Losing attraction for my GF

[pipe007]

something strange is happening.

I've dated my current gf for 2 months, and we have been 2 months exclusive. The first two months I was very motivated and excited to pursue her and do what it takes to make her my gf.

she resisted the first two months, and made me wait for sex, which only made me my desire increase and fantazise what it would be like to do it with her.

well at 3 months in... she starts letting her guard down, and we now have sex all the time, I noticed she is more sexual than me... anyway

for some reason, my attraction towards her is decreasing. I'm just focusing on what I feel for her physically and emotionally. It is different. When I kiss her now, I don't feel anything, and lately I have had to say I was tired when she wanted to have sex. I seriously did not have the desire...

I am confused, I play with the idea of being single again, meeting new women.... this is not what I was expecting to feel....

she has gone from being very independent and non needy from very needy, calls me all the time, wants to see me all the time... also, she has gained some weight, and she is not very active, which may be a reason why I'm not very aroused when i'm with her....

she is a very good girl, and we get along great... Ive already mentioned subtly the fact that we should diet and be more active, and she tries, but I see no results and she keeps breaking her diet.

anyone been through this before?

 

[Who Dares Win]

You desire her less for two reasons:

1)as you said she got some weight and is no longer attractive

2)she no longer is a city to siege but a captured city now that you got her

Not much to say, its normal for guys to lose attraction for a girl after having her and even more to look for skinny girls instead of fatties.

Regarding her breaking her diet it doesnt take einstein to realize that she is not that concerned to lose you, otherwise you could be dam sure she would stick to it.

Btw many here probably disagree but I believe a guy is turned off when its the girl to push for sex, its somehow not the order of things.

 

[pipe007]

WHO DARES TO WIN
you nailed it!!! it has been a turn off to see her being so aggressive when it comes to sex.

Like more than once, I call her, and first thing she asks "are you bringing condoms?"

or we get together and she says "we should do it now before we go do this other thing"

or ill be driving and she wants to do it again, and just starts kissing me and initiating, and my desire just goessssss down

I have noticed now, that her assertiveness, and strong character is turning me off I crave a more femine girl with more passiveness where Ifeel I want her and be the want who initiates...

it does feel out of order!!!!

 

[Die Hard]

I went through this with my last gf as well. After two months, I started to feel like I was just going through the motions with her. I still enjoyed the sex but it somehow felt "empty" to me, it didn't mean much....just like giving yourself a jerkoff.

Same goed for kissing and hugging etc. It still felt good but somehow just not meaningful. When your stomach starts to make noises, you grab a sandwich, you chew on it and swallow it...the noises in your stomach go away and that's that. You just go through the motions...and although you'd feel uncomfortable if you didn't eat the sandwich, you don't really experience much happiness when you do eat it. It's more like you just remove the uncomfortable feeling than that you add happiness...

I remember how lucky I considered myself the first few times I took her dress off and took a look at her body (trust me, she was fvcking HOT!). But at some point, it just wasn't special to me anymore at all!

Same goes for all the rest. Whether it was going out for drinks, watching a movie, having conversation, whatever... It was all nice, but I felt like just going through the motions.

Here's the irony: When the sh!t hit the fan and we broke up, I missed all of those things like crazy and felt absolutely miserable without them...

 

[pipe007]

I'm entertaining the idea of breaking up with her... I'm afraid that when I do all those feelings I had at first will come back and hit me... that would sux

I'll be out of town for 2 weeks next wednesday, I wont see her for those two weeks. Ill use that time to figure out if I miss her or not...

right now, she is very invested in the relationship, she makes plans and wants a future with me. she is 27 so she has all the "settling down" flags all over, so I really need to figure this out if this is what I want....

In my head, I think of some girls I may wanna see while am out of town back in Peru where I'm from.....

In the past when Ive been in exclusive relationships, this would not cross my mind, and if it did, i wouldnt actually follow thorugh... but this time I really desire to meet someone who has more qualities of a girl i would want....

 

[st_99]

something strange is happening.

also, she has gained some weight, and she is not very active,

not strange. she is fat. we dont like fat girls.

 

[Die Hard]

I'm entertaining the idea of breaking up with her... I'm afraid that when I do all those feelings I had at first will come back and hit me... that would sux

I think that will happen, indeed. So better make sure you got some new branch ready if you gonna let go of this one

 

[Colossus]

Classic thrill-of-the-chase scenario.

You will definitely miss her sorely if you break up. But just keep reminding yourself how dissatisfied you were with her. Come back and read this thread.

Sometimes in the past I would save convos I had with my good friends about a particular girl. That way, when I started feeling nostalgic for her, I could come back and read the conversation again and refresh my memory why I was so miserable with her.

 

[Jitterbug]

It's not so much the lack of thrill of the chase, it's the way she initiates sex. That's very cartoony masculine and just... weird. Not seductive at all. Did she learn those tricks in Women's Studies?

I have noticed now, that her assertiveness, and strong character is turning me off

There we go.

The weight gain definitely doesn't help either.

 

[C-quenced]

You guys are b!tching about women aggressively perusing sex with her guy?! Whats wrong with this world? I always wanted a woman who never complained about being worn out and me wanting to **** her all the time. Instead here we have a group of grown ass men crying about their women being too sexually aggressive. How come I never come across these types of women!?!? Sometimes I feel that life is just one big twisted joke and maybe I just need to develop a sense of humor.

 

[The Gambler]

You guys are b!tching about women aggressively perusing sex with her guy?! Whats wrong with this world? I always wanted a woman who never complained about being worn out and me wanting to **** her all the time. Instead here we have a group of grown ass men crying about their women being too sexually aggressive. How come I never come across these types of women!?!? Sometimes I feel that life is just one big twisted joke and maybe I just need to develop a sense of humor.

Good points here, but I think you're missing the main one... OP isn't attracted to his girlfriend physically or emotionally at this point. Even if she's exactly the same physically now as she was six months ago, the element of the chase is missing now. Not a good turn of events for such a young relationship.... She may be a great gal but I have my long-term doubts about this one...

 

[Who Dares Win]

You guys are b!tching about women aggressively perusing sex with her guy?! Whats wrong with this world? I always wanted a woman who never complained about being worn out and me wanting to **** her all the time. Instead here we have a group of grown ass men crying about their women being too sexually aggressive. How come I never come across these types of women!?!? Sometimes I feel that life is just one big twisted joke and maybe I just need to develop a sense of humor.

It's two different thing, you are looking for a woman who gives you green light anytime you want to bang her, op has in fact a woman who is taking initiative aggressively.

One thing is accepting a guy attempt, an other one is doing attempts herself.

I dont buy this "women are sexual as men" stuff and just want women to be sexually passive when it comes of who start it, right or wrong, call me insecure whatever but its not what my guts like.

I like when they never say no, not when its them asking the question.

 

[yyc12]

How come I never come across these types of women!?!? Sometimes I feel that life is just one big twisted joke and maybe I just need to develop a sense of humor.

Haha, that's all i ever come across...commitment phobic and sex-crazed!! :crazy:

 

[LiveFreeX]

Brainwashed by the feminism machine more likely. You are programmed to pursue challenging women. Its normal for men to 'lose' attraction? Really. My wife at the start was not exactly independent but now she worships the ground I walk on. Does it make me less attracted to her... a little and when we have sex so much, it does get boring... when I hold off for a week or two it makes it much more satisfying. I also only give her sex when she dresses feminine for me... no jeans only pantyhose and shorts/skirts.

there-in lies the truth strength of being with a girl who worships you. You are free to put your sexual energy into other things. I'm getting where I want to go now in terms of money/business/work and hobbies, I am busy creating the dreams I had as a child...I have TONS of extra energy to put in to other avenues and I don't worry about the women side of things AT ALL. I feel like I've returned to being a child almost. I don't worry about women, I spend most of my day pursuing dreams, building 'forts' and playing games. I never worried about women/marriage or relationships as a child, I had a really relaxed child hood. Its nice returning to that state where you can really let your creativity flow. I am free to hang out with friends, play magic cards and computer games as I see fit. These are things I would much rather be focusing on than women. My friends and I are putting together a real estate company and buying up things we like because we have so much residual income now from not partying or hanging out with women.

When we make women the focus of our lives, we lose sight of other important things, like cultivating relationships with others and building things together as men... I can safety say that I have much better friendships with other MARRIED laowai men (HERE in CHINA) than I do with single men. The married men focus on the task at hand whereas the single man always has his eye on self gratification and individualistic distractions.

When women are no longer the focus, we are free to enhance ourselves, truly 'self-improve' and build great things together.

Don't throw this opportunity away. The less your attraction for her the more she will gain for you. This is possessing true confidence with women and self.

 

[Nutz]

Jitterbug pointed it out. She's acting masculine and she gained weight, two of the top major turnoffs for guys in my experience, myself included. My current gf was 18% body fat when we met, and she's put on about 10lbs in the last year. While she's not fat, her ass has a jiggle it didn't use to have, and I miss the hip bones. She knows I don't like it and she's since started working out again and eating better, and we stopped drinking when we go out.

My advice is to simply communicate that there are problems, and be prepared to cut her loose if she's not willing to change. Just articulate it as you feel like she did a bait & switch, and you want her to be the person you thought she was. If she wasn't being honest/that skinnier version what's her true self, then you need to know so you can decide if she's someone you want to be in a relationship with. That's how I did it and it really lit a fire under her ass.

 

[pdx1138]

I went through this with my last gf as well. After two months, I started to feel like I was just going through the motions with her. I still enjoyed the sex but it somehow felt "empty" to me, it didn't mean much....just like giving yourself a jerkoff.

Same goed for kissing and hugging etc. It still felt good but somehow just not meaningful. When your stomach starts to make noises, you grab a sandwich, you chew on it and swallow it...the noises in your stomach go away and that's that. You just go through the motions...and although you'd feel uncomfortable if you didn't eat the sandwich, you don't really experience much happiness when you do eat it. It's more like you just remove the uncomfortable feeling than that you add happiness...

I remember how lucky I considered myself the first few times I took her dress off and took a look at her body (trust me, she was fvcking HOT!). But at some point, it just wasn't special to me anymore at all!

Same goes for all the rest. Whether it was going out for drinks, watching a movie, having conversation, whatever... It was all nice, but I felt like just going through the motions.

Here's the irony: When the sh!t hit the fan and we broke up, I missed all of those things like crazy and felt absolutely miserable without them...

ha ha, DAMN bro, thats exactly what happened with my last girlfriend too.

I was thinking about grass is greener, truth be told, I should have kept her. We make mistakes and learn though.

 

[Harvey_Poon]

"The Thrill Is Gone" just like B.B. King sang about. She sure made you wait to get some poon didn't she? Nothing is strange here. She is a girl who actually cares for you and it's a relationship that you are trying to get out of.

It seems to me from what you described is that you enjoyed the chase of trying to conquer her. You imagined what it would be like to have sex with her. So you did everything possible to make her your girlfriend. Just for that reason. Having the sex. She made you wait for the sex. That drove you to go after her more.

She made you wait because she didn't want to be a quick pump and dump. Which I assume it would of been if she gave it up to you earlier. So she trapped you into being in a relationship. She held off the sex until you were committed to her. She wanted to make sure until the relationship was solidified somewhat until she gave it up to you. She waited two months to have sex with you. That was her way to see if you would stick around or not. After she felt secure with everything she finally had sex with you. Then it became more frequent. Why the hell are you complaining? At least you are getting laid on regular basis. You wouldn't be getting anything right now if you dumped her. So the sex increases often with her. She gains weight and probably feels that is won't affect things with you. That turns you off because you don't like her being fat. You start making excuses for having sex with her. She notices that from you. That makes her feel very insecure. So she changes from being non needy to needy because she is afraid of your lack of interest in her. That is why she wants to see you all the time.

How is the sex? It seems to me that you just chased her to have sex with her. Not to be in a relationship for the long haul. So you drug things out and just got trapped in a relationship just for the sake of having sex with her. That isn't the way to go. After you got your fill of her you are ready to move on. She has strong feelings for you, Now you have to figure out a way on how to dump her. You say you get along great and you are getting laid a lot. So what is the problem? So what if she gained a little weight? People can lose the weight you know. You should become a man and motivate her to do it if that concerns you. If she lost weight would that change things? If that's the problem then stress it more to her. Otherwise you need to break things up fairly soon with her. No use being stuck in a relationship that you don't want to be in. You also don't want to accidentally knock her up either. It also isn't fair to her to string her along with this because you say she is a great girl. Things change and so people's feelings towards each other. When they are no longer there that is when things should end. But remember the grass isn't always as green on the other side. We might see you back here on the boards again writing to us how YOU got dumped by some chick. So be aware.

No, I've never been in a relationship that I had to wait two months to have sex. I also didn't get stuck into a relationship just for the sake of getting laid . That is too tedious and is a waste of time to chase someone for all those months. You don't need to be stuck in a relationship just to get some poon.

This seems to be a pattern with you. Women making you wait to have sex in a relationships for months on end. There is no need for that or for you to have to go through that. I've read some of your old posts.

Next time don't get yourself stuck in a situation where the woman makes you wait have sex or traps you into a relationship to have sex. It isn't worth it. Too much time is lost. Plus it doesn't turn out too well as you have found out once again with another learning experience. Don't let it happen again.

May your days are filled with much greatness and plenty of poon

Dr. Harvey Poon

 

[HalfAddict]

Sounds like she is into you.. I was once in a very similar situation, same stuff she became very needy and sexually aggressive. At first she was shy, then we all we did was do it... I ended up breaking up with her because I wanted some me time so bad and did not know how to communicate that.

Looking back I wish I could have communicated that because I think we would have gotten along just fine.

C'est la vie


I'd wait the two weeks and see how you feel then.