Looking for some help curbing some bad behavior I'm considering engaging in

[Sega Genesis]

Holy $hit, did you guys have an accident or some $hit like that and you were the only survivor?

No NJ, my dad had an accident and hit his head and died of a brain bleed, which sadly was caught too late.

My mom died of lung cancer after smoking for years, and my brother had an undetected melanoma that traveled to his brain.

 

[Clockwerk50]

My hunch was right—she used the cat’s death as an excuse to move on. AWALT, hypergamy, “it’s only your turn,” etc.

The card was a good play. And to be honest, taking the time to do all of that shows you’re a good friend—as long as there were no expectations attached to it. She will likely mention it when she circles back in the future.

 

[New_Journey]

@BPH I just want to add that not receiving so much as a "thank you" for the thoughtful card you sent was imo rude and reflects a clear lack of interest.

I mean she did not even acknowledge it!

I am now wondering if she's even depressed. It may have been an excuse to fade out slowly. I mean what is she doing online every singje day if she's so depressed?

What I'm also wondering is why you are still interested in pursuing this?

The girl could not be less interested. Imo.

Hard pill to swallow I realize that but seriously she's taking up too much space in your brain, way more than she deserves at this point.

Best to let it go.

Damn bro @BPH , a woman teaching you about women gotta be a fvcking depressing, and more so when you've fvcked hundreds of women. I think @Sega Genesis is more equipped than you to give dating advices.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@Sega Genesis @BeExcellent alright, wanted to provide a little update.

It's now been a full week from when my card should've been delivered. I sent her a message last Wednesday basically letting her know she should've received something in the mail and that she knows how to reach me if/when she wanted to talk to me.

Some background; we communicate almost entirely through Instagram DMs since she has some issue with her phone and only uses that for calls to/from her doctors. I don't know, anyway, almost all communication is through Instagram, and that's how it's always been with her, so here are some timelines:

• Last saw her 2 full months ago
• Last conversation with her before the cat was 1 week after that 2 months, and it was her telling me she had new bosses for me to beat next time I visited, and liking my Insta story
• The most recent, and last time she responded to me was 3 weeks ago, telling me she was still emotionally unwell and has had a hard time talking to people, that things have been getting worse not better, and that there's nothing I can do right now
• 2 weeks ago she read my message asking how she's doing, did not respond

Now, she's been online pretty much every day. She doesn't look at my stuff anymore, and doesn't post her own stuff, but she's following more accounts so she is doing SOMETHING.

What I kinda want to do is if I don't hear from her at all this week either I'd probably drive over to see what's up.

At this point, I don't feel like I'd be losing anything that's not already gone. I do like the girl and I'd prefer to keep seeing her, but if she's changed her mind about things I'd like to be made aware of that.

Objectively I know this is "wrong" because I should be meeting other women and having abundance and letting her grieve, but it's been 2 months over a cat that she's only had for 6 months - if that is the true nature of her absence.

So let me know if you'd strongly advise against this for some reason, but that's what's on my mind currently.

Bro, she is telling you what's going on by her silence. It's over.

Accept the L and move on with some respect for yourself.

 

[BPH]

@BPH I just want to add that not receiving so much as a "thank you" for the thoughtful card you sent was imo rude and reflects a clear lack of interest.

I mean she did not even acknowledge it!

I am now wondering if she's even depressed. It may have been an excuse to fade out slowly. I mean what is she doing online every singje day if she's so depressed?

What I'm also wondering is why you are still interested in pursuing this?

The girl could not be less interested. Imo.

Hard pill to swallow I realize that but seriously she's taking up too much space in your brain, way more than she deserves at this point.

Best to let it go.

She's done something similar to this before, so it's not outside the realm of possibility - it just wasn't for this long. Basically a "friend" of her mom's didn't have a place to stay for a while, so she invited this woman to live with them for a few weeks. What started as a few weeks became something like 2 months. During this time, I didn't see her for about a month, and she was unresponsive as well, but when she did see me she was happy about it and everything was fine - she just didn't have the energy for anything else while working with her mom to evict this person so she couldn't come back to their house, and ended up depressed and stressed out.

As for the card, there's a very real possibility she simply hasn't left her house to get the mail. I would guess that if she had, she would've gone to Instagram and seen my message before considering if/what she would say as thanks, but that message remains unseen.

I pursued this to this point because, like I mentioned, I generally do like the women that I casually hook up with. Despite her many personal and health-related issues, she was very sweet, very generous, and had good character, so I treated her as well as she treated me. Things were going really well right up until the death of her cat - there was no writing on the wall that she was losing interest.

We'd been seeing each other very regularly for a little more than 6 months, so for that to end abruptly seems unnatural, and I'd just like to know where her head is.

But yeah, like I said above, I'll leave it alone. She may come around like last time, she may not.

She found someone else buddy. If I had to bet. And it’s unfortunate if it’s true that you had these feelings for her that you suppressed and relegated your relationship to her to purely physical. You may want to look into that. Does this happen often, where you lose contact and then don’t realize it until it’s too late that something you cared about is gone and not coming back?

I wouldn't say I suppressed anything, I was just realistic about the situation - she has way too many personal issues to be someone I could be serious with; constant pain due to fibro, a ****tail of medications and drugs to help her with her ailments to sleep every night, having such low energy that she rarely leaves the house, if she even leaves her bed. Furthermore, she's aware of this and has voiced to me that she doesn't really expect to get married or have kids - not in a depressed way like she wants me to save her, just her being realistic, given her circumstances.

She's aware that I care, though. Our visits were usually several hours even though we'd only have sex 2-3 times. That downtime was spent talking, playing videos games with her on the TV in her room, often with her cuddled up on me, and she was always very appreciative that I'd make the drive and wanted to make sure I got home safe. For her birthday, I got her a membership to Longwood Gardens for the year, since she mentioned how she loved going there with her mom on holidays

I'm also aware that I'm not equipped to handle a serious long-term relationship and what it requires. As you're aware, I'm still living at home trying to build a business to replace the income of the job I hate so I can move out and stay out. Taking on another person's wants and needs feels irresponsible when I'm still trying to solve my own problems. This is rarely an issue with the women I meet because I usually see them until they stop seeing me, but there's usually a little more transparency on their end for why they stop - which I appreciate, and why I'm bothered by this situation.

 

[BPH]

Damn bro @BPH , a woman teaching you about women gotta be a fvcking depressing, and more so when you've fvcked hundreds of women. I think @Sega Genesis is more equipped than you to give dating advices.

I don't know why the instigation is necessary.

I value @BeExcellent and @Sega Genesis opinions on this because they are women and can tell me how they would perceive me if I did the things I was considering doing.

Rather than a guy who can only tell me what they think I should do instead.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

Before I begin, please do not bother responding if you're not a promiscuous guy who frequently sleeps with attractive women, or somebody who would have significant insight into this otherwise. I'm not looking for relationship advice or "spiritual enlightenment".

So, I'd mentioned not along ago that my FWBs have fallen off for one reason or another and that I needed to do some recruiting.

One of those FWBs is a girl I very much liked seeing and would like to continue seeing. We met back in August through Bumble, had sex our second time hanging out, and have been pretty steady with that at least once a week since then. First, some background:

• She is a very sweet and generous girl, very submissive. She bought me a very nice gold chain for Christmas when I had zero expectation of a gift
• She lives with her mom who is in declining health and is a self-proclaimed cat lady, understanding that given her life's trajectory that it's unlikely she will end up married
• Another reason for that belief is that she has a lot medical issues; very high anxiety in crowded social situations, takes a bunch of medications to help her sleep, very rarely leaves the house and is often content sleeping her day away, suffers from neuropathy and is constantly enduring some level of pain
• Moved back where she is with her mom now after her grandma and father passed within months of each other last year

TL;DR lovely girl, great sex, not in any committed relationship, been seeing her since August, lots of medical issues but nothing that directly impacts me/she has made my problem.

Now I haven't seen her in about a month, and here's why:

One of her two cats, which she rescued maybe a month before meeting me, she just had to put down due to cancer.

I expected some level of grieving, but I'm surprised at how long this has gone on for. She and I had messaged back and forth a couple times since; she's told me that she's not been doing well emotionally, that she had been sleeping on the floor with him leading up to the euthanasia, that she's had a tough time talking to people, and that she would have "gone with him to the other side" if it weren't for her other cat who she deeply loves.

She still engages with me, but intermittently. Sometimes she won't check her messages for a while, but she'll still look at and like the stuff I post on Instagram, for example. Last time she replied was a week ago.

Even if we don't have sex, I would like to see her and make sure she's ok, but I haven't been given an invite yet, and don't want to force her to do something she's not ready for - even if I think her grief timeline is ridiculous, I'm not one to judge somebody else's relationship with their pets. According to her, this cat died of the same cancer that claimed her father, so I'm sure that's another layer of emotional trauma.

What I would LIKE to do is take the short drive to visit her at home and see how she's doing.

However, I'm sure this is wrong. Not having an abundance mindset, being clingy, being pushy, etc whatever reason I'm sure to read for not doing this I'm sure would carry some validity. Thing is, I don't know if this would feel forceful to her, or I'd be making it easier for her to rejoin the world by bringing it to her, in a way.

Now, there is one other thing that bothers me a bit that I may be overanalyzing.

On Bumble, I checked her profile since we've been both been matched since August. At some point, she updated her photos - I don't know how long ago/recently these changes were made, but they were. To me, this means that she's may still be shopping around on the apps. Our dynamic is a FWB situation. I do not believe she is seeing other guys because she would be seeing me every week, sometimes more than once, and grew to the point of being comfortable having sex without a con*om. I have not told her about any other girls, and she has not asked. She could be seeing other guys, but has so far been very sweet, affectionate, and forthcoming about almost everything - good or bad - going on in her life.

Anyway, let me know what you guys think and what you would do.

Obviously, I'm still looking to meet other women since so many fell off my radar at once, but I would like to retain her if possible. So please don't give me the generic "have an abundance mindset and meet other women"-esque advice.

@Sega Genesis @BeExcellent a female perspective on whether this is normal grieving for a pet, and any other insights would be appreciated.

I am sorry but there are more red flags here than a Chinese communist party meeting. I would not see this gal anymore whatsoever. Focus on meeting and gaming new women. You don't want this advice but it is the only correct advice.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I am sorry but there are more red flags here than a Chinese communist party meeting. I would not see this gal anymore whatsoever. Focus on meeting and gaming new women. You don't want this advice but it is the only correct advice.

But SegaGenesis says the girl is a "keeper"

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I don't know why the instigation is necessary.

I value @BeExcellent and @Sega Genesis opinions on this because they are women and can tell me how they would perceive me if I did the things I was considering doing.

Rather than a guy who can only tell me what they think I should do instead.

Lol they are women on a men's forum

 

[BPH]

Lol they are women on a men's forum

I was more looking for perspective on the things I wanted to do rather than what guys on the forum think I should do.

Objectively, I know I'm wrong - I should be meeting more women, finding other plates, abundance mindset, yada yada yada.

I wanted to know how women - my target audience - would perceive me if I did the things I described wanting to do here. As in, I'm wrong, but how wrong?

 

[Sega Genesis]

But SegaGenesis says the girl is a "keeper"

.
That was tongue-n-cheek not to mention apparently you didn't read my subsequent posts.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

She seduced you somehow and messed up your head good. Something she did hooked into you real good. It happens even to the best of us.

 

[BPH]

She seduced you somehow and messed up your head good. Something she did hooked into you real good. It happens even to the best of us.

Good sex. Hot woman. Sweet person.

Simple as that.

 

[New_Journey]

@BPH wtf man? You've fvcked many women but you are falling in love with one who is bat$hit crazy? Throughout your dating career you haven't had a woman behaving like that? Cause the hotties won't tolerate that kind of Captaining saving a hoe that you are doing, and that's why you're body count is so high cause you can't hold a women for that behavior. I'm gonna go on a limb here and say that hot women dump you all the time.

 

[New_Journey]

Good sex. Hot woman. Sweet person.

Simple as that.

No, you are missing one important trait that she has, she's a woman with psychological problems whom needs a man that can save her, therefore she can be with you and live happily ever after hahaha you should change your username to Mr. Captain.

 

[Bokanovsky]

One of her two cats, which she rescued maybe a month before meeting me, she just had to put down due to cancer.

I expected some level of grieving, but I'm surprised at how long this has gone on for. She and I had messaged back and forth a couple times since; she's told me that she's not been doing well emotionally, that she had been sleeping on the floor with him leading up to the euthanasia, that she's had a tough time talking to people, and that she would have "gone with him to the other side" if it weren't for her other cat who she deeply loves.

Wait a second, hold up. I need a moment to process what's going on here. So you're telling me that that she found a stray cat, a few months later the cat died, and she's now talking about killing herself to be "on the other side" with that cat???? Dude, this is not grieving. This is not even weird. This is batsh!t crazy behaviour. Like Jack Nicholson in The Shining level of crazy. My advice is to stay away from this lady. Or you might find yourself "on the other side" with the cat.

 

[BPH]

@BPH wtf man? You've fvcked many women but you are falling in love with one who is bat$hit crazy? Throughout your dating career you haven't had a woman behaving like that? Cause the hotties won't tolerate that kind of Captaining saving a hoe that you are doing, and that's why you're body count is so high cause you can't hold a women for that behavior. I'm gonna go on a limb here and say that hot women dump you all the time.

Do you remember when you made that thread in Mature Man forum about uplifting other men and improving the state of SoSuave? What happened to that? That seems to have lasted all of 5 minutes before you're back in here (and other threads) bashing dudes for their mistakes rather than offering anything constructive.

People make mistakes, myself included. Just because I get laid a lot doesn't mean I don't f*** up a lot too, but I'll address your points:

1. I'm not in love with this girl. I do care about her, as I do with most of the women I sleep with. As I've mentioned before in this post, her problems are her problems - she does not make them mine. She has been very sweet and treated me well, so I return that treatment.
2. I've dated plenty of women with problems. Often, they will use them as excuses for how they treat me, and that's usually short-lived, depending on how soon they pop up. Again, she has never made her problems my problems - every time we visit or talk, she's happy to see me, and we enjoy each other's company.
3. I can hold a woman just fine. The thing is, I don't particularly want to. Many women, understandably, want something more serious on the back end. When they realize that's not possible through me, they'll usually find a boyfriend.
4. No, actually hot women never dump me. I've had 3 serious relationships and have been the dumper twice. The third (which was actually the first) was long-distance and ended up cheating on me, lying and claiming that she had been r*ped, blamed it on me for not being there to protect her, and didn't want to continue seeing me as a result - I found out the truth 3 or 4 months later. So you could technically count that as HER breaking up with ME if you'd like.

If you don't understand how I have the notch count I have when I behave the way I do, maybe you'd benefit from actually LIKING the women you sleep with rather than seeing them as a place to dump your nut.

Wait a second, hold up. I need a moment to process what's going on here. So you're telling me that that she found a stray cat, a few months later the cat died, and she's now talking about killing herself to be "on the other side" with that cat???? Dude, this is not grieving. This is not even weird. This is batsh!t crazy behaviour. Like Jack Nicholson in The Shining level of crazy. My advice is to seat away from this lady. Or you might find yourself "on the other side" with the cat.

Pretty close. He was left at her doorstep, so she took him in, cared for him, and raised him. I'm sure the fact that he died of the same cancer that recently claimed her father was a contributing factor to the increased trauma, but otherwise, you're correct.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

.
That was tongue-n-cheek not to mention apparently you didn't read my subsequent posts.

Ah, OK, gotcha.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

I was more looking for perspective on the things I wanted to do rather than what guys on the forum think I should do.

Objectively, I know I'm wrong - I should be meeting more women, finding other plates, abundance mindset, yada yada yada.

I wanted to know how women - my target audience - would perceive me if I did the things I described wanting to do here. As in, I'm wrong, but how wrong?

I don't mean to sound sexist, but it is very risky (and often impossible) to get relationship advice from a woman. Here is why: When women give advice it is from a particular perspective. That perspective is almost always FROM/ABOUT A GUY THEY ALREADY HAVE HIGH INTEREST IN. Usually this man has not provided much personal information in the first place. Which is a key to his appeal.

So a woman will say "I want a man who is sweet, sensitive, and shares his inner secrets with me." But this desire for sensitivity/sweetness is from a guy who is a Chad or more specifically from a guy who DOESN"T share very much information or personal secretes in the first place.

I will give you a personal example. If you read my own story I posted last night, you will know that I re-started dating at age 35 after a nasty divorce and recovery from alcoholism. At that point in my life I was "trained" by AA to be completely honest and transparent about all aspects of my life. Doing so is necessary to quit drinking, which I did, decades ago. HOWEVER it is terrible for dating. Back then, 27 years ago, I would tell a woman all my secrets on the first couple of dates. Be honest about my divorce and personal struggles (drinking). Then I would get dumped. Hell, I would not even gate a second date.

What I learned is to hold personal information very closely. If I am out on an early date with a woman and buying her a drink, and she asks me "why are you drinking water?" I say "I am driving home." Or "I have a heavy workout tomorrow." All she knows is "wow, this guy is super disciplined...I bet he is a stud in bed." And I was...seducing many women, and getting them to love me was my drug.

Same thing with marriage. Women always ask "are you married? Or "have you ever been married?" Every time, always very early on before any sex has happened. I would answer "Only 11 times, but I am sure the next one will work, ha, ha, ha." Women never got the story on my divorce until 8-9 weeks of dating, after 7 weeks of mind blowing sex. And even then, no details "What happened?" She would ask. I would respond "Oh it didn't work out" or she liked the color blue, I liked red" or "she was a Jehovas; Witness" I am a Mormon."

So when women give advice, it is about a man they already have high interest in who has not shared much at all. I have learned that the first piece of advice women give is predicated on that fact. So throw it out. Now advice 2-5 might be good but....

You have to guard your info. For BPH, a woman does not need to know he is living with his parents...keep that totally out of any early date talk.

Now back to this gal...as has been said, move on. Stop wasting time and energy on her. Go out this weekend and get phone numbers, get some plates to spin.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

Good sex. Hot woman. Sweet person.

Simple as that.

It has happened to me. Incredible sex can be like a drug....but also just as dangerous.