here tend to crap on about chicks who smoke, she smokes........her clothes smell? GAHHHHH ITS THE END OF MY WORLD!!!!

Fvcks sake get over it, at least when shes smoking shes not talking.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Fvcks sake get over it, at least when shes smoking shes not talking.

I just snorted fvckin' pineapple tidbits out my nose! :crackup:

 

[NewMan]

I've noticed most smokers tend to have no hangups about smoking pole just in general

she definitely likes the pole - she doesn't leave it alone....

Personally I dont see all the hoo haa alot of guys here tend to crap on about chicks who smoke, she smokes........her clothes smell? GAHHHHH ITS THE END OF MY WORLD!!!!

It really all depends on the chick. Some women take care of their sh#t - like brush their teeth after they smoke, or rinse their mouth, but I can't deal with chicks who do nothing - It's definitely a turn off to move in for a kiss with a chick that stinks like ash....