Looking for some help curbing some bad behavior I'm considering engaging in

[BPH]

Before I begin, please do not bother responding if you're not a promiscuous guy who frequently sleeps with attractive women, or somebody who would have significant insight into this otherwise. I'm not looking for relationship advice or "spiritual enlightenment".

So, I'd mentioned not along ago that my FWBs have fallen off for one reason or another and that I needed to do some recruiting.

One of those FWBs is a girl I very much liked seeing and would like to continue seeing. We met back in August through Bumble, had sex our second time hanging out, and have been pretty steady with that at least once a week since then. First, some background:

• She is a very sweet and generous girl, very submissive. She bought me a very nice gold chain for Christmas when I had zero expectation of a gift
• She lives with her mom who is in declining health and is a self-proclaimed cat lady, understanding that given her life's trajectory that it's unlikely she will end up married
• Another reason for that belief is that she has a lot medical issues; very high anxiety in crowded social situations, takes a bunch of medications to help her sleep, very rarely leaves the house and is often content sleeping her day away, suffers from neuropathy and is constantly enduring some level of pain
• Moved back where she is with her mom now after her grandma and father passed within months of each other last year

TL;DR lovely girl, great sex, not in any committed relationship, been seeing her since August, lots of medical issues but nothing that directly impacts me/she has made my problem.

Now I haven't seen her in about a month, and here's why:

One of her two cats, which she rescued maybe a month before meeting me, she just had to put down due to cancer.

I expected some level of grieving, but I'm surprised at how long this has gone on for. She and I had messaged back and forth a couple times since; she's told me that she's not been doing well emotionally, that she had been sleeping on the floor with him leading up to the euthanasia, that she's had a tough time talking to people, and that she would have "gone with him to the other side" if it weren't for her other cat who she deeply loves.

She still engages with me, but intermittently. Sometimes she won't check her messages for a while, but she'll still look at and like the stuff I post on Instagram, for example. Last time she replied was a week ago.

Even if we don't have sex, I would like to see her and make sure she's ok, but I haven't been given an invite yet, and don't want to force her to do something she's not ready for - even if I think her grief timeline is ridiculous, I'm not one to judge somebody else's relationship with their pets. According to her, this cat died of the same cancer that claimed her father, so I'm sure that's another layer of emotional trauma.

What I would LIKE to do is take the short drive to visit her at home and see how she's doing.

However, I'm sure this is wrong. Not having an abundance mindset, being clingy, being pushy, etc whatever reason I'm sure to read for not doing this I'm sure would carry some validity. Thing is, I don't know if this would feel forceful to her, or I'd be making it easier for her to rejoin the world by bringing it to her, in a way.

Now, there is one other thing that bothers me a bit that I may be overanalyzing.

On Bumble, I checked her profile since we've been both been matched since August. At some point, she updated her photos - I don't know how long ago/recently these changes were made, but they were. To me, this means that she's may still be shopping around on the apps. Our dynamic is a FWB situation. I do not believe she is seeing other guys because she would be seeing me every week, sometimes more than once, and grew to the point of being comfortable having sex without a con*om. I have not told her about any other girls, and she has not asked. She could be seeing other guys, but has so far been very sweet, affectionate, and forthcoming about almost everything - good or bad - going on in her life.

Anyway, let me know what you guys think and what you would do.

Obviously, I'm still looking to meet other women since so many fell off my radar at once, but I would like to retain her if possible. So please don't give me the generic "have an abundance mindset and meet other women"-esque advice.

@Sega Genesis @BeExcellent a female perspective on whether this is normal grieving for a pet, and any other insights would be appreciated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It means she likely had a major traumatic event happen, reprioritized things in her life, probably decided that things with you weren't going anywhere and you were just wanting sex and decided she wanted more for herself.

Essentially the traumatic event forces her to evaluate her life in ways she wouldn't have normally done outside of that right now and she likely decided you are wasting her time and she wants more from someone other than random d!ck every now and again.

You only get so long with a woman if all you want is to be a FWB. They all drop off eventually, this one lasted longer than the 3-4 months most do.

You had your chance to have something with her, you decide not to progress things any further, she decided she wasn't going to stick around for someone to waste more of her time.

Can you blame her?

 

[BPH]

It means she likely had a major traumatic event happen, reprioritized things in her life, probably decided that things with you weren't going anywhere and you were just wanting sex and decided she wanted more for herself.

Essentially the traumatic event forces her to evaluate her life in ways she wouldn't have normally done outside of that right now and she likely decided you are wasting her time and she wants more from someone other than random d!ck every now and again.

You only get so long with a woman if all you want is to be a FWB. They all drop off eventually, this one lasted longer than the 3-4 months most do.

You had your chance to have something with her, you decide not to progress things any further, she decided she wasn't going to stick around for someone to waste more of her time.

Can you blame her?

I'm not confident this is what's happening, especially since she's resigned, out loud, to me about not being able to realistically maintain a full-on relationship, given her living situation and medical issues, along with being a cat lady.

She's still engaging with me and it's not like she's ghosting me or leaving me on Read, she's just been needing space longer than I thought she would and wondering if I should go to the extra mile (literally).

Last time I visited it was good; sex was good and she had fun watching me play Assassin's Creed for her and beat a bunch of the bosses, later joking that next time I visited she had more bosses she needs help with.

I'm not saying you couldn't be right, just that I don't feel like this is what's happening.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Seasonal Affective Disorder could be at play, along with the emotional attrition she's been going through. It doesn't sound like a single major traumatic event, but rather a series of smaller (but still significant) ones. Wait until the weather warms a little bit more and take her out and about on a sunny spring day with flowers blooming, etc and see if she doesn't mentally connect the renewed environment with the prospect of renewing things with you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Also could be depression...this is a common thing with that as they kind of go into a shell and don't engage or interact with people much in some ways because they feel like they are just going to drag them down with them and they don't want to do that

 

[Manure Spherian]

I'm not confident this is what's happening, especially since she's resigned, out loud, to me about not being able to realistically maintain a full-on relationship, given her living situation and medical issues, along with being a cat lady.

She's still engaging with me and it's not like she's ghosting me or leaving me on Read, she's just been needing space longer than I thought she would and wondering if I should go to the extra mile (literally).

Last time I visited it was good; sex was good and she had fun watching me play Assassin's Creed for her and beat a bunch of the bosses, later joking that next time I visited she had more bosses she needs help with.

I'm not saying you couldn't be right, just that I don't feel like this is what's happening.

What do you ultimately want from this woman’s? The reason why some might say “meet other women” is because, as you’ve made clear, you only want FWB’s. In cases in which there is no serious investment, what else can one reasonably suggest?

What I would LIKE to do is take the short drive to visit her at home and see how she's doing.

Adding an emotional component to an FWB situation can be especially hurtful to someone down the road considering that, after all, it is only an FWB situation. This is not a good idea.

Also, in casual-sex arrangements, no one owes anyone sh-t, especially the woman’s body to the man. And I don’t say that for white-knighting.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

What do you ultimately want from this woman’s? The reason why some might say “meet other women” is because, as you’ve made clear, you only want FWB’s. In cases in which there is no serious investment, what else can one reasonably suggest?

Adding an emotional component to an FWB situation can be especially hurtful to someone down the road considering that, after all, it is only an FWB situation. This is not a good idea.

Also, in casual-sex arrangements, no one owes anyone sh-t, especially the woman’s body to the man. And I don’t say that for white-knighting.

"Friends with benefits" involves being friends. Friends can have emotional bonds short of love.

 

[Manure Spherian]

"Friends with benefits" involves being friends. Friends can have emotional bonds short of love.

That’s a way to look at it.

 

[Prepostereax]

Alright.
I'm not a promiscuous guy, but I have been in situations of having to console someone I care about, after a bereavement.

So here's what I'd do in your case:

* Go to a toy store and buy a plush 'kitten' version of the cat that died.
Maybe $20-$40
Accuracy isn't important, a cute pose & face are. You won't get the exact colours/patterns right, approximates will have to do.

** Find a nice card, easy if there's boutique bookstores or art shops near you. Or your post office may have a decent selection.
Doesn't have to be cat-themed, just nice quality.
I chose some arty fractal mood design, $5-$10

*** Now you have to write something touchy~feely in it.
This is where I totally suck.
.
.
.
So I resort to ai.
Yeah it feels fake, but.. it works!
- I used it for our anniversary, and my wife treasures that card, says it's the best and most heartfelt message I've ever sent her.
- A farewell card for some chick at work, if other people weren't watching, I think she would have kissed me
- oh yeah, and the bereft pet owner? She ran up to me the next time she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Now she spontaneously hugs me every time we meet.

The program I use for short messages like on cards, is "pi" on the app store.
Apparently there's far better, but pi is free and it's simple, it just gives one reply instead of a dozen options.
Feed it as many parameters as is helpful, and always tweak the message so it sounds a bit more relevant to you.

**** now wrap your toy kitten nicely with card (use your best handwriting, by the way. If your lettering is messy, like mine, practice on scrap first).
Deliver it to your girl, ideally so that when she opens it, you're not there. This will bring on strong feels and having you present may inhibit her expression of them.
eg give it to her mom, on a day/time that you know your girl will be out.

***** it's not your place to worry about her bereavement process, nor to fix it.
Just give her acknowledgement and space for her to express it.. and reap the benefits

{edit: none of this post was written, or edited, with ai in any shape or form}

 

[Clockwerk50]

I understand you want to go to her house and save her from her rot, but in a way, going over there unexpectedly and uninvited is tricky since it might not only be intrusive but also impulsive. I understand this is what you want/need, but are you sure this is what she wants/needs right now? You also need to figure out the purpose and intention with her: do you want the sex to continue? Do you want to have a relationship?

Also, your “Assassin’s Creed” date falls under the same issue some members here have after sleeping with someone else. Your perspective is that you had fun, but did she have fun? Did she see things progressing properly? Did she see any red flags or anything that turned her off?

Putting philosophical stuff aside, you know her better than we do, and this is all speculation, but I would say that she took the opportunity of her cat dying to “break” things off, move on, and reset. Maybe she saw things differently than you did and took the perfect opportunity to detox, feeling like it was inhumane to directly tell you her interest level. By stepping back, she is letting things fade and run their course.

With that said, I feel that going over there is extremely relationship-esque, like a knight in shining armor, and I assume it would be different from the casual and uncomplicated thing you say you have. In my experience, people officially couple up after a traumatic event. For example, if a girl gets caught talking to another man, the guy says, “I’m not a second choice,” and then she drops all her other options for him. Another example would be a major life event, like a grandmother passing away or starting a new job—one party steps up as the supportive one, and that shifts the dynamic. I guess it could be a way to keep the sex going.

If I were you, I’d just give her a call. Tell her you have a problem—maybe you need to vent or get her input on something. Then ask how she’s been. She’ll talk for hours and might give you a better idea of where her head is at. It’s a low-commitment way to keep her engaged with you and might keep the FWB relationship going. However, you here a long time to know that women who are high interest would do anything for the man that she wants regardless of the situation to keep the relationship going and, unfortunately, all plates break eventually.

Hope this helps.

PS: it is a cat. If she has multiples I doubt she’d been grieving for so long. It is not like it is a human being IMO.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Alright.
I'm not a promiscuous guy, but I have been in situations of having to console someone I care about, after a bereavement.

So here's what I'd do in your case:

* Go to a toy store and buy a plush 'kitten' version of the cat that died.
Maybe $20-$40
Accuracy isn't important, a cute pose & face are. You won't get the exact colours/patterns right, approximates will have to do.

** Find a nice card, easy if there's boutique bookstores or art shops near you. Or your post office may have a decent selection.
Doesn't have to be cat-themed, just nice quality.
I chose some arty fractal mood design, $5-$10

*** Now you have to write something touchy~feely in it.
This is where I totally suck.
.
.
.
So I resort to ai.
Yeah it feels fake, but.. it works!
- I used it for our anniversary, and my wife treasures that card, says it's the best and most heartfelt message I've ever sent her.
- A farewell card for some chick at work, if other people weren't watching, I think she would have kissed me
- oh yeah, and the bereft pet owner? She ran up to me the next time she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Now she spontaneously hugs me every time we meet.

The program I use for short messages like on cards, is "pi" on the app store.
Apparently there's far better, but pi is free and it's simple, it just gives one reply instead of a dozen options.
Feed it as many parameters as is helpful, and always tweak the message so it sounds a bit more relevant to you.

**** now wrap your toy kitten nicely with card (use your best handwriting, by the way. If your lettering is messy, like mine, practice on scrap first).
Deliver it to your girl, ideally so that when she opens it, you're not there. This will bring on strong feels and having you present may inhibit her expression of them.
eg give it to her mom, on a day/time that you know your girl will be out.

***** it's not your place to worry about her bereavement process, nor to fix it.
Just give her acknowledgement and space for her to express it.. and reap the benefits

{edit: none of this post was written, or edited, with ai in any shape or form}

Get that AI crap out of here. What the hell is wrong with simply saying "come up with your own message OP because I suck at this?" Why would you assume OP is emotionally illiterate?

It's a shame though, good post until the robot slob-knobbing.

 

[plumber]

it really depends on you, and what you want. really want.

do you really want this one enough to invest more time/effort. or is the same time effort better spent recruiting. maybe your ability to recruit is lower just now. probably the same old tired advice of "if you had another hot woman trying to get to you, would you care much about this one"

if you don't know the answer to those, then this is more then FWB.... at least to you.

 

[BPH]

Appreciate all the input, guys. Thanks for trying to help me out here.

What do you ultimately want from this woman’s? The reason why some might say “meet other women” is because, as you’ve made clear, you only want FWB’s. In cases in which there is no serious investment, what else can one reasonably suggest?

Adding an emotional component to an FWB situation can be especially hurtful to someone down the road considering that, after all, it is only an FWB situation. This is not a good idea.

Also, in casual-sex arrangements, no one owes anyone sh-t, especially the woman’s body to the man. And I don’t say that for white-knighting.

@BillyPilgrim pretty much hit the nail on the head. I generally like the women I sleep with, and she's no exception; the sex is good, the vibe is relaxed, and she's very appreciative of the time I spend with her and the effort I put into treating her well and making the drive to visit her each time. She has great character, ignoring her multitude of medical and personal issues.

What do I want from this woman? To keep seeing her the way we've been seeing each other for the last half year.

Alright.
I'm not a promiscuous guy, but I have been in situations of having to console someone I care about, after a bereavement.

So here's what I'd do in your case:

* Go to a toy store and buy a plush 'kitten' version of the cat that died.
Maybe $20-$40
Accuracy isn't important, a cute pose & face are. You won't get the exact colours/patterns right, approximates will have to do.

** Find a nice card, easy if there's boutique bookstores or art shops near you. Or your post office may have a decent selection.
Doesn't have to be cat-themed, just nice quality.
I chose some arty fractal mood design, $5-$10

*** Now you have to write something touchy~feely in it.
This is where I totally suck.
.
.
.
So I resort to ai.
Yeah it feels fake, but.. it works!
- I used it for our anniversary, and my wife treasures that card, says it's the best and most heartfelt message I've ever sent her.
- A farewell card for some chick at work, if other people weren't watching, I think she would have kissed me
- oh yeah, and the bereft pet owner? She ran up to me the next time she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Now she spontaneously hugs me every time we meet.

The program I use for short messages like on cards, is "pi" on the app store.
Apparently there's far better, but pi is free and it's simple, it just gives one reply instead of a dozen options.
Feed it as many parameters as is helpful, and always tweak the message so it sounds a bit more relevant to you.

**** now wrap your toy kitten nicely with card (use your best handwriting, by the way. If your lettering is messy, like mine, practice on scrap first).
Deliver it to your girl, ideally so that when she opens it, you're not there. This will bring on strong feels and having you present may inhibit her expression of them.
eg give it to her mom, on a day/time that you know your girl will be out.

***** it's not your place to worry about her bereavement process, nor to fix it.
Just give her acknowledgement and space for her to express it.. and reap the benefits

{edit: none of this post was written, or edited, with ai in any shape or form}

This actually seems like a pretty decent idea. She's almost always home, so I'd probably have to settle for dropping something like this off in a mailbox if I were to do it.

The problem I'd see, like in @Clockwerk50 's reply, is that this sounds like something a person would do if they wanted a serious, committed relationship.

I understand you want to go to her house and save her from her rot, but in a way, going over there unexpectedly and uninvited is tricky since it might not only be intrusive but also impulsive. I understand this is what you want/need, but are you sure this is what she wants/needs right now? You also need to figure out the purpose and intention with her: do you want the sex to continue? Do you want to have a relationship?

Also, your “Assassin’s Creed” date falls under the same issue some members here have after sleeping with someone else. Your perspective is that you had fun, but did she have fun? Did she see things progressing properly? Did she see any red flags or anything that turned her off?

Putting philosophical stuff aside, you know her better than we do, and this is all speculation, but I would say that she took the opportunity of her cat dying to “break” things off, move on, and reset. Maybe she saw things differently than you did and took the perfect opportunity to detox, feeling like it was inhumane to directly tell you her interest level. By stepping back, she is letting things fade and run their course.

With that said, I feel that going over there is extremely relationship-esque, like a knight in shining armor, and I assume it would be different from the casual and uncomplicated thing you say you have. In my experience, people officially couple up after a traumatic event. For example, if a girl gets caught talking to another man, the guy says, “I’m not a second choice,” and then she drops all her other options for him. Another example would be a major life event, like a grandmother passing away or starting a new job—one party steps up as the supportive one, and that shifts the dynamic. I guess it could be a way to keep the sex going.

If I were you, I’d just give her a call. Tell her you have a problem—maybe you need to vent or get her input on something. Then ask how she’s been. She’ll talk for hours and might give you a better idea of where her head is at. It’s a low-commitment way to keep her engaged with you and might keep the FWB relationship going. However, you here a long time to know that women who are high interest would do anything for the man that she wants regardless of the situation to keep the relationship going and, unfortunately, all plates break eventually.

Hope this helps.

PS: it is a cat. If she has multiples I doubt she’d been grieving for so long. It is not like it is a human being IMO.

I agree that showing up or stepping up could be seen as a push for a relationship, which is why I'm not sure what I should do if anything.

I don't know what a "normal" grieving process is for somebody who is so heavily invested in their pets - especially because the cause of death aligns with that of another loved one she recently lost. I know women are emotional creatures, which is why I'd really love the perspectives of this forum's few female members, such as @BeExcellent and @Sega Genesis to see where the line is between "reasonable" and "ridiculous".

As for the Assassin's Creed thing, that was HER idea. She herself is a bit of a gamer and loves watching me nerd out; I've helped her complete some quests in Skyrim and played a couple rounds of Pandemic 3 to try to unlock new viruses, for example. The Assassin's Creed thing was a request by her, and she was ecstatic that I just demolished all these bosses she was stuck on for weeks in the course of an hour or 2. As I mentioned in the OP, she was messaging me after the fact about a new round of bosses she needed help with next time she saw me, before she got the bad news about her cat's health.

She even bought me an energy drink, which she typically gives me for my drive home later that night (something she normally does) and everything seemed pretty good. I say this because there is the possibility that nothing's wrong here and I'm overthinking her grieving process - I just think it's a bit weird that it's taking this long.

it really depends on you, and what you want. really want.

do you really want this one enough to invest more time/effort. or is the same time effort better spent recruiting. maybe your ability to recruit is lower just now. probably the same old tired advice of "if you had another hot woman trying to get to you, would you care much about this one"

if you don't know the answer to those, then this is more then FWB.... at least to you.

As I mentioned earlier, what I want is simply to keep seeing her the way I've been seeing her. It was simple: we were both having a good time (at least to my knowledge), and she was always very sweet and appreciative, so I returned the favor.

Recruiting efforts have been more expensive and time-consuming, with a couple of recent head cases sprinkled in - so if I can retain a previously consistent plate with whom I enjoyed spending time with, I'd like to. When summer rolls around and colleges go on break, it'll be pretty quiet around here, and I'll be forced to drive 40+ minutes to go up to Philly to see women I'd be interested in with any consistency.

I'll adapt, but it'll most likely be slow going for a while, and if possible, I'd like to minimize the dry spells, especially if I can minimize them with good company.

 

[Prepostereax]

Get that AI crap out of here. What the hell is wrong with simply saying "come up with your own message OP because I suck at this?" Why would you assume OP is emotionally illiterate?

It's a shame though, good post until the robot slob-knobbing.

Jeez. Purists.
I outsource things when I know it's more efficient or effective.
If I wrote it, I'd probably have this sentiment behind the flowery words ~

Actually, I have a better idea, OP..
Get one of your other plates to script it.
"Hey, hon, my aunt.. aunt Candy.. she lost her favourite cat. Would you help me write this card to help her get through it?"

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Appreciate all the input, guys. Thanks for trying to help me out here.



@BillyPilgrim pretty much hit the nail on the head. I generally like the women I sleep with, and she's no exception; the sex is good, the vibe is relaxed, and she's very appreciative of the time I spend with her and the effort I put into treating her well and making the drive to visit her each time. She has great character, ignoring her multitude of medical and personal issues.

What do I want from this woman? To keep seeing her the way we've been seeing each other for the last half year.



This actually seems like a pretty decent idea. She's almost always home, so I'd probably have to settle for dropping something like this off in a mailbox if I were to do it.

The problem I'd see, like in @Clockwerk50 's reply, is that this sounds like something a person would do if they wanted a serious, committed relationship.



I agree that showing up or stepping up could be seen as a push for a relationship, which is why I'm not sure what I should do if anything.

I don't know what a "normal" grieving process is for somebody who is so heavily invested in their pets - especially because the cause of death aligns with that of another loved one she recently lost. I know women are emotional creatures, which is why I'd really love the perspectives of this forum's few female members, such as @BeExcellent and @Sega Genesis to see where the line is between "reasonable" and "ridiculous".

As for the Assassin's Creed thing, that was HER idea. She herself is a bit of a gamer and loves watching me nerd out; I've helped her complete some quests in Skyrim and played a couple rounds of Pandemic 3 to try to unlock new viruses, for example. The Assassin's Creed thing was a request by her, and she was ecstatic that I just demolished all these bosses she was stuck on for weeks in the course of an hour or 2. As I mentioned in the OP, she was messaging me after the fact about a new round of bosses she needed help with next time she saw me, before she got the bad news about her cat's health.

She even bought me an energy drink, which she typically gives me for my drive home later that night (something she normally does) and everything seemed pretty good. I say this because there is the possibility that nothing's wrong here and I'm overthinking her grieving process - I just think it's a bit weird that it's taking this long.



As I mentioned earlier, what I want is simply to keep seeing her the way I've been seeing her. It was simple: we were both having a good time (at least to my knowledge), and she was always very sweet and appreciative, so I returned the favor.

Recruiting efforts have been more expensive and time-consuming, with a couple of recent head cases sprinkled in - so if I can retain a previously consistent plate with whom I enjoyed spending time with, I'd like to. When summer rolls around and colleges go on break, it'll be pretty quiet around here, and I'll be forced to drive 40+ minutes to go up to Philly to see women I'd be interested in with any consistency.

I'll adapt, but it'll most likely be slow going for a while, and if possible, I'd like to minimize the dry spells, especially if I can minimize them with good company.

This is where your mistake is.

Relationships can never just constantly stay the same, they must either evolve or devolve after a period of time, meaning you will either need to push the relationship forward which you don't want to do it seems or you will need to accept losing her.

That's the way it goes. Trying to hold onto these relationships while simply maintaining status quo is like trying to keep grains of sand from slipping through your fingers over time, it isn't ever going to happen, that's just not how relationships or life works.

 

[Pumax]

Another reason for that belief is that she has a lot medical issues; very high anxiety in crowded social situations, takes a bunch of medications to help her sleep, very rarely leaves the house and is often content sleeping her day away, suffers from neuropathy and is constantly enduring some level of pain

I wonder how someone like that can stay on a dating app that involves moving to other parts of the country. Have you had other encounters like this?
So in this case, people were explicitly telling you that they would not leave their "comfort zone" and that they were only looking for sex?
I feel sorry for these people.

Relationships can never just constantly stay the same, they must either evolve or devolve after a period of time,

This

 

[BPH]

I wonder how someone like that can stay on a dating app that involves moving to other parts of the country. Have you had other encounters like this?
So in this case, people were explicitly telling you that they would not leave their "comfort zone" and that they were only looking for sex?
I feel sorry for these people.

I'm kinda confused about what you're referring to here.

She didn't move to another part of the country because of a dating app - she moved back home with her mom to take care of her after her father died last year.

We had a conversation at the end of our first date when we were hooking up where she asked what I was looking for, stating that she's content with whether or not this leads to a relationship and just didn't want to be a one-night-stand.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Even if we don't have sex, I would like to see her and make sure she's ok, but I haven't been given an invite yet, and don't want to force her to do something she's not ready for - even if I think her grief timeline is ridiculous, I'm not one to judge somebody else's relationship with their pets. According to her, this cat died of the same cancer that claimed her father, so I'm sure that's another layer of emotional trauma.

Hey @BPH appreciate the tag, here are my thoughts.

Re bolded above, then don't. That's the bottom line, respect her boundaries here.

For whatever reason, she's not in an emotionally good place; it could be a combination of things.

Her comment that she would have joined her cat "on the other side" suggests she's severely depressed.

Everyone grieves differently. I am still grieving my dad's passing 10 years ago in some form or fashion; I also lost my mom and I lost my brother a couple of years ago. My precious dog died many years ago as well.

I still sometimes go through periods where I wish to be alone, in time they become fewer and far between.

It's only been a month, give it (her) time. There's no set timeline, again everyone's timeline is different.

Patience is your friend here do not push it or force it.

It's good you're still communicating but I would caution against making an impromptu visit to her home.

i also agree with some other comments that if you drive over to see her without an invite, putting forth that type of energy, it suggests you may be more serious about her than you are.

You say you only want FWB and yes friends can and do certainly show caring, buying a small gift to offer condolences.

However, in a FWB scenario those lines can often become blurred and if you're not serious about wanting a "relationship" you need to tread carefully so as to not to mislead her into believing you do or have serious intentions with her.

I do realize you're desirous (anxious?) to resume your FWB status but try to not let your desires and/or anxiety steer your ship.

It's best to respect her boundaries. Continue communicating, she will let you know IF/when she's ready to pick up where you left off before her cat passed away and whatever other emotional/mental health issues she's experiencing.

Good luck man.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I understand you want to go to her house and save her from her rot, but in a way, going over there unexpectedly and uninvited is tricky since it might not only be intrusive but also impulsive. I understand this is what you want/need, but are you sure this is what she wants/needs right now? You also need to figure out the purpose and intention with her: do you want the sex to continue? Do you want to have a relationship?

I agree with this^^.

Putting philosophical stuff aside, you know her better than we do, and this is all speculation, but I would say that she took the opportunity of her cat dying to “break” things off, move on, and reset. Maybe she saw things differently than you did and took the perfect opportunity to detox, feeling like it was inhumane to directly tell you her interest level. By stepping back, she is letting things fade and run their course.

This occurred to me as well and certainly possible.

 

[New_Journey]

please do not bother responding if you're not a promiscuous guy who frequently sleeps with attractive women,

Haaaa nobody in here