Lost again

[Pozitron]

Hey, men!

I'm coming back here hoping it's one of the places without bs on the internet where one can get help.
I started here, a while back. I've been with my gf for almost 2 years.

Now the problem is I'm going through a rough time. I'm not balanced emotionally. I'm thinking about where my life is going. I'm anxious. I'm searching info like crazy and my mind probably tries to find the magic pill again by watching everything, taking notes on everything.
At the end of the day I still feel not centered, not in control.

I don't know wtf happened with me and my girl. She says it's nothing..
I'm observing that she's not that eager or enthusiastic to see me. We hadn't been physical in a while. She doesn't like anything sexual ( like kissing ) in public or with friends.
We are spending a lot of time together - same university - she was my highschool classmate - same friends.
Spending a lot of time together.. still I get frustrated at times because we don't get intimate. We live with our parents so it's hard. Even when it's possible like today she said she wasn't in the mood and that I should live it at that.

Tomorrow she should come at my place but.. I don't like it having to wait for her mood.

It's complicated. I would appreciate the help. Ask anything.. I don't know what details to give anymore.
Thanks

 

[SgtSplacker]

The first thing a man needs to learn to do is control his emotions, plain and simple you cannot advance without this. It makes you weak, your female sees this and it's turning her off. Read things like the "Art of War" or the "48 laws of power" learn these things, occupy your mind with them. Your female doesn't want to kiss you in front of your friends because she may be telling them things about you, be wary of this. Stop being so concerned with this relationship, set your sights on bigger things. Dump her, wait a bit and pick her up again GAIN CONTROL.

 

[Pozitron]

I'm really down now. Thanks for the tip. I downloaded the books and will read them.
I feel like starting from scratch here.
I don't know why I am always trying to figure all life.. wtf is wrong with me

 

[luber873]

Feeling the EXACT same way right now. She asked me Sunday how I feel about us out of the blue. I told her I feel like she's less enthusiastic around me and there are days it seems like she couldn't care less about me. I'm usually not too emotional with her, only really say I love you after she does, etc. But I'll drop these huge emotional bombs on her from time to time and she withdraws hard from them. Then I have to chase her again.

So it's like affection like crazy, I lose attraction, voice something that isn't even really a concern (something else may be bothering me), we overanalyze and spiral our discussion in circles, she withdraws and says she needs space for a bit, then I chase. It's happened a few times.

 

[SgtSplacker]

You guys are concerning yourselves with nonsensical things. To dwell in emotion is a woman's realm, you must be above this. The last thing a woman wants to see is her man worried about the same nonsense she is worried about also.

Think about it this way, your brain is a muscle just like any other. Flesh is flesh. Muscles get used to doing the same thing over and over again. These negative thoughts are just habits your brain has. All you have to do is keep thinking about better things and your brain will get used to that. Even if you choose a cheezy way to change your train of thought it will work as long as you stick with it.

 

[Nickface]

I would just honestly chalk this up for luber873 and OP as bordem. Look relationships can be boring. You may have started on a high note and where do you go from there? You have to try to find ways to keep the interest up. I'm not saying to go out every night or travel the world but every weekend you have to look to do different things. Go to a theme park, go sking, travel to a local state via bus, have a movie/date night.

Don't let the girl have the upper hand. If you sound or come off as emotional, your going to lose your respect. For my ex girlfriend, when I was trying to win her over, I would do over the top things to impress her. Going out after a few months, I had nowhere to go but down. Same thing applied to sex.

All this being said, nothing may be wrong. Talk it out and don't be afraid to dictate where the relationship goes. Be confident!

 

[CaptainSaveAh0]

Break up with her. Never let a woman take control of the relationship. You should be controlling her feelings not the other way around.

 

[Yewki]

I think one of the reasons you feel hopeless is you're hoping to control something that cannot be controlled. And that is your girlfriend. Doesn't seem like she's the one for you. A girl who doesn't want to have sex probably isn't right for any guy.

You've been with her 2 years. If this is a very recent problem, I think you should very sternly let her know you're not happy. You said you've been spending a lot of time together recently, distance yourself until she starts getting her act together.

If this has been going on for a while, I have good news for you. The solution is simple. Next her immediately and move on to better things. Simple as that.

 

[Pozitron]

I think one of the reasons you feel hopeless is you're hoping to control something that cannot be controlled. And that is your girlfriend.

Maybe.

We don't have the most active sex life ever. Mainly because of college work (seriously, we're busy) and because it isn't easy to do - we live with our parents. The window of opportunity is small and could get risky.

Now, should I try to estimate... hmm... 1 time a month? Maybe. 1-2? maybe 1.

Damn I have a freaking high drive sometimes. PMS also gets in the freakin' way. But you know all that.

I just came from a movie date tonight. I was great. (btw you should watch the wolf of wallstreet).

So that's how it goes. I need to get physical. Tell me if I am exaggerating or I want it too much. I don't think so.

Now when we go on a trip or sth like that for a couple days the whole thing changes. I know she wants it. I know that.

But why does she seem not sexual on a daily basis? WHy doesn't she just jump me just like that? What's wrong with the plain old showing it and not hiding from this?

The time we are spending together - the quantity was always high. Always. We are involved in the same things.

 

[Igetit!]

Dude....your post is kinda confusing. It's kinda hard to advise you.

Look at what you said here....

Now the problem is I'm going through a rough time. I'm not balanced emotionally. I'm thinking about where my life is going. I'm anxious. I'm searching info like crazy and my mind probably tries to find the magic pill again by watching everything, taking notes on everything.
At the end of the day I still feel not centered, not in control.

You start off by saying you're going through a rough time,talking about your life,not being emotionally balanced,not in control,etc,etc. Then you go from that to this....

I don't know wtf happened with me and my girl. She says it's nothing..
I'm observing that she's not that eager or enthusiastic to see me. We hadn't been physical in a while. She doesn't like anything sexual ( like kissing ) in public or with friends.
We are spending a lot of time together - same university - she was my highschool classmate - same friends.
Spending a lot of time together.. still I get frustrated at times because we don't get intimate. We live with our parents so it's hard. Even when it's possible like today she said she wasn't in the mood and that I should live it at that.

You started off talking about this rough time talking about YOU...talking about yourself...........then you switched from that to talking about your RELATIONSHIP and your girlfriend.

Ok...so WHICH ONE is it? Is it YOU (meaning personal issues) or your relationship that's causing all the emotional turmoil in you?


Because if it's YOU,then what difference would your girl suddenly wanting to be intimate with you make? All this that you just said about yourself.... "I'm not balanced emotionally. I'm thinking about where my life is going. I'm anxious. I'm searching info like crazy"....all that would still be true,you'd just be emotionally unbalanced and anxious WHILE HAVING SEX.



Or.....is all this emotional chaos in you BECAUSE OF your girl not wanting sex? If that's the case,you need to take a step back from dating ALTOGETHER. Yeah,a chick not wanting to have sex with you might suck,but if it's causing your WHOLE LIFE to go off track,to where you're emotionally unbalanced and anxious,you got a LOT MORE going on that needs to be addressed than just a girlfriend not wanting sex.

 

[Pozitron]

You're right. I thought about what you said. What I'm firstly trying to say is this:

Any problems I have in my relationship with her end up throwing me off balance emotionally. There are degrees but it's true. I love her. I think she is really beautiful. I am afraid of loosing her at times. And sometimes I think what if I'm not good enough. In the past I was a lot jealous.. a lot. In time I learned to control it but it doesn't really go away for good.
So that's that.

And besides that, she has all the power regarding intimacy. She has, men. If she doesn't want to or doesn't think it's the right time or doesn't want for it to get mundane and spaces it up between 2 encounters it's all her. You get blueballs and that's it ( one time I turned it around.. 1 time). At least that's what happens. So yea, in my opinion the frequency is low.

I wanna be stable emotionally speaking and have her want this and chasing me for it. ANd I don't wanna manipulate. I want it to be real.

 

[Pozitron]

It may also be that she thinks it should be ONLY when she is ready and when she wants it.

Or: because after we spent time together but didn't kiss much or anthing else, didn't get any physical, because we were with other people I go on and tell her I wanna spend time with her. So she's like: Didn't I just do that? Why aren't you satisfied. And when it gets more obvious she could think that I don't appreciate holding hands or a simple smile anymore. That if it isn't intimate it means little to me.
So you know.. maybe she's coming from that place.

Or (and I know this is true) she thinks that if we would do it too often it wouldn't mean anything, it would be common and mundane and nothing special. So instead she takes her time till the next time when it happens so that it feels great. Like... when it happens it's great. And she doesn't want to ruin it by doing it too often, probably thinking that it wouldn't be that great. I know I have repeated myself.

Maybe she is afraid that I will get bored with her.

It could be any of the above or a combination. That's it. I'm done with the scenarios.