Losing my frame here brothers, help me out (girlfriend of 5 years)

[CMNILS87]

That's not what I meant.
Of course you guys can be harsh and truthful. I meant comments like "oh man up, go workout, don't be a baby, etc"

Anger is a secondary emotion. No matter what you're feeling at the moment, if you can't control yourself of that emotion it leads to anger. It's not about "working out brah". We're talking about your emotional well being. You have some toxic emotional symptoms that you need to sleep on. If she said she was having a fight and she didn't want to tell you right now, why'd you blow up on her? Ignore it and she'd come around later and tell you without a fuss. If you blew up on her that easily and said you were done, there's no way you've been happy lately in your LTR. This emotional rage was a manifestation of your frustration.

 

[Piers Nivens]

I'm very surprised by the down to earth responses on this thread. Usually the forum goes more like "dude no matter how much of a freak you were, she ****ed up majorly texting this other guy and she probably ****ed 17 guys without you knowing. You can never forgive. Drop the b*tch". It's refreshing really.

Yeah, I am appreciating all the responses, very insightful, understanding and helpful. I was afraid they were gonna be like the ones usually thrown around, "leave her, many other fish, etc".

 

[Piers Nivens]

The breakup probably hurt her a lot just as it is affecting you. I suggest you call her, acknowledge that you were out of line, and ask her out to dinner to chat about moving forward together. I would suggest being succinct & direct. You do not need to grovel or beg at all, but a statement of your responsibility for how you acted along with an invitation may be well received.

Telephone is more human than text. So much tone and non verbal communication is lost over text. But really this deserves a face to face if she will go. She may or she may not.

I commend you for your candor & willingness to own your behavior. It sounds like she is worth making the effort from what you shared.

Be willing to listen as well as speak. Someone who you are seriously considering to partner with for life needs to feel heard. Just as you need to feel heard. From there you both can determine is it best to move forward or walk away.

This is a different type of thread than we routinely see here. Hope it works itself out.

Unless I'm looking too deep into it, she still comes on whatsapp for me (i.e. it shows when was someone last online etc), because throughout the years, I'm the only person she used whatsapp with, aside from her sister in law. So it's possible she may in fact be waiting for a message/call, not sure.

Thanks for the commendation, she definitely is worth the efforts to be with, which is the good part because it has taken me less effort than it took her to keep this going. I do only now realize I haven't officially met another woman like her in terms of readily-submissive, no drama relationship. It truly is a "What I decide, is what happens" relationship, in the good sense too, because she has always tried to make it about me and keeps letting/making me decide everyday things (i.e. "You provide and guide, I follow" traditional type of familial relationship).

Now, I am definitely calling her. But do you or anyone have any idea on what would be the most balanced way to start out the phonecall conversation? Because it has been 2 months, it will be a little awkward if I go straight to the topic, but at the same time, it will be awkward if I just start talking as if nothing had happened.

She definitely will ask me "Why are you calling?" as any woman would, even though they know why.

 

[Piers Nivens]

ok il be straight up on the face of it , it sounds like you've treated her if anything slightly poorly

from what i have read ( bar the flirting thing) her behavior towards you seems good....... for a modern woman they are far from perfect these days and this one to me sounds more than manageable......

i would say its time to stop messing about if you want this woman in permanently in your life then you need to meet up with her and tell her forget the games and the no contact

at this stage i cant tell you what the outcome would be but you need to know either way or the wound will fester

its better to do it sooner rather than later ......

She definitely is different from most modern women. Especially in the sense that she literally had/has no non-family male numbers or contact (aside from that flirt thing, which she deleted within the 2weeks). She literally wiped her phone of all contacts, including females, and started afresh with only me and family members. She allows me to go through her phone yet never asks for mine. (I dont really go through it either).

Gonna call her this week.

 

[Piers Nivens]

So I'm gonna call her and start off like this: (feel free to amend/add/advise)

"Hey -----, it's been a while since I heard from you, thought I'd check in. How are you?"
(*responsds. I'm sure I'm gonna be asked why I'm calling /and/or the past will be brought up)
Me: "Listen, I know. I thought about it and you know what, I admit, I was out of line. Mistakes were made on my end, and I want to take you out to dinner. Lets talk about it. One on one, face to face, no games."

Option 2: She doesn't bring it up, I still ask her out to dinner.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Hmm...two months is a mighty long time. Sounds like she's moved on already. As far as the behavior goes she was cool with it all the while before this. She never had a problem sharing emotional things before that night? And you still don't know? Ha, learn to keep a cool head next time and they tell you everything. Who knows maybe she was arguing with her father about you being an a$$hole, maybe he was telling her she could do better, ever thought about that? Control that temper or it will control you.

I had the worst temper back in the day. I can almost gurantee you few people on this board had it as bad. I shake my head at some of the crazy stuff I used to do, some of it is so bad that had I got caught I would most certainly be sitting in prison right now. But I had plenty of women back then, they love a bad a$$, UNTIL THEY WAKE UP.

They become uncool when they start thinking that they can do better, which is usually when another man enters the picture.

Ding Dong, your were two hours late! But it doesn't matter know just learn from your experience. Learn to think critically about why people do what they do, people with bad tempers have no fore thought, and end up with regrets. Who knows she may welcome you back with open arms.

 

[BeExcellent]

@Piers Nivens I think your planned convo opener is fine. Be aware and prepared for her to mention that she is seeing someone else.

Your only response to that is "I understand."

Then you simply ask her out to dinner anyway. If she balks at dinner then your only response is to make it about you. As in "listen, I know this is on me. I realize I was out of line. You are a great person and a great woman and I am serious about us moving forward and accomplishing great things together. How 'bout I pick you up on x day at y time."

You might not have to put it on the line like that over the phone (and in that case stay with your planned convo.)

And if she has started seeing another man the details are NONE of your business so do not ask or inquire about that. You sent her away, she's a high quality woman, so you are responsible. Get over it in advance.

She invested years of her life in you. Hopefully the positives (because surely there are) are enough for her to come back.

FYI I'm a chick old enough to be your mum. I've been in her shoes. I'm telling you what I would need to hear to give you a shot.

And if she gives you the opportunity you need to be thankful (not in a 'beta' way) and move forward together with respect and purpose and self control.

Become the quality man you are capable of becoming. You can. Perhaps with her by your side.

 

[BeTheChange]

^ Above is spot on.

 

[Piers Nivens]

@Piers Nivens I think your planned convo opener is fine. Be aware and prepared for her to mention that she is seeing someone else.

Your only response to that is "I understand."

Then you simply ask her out to dinner anyway. If she balks at dinner then your only response is to make it about you. As in "listen, I know this is on me. I realize I was out of line. You are a great person and a great woman and I am serious about us moving forward and accomplishing great things together. How 'bout I pick you up on x day at y time."

You might not have to put it on the line like that over the phone (and in that case stay with your planned convo.)

And if she has started seeing another man the details are NONE of your business so do not ask or inquire about that. You sent her away, she's a high quality woman, so you are responsible. Get over it in advance.

She invested years of her life in you. Hopefully the positives (because surely there are) are enough for her to come back.

FYI I'm a chick old enough to be your mum. I've been in her shoes. I'm telling you what I would need to hear to give you a shot.

And if she gives you the opportunity you need to be thankful (not in a 'beta' way) and move forward together with respect and purpose and self control.

Become the quality man you are capable of becoming. You can. Perhaps with her by your side.

Oh yeah, not going to say anything negative nor entertain anything negative from her side.

There are many, many, uncountable unique good times and qualities shared, so she definitely has a lot more to come back for than to leave from.

Definitely will update. Thanks.

 

[marmel75]

Just a disclaimer: I have a steady career, make a 6 figure salary, family, amazing friends and a very good social life.

Just that when I come home and sit alone, I start thinking of her and thats when this side of me kicks in, start getting emotional.

I'm in great shape, and workout 6 days a week. Love my life, just missing her is all.

So please no derogatory comments, thanks guys

What should you do? Learn a lesson not to be a d!ckhead to the next woman you date

 

[BrainDamage92]

your an ass ofc shell give up

Maybe stop being an a$$, because such abuse marks women for life