Looking good, feeling great

[Fantastic Mr. Fox]

Hey all, it's been a long time since I've been to SoSuave - nice to notice the DJ Bible is back!

Here's a question I've got for you:

It seems these days a man is required to spend more time and money on his appearance than in the past. It was considered stereotypically "gay" to worry about your hair, your shoes, your outfit, etc. It wasn't even normal a while back for a man to own more than one pair of shoes - or at least it seems that way.

I was at my friend's house recently, and I was invited to go out to town to go to a gig. My mate was encouraging me to go out but all of a sudden I felt I was far too under-dressed to go out to town. The clubbing scene in Wellington, New Zealand, after all, is quite elitist (particularly when it comes to shoes). I really didn't want to go out wearing sneakers, jeans and a button-down shirt. These were my ultra sloppy casual clothes I wore when I did a lot of walking during the day and didn't really give a damn who cared what my shoes/pants combination looked like. Apparently in many places it's considered a bad look to couple sneakers with jeans - or sneans as some people know it as.

He argued that it was how I carried myself that mattered and that was what would get me a good time and maybe get laid. I counter-argued that if he went to town wearing what I was wearing (i.e. looking like a geek) then he wouldn't be spouting such nonsense. I've seen a social experiment on a reality TV show once that showed a bunch of girls forced to wear bad clothes and try to meet people at a party - they nearly broke down crying it was so hard.

Now I know there is truth to "how you hold yourself is what's key," but I also know there's truth to playing into the fashion game a little, even if you're not the type to spend hours of time and truckloads of money for your wardrobe.

So I want to know what the SS experts have to say about this. Go clubbing in sneakers, jeans, and a button-down, and hold yourself strong as a charismatic DJ regardless? Or pay a little bit of attention to your appearance to radiate confidence? My mate said that he had gotten laid dressing like a geek before, but I don't think he quite understood the implications of what I was wearing compared to his definition of "geeky."

Thanks for your feedback!

Mr Fox

 

[OFWHAP]

I'm not saying conformity is the only way to go, but you certainly don't want to ever be underdressed. At the same time don't overdress by too much either. Don't wear a suit to a bar unless you're coming straight from work to happy hour or it's an upscale lounge. You look like you're trying too hard and it's a great way to ruin a good suit. It's not bad to stand out, but you don't necessarily want to stick out like a sore thumb at the same time.

 

[Fantastic Mr. Fox]

So my gut feeling that sneaker time was bad time was on the right track. Thanks for the backup. In my earlier days I've almost been assaulted for being under-dressed. Humans are fscking weird.

 

[OFWHAP]

I agree with you. Girls, however, really do take notice of what you wear. My sister would judge me really harshly and make me change before going out. When attending a wedding a few months ago, I wore my best tie. It was $155 but I got it 40% off at Hickey Freeman in New York. Anyway, I had probably 4 or 5 girls compliment me on my tie. They do take notice of these things.

 

[ATP]

"Who gives a **** what women think?" is the first thing that comes to my mind.

Sorry but really, why care about what they think? Or care about what some random retard thinks who assaults people for wearing the wrong clothes. Do something refreshing, give the STDs with legs in the club the finger and have a fun freaking night pretending the women in there doesn't even exist.

 

[OFWHAP]

"Who gives a **** what women think?" is the first thing that comes to my mind.

Sorry but really, why care about what they think? Or care about what some random retard thinks who assaults people for wearing the wrong clothes. Do something refreshing, give the STDs with legs in the club the finger and have a fun freaking night pretending the women in there doesn't even exist.

Ok while you're at it, why don't you walk into a job interview wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants. Who gives a damn what potential employers think!

Just so you know, a lot of girls will see you as a slob and write you off completely.

 

[kingsam]

many clubs wont let sneakers in, you need shoes and a colard shirt to get in even the **** clubs with all the AW girls ...

 

[ATP]

Ok while you're at it, why don't you walk into a job interview wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants. Who gives a damn what potential employers think!

Just so you know, a lot of girls will see you as a slob and write you off completely.

I don't know if you have looked at the women who frequent clubs and most importantly studied their behavior. If it is as elitistic in your country as in mine then you'd get an idea. Women there walk around with their little tail of horny men following them around telling her that she is the best thing on earth. Women who are flirty but reject anyone who approaches them, drink *****s, attention *****s... the club scene is a collection site for people with psychological disorders... or at least a site where behavior who wouldn't be condoned anywhere else is allowed... and you seek to win their approval?

Getting rejected or seen as a slob by these women I'd take as a compliment. Anywhere besides the club is a good place to meet women.

Guide to clubs:

1. Bring your friends
2. Drink bear
3. Have fun
4. Ignore the women there

Or even better, have a private party and never go to clubs alltogether unless you feel like going there to do some zoological research.

 

[Rampage1]

Anywhere where I live and have been, (I live in Ireland, have partied in Cali, England and Tenerife), the club scene is just full of NORMAL young people looking to have a good time. If you don't go out to party in Ireland you are resigning yourself to a very limited opportunity to meet women.

 

[schttrj]

I don't know if you have looked at the women who frequent clubs and most importantly studied their behavior. If it is as elitistic in your country as in mine then you'd get an idea. Women there walk around with their little tail of horny men following them around telling her that she is the best thing on earth. Women who are flirty but reject anyone who approaches them, drink *****s, attention *****s... the club scene is a collection site for people with psychological disorders... or at least a site where behavior who wouldn't be condoned anywhere else is allowed... and you seek to win their approval?

Getting rejected or seen as a slob by these women I'd take as a compliment. Anywhere besides the club is a good place to meet women.

Guide to clubs:

1. Bring your friends
2. Drink bear
3. Have fun
4. Ignore the women there

Or even better, have a private party and never go to clubs alltogether unless you feel like going there to do some zoological research.

I will say that this is not a case of the location you are in but the people inside that. In any bar, you will find some NORMAL chick who wants to have some good time and will be open to talk to any decent smart guy there, and there will be the *****es who want to render a boost to their ego by rejecting any REAL man approaching them. But ultimately, who's losing out? That's those ****ed-up women! They are shallow, lonely and drunk. Instead of going back home with a QUALITY man, they are being dragged by some horny street bastard into their little crap apartment, or even in the bathroom.

Don't think about what the girls say. Why? You don't own them, you don't control them. Learn self-control. Know what you want and never settle for anything else. Take rejection as a part of the process.

 

[ATP]

Anywhere where I live and have been, (I live in Ireland, have partied in Cali, England and Tenerife), the club scene is just full of NORMAL young people looking to have a good time. If you don't go out to party in Ireland you are resigning yourself to a very limited opportunity to meet women.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go out and party, I'm just saying that people shouldn't waste time on the girls at the clubs. The bad things about clubs is

1. Loads of competition from other men
2. Because of the competition women think they are better than they actually are and their ego gets boosted. The worst things is that the ****ing ugly girls think they are hot which is annoying. People should know their place. Just because their friends said that top looks good with 30 pounds of fat hanging out doesn't make it the truth.
3. You can't create any decent rapport in most places because of the really loud music.
4. When the drunkedness is gone you can pretty much toss away all phone numbers you've got if you number closed some girls in there.

So go out and party at clubs if you feel like it, meet women elsewhere. Small private parties are the best imo because women will be a lot more open and friendly than in a club.

I will say that this is not a case of the location you are in but the people inside that. In any bar, you will find some NORMAL chick who wants to have some good time and will be open to talk to any decent smart guy there, and there will be the *****es who want to render a boost to their ego by rejecting any REAL man approaching them. But ultimately, who's losing out? That's those ****ed-up women! They are shallow, lonely and drunk. Instead of going back home with a QUALITY man, they are being dragged by some horny street bastard into their little crap apartment, or even in the bathroom.

Don't think about what the girls say. Why? You don't own them, you don't control them. Learn self-control. Know what you want and never settle for anything else. Take rejection as a part of the process.

There will be normal chicks at the party yes. But if you like me want something more long lasting then meeting people for the first time while they are drunk is pretty ****ty. I've been in clubs and picked up women who actually were funny and all that but when I met them for dates later it was very awkward.

I just dont see the reason to dig around in the overcompetitive meat market when you can meet women at other places a lot easier. Is a good night out really all about getting a woman. That's ****ing pathetic if people actually think that.

As for the latter part. Yes she's the one who is losing out and I'm not rejected by them, I reject them before they can reject me.

 

[Fantastic Mr. Fox]

Now this is interesting! I love your responses ATP - pretty damn insightful.

Things in this country are just as elitist - the girls go out hunting in packs, where packs of men think they're hunting but they're actually just following the scent-trail left by stuck-up b!tches. The ego-boost thing totally happens. Pretty much everything you've said about clubbing and picking up girls at clubs is true - if you want a one-night stand, it's a viable option, but even then it's drunk and dirty.

I don't think I go clubbing to impress women, but the idea that I'm impressing at least someone factors into it. Otherwise I just end up being really self-conscious, which makes me an easy target for @ssholes who just want a fight. So unless I'm going out to the club with a bunch of mates of mine, and having a LOT to drink, I'm not a big fan of the whole scene. It seems like the whole point is to go out there and impress women, who all of a sudden become horrible b!tches at the drop of a hat because it's crowded, loads of men are dancing around her, and there's a whole bunch of sh!tty music playing.

Gigs are a bit different, but also then, I think your guide works wonders.

Guide to clubs:

1. Bring your friends
2. Drink bear
3. Have fun
4. Ignore the women there

Or even better, have a private party and never go to clubs alltogether unless you feel like going there to do some zoological research.

I think this is the most useful thing to come out of this discussion. I'll keep it in mind for my zoology dissertation.