Losing plates...

[mikeraw]

In a matter of 3 years I went from the dark depths of AFCness to a healthy level of spinning plates in different cities... and by by spinning I mean, of course, having sex with different girls. However, I never tell them that I'm seeing other girls, rather, I try to keep expectations about my gaming abilities low and try to be devoted to each one to a certain extent... Giving the impression that whatever plate I'm with is the only one I see... yeah, I know, residual AFCness... but still... big improvement for me, since I have a history of quick oneitissness...

Well, in the last week, I've lost (or at least I think I've lost them) 4... maybe 5, I dunno...

One tried to LJBF me soon after we met. I actually wrote about it a few months ago and don't know how to quote previous threads. Anyways, after having sex a few times and becoming friendly with her, we were at a social situation where there was another, hotter plate I was spinning, and I tried to play it cool with both. Since then, this one that tried to LJBF me, started growing distant. Besides, she didn't like my drinking with my buddies as often as I do. So yesterday she just LJBFed me. This time for good, I'm sure. Whatever, at least I'm not gonna pursue her anymore.

Then, last week, the other plate that I was with in the above-mentioned situation also LJBFed me. I also wrote about that one, but again, came through and ended up banging her a few times. I think I got too drunk this Saturday and I told her she made me crazy... not those exact words, it sounds better in Spanish. So yeah, no contact since then.

Then one plate in another city (Austin) that I had recently revived after about a year of no contact just this afternoon gave me so much attitude about not calling her and stuff that I hung up on her and there's no way I'll be calling her this weekend when I go up there... oh well... That's three down.

Then, last nite, this hot lush that's mostly a booty call, again flaked on me and today avoided issues of intimacy whenever I steered the conversation in that direction. This one, by the way, lives in the same building as the first plate I mentioned but they don't know each other.

Then, this hot chick that I met a few weeks ago and that I banged last Saturday, has been slow to answer my facebook messages and for some reason or other I always forget to call her, so I stick to facebook messages and I think that that kind of immaturity on my part, and the fact that I've insisted on seeing her, has driven her away. At least I feel that way. This one, BTW, looks like Giselle Bundchen, HIGH FIVE! hahaha

I don't know if I'm starting to give off that vibe of desperation so I've been afraid to call or contact the other plates I've been spinning, including my London chick and another sure booty call.

Has this ever happened to anyone? Man, I'm successful, socially outgoing, dress well, talented, not bad looking... What the heck?! I thought dry spells were a thing of the past for me, as it only gets easier and easier to go up to chicks and kiss them and invite them to my place.

What I'm afraid of is that this situation leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm so afraid to start from scratch again that I may just end up doing that by giving off certain vibes.

Oh! And another plate that I was starting to talk to again after about 5 months of no contact has started ignoring me again... But I don't really care about that 22 yr old hippie... it's just the PRINCIPLE that even that dumb hippie has also flaked on me!

Mike

 

[STR8UP]

Has this ever happened to anyone? Man, I'm successful, socially outgoing, dress well, talented, not bad looking... What the heck?! I thought dry spells were a thing of the past for me, as it only gets easier and easier to go up to chicks and kiss them and invite them to my place.

It happens to everyone, even the best of us. And I should know, cause I'm the best, haha.

Seriously, I'm in the midde of a dry spell myself. And yes, it does turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. The more you want it the more it eludes you.

Just gotta focus on other things and ride it out.

 

[The Bat]

Oh yeah, it certainly happens.

But I think it happens because you get comfortable in your current situation of spinning so many plates without having to do much work for it. All you got to do is call them up, talk to them, hang with them, and boom.

Starting from scratch would mean going out there actively gaming and meeting women. Which obviously includes rejections and flakes and failures.

So you subconsciously say to yourself, "Oh man, it's going to be tough to start from zero. Screw that. Let me see if I can hang on to these ones that I've worked so hard to get."

Hang in there. Now you know that it happens and why it happens, you'll swing out of it easily.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

MIKE, try not to look at it as a dry spell. Look at it as an opportunity to spin fresh, new, exciting plates. Draw confidence from fact that you've been able to generate new plates in the past and successfully spin them. That's a principle of Plate Theory; drawing confidence from options - and/or acknowledging an ability or history of generating new ones. You have that, so move into a new social circle. Don't dwell on plates that fall off and don't attempt to re-spin ones that have. If a former lover wants to re-spin herself, then you can make that call, but don't try to specifically make an effort to put an old plate back into circulation after she's fallen off. That smacks of desperation and leads to ONEitis.

In fact I'd argue that a 'dry spell' is a direct result of your own fixation on being optionless. The lack of confidence (see desperation) that stems from being optionless manifests itself in covert way that women pick up on. How you carry yourself, the words you use, just a subconscious atmosphere you project, women detect. You may dress well, have a lot going for you, etc., but you don't realize what you're casting out in other ways. In fact what you perceive as a plus for you (dressing well for instance) becomes proof for a woman that you're insecure if she's picked up on that lack of options. Have you ever heard a woman say a guy "reeks of desperation?" Sometimes even they can't put a finger on it themselves, they just know it when they sense it, but it's the unconscious self-recognition broadcasting itself in subtle ways to them.

 

[Mr. Me]

Sounds more like you're the one being spun by them.

I think what happens is that you're basically creating sexual relationships, and what happens is that, outside of the sex, there may not be any other factor where those particular women want you around nor has any bond or attachment that may have developed, developed yet as a basis for being with you. So you either have to look into cultivating that aspect to keep them around a bit longer or get used to banging and leaving and finding new women.

 

[poster_guy03]

Ok....

To take plate spinning to another level... My analysis is that you haven't been in touch with where each plate is in her "plate life cycle".

Marketing theory teaches us that every product has a life cycle with sequential stages: introduction, growth, maturity and decline. Product managers have to make decisions about products with respect to the products position in the life cycle: do we abandon it, tweak it for more growth, let it fade away.... If you manage a mix of products it's typically the case that you have products in a variety of stages in the life cycle. As products are allowed to die off new products are moving through the life cycle to rejuvenate the product portfolio.

Perhaps you allowed yourself to get caught in a "plate portfolio" that had most of them in the same place in the "plate life cycle" at the same time. What you need to do is build a "plate pipeline" and monitor the IL of your plates and tweak them along the way or drop them out and replenish the pipeline. After all, there is no scarcity.

 

[mikeraw]

All these replies have been insightful... that dry spells are normal even with people like STR8UP is kinda disappointing but not surprising... lucky streaks seem to good to be true, though now I know that it's not really luck driving plentiful times! Yeah, I guess I kinda brought this situation on myself by trying to hang onto the ones I had, like The Bat said. I guess I gotta diversify my assets... wu tang financial style!

Hey poster guy03, your marketing comparison started to make sense on me... tell me where I can read more about this so that I don't bother you on this thread for all the details. Somehow I never seem to get into the GROWTH stage of plate management... in fact, I feel that as soon as I bang one it immediately goes into decline mode... So I also agree with Mr. Me when he says that outside of sex, there's little I have in common with my plates, but that's something that I try to stay away from... what if they start seeing me like a friend? I talked about a lot of general cultural things with one of the girls that LJBFed me. I guess there was a line there that I just crossed... maybe if I break things around them they won't see me as a friend! hahaha Another thing Mr. Me said... that maybe I'M the one getting spun... I think this is certainly true with the party girls I "keep" on the side...

Tomorrow I go to Austin. It's an INSANE city and the after party is at my friend's house where I always stay. There will be a lot of college chicks, which are always easy... at least it'll serve to boost my thinking into a little more positive state... I just hope I don't see the crazy Russian that gave me mono a few weeks ago... I'll go off on her when I'm drunk! hahaha

 

[STR8UP]

In fact I'd argue that a 'dry spell' is a direct result of your own fixation on being optionless. The lack of confidence (see desperation) that stems from being optionless manifests itself in covert way that women pick up on. How you carry yourself, the words you use, just a subconscious atmosphere you project, women detect. You may dress well, have a lot going for you, etc., but you don't realize what you're casting out in other ways. In fact what you perceive as a plus for you (dressing well for instance) becomes proof for a woman that you're insecure if she's picked up on that lack of options. Have you ever heard a woman say a guy "reeks of desperation?" Sometimes even they can't put a finger on it themselves, they just know it when they sense it, but it's the unconscious self-recognition broadcasting itself in subtle ways to them.

This is the conundrum that I currently face.

My life is better today than it was a year ago, but back then I had "crutches" in the form of a stronger social circle that effectively handed it to me on a silver platter.

Now a lot of the people I used to hang out with have moved away, so it's a double whammy trying to get back on the horse without having a stirrup.

I know I look better than I did back then, but women pick up on VERY subtle cues and I know I am throwing them off left and right, no matter how hard I try to not let it show, and it's KILLING my game.

I guess it's just a matter of plowing through it and taking advantage of opportunities as they come along. It all goes in cycles...it's bound to turn around.

 

[Mr. Me]

I talked about a lot of general cultural things with one of the girls that LJBFed me.

Maybe that's a good place to start doing something different to see if you get different results: Conversation. Conversation kills it for so many guys! You have a completely open conversation and without realizing it, you've said some things that she doesn't agree with. And that's when she turns off. Of course, she may not let you know what she's thinking and in fact smiles and encourages you to continue, assuring you everything's fine, when what she's really doing is allowing you to chat up even more rope with which to hang yourself in her eyes.

So keep your conversations to quips and C&F and never give a straight answer to a question.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

STR8, you're encountering the paradox of success - the manifestations of a man's success become indicators of a man's underlying emotional deficits by order of degree. In other words, when you see a redneck in his lifted, fat tire pick up women say "he compensating for a little d!ck". If you're 40 y.o., never married, dress well, drive a Porsche, own 2 homes, are well respected (status), and bang beautiful women 10-15 years younger, you're compensating for an emotional void you need filled. It's a classic power tactic that's filtered into popular consciousness; turn ones strengths into weaknesses.