Lost all interest in people

[Huffman]

No matter how hard I try, I cannot conjure any genuine interest in people around me anymore.
Be it guys or girls.
This is what really disturbs me.

I'm still doing ok - since I'm no AFC anymore, my looks are good and I am well respected by most people.

As of late, I'm having a hard time talking to people. Needless to say, good conversation springs from curiosity... but actually I don't give a damn about these people.
Which is sad, because I'm not only after more girls, but I could also use a couple of new good friends.

Even with people I know, I'm incredibly hard-pressed to hold a conversation. I always eject very soon because of disinterest. Because I feel it's a worthless waste of time.

Have I become that arrogant?
Have I confused "not being needy" with being antisocial?
I feel like I'm becoming a very ugly person.
But deep down, I do want to be social, I want to make more friends, I want to CARE again.

You ever felt that way?

 

[yoimjamie]

people suck - and assuming the worst in them will usually give you the right idea before you even start talking

if you don't even look at the rough you are trudging through though, you'll have no chance of knowing if you kick out a diamond

i strongly dislike people. i'm about as misanthropic as bill hicks, but there are exceptions to all rules. some people are really cool. You have to be philosophical imo, one day you'll get thrown something that piques your interest right back again. It happened to me 2 weeks ago and i've been single by choice for about 4 years through lack of interest

 

[Five To One]

Realise that your the problem if people dont interest you. Its not their job to entertain you. Live an interesting life, do what excites you.

Its alright if you dont find what everyone says interesting, but you should be able to steer the conversation to something entertainning that you can talk about. Its not your job to entertain people but you should enjoy doing it when you do it. I love making people laugh. Thats how I enjoy being around people. Once you learn how to be the center of attention you will learn how much fun it really is to be with people.


But yea I use to feel the same way you do. I felt that I was someone different and better than everyone else and what they had to say was stupid. Then I realised I was arrogant and I really wasnt any different from anyone else.
It was just a phase

 

[Desert Fox]

I feel 100% the same way. I want to find a way out and sometimes I laugh but I have begun to catch myself and ask "why am I even laughing? that wasn't even that funny. it was retarded. do I like retarded things? no. I am not going to laugh and indulge in retarded things that aren't funny"

what is happening to me? I am struck that you mentioned arrogance...I think that may be my problem...I've become so arrogant help

i can't tell my friends or family about this...no one has really ever given a damn about my emotions and I've usually just sucked it up and kept it all to myself but I need you guys to help me out here...damn i got hit pretty hard today and it was the result of this antisocialness I am developing lately (past 2 years).

I do what I have to do be sociable at work and in front of authority or people I cannot brush off, but many times I just ignore people who want to waste my time, or I percieve as wasting my time. goddamit i'm a sad person

 

[yoimjamie]

you can know that people suck and still let yourself have a great time with them. you just have to suspend your disdain. You can consider yourself better without being overbearing, dismissive or arrogant. Or even aloof. Think of it as a secret advantage, rather than a superiority which should be obvious, or which grants you the right to shun everybody.

Also, no matter how good you are by your own standards, there is always someone better. Everyone needs humility to some extent.

that's my $0.02

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

I made a post about this last year.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=120751

read it. does it describe you?

alright.

don't give a crap about anyone else, if you don't... you can fake it and have people actually believe you.

i was working at my other job yesterday (A&F... laid back and cheerful most of the time) and one of my many hot female coworkers who is obviously stressed out obviously wanted to talk... so i grab my stuff together and set it next to her and start doing my job right next to her.

after about 30 seconds from coming "out of the blue"...

"i'm not the type who usually likes to talk about problems... how are you?"

then she goes on about her story... and after a couple minutes of relating her problems with how i would handle it, i can easily fake interest while accomplishing something in her interest.

and it goes silent and i continue my job and i look up after a few minutes and just watch her movements for 5-10 seconds while shes right next to me and i'm not trying to hide the fact that i'm watching her reaction.

"it's still bothering you pretty bad, huh?"

and she smiles and we talk more.

she smiles because she actually think i care... and we continue chatting.

she says she wants my opinion on something as a guy instead of her female friends.

---

my point is... if you never get the chance to get to know someone because you just don't care... pretend you care just so you can get to know them... as simple as i put that.

 

[magickarl]

About a year ago, I found myself in the same situation. Nothing people said interested me, either because it was:

A. Not interesting
B. Bull****

The more and more I tried to find someone who was a good conversationalist or who could connect to me on the same level, I was left more and more at a loss. So, I just gave up on the idea. Then, the epiphany finally hit me that I was hanging around with a bunch of jack asses. I don't know how many of you live around the midwest, but most people from around here are jackasses who are partially or entirely full of ****.

In fact, trying to have a conversation with your average dude around here is like a my-****-is-bigger-than-yours competition from start to finish. Everyone got to be one up on everybody else, and to do that, most people just lie. Thats why we call my area "the home of the haters." There is so much backstabbing and ****-blocking around here it is ridiculous.

Anyway, I've gotten off topic. The point is I gave up on looking for people who I could relate too. And you know what happened? Very similar to how when your not looking there are plenty of available women, as soon as I stopped looking for good conversations, they just kind of fell into my lap. The secret I found is don't be searching for interesting people, or hope that what somebody has to say is interesting. If you do that, your going to get caught up in the fact that these people are freaking boring. A truly interesting person will capture your attention as soon as you see them.

I know things got better for me as soon as I stopped caring, and I hope things work out good for you guys too.

 

[Babnik]

About a year ago, I found myself in the same situation. Nothing people said interested me, either because it was:

A. Not interesting
B. Bull****

The more and more I tried to find someone who was a good conversationalist or who could connect to me on the same level, I was left more and more at a loss. So, I just gave up on the idea. Then, the epiphany finally hit me that I was hanging around with a bunch of jack asses. I don't know how many of you live around the midwest, but most people from around here are jackasses who are partially or entirely full of ****.

In fact, trying to have a conversation with your average dude around here is like a my-****-is-bigger-than-yours competition from start to finish. Everyone got to be one up on everybody else, and to do that, most people just lie. Thats why we call my area "the home of the haters." There is so much backstabbing and ****-blocking around here it is ridiculous.

Anyway, I've gotten off topic. The point is I gave up on looking for people who I could relate too. And you know what happened? Very similar to how when your not looking there are plenty of available women, as soon as I stopped looking for good conversations, they just kind of fell into my lap. The secret I found is don't be searching for interesting people, or hope that what somebody has to say is interesting. If you do that, your going to get caught up in the fact that these people are freaking boring. A truly interesting person will capture your attention as soon as you see them.

I know things got better for me as soon as I stopped caring, and I hope things work out good for you guys too.

Heh, when I was looking I actually found some interesting people but then I stopped looking and found 0 interesting people.

 

[Vice]

Hey man, I've noticed that I have the same issue.

I just don't care about people.

What is this issue called anyway? I'm a bit short on time right now, but I'm certainly going to read up this thread.

 

[magickarl]

^

What I said was may have been misleading. I'm not trying to say your going to make any new friends by not talking to anybody. I'm just trying to say don't dwell on it so much.

It's like everybody tries really hard to sound like an interesting person, and they come off as a lame person embellishing the lame things they do. But once I stopped focusing on talking to the people who had a million and one things to say, I realized that sometimes it's the quieter people that have more meaningful things to say when they do speak.

So I guess more concise advice would be this: Instead of talking to everybody that looks like they have something to say, try talking to the people that you wouldn't normally talk to, and you might be surprised.

 

[Rex Man]

Maybe if you were more interesting people would seem more interesting to you. If NO ONE you meet is of any interest to you, you mustn't have any interests. Therefore, you aren't interesting. Once you find a driver in life, whatever it may be, it will relight your passion of life with the fuel of curiosity.

 

[intrextrovert]

Generally if you are interesting and sincere you attract that kind of attitude from other people.

You don't have to be a *****, or even very nice, but if you are someone people like people will act good towards you.

Also, learn to just dismiss ridiculous things people say, don't confront them about it but don't mind it, just let it pass over you. If you find out it's true cool, if not whatever. Generally, as long as you don't rely on anyone that does the whole lie/embellishing thing, they're fine.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Yeah.People suck. I hate people, I have all these interests,yet no one to relate too.

 

[brewbaron]

I know where you are coming from, but I have to disagree. I think anything on the surface is uninteresting. an autumn leaf is uninteresting when you glance at it, but actually hold it in your hand and look at all the textures, how intricate the veins are, think about its purpose, where it came from, how it ended up in your hand. people are similar to that.

the way our society is structured our interactions tend to be superficial and shallow, thats not the fault of the people you are interacting with. its merely the way they've been conditioned, its the way all of us have been conditioned. but if you ask the right questions and show genuine curiosity I guarantee any person can be interesting in some way.

 

[slaog]

Change your reality.


I felt the same way. Everybody was boring and nobody was interesting to me. Basically I realised that it happened because I lost my spark for life. I was a boring uninteresting person and I thought everybody else was too because thats how I viewed the world.

I know where you are coming from, but I have to disagree. I think anything on the surface is uninteresting. an autumn leaf is uninteresting when you glance at it, but actually hold it in your hand and look at all the textures, how intricate the veins are, think about its purpose, where it came from, how it ended up in your hand. people are similar to that.

the way our society is structured our interactions tend to be superficial and shallow, thats not the fault of the people you are interacting with. its merely the way they've been conditioned, its the way all of us have been conditioned. but if you ask the right questions and show genuine curiosity I guarantee any person can be interesting in some way.

Well said!

 

[Jaggs]

I agree with others in this thread, and registered just to post my opinion.

Most people will think the same as you, try to limit the interest they show to other people because of their mindset or whatever, but if you are truly good at social interaction you can get almost anyone to open up and relate somehow. From there you can build off that.

Easier said than done, sure. But once you find the right attitude and mindset, you begin to learn about all the cues and pick up on small things that can lead you somewhere. Sometimes its like finding the tiny entrance to a garden full of life. Most people don't even bother to begin with.

Once you become adjusted you can do this to people easier and easier, and more people will open up to you.

An example is the other day I was having a conversation with an middle aged (Hot) woman (I have a lot of varied interaction of age groups/people from my job) and once I set us off in the right direction (her being comfortable/laughing/opening up) we had a number of conversations and ended up touching on something emotional to her (her adolescent son is going through the grief of a dealing with a deceased best friend). Even though this was briefly discussed, she left leaving the conversation with a smile on her face and knowing that I am a real person she can relate to, not another robot droning along. Making woman feel a variety of emotions will lead to her being more receptive to you, pushing past initial barriers.

Afterwards I realized how strange it was (For most people) to have such an indepth conversation to someone I had only talked to once or twice beforehand. Most people do not ever engage in these interactions with people they do not know.

Of course this has nothing to do with the exact details of seducing woman, rather I'm just expressing the power of being able to tune into people and getting them to feel a certain way from your attitude. Emotions are powerful in people (especially woman).


Improving on these skills will improve your whole life. (And getting with woman).

Hope my first post made sense,
Peace.
:rockon:

 

[Warrior74]

If your bored, then your boring as my mom used to say.

If you want people to take an interest in you, take an interest in them.

You get respect by giving respect.

Most people like to talk about their number one subject, themselves.

Small minds talk about people, Average minds talk about events, Great minds discuss ideas


these are basic instructions. Follow them. Good luck.






Small minds talk about people, Average minds talk about events, Great minds discuss ideas


This is the truest thing....and the trick is to be able to talk to all of these people. That's the key to social grace and charisma. I can talk to the secretary gossip at work, with out getting caught up in gossiping. I can talk to my coworkers about sports or tv shows, and I can talk to my friends about ideas, art, life, religion. Now imagine if I thought only great minds should be spoken to...that's arrogant. Everyone regardless of who they are knows something you don't know. So never discount people.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

This is what I worry about. Am I interesting enough? Smart enough? Do I discuss big ideas,or just mindless small gossip? I feel I can almost talk to anyone about anything,but feel a lack of real connection to people,could be also I don't like the idea of groups. I find a strength in individuality,but a loss of such from loneliness/isolation.

Thing is,I don't really like to talk about myself all that much. Could be a defenseive thing.

 

[Huffman]

WOW, I'm overwhelmed by your quality replies! I'm gonna respond in detail later, but know that you guys have given me an invaluable heads-up

 

[Warrior74]

This is what I worry about. Am I interesting enough? Smart enough? Do I discuss big ideas,or just mindless small gossip? I feel I can almost talk to anyone about anything,but feel a lack of real connection to people,could be also I don't like the idea of groups. I find a strength in individuality,but a loss of such from loneliness/isolation.

Thing is,I don't really like to talk about myself all that much. Could be a defenseive thing.

You build up conversations with people. You start small talking about meaningless things like the weather latey, how work is going. If they have kids or not. And you eventually find something the seem interested in talking about and talk about that. Or your just polite and say talk to ya later.

The in the next conversation you build on that...and talk about what you discussed before. it shows you took an interest in them. And you move on to other topics or you bring up one of your own.

Asking for advice is always a great after a second or third combo.


I just started a second job for christmas money in a call center. Most of those full timers are from low class backgrounds, I'm a middle class sort of guy. And I'm older than most of them. But I have convos. I ask their name first, how long they been working here...ask where they are from. How they like the job. did they go to that concert last week. And they usually will ask the same about me. Then I say good talking to ya...gotta get back to work. I've meet half of the people there...I make random comments about work to people I don't know...then ask their name.

"that was a crazy survey wasn't it?"
"ya"
"my name is Warrior"
"mine is blah blah blah"
"cool meeting you"
"you too"

next time I see em. I ask how their work is going. Or whats up for the weekend. or what ever. its meaningless convo, but after a week I feel like people there like me and I like them. I know I'm different from them but they are still people just like me who want the same things in life I want. I got invited to a party this weekend by one of the girls there. I doubt I'll go. but I may poke my head in the door just to be social.

I also tend to smile when I talk to people, I give decent eye contact and I never talk about anything negative. The only people who hear my negative rants are my really close friends and even then I keep those to a minimum.
Never go negative..its a bad vibe when you are first meeting people and it throws them off.

As for being defensive...what are you afraid of? Are you afraid you are going to say something they can use against you? I used to be like that. Really guarded...but remember...its always the quiet standoffish guy that people make jokes about going postal. You have to be willing to give of yourself, to get you have to give. Be yourself who ever you are. I'm still that nerdy kid who loved comics and video games, but I'm a dad, I'm an employee, I'm goofy and can't dance, I'm quirky with an odd sense of humor. I can be serious, I'm an business man. They can't change me or hurt me and they don't stop me from reaching my goals. So I might as well be myself.