Losing attraction for girlfriend.

[gravityeyelids]

Why does this always happen. I love this girl and theres a lot that i like about this girl but the relationship is progressing and getting more serious and she is growing complacent. I constantly do things to maintain myself and keep the relationship exciting. I workout and look like a million bucks and provide fun for her. She has steadily gained weight since the beginning of this thing, and refuses to stop eating poorly and exercise, even though it's threatening her health (recently diagnosed with diabetes). Shes not big by any means Just thicker, and at this point i'm losing attraction for her. Most guys still say shes sexy as hell, and generally im still very attracted to her when she is all done up and the sex is great. But when she's lounging around on social media, eating ice cream, and complaining, i dont feel much towards her.

She's negative and makes no effort to take care and change aspects of her mental health. I am constantly trying to become a more positive person and she spends half the time complaining about her life when she has a fantastic life, and avoiding trying new things like relaxing in different ways and changing her diet and exercising. I'm so fvcking frustrated because she knows that i would find her more attractive if she worked out and ate right.

Constantly texting me. Dozens of times a day, always wanting to talk and be around me and i feel like an a$$ because i want to scream "WHY ARENT YOU GAMING ME!" she has the best "game" of any girl i've ever met and can have me chasing her and doubting myself, when usually im calm as a cucumber, but now she doesnt care.

She doesn't care much about dressing sexy or doing makeup anymore. She'll come home when i havent seen her for a week, in a tight dress, and promptly change into baggy pajama type clothes. I just got off a skype session (shes out of town), and she's just lying there, shoving ice cream into her mouth, and i'm just not into her right now. Why is this a normal thing? after a few months of dating, when everything gets complacent, girls just flat out stop maintaining themselves????? How am i supposed to consider spending my life with someone when every girl i date just grows lazy. I dont have time to date a girl for a year and find out shes going limp on me after a while.

She's going through a difficult transition in her life, and i need to be there for her and she'll be absolutely crushed if i break up or even threaten to break up with her. like myself, she also struggles with depression/anxiety (honestly mine is worse than hers...sidenote: nice to have a girl that can understand these mental health issues). She's (like any hot girl) very worried about her appearance. How the hell can i bring this up with her without crushing her?

 

[El Payaso]

Tell her she's getting fat and she needs to go to the gym. Just tell her point blank. It's weird but it will actually make her more attracted to you especially if you don't wuss out when she throws a fit.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Your game needs work. She knows she has got you so isnt bothering to try anymore.
Use more covert dread. She doesnt sound that attractive to me. I think you gotta play it a lot cooler... Be too busy for texts, flirt more around her, go out by yourself more often.... Or downgrade her to a fwb and see other women.

 

[marmel75]

I would be straight up with her:

"Listen. I love you but I'm not going to sit around and watch you kill yourself by continuing down this unhealthy path. You already have diabetes which is 100% reversable if you simply eat the right foods. If you aren't going to take your health seriously, I will take that as a sign you don't take our relationship seriously. I don't want things to end, but I can't continue on the same way watching you slowly destroy yourself and your health."

And let her respond. Expect an emotional, upset, yelling at you response, but stay firm. Part of any relationship is a person wanting to take care of themself. It's not fair for her to start heading down a path where she is going to continue to become sicker and sicker and likely eventually need you to support her because she can't work in 10 years when it's easily fixable on her end.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Dump her
If you don't want to: You could do what mamerl75 says, don't expect much tho.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Hard to disagree with the advice so far. Honesty is the best policy. Tell her to sort her life out or you'll be gone, and take actions to show her you're serious about it. If she's moaning about life, just tell her everything you've said here and tell her shut the fck up and get on with it. If all else fails, next.

 

[The Duke]

In the end, this will all be a waste of time. You might win a battle or two, but you won't win the war.

Define expectations up front. Let it be clear on what you like. Take away that comfort zone. Every girl I have been with knew exactly what I expected in the form of their looks and always worked hard to keep it that way. I kept them on edge. I always told them, if I wanted a fat girl I would have got me one.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Bad selection on the OPs part... If you select lazy women you get lazy women who get lazy.

 

[BeExcellent]

Here's perspective from the old lady. She either cares about her looks and her body for her own sake, or she doesn't. This is a very hard thing about which to effect change from outside. If she was THAT good at the "game" she'd know that much of her power comes from her physical attractiveness and she'd never let herself go in a million years. The other part comes from her personality, sexuality and her attitude. All of which appear to stink right now.

As a woman ages things change. Metabolism slows down, sun damage begins to show on the skin, it gets harder, not easier to keep fit. But a funny thing happens. So many women quit caring and expect the men in their lives to put up with them ballooning up and whaling out that the relative few who DO look after themselves have many more choices than they might otherwise. You also discover who does or does not have inherently good genetics and who was or was not careful about too much sun exposure.

Feminism tries to tell society that a man should love a woman no matter what. That gentlemen, as you all should know is a bunch of hogwash. Just like the notion that a woman will love you forever if you decide suddenly or gradually to be a couch potato and play video games all day. People love conditionally. Never apologize for this as a man. OP, you are out there making a living and hitting the gym and filling your mind with positive influences. She's either part of the problem (which is true right now) or part of the solution.

Tell her straight up what is bothering you (the attitude, the ice cream, the weight gain, etc.) Stand your ground when she freaks out, which she will. Tell her you are considering opening your dance card to other women next month (or whatever - just put a time frame on it.) After all the drama blows over either she will show you that you and the relationship are important or she won't. Either way you have an answer. At that point you either move on or stay with her, but if she doesn't take you seriously you are a joke if you do not move on.

Do NOT become a man trapped in a marriage with a moo cow who has health issues that could have been avoided through her own behavior.

When I married my ex-husband, he dipped chewing tobacco. I told him straight up at one point either the tobacco went or I went because I was not going to raise children with a man who was going to model tobacco use to the children. He knew I would leave over it, that was a non-negotiable deal-breaker for me. Guess what? He quit tobacco and never went back to it. Guess what else? I had his kids.

You have needs my friend. Never apologize or back down from what you need. Love is conditional and either she meets your conditions or you find someone who will.