Loser or Not?

[John59]

I am 53 y/o single male may be based in the rating system I am may be 5 or 6. I am 5ft 4in tall slim weight 145. short like Napoleon. When I was in high school, I would chase 8 or 9 girls of my class.On a class trip to DC, when I was senior I was asked to come into the room where the 8/9 was. She was the locked bathroom. I made, a fool of myself knocking on an empty bathroom at the delight of others in her click.

I went off to college had one lady friend for three years, went to the disco clubs in Boston. Went to grad school ended up 16 pounds over weight. Then, I joined the US Army for 6 years dropped from 156 down to 133. Today I am 145 at age 53 with no beer belly.

When I got out of the ARMY in 1989, no lady was waiting for me to come home to. Then, I started a career in factory accounting..Meet a lot of ladies at work in a company of 30's somethings. I broke some hearts and had my heart broken by one lady.

I change companies after I was fired for trying to woo a lady, whom ended turning out to be an ultra feminist. Then, when I came into my new company I am still with today. I meet a lovely lady, but she ended marrying another guy
breaking my heart again.

For the last 7 years, I have been my own best friend. I have many hobbies, some which will never land the lady of my dreams. Some days, I just have given up. The only thing thing that keeps me going are the trips, my company send me on and own vacations. Even, with all experiences no woman ever have me.... May be that is why I am typing this on a Friday evening after another woman said "may be we can meet for dinner and never showed"

One my lady friends (married) at work had me over to a get together at her house. She was so sweet, met her mom too. I left early because everyone else, had there spouse there. I thanked her for the invite and mentioned to her "i felt out of place" and the it just reminded me of the lonliness I felt.

May be the current trigger to dought my life. I have 20 facebook friend 11 are ladies from High School and our 35th High School reunion is in 2013. Okay another event, I will show up with no lady tagging along. Including the companies Christmas party. What a loser!!!

Hopefully some time away in another place, will clear my head....

Thank you for listen any comments or critisms are welcome ))

John
Many thanks to all for you comments. I am sure many have gome

 

[muscleman]

Believe it or not, but people do exude a certain aura/mood/internal state/whatever. In a lot of ways, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You need to re-frame and start thinking positively. Look at all the girls you've banged and hearts you've broken. Of course some will break your heart, we've all had it, that's the game. You win some, you lose some.

You say you have hobbies - are they social hobbies? If not, consider picking up some social hobbies. Find like-minded people (meetup?). Hell, you can even start being a regular at your local watering hole and get to know the workers. Just come in, have some beers a couple nights a week (on the slow nights) and soon you'll be friends with the crew.

I think you need to start making some new friends and women will come into your orbit as a result.

You're gonna have to work for it, and step #1 is to choose to start thinking more positively, then taking appropriate action to reinforce those thoughts.

 

[Desdinova]

I change companies after I was fired for trying to woo a lady

The question I have is... how were you trying to 'woo' the lady?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear John,
Don't get depressed,who wants to know Sad Sack?....It really is infectious,no one really wants to be around you in that mood.....Take up dancing.....start with Classes then gradually feel your way into the Social scene...What harm?gets you out of the House,hones your social skills,exercises your mind,keeps the weight down!

 

[FairShake]

You sound depressed. Loneliness will do that to someone. Thankfully you seem to have your head on straight and are not allowing loneliness to veer in drug or alcohol abuse or bad relationships.

All is definitely not lost at 53 bro. Quite a few women are divorced at that point and their kids are older, maybe even out of the house. They are ripe for the kind of relationship you SEEM to want. Casual enjoyment of each other's company with no pressure.

Ask in a roundabout way about any friends of the women you know at work. Join a singles mixer for people your age. Go to church (this is a big one in your 50s). They are definitely out there.

Finally if you are anything like your post it's possible your killing your chances with your attitude. A little vulnerability won't kill it for you but be sure to expose it layer by layer over time.

 

[scrouds]

Embrace the dirty old man motif and hit on the young ones. You know you want to. You know you really want them.

 

[John59]

yes. But it might be like robbing the cradle so to speak.
I have another lady lined up for Sunday at lunch. She probably rates a 5 (she is 5ft 2 a little cubby ) met her on OKCUPID single in her mid 40's.

I still love to nail the 47 y/o divoced lady at work (she probably a 6 max), but one has to tread lightly in the corporate world. see other thread for more details.

Thank you all for the comments and ideas. Will apply some going forward...
I am certainly not going to drink or drug myself in to a mess over any woman.

This place is great. My dad passed away 7 years ago.. so, I lost him being
a mentor.

John 59

 

[John59]

It was 15 years ago. The company I worked for were all 30 somethings. We all would get together after work to enjoy each other's company. One little blond may be a 7, I was hot for and she knew it. We dance during our get togethers. The problem was she turned out was a bleeping lesbian. I didnot find that out until too late. She really knew how to hide the fact. The HR director was ultra feminist from Massachusetts. That was a huge mistake on my part.

I have the conclusion, ladies in their 20s or early 30s working are looking to start a career and many are very open with the guys at the work place. By the time they are in their 40s & 50s. Many are married and their families need the two jobs to make ends meet or they are divorced and need to support their kids. Just my observation.

 

[scrouds]

Popular feminish shaming language: But it might be like robbing the cradle so to speak.

Get that shiit out of your head.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Not.

 

[st_99]

Not.

Of course he is not a loser. BUT, knowing that probably doesn't make him feel any better, it doesn't take away from the fact that the guy obviously wants female companionship and is for some reason not getting it.

He may not be a loser but is losing in one aspect of his life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you are lonely, get a dog. It will be more faithful than any woman.

The only one who thinks less of you for being single is you. If you haven't noticed, most married people are miserable. You only want a relationship because that's what you don't have now, and you are idealizing the value of it. Married men do the same thing about being single.

If you want to be married so much, find a foreign bride. fwiw, latin women don't care how tall you are.

 

[SoSuave666]

What's more concerning to me is your spelling and grammar....yikes

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sometimes I think that men these days all want to be universally attractive Casanovas, which is generally not possible for 99% of all men. It is not nature's way.

We should put less expectation on attracting "most" women and instead put our expectations on attracting "SOME" women.

This would relieve a lot of unecessary stress. It is unrealistic for almost all men to attract most women, because women's tastes vary so widely. You are only going to attract a subset of women. When you find that sweet spot, you're actually batting 1,000.

Better to present yourself well to the world as a man of refinement and accept the attraction of that subset of women than to expect the accolades of all. The ones who aren't necessarily attracted to you sexually will still regard you with respect because of the self-evaluation you present to the world via clothing, body language, fitness etc.

It all starts with you and what you want to present to the world. To expect to be universally attractive is a guarantee of disappointment with oneself. To expect to be found attractve by 20% of women is a reasonable expectation.

 

[user43770]

Sometimes I think that men these days all want to be universally attractive Casanovas, which is generally not possible for 99% of all men. It is not nature's way.

We should put less expectation on attracting "most" women and instead put our expectations on attracting "SOME" women.

This would relieve a lot of unecessary stress. It is unrealistic for almost all men to attract most women, because women's tastes vary so widely. You are only going to attract a subset of women. When you find that sweet spot, you're actually batting 1,000.

Better to present yourself well to the world as a man of refinement and accept the attraction of that subset of women than to expect the accolades of all. The ones who aren't necessarily attracted to you sexually will still regard you with respect because of the self-evaluation you present to the world via clothing, body language, fitness etc.

It all starts with you and what you want to present to the world. To expect to be universally attractive is a guarantee of disappointment with oneself. To expect to be found attractve by 20% of women is a reasonable expectation.

Good post, bud. I find myself doing this sort of thing quite often - I focus too much on the girls that I can't get. This goes back to Bible Belt's point that we desire what we can't have. I could be banging chicks left and right and still find a way to be unhappy.