Loosing Interest AGAIN !! Why does this keep happening?

[MindNsoul]

About a week ago I could have told you guys I wanted to marry this girl.

When I thought she was unatainable thought she's was beautifull smart and sexy, now that I know she wants me to I don't seem to care anymore. I'm actualy bored by her now and thinking of looking elsewhere.

This always happens to me. Once I get the girl right where I want her I just don't care to keep her. I'm by no means a player nor do I desire to be a player, but I just can't stay interested once I have them where I wanted them.

I'm concerned that I might have to seek help for this because I'm a very humble and respectfull guy and I just don't think it's a natural thing for me to keep being bi-polar like this.

I think the strange thing is that In the beginning I build too much of an expectation (which is probably what make me so nervous and crazy about them) but as I get to know these women they just don't live up to these dreamy expectations..

HELP!!!!!

I need a good phsychological breakdown here..

is the problem with me? (obviously)
Or maybe I need to just keep searching for the ultimate? (but then what is the ultimate girl? does she exist )?

 

[B9]

Become celibate

that will solve the issue.

 

[THA REALNESS]

There is no cure for that.

 

[xblitz44x]

It has nothing to do with the fact that "once you have her, you don't want her". Although your statement might be true...that's not the REASON you don't want her anymore.

When you've first met her, and started chatting, and became "interested" you kinda had an idea of who (you thought) she was. You have these certain perceptions about her. Once you get to know her, a little bit and you "have her", those perceptions start to dissolve and you start to see her for who she is. This ISN'T a bad thing, in fact this is exactly what is SUPPOSED to, and WILL happen in just about every relationship eventually. Stop the "love shyt, because first it all it was never "love" to begin with...it was your ego being attached to the feelings of gratification that you got when you were with "her". PLUS, the girls that you dated, were never "her" to begin with - which you found out yourself when the attraction dissolved. There's your analyzation.

-Blitz

 

[So pimp its scary]

You are describing 'male insanity syndrome'.

All this means is that when a man can't have something, he will do whatever he possibly can to attain it. Then, once he has it he realizes that it was easier then expected and wants to 'raise the stakes', or go for 'one notch better'. Men will always be thinking of if it is possible to trade up to something better.

If you don't want to be a player, btw, you are visiting the wrong website. (even though I believe most of the dudes here think they are players much more then they really are).

One thing that I would recommend for you to do is to sit down in a quiet room one day, and think of what you want in life. Write it all down, write down a list of the top 100 things that you would like to do during your life if there was nothing stopping you. Write down the top 10 most important traits of your future wife.
Write down the top 10 flaws that your future wife will be allowed to have.
Get 100% honest with yourself in every sense of the word, the reason for this is that you will have an unconcsious list of what you are looking for in a woman, both good and bad and you can search for this person.... I mean, how can you expect to find the person of your dreams if you don't even know in your own mind what you are looking for...

 

[PEACEDJ]

I used to have the SAME problem... and in different situations it still happens.

When you first meet girls, instead of thinking you want a relationship with her. Think about just getting to know this person just like when you met your best friend. You didn't know he was going to be your bestfriend, and you didn't plan out the future of you and him. Just lay back and treat her like if she was just some cool person you met and all will fall into place after that.

 

[italostud]

Man you guys think of a lot of deep ****. All I ever want to do is bone.

 

[DonJohn83]

Theory

Same thing happens to me.

We just need the girl to continually challenge us. Even if she does admit that shes into you, we still need a bit of reluctance on her side.

I find that this happens to guys and girls who have big egos. I dont mean arrogance or overconfidence (or anything negative like that).

I think that we internally have an inflated perception of ourselves and think we deserve better than someone who gives in to us. Then again.. maybe not.

Perhaps it comes from our (amplified?) need to conquer, move on, and conquer the next thing and so on. Until we get the feeling that we've won or mastered something, we'll focus on it until we do. Then we lose interest in it.

Theres no cure (hey its not a DISEASE!), its just your personality. Youll just have to find a gal who gives you the challenge all the way through (or until you develop a healthy, balanced companionship with her).

Its not only relationship-wise either. I've wanted to bone chicks who i thought i couldnt, then once i knew that i could, their appeal just vanished. Then later if i got the vibe that maybe i couldnt bang her, her appeal hit the roof).

Are we farked or what? lol.

Just a theory.
DonJohn83

 

[studmuffin15]

what if u don't want a "challenge"? what if u want a chick who is straight up with you, not in the sense that she professes her love from day one, but in the sense that she gives you obvious high interest level signs?

some chicks will make u work for every last bit of attention, even if they really like u. are you automatically "too hard core" with women if u refuse to play the game and chase them to give u attention? after all, how do u know that they don't like u and arent just fukking with ur head?

 

[chlywly]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
It has nothing to do with the fact that "once you have her, you don't want her". Although your statement might be true...that's not the REASON you don't want her anymore.

When you've first met her, and started chatting, and became "interested" you kinda had an idea of who (you thought) she was. You have these certain perceptions about her. Once you get to know her, a little bit and you "have her", those perceptions start to dissolve and you start to see her for who she is. This ISN'T a bad thing, in fact this is exactly what is SUPPOSED to, and WILL happen in just about every relationship eventually. Stop the "love shyt, because first it all it was never "love" to begin with...it was your ego being attached to the feelings of gratification that you got when you were with "her". PLUS, the girls that you dated, were never "her" to begin with - which you found out yourself when the attraction dissolved. There's your analyzation.

-Blitz

This mans very close

 

[becker]

I disagree with all this challenge stuff.

To me, it's never about the challenge more than it's about never settling for second best. The problem with most guys is that there are often 2 forces working against each other. On one hand, the guy wants to get laid, and the other, he wants a soulmate. I'm probably an atypical guy here because at this point, I'm looking for for long-term and not for short term relationships. Every guy will likely reach that point when they decide to settle down.

The main problem here though is that guy meets girl, maybe a 6 or 7, settles for her, and discovers that hey, I have a 6 or 7 but I want that 9 over there. I personally have learned not to do that and just go for the 9s and 10s that I want instead. Cut the middleman. Works better that way.

 

[Slickster]

Trust me Becker, no matter how great your girl is, HB9, HB10 whatever you will get bored of her. I've been there.

It might take a little longer but there is always another HB9 around the corner that is new and interesting. Funny thing is she'll end up being much the same as your last one.

The grass is always greener my friends. It always will be.

Don't call it settling. What happens is you learn to appreciate what you have in front of you. Sometimes it will take a major event or tragedy in your life for you to realize this. Many people never do and will always be on that never ending search.

 

[becker]

I know that's probably how it goes most of the time Slickster, but I remember my first GF I thought was like a 9, but after a while, I looked back and thought, boy, this girl is a 6. However, the 9 was from analyzing her with her personality, which was probably a 9, but her looks were about a 6.

To me, the search for a true 9 or 10 means that girl who is 9 or 10 in BOTH looks and personality. This is not easy to find, and I feel that if I find that, I won't need anything else because I've got both. Most of the time it's this void in one of the two areas that makes a guy feel like they are less interested. That's my take on it.

 

[Slickster]

Becker I've had the 9 in looks, and 9 personality.

I'm telling you that it doesn't matter once you've had her for a while you will get bored.

If not some other hottie will always be there. She's new, mysterious and you can't help being attracted to her.